=14= Melancholic Reflections: Pick

When someone gets into a fight. When they start quarrelling, being the third party, you will be able to notice some things. I noticed this, when they start quarrelling and beginning to focus on each other flaws and faults, their good points ‘disappears’ entirely…. No matter how much a person has done, when they pick on the bad, all the good stuff they did has no more value.

I find this sad. What if this person has been doing good most of his life, but it gets disregarded because he angered someone? I mean no matter how bad someone has been, there must have been good stuff about them also right?

But it is understandable that when we are angry, we would simply disregard the good, for the bad is bad enough to stain everything. I remember a story from a sermon. it goes like this:

A father notices that his daughters watches movies and many of them shows bad behaviour. He asks them why are they watching such things, they avoided his question by replying saying that such behaviour is only a small part of the movie.

The father often bakes cookies for his daughters. After he asked, he went to bake another batch. The daughters found that the cookies were better than usual. So they asked what did he do differently. His father replied saying that he learned from their neighbour that if he added 10 grams of dog poo into the batter, it will taste better!

Hearing this, his daughters ran to the sink to wash their mouths.

The father amused, said this, ‘Why are you so disgusted? It was only a small part of the cookie!’ 

He admitted that he did not put in dog poo, he said so to teach them a lesson. It doesn’t matter how little he put in it. even a little will contaminate the entire thing.

This is a good analogy to why there is no such thing as a big sin or small sin, its ALL sin.

I can see myself scolding someone who fumbles too. But i wonder if i will do it out of love? These questions i cannot answer until it happens. I personally have a friend that i get irritated with. I can only see his faults and flaws. It is very difficult for me to work with him, let alone love him…
In ‘Humble Orthodoxy’ by Joshua Harris, I remember this phrase:

One of the mistakes that Christians make is that they learn to rebuke like Jesus did, but not to love like Jesus

 

It is easy to spot flaws and rebuke them. Yet we tend to be too critical and harsh, instead of helping someone, we might be discouraging them. Assuring someone that you will love them no matter what they do is something i find very comforting. My mentors know my flaws, they know what i lack in, yet they have stuck with me. One precious mentor of mine has been there for me when i stumble for so many times, yet he was still there for me! I really give thanks for that!

John 8:1-11

but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.

At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them.The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11 “No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

 

I have friends that smoke. Many act like it is normal, but it pains me to see them harming their bodies like that… I believe as i grow up, i will find friends that does things that i do not approve. I really hope that i will be a good friend to them and love them with all my heart even though they do such things. I will not approve, but i will stick with them, like how my mentors stuck with me! Like how my parents still love me! Like how God still loves me! Like how Jesus loved the woman.

You know, there is this part of the passage where Jesus bend down and wrote on the ground. I liked what my pastor once said, “I like to imagine Jesus writing the names of the Pharisees, then writing their sins, it proves that everyone has sin and God knows about it”

I know judgement day will come where God will judge people, all the way from Adam to the last man on Earth. I wonder how will he do so? But God is a just God, i am sure He will make a great judgement!

God, there is still so much i dunno. I pray that i will not pick on people’s flaws. I pray that i will be active in rebuking, but i will be active in loving as well! God, allow me to remember the good and the bad, for it is not in my place to judge
Thank You God!
-Amen-

-Kelvin-

=13= Melancholic Reflections: Cell Group

You know, as a ‘writer'(closed inverted commas), you can choose to write what is popular and something people read and likes. Or you can write those melancholic reflections that i enjoy writing. Well, my ‘Books i’ve Read’ actually attracted some attention! But i guess, writing book reviews is not my passion. I believe simply writing about my experiences as a person in a blog is more important. I rather write on something i enjoy writing.
Haha, looks like my thirteenth post will be on cell groups.

In my life in cell group, i enjoyed myself, i grew, now i am simply recounting my cell life. When i was in my first cell, i felt left out. My peers were people i was unfamiliar with. Even when i was in crowds, i felt alone. When i went into my second cell, i felt loved. My Mentor was really loving and caring! When i warmed up to my cell mates, they were all spurring each other on to love God! This is a bond i will probably never forget! When the sec 4s moved up, i was sad. I really wanted to spend more time with them. And of course, a new batch of sec 2s moved up to their mother cells!

Well, this time its my turn to be the cell mate that those sec 4s were to me! I took up some responsibility. I tried to text them every week to ask for their prayer request! This commitment has gotten me close to many of my cell mates, i was able to be there to pray for them! I guess sec 3 was the year i was actually beginning to be serious about God! I became more consistent on going for this prayer meeting on Wed. My best friend and i have gotten a lot closer! After a conference in that year, i spoke in tongues. Well, i always thought speaking in tongues was some mystical phenomenon that happens, but it did not felt like that to me. It was as if i was simply speaking. But God’s voice certainly became clearer.

