=19= Birthday Reflections: Rest

Hmm. My Birthday this year was so different. For one, this was the first birthday that i actually dreaded. 17 years goodness. That are many more things that i have to experience, so much more friends to make. More relationships to build. More choices to make. What is so good about it?!

Another thing different was the fact that we did not cut the cake at 12 am. This was something that i liked. I mean the act itself was meaningless, i could cut the cake the next morning, but the fact that my love ones would stay up late to cut cake with me gives me assurance that i am important to them. That i was worth it to stay up late to celebrate.

I woke up to nothing, This isn’t bad, but its just that my birthday has been on weekdays for the past few years, so when i woke up with nothing to do, it doesn’t feel like my birthday. And I have been serving on Saturdays for quite some time, so having a Saturday off feels awkward. But nonetheless, i have gotten quite a bit of rest! And it i liked it so much that i named this post after it.

So many people wished me happy birthday. Many people who i haven’t been talking to for months texted me! πŸ™‚ It was nice to catch up with people. It was just such a pity that some people that i wanted to text me didn’t… 😦

But i am thankful that so many people valued my birthday! πŸ™‚

Oh well, this birthday may not been the best, but it sure shaped my thinking a bit. Now, i believe this. I don’t need people to spend money on me(Though i don’t mind), but what i want is simple. I want people to value my birthday. It is a special day! I may not need an expensive dinner, but i do want people’s time. I said that i want to use this time with friends, that haven’t change, i still do.

Things i want to do for my love ones on their birthday.
1. 12am birthday greetings
2. A Meal with them
3. A Present that they will like
4. Simply chat and talk
5. Hold this day with respect

Well, i am not perfect, i dun think i will be able to fulfil this all the time, hopefully i could keep 5.

-Kelvin-

=18= Day to Remember?: Imagination

I remember when i started this blog, i thought i would write many ‘Day to Remember’, but i realised that most of my DTRs are extremely personal. I always believe that worship is personal, worship is not just singing corporately, it is a lifestyle. That is why i record my days down in my journals. To give thanks to God for the day, no matter how good or bad it was. I guess, its my way to live out my worship. And because it is personal, sometimes its difficult to tell someone, let alone writing it on a blog where everyone can read it…

But today is such a defining day, it such a painful way. I decided to back away from Whatsapp for a while. I thought that a particular person would see it and text me to ask me why. The whole entire day i was looking to my phone for a msg notification icon. It never came. Not only that, people are always complaining that their Whatsapp chats are flooded with msgs right? Today i realised that the notification ’17 new messages from 3 conversations’ stayed the same for hours, the number did not change once.

Everything is happening in my mind. Looks like i am not as close to this person than i thought. I am so depressed that no one is talking to me. Not only that, i am just sad that my birthday is so late into the year and so near to exams for my close friends. I thought i would be spending my birthday differently this year, after all, after so long it finally fell on a weekend. Looks like i am wrong.

Why does it seem like i keep on giving and i get nothing back? I know deep down that this is not true, yet i look back and i feel sad. Why can’t i get support and comfort? Is this what Bro D means by ‘i feel a void in you’? After so long, i am delusional i guess. The closest friends i have aren’t by my side. I found someone close, yet we aren’t as close as i thought we were. I know deep down that it shouldn’t matter, yet i still feel sad.Β -sigh- why is it so hard to get time from people?

Ah well, it is depressing even talking about it.

Sorry for bearing with my rant. i doubt there is anything here that could bless you in this post, sorry about that.

-Kelvin-

=17= Lesson Reflections: Path to Purity!

What happened was that i was reading up the dfd book and decided to teach it! The topic meant a lot to me! I know that this lesson has to be something that will stick to the kids! And i decided to have it this week because i can’t teach next week because i am serving.

