=605= Word: When You

There are times when you start writing and you really don’t know where it will go. You just want to write down your thoughts because emotions overwhelmed your soul.

It might not be negative emotions too. It is just all kinds of funny feelings dwelling in your being.

When you feel heaviness in your chest. When you feel the weight on your head. When you lie in bed and the only thought just comes and grip your heart. When something happens and you feel a bit happy about it. When you decided to do something. When you think about the distant future. When you think about life. When you think about people. When you think about abilities. When you think about music. When you think about drills. When you get anxious for the day.

All I want to say is that I understand.

Haha, perhaps I just got a little too introspective.

Lord, when such emotions and thoughts come, will you arrest them? Will you just come and stop my worries? Lord, you are great. When will my heart learn to love you, Lord?

Father, still my heart!

-Kelvin-

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=604= Word: Perhaps

There are thousands of memories to recount from, but those that need to be said are few.

Perhaps when we recount, we can immerse ourselves back in it, but how healthy is it to be stuck in the past?

Perhaps when we leave, it is the only time when we can know how much we are worth.

Perhaps the present already has treasures greater than the past.

Perhaps we are just stupid, killing off our future.

=603= Stories to Tell: Critic

“This is the original 1973 first edition of Haley Hales’ Aural Tales” Said the excited book keeper, showing off his collection of books.

Somehow on my journey of looking for my Favourite childhood book “Survivor,” I found this shop downtown and entered it. The shop owner was this plump man that looks like he is in his fourties.

“Haha, oh wow, cool!” I tried to sound as excited as I could, “do you happen to have Tommy Sanders’ book, Survivor?”

“Tommy Sanders…. Hmm…” Said the book keeper while looking through his records of books. “I think I might have a copy, give me a few minutes”

The book keeper walked to a door behind the shelves. I started observing the room I was in. The room can only be described as rustic. Cosy and warm. It was rather nice. The shelves were inscribed with beautiful carvings. There was a chandelier hanging in the middle giving out a warm orange glow.

The book keeper walked out of the room with a book in a plastic cover. “This is the only copy I have, this is REALLY rare. Tommy Sander books are incredibly hard to find. This is not going to be cheap.”

“OH! You actually have it! How much for the book!”

“For a Tommy Sanders book in this condition, I actually paid $200 for it, I wouldn’t go any lower than $250”

“$250? Okok! Sure! Here you go!” I said while taking out my wallet and passed the money to the book keeper.

“You really want this book that much huh! HAHA! What do you do?” He said while receiving my money.

“I am a writer. Errr, actually, I am a book critic”

“A critic! Wow! Are you going to critic this classic book?” While writing a receipt for the book.

“Erm, not exactly”

“Haha, just for leisure then?”

“Hmm, this is actually my favourite book to read when I was young.”

“Oh? What happened to your copy?”

“It got burned when my house caught fire”

“WHAT! What happened?”

“Haha, it was just a cigarette accident. I fell asleep with a lit cigarette in my hand. I only woke up when I felt the heat getting rather uncomfortable. When I managed to put out the fire, a great deal of the books I enjoyed as a kid was damaged. So I was just looking to replace it.”

“Man, this book must have meant a lot to you for you to pay so much for it”

“Yeah, it really does, it was what that got me writing books.”

“You write? Which books have you written?”

“Haha, they aren’t significant and they were written long ago.”

“You don’t write anymore?”

“Yeah I don’t”

The book keeper had a puzzled look on his face and he said, “Why not?”

“Well, being a book critic, you have to be objective and pin point every single mistake or flaw made by the writer. After many years in this job, I can’t enjoy reading books anymore. Even books that I used to enjoy isn’t good anymore. Being a critic, people hold you in a higher position. I am really afraid to write anymore. It is sad isn’t it? I became a writer because I loved reading, but because of it, I can’t enjoy a single book anymore. I just want to read this book again to find my love for reading again.”

“Haha, Bro, I understand what you mean.”

“You do? What do you mean?”

“When I was a kid, I read a lot. I picked up books and I read. My friends around me will ask to borrow my books and I will be able to tell them how each book was. How good it was or what you should watch out for. As a result of this passion, I started finding rare books. It was fun. It is really so interesting to buy and sell these books; making a living out of these rare books. However, it has been years since I last read a book. I really miss the feeling of reading and knowing all the books on my shelf.”

“Haha, yeah man, goodness. At least you are enjoying the search and sales of the books. I don’t enjoy critiquing the books at all.”

“Hmm, what made you critic books in the first place?”

“I have been writing and I just wanted to try something different you see. When they offered me the chance, I took it. I realised I was good at it, but I don’t want to critic books, I want to write.”

“Bro, why are you giving up your passion for something like that then? Start writing again! Come on!”

“Critiquing books is really good money, I really don’t want to go back to those days when I scramble to even find enough money to eat.”

“You have to make a choice. Security in something you dislike or instability in something you like. You have to make a choice man. There must have been a reason why you are finding it so hard to go back.”

 Yes, I am aware, but life is really hard. I am afraid the choices I make becomes mistakes. 

Then look to God. Look to God for answers and He will be your peace and assurance.

-Kelvin-

=602= Word: Recall

I cannot recall. Was I sitting on this seat? Or was I sitting on the other one?

I cannot recall.

It used to be so deep in my memory. Ha, now I don’t even think about it.

However, whenever I pass by that bus stop, there is that added caution. It had died down over the years, but it is a scar.

Will scars never heal?

Will stupid mistakes haunt me for years? Forever?

Do you ever had moments when you run or walk and you think about something you said or did and you just cringe?

Though I do, I don’t have any that involved C.

I never noticed. Things that made me cringe were all the stupid things I said or played or did in front of people that drew attention to me, but such attention isn’t great.

I realised it takes wisdom to speak. Leading is doing stuff first then pull people along, it isn’t demanding someone to do something. Doing something like that really isn’t helping. 

Drawing attention to yourself, you will need to know what to say at the right time, if not, you are just doing redundant things. When you do redundant things, say hello to moments that will make you cringe.

I just baffle at how fleeting memories are.

Will it come to a point when it doesn’t matter anymore? Hmm, I just wonder.

It is significant. Very cool.

-Kelvin-

=601= Reflections: Physics SAT

It is a strange feeling. HAHA. After months of not taking a test test. I am sitting outside the test hall waiting to go into the hall. It is such an interesting thing to feel.

Leading up to this, I had to study with no other materials except the 35 online questions, of which, I highly suspect some of the questions/answers were wrong.

I am now outside, not feeling anxiousness, but excitement. HAHA! Let’s take my first test in months.

Man, got some thinking done. My sergeants told us to use our time in NS wisely, learn something, coding etc etc. I think after much thought, I want to learn another instrument, or two other instruments. I want to take tests on the side like this.

Taking tests while in NS just makes me seem so mature! HAHA! I feel good. HEHEH.

Oh well, let us just see what will unfold! 🙂 

-Kelvin-

Just a man struggling to live a God led life in a God strayed world