When i was sec 4, i decided to try out for CAMY. Which was quite crazy, considering i had N levels that year. But it all worked out. It was a fulfilling year, i was humbled so many times by my teacher in school(because i was arrogant in my CCA) and by how much i dunno in music. In cell, another boy joined! Well, in this year, you could see the changes in the sec 4s when i was sec 2. The person who encouraged me to text for prayer requests every week stopped being a leader. The person who we laughed at and together has been inconsistent in coming to church. The person who was super funny, he became the leader of my cell. It was quite something to see the changes of my respected sec 4s. I wonder how will i change in the next two years.

It is also around this time that i realised, SO MANY of my cell mates have not been coming for cell! It took me 4 months to realise it. It is scary…. Scary that even though i was ‘senior’, Indifference got hold of me. I was simply going church every sunday for myself. It got me working hard to bring back my friends. The power of testimony of mine and my friend showed, and it was amazing. The Attendance increased!

When it was time for me to be a leader, I was sad to be leaving the cell that i grew up in, but i was excited to be leading! Leading is a whole new process! I had to prepare lesson, i had to listen more closely. Well, I was very impressed with my cell’s bond. It wasn’t the same God spurring bond that i had in my old cell, but it was this brotherly bond that i have never felt. This siblings kind of relationship in the cell really is quite nice! 🙂 Well, though now they have to work on speaking nicer to each other, i am sure that the kids in my cell will back each other up in times of need!

God, give me direction for them! Give me wisdom to lead them. Allow them to Love one another! Allow us to grow together!
Thank you God
-Amen-

-Kelvin-

=12= Melancholic Reflections: Quiet

Have you tried to listen music in the library? I have! I plugged in my ear pods to listen to ‘That girl in Pinafore’ album, while i read spiderman comics! 😛 Well, when i took it out of my ear, i could still hear a faint tune coming out of the pods even though they were at least 15cm away from me!

You have to understand, i don’t listen to music as loud as most people, my volume bar is always around the middle. But even though its soft for most people, its pretty loud for me! That got me thinking, what exactly is ‘quiet’?

Preference for volume is both subjective and based on the situation. What i think is loud might not be loud for someone else. And the volume you listen to is based on the situation. What this means is simply that at different places you will listen to music at a higher volume. For example, when i listen to music alone, i will blast it on my laptop or my hi-fi(yes hi-fis still exist!). When i am studying, i wouldn’t want to distract my Mum or my friend or anyone around me, i will plug in my earphones to listen to music. When i am on the train, it is slightly louder, i have to adjust my volume accordingly. When i need to prepare for set and there is loud, distracting music playing, i need to leave the room to listen to the track properly.

When it comes to music, there is even more preferences. For me, being brought up in an environment of listening to worship and praise music since young, I like groups like Switchfoot, Lifehouse, Hillsongs and Mayday. But for my Mum who has brought up in an environment with light music, she finds what i listen to loud.

Back to the library, I could actually hear my music come out from my ear pods even though they were quite far from me. Even though they were soft to most people, but it was like the music leaking from the headphones of the kid who blasts his music. the quiet environment of the library has made the soft loud.

The quiet will make the soft loud. I wonder is that how we should listen to God’s voice? Instead of trying to raise God’s volume by asking Him to speak to us, should we quieten ourselves? Because when the surrounding is noisy, no matter how loud we raise the volume, the loud noises will override the volume. God, being constant, has never stop talking to us. It just the things around us that made us unaware of His voice!

Well, I hope this has blessed you one way or another! 🙂

-Kelvin-

=11= Worship on/off Stage: Horrible

Haha, well, from the title you would have guess that i have had a horrible experience on stage… What happened was that i couldn’t snap like two songs out of four songs from the set.

The rehearsal for this worship session wasn’t as smooth as i liked to…
I was quite surprised that i could play ‘Counting on God’ by New Life Worship, considering that i have failed quite badly when i played it during probation.
Then we moved on to ‘Everyday’ by Hillsongs. Considering that i have heard this song for like 4 years, i did not listen to it properly. This choice made ‘Everyday’ to be my worse playing since i ended probation. I couldn’t keep time. I couldn’t get the groove. When i play, it sounded horrible.
Then we went on to ‘Here I Am To Worship’ by Hillsongs. It was not bad. But i wasn’t worshiping.
Then finally, we went to ‘Oh You Bring’ by Hillsongs. This song has special meaning to me! It was the first song that I ever successfully played during probation. I still could remember the lighting the presence of God when i was behind the snare playing it! But this time round, I just played without worshiping. I was playing too loud at the top and unintentional at the climax.

Well, my two stewards were really nice. They took the initiative to ask me if i needed help(of course i will take it! :P)! I really give thanks that i have such awesome stewards that will help me! 😀 Well, one of them showed me the groove and helped me to think about my parts(Thank you Bro J! 🙂)! On top of that, i also asked my drum teacher to help me listen and help me to play the groove! My ex-steward also showed me the groove before my soundcheck.

Then come our soundcheck. I was prepared to play my parts! I even prepared certain fills to execute during ‘Everything’. So i simply played. It was great! I managed to play most of what i wanted!

BUT. When it came to the actual worship session, it felt horrible. I couldn’t execute the fill i wanted. When i built up, i stopped at the wrong point. starting of the last song was messy. Worse of all, when it came to the altar call, when i played the 6/8 song, i was playing at such a fast pace. I sped up, when my worship leader signalled me to slow down, i was still playing at a fast speed. After that, it simply felt bad. Like i said the only word that could describe that moment is “HORRIBLE”. I dropped to a point where i felt worthless. I was there thinking, ‘why did God even call me to this ministry?’, ‘I am not worthy to step on stage’ i felt like i was shortchanging God.

Well, we had our debrief. One very comforting Worship leader seeing how much i was affected he still complimented me(Bro D, I noticed! Thank you!)! Then, my steward and ex-steward still told me how i could improve(Bro C, Thank you so much!)! They showed me how i could have played it and taught me dynamics. I was feeling better then, but still sian…

After like 2 hours, I saw my mentor and told him how i felt, as i was saying it, tears just flowed. My mentor told me(not in the exact same words, he puts it better me) that perfection is good, but it shouldn’t be our main focus. If we put perfection over God, we are serving for the wrong reasons. That we should have fun when worshiping God on stage! He told me that i have a second chance tomorrow. That he wants to see me having fun on stage serving God, that when i make a mistake tomorrow, i will smile and laugh it off. Thanks Bro K, if you are reading this, thank you so much for your words! It felt like that day! Thank you so much! 🙂 My co-cell leader saw me crying and also comforted me(Thank you so much JK) I believe he told my steward, haha, my steward was super duper(once again) nice! He texted me saying sorry, and giving me direction(Bro J, this week was an awesome week! Thank you so much!).

Well, on Sunday, my second chance came.

I am glad to say this, it ended well. ‘Everyday’ didn’t go as i would have wanted as well, I didn’t managed to do the fill i wanted. But i had fun playing! ‘Here I Am To Worship’ didn’t go as we practiced! But i loved that arrangement better(Sis G, I REALLY REALLY REALLY liked how it went!)! Then ‘Oh You Bring’ didn’t start as well, but after the build up, IT WAS SO GOOD! I was able to worship God and feel His presence well! I gotten assurance from my best friend(Bro, your approval means a lot), my lunch mate(JL, haha, thank you man!) and my ex-cell mate(thanks C!). When it was the debrief, they said that the tempo was good!

Well, with this week, i guess my direction for worship will be different! God, thank you for being able to redeem everything! Please help me to work hard to worship you!
-Amen-

Hope this has blessed you! I hope you will worship God with all your heart!

-Kelvin-

=10= Melancholic Reflections: Death

Think about it! Death is scary…. I believe many people would wonder how many people would actually attend their funeral! Some say that a person’s worth can be measured by seeing how many people mourns for you at your funeral!

I dread the day i have to attend the funeral of my friends. Just imagine one of your close class mates’ death, would you want to attend that funeral? I don’t know how will i react if i receive news that my classmate had just passed away… But i do know that i will be devastated…

I rather die first than to face the pain of seeing my loved ones passing away earlier than me. I often wonder who will die first, my best friend or me? You know if he dies before me, I would not want to speak in his funeral, I just want to stay silent and mourn for him.

Well for my death, i wonder when will that be? Would i still be studying? Will i still be single? Will i be working? How will i die? Or will the rapture come before i die? Well, all these questions, i leave it to God to handle. I shall just focus on my life now.

I am not saying that i am not scared of death, I am saying that if i focus about it too much, i will be one of those people who will do crazy things and justify their action with the phrase ‘YOLO’ Sure its true that you only live once, but should you use Death as a reason to do crazy things?

God gave you this life, so you should treasure it! Jesus died to save you, so you should live your life to God’s standards not yours!

Oh well, this topic is just depressing… i hope it has blessed you! 🙂

-Kelvin-