Well, i thought it through and had this idea to use chocolate to represent porn/sin, but the idea i had in mind wasn’t clear enough. I had this mentor that helped me shaped the whole idea of making them go through the easy win process! He suggested for everyone in my cell to plank! But i thought it will take up too much space so i didn’t. But his contribution made the game awesome! (Thank you so much, Bro Q! :))

Then, showed my regional leader the game! He noticed that my game lack direction, and he asked me what is the message i wanted to bring forth. This one question helped me to shape my debrief points! Seriously, this one question made the entire game clear and the points sharp! (Thanks Bro D, You always ask the right questions! Seriously, that one question helped ALOT)

At this point the game was created and the points were clear, I simply want to hear advice from my beloved mentor that has helped me through my journey! Well, He gave pretty great suggestions! He advised that i should make them carry the chair again after eating the chocolate. He also said that there should be someone to come and help them by taking the wrappers away(which was also suggested by C), but i decided not to, because i do not think that will make the game fair. (Thanks Bro Ken, really happy to have taught this lesson! :))

Then, i also wanted something they could keep to help them draw strength from God. I remembered a part from Joshua Harris’ Book, Sex is not the problem(Lust is), a part where he really helped you out to reflect what kind of lies do u tell yourselves and gave 13 lies. Then, he gave truth from the Bible. So i decided to type it out and give it to my cell kids. Well, typing it out and reading the different versions was very tiring, but the product was really worth it! πŸ™‚

Well, C asked if we could combine cell lesson. Well, i didn’t mind, but i was worried about the girls, after all, this is quite an awkward topic(hehe benefits of a all guys cell!). But i was thankful that we combined, if we didn’t COOL! is gonna kill us for being too loud, and there wasn’t many people that turned up for cell due to their duties. 😦

But nonetheless, it was a great lesson. It took way longer than i would have expected, the endurance of their arms really surprised me! O_O (Thanks JK!) I had fun giving out chocolates! (And Bro D, you made my day by asking if he could have a copy of the 13 lies! :D)

(OH, thanks Ma, for supplying the choco and sticky!) Oh apparently, Toblerone is really popular!

Ok so this show it goes,
1. I ask all my cell kids to carry their chairs
2. Their arms need to be straight
3. I tell them that the person who holds the chair the longest will get something great!
4. So they will continue to hold
5. When someone fails and puts his chair down, i will give him a choco
6. He/she will have to carry the chair with the remaining wrapper
7. To be fair, guys have 3 lives(2 wrapper) girls will have 4 lives(3 wrapper)
8. If u give up after u have 2/3 wrappers at hand u will Be out of the game
9. The winner gets the panda sticky!

So my lesson is on the path of purity!
The objective of the game is to see how difficult it is to live a righteous life and we can’t do it by ourselves!

So the chair represents the life we are supposed to lead!

The choco represents porn/sin
Its both, temporal, pleasurable for a while, addictive(to a certain extent) and brings negative effects after a long period of time!

The wrapper signify how porn/sin sticks to u!

The wrapper makes it difficult to carry out the righteous life that we should carry! Over time, the wrapper accumulates and makes it more difficult!

Then i will say the difference between the game and real life.
In the game, there is no one that can help u but urself! But in real life, God is there to give u strength to carry on living a righteous life! He will even take away all the wrappers to help u!

In the game i promised the winner something temporal, but God promised eternal life and communion with Him in heaven!

Obviously, in this game there is only one winner, but in real life, we can all lead righteous lives! Its impossible with our strength, but possible with God!

Then, i said that it is really vague how to draw strength from God, so iΒ gave them the 13 lies paper that i prepared! πŸ™‚

 

Well, this lesson is really worth remembering! Thank God for all the mentors and guidance! I pray that God will bless my cell and help them to grow! πŸ™‚

-Kelvin-

=16= Unclassified: Birthday

Haha! well, my birthday is coming i guess, I am not going to lie, i am both looking forward to it and dreading it….

Well, i am dreading it because now in my life, i am actually pretty tired. Goodness, when i get older it will get worse won’t it? 😦 -sigh-

But i am looking forward to be more mature! I began reading through my old journals and i realise how immature i was. Saying ridiculous statements to God. Saying things that i will never say now. Well, i believe two years down the road, i will read my journal of this year and find them immature!

A good friend of mine asked me on a bus before, ‘What do u want for your birthday?’. I replied, ‘Never mind, no need to spend money’. Well, she said that she is not going to buy a cake she is going to use styrofoam! Haha, hey at least i can keep my birthday cake! How awesome is that?!

She also joked a few times(at least i hope she is… :/), about giving me this awkward doll! Oh she also wanted buy face paint and paint my face! Haha! Well, i think this is revenge! Cause i actually teased her saying that i will get her ants for her birthday! πŸ˜›

Well, actually the best present anyone could give me is company. Haha, i want to spend the day, playing drums serving God, then i just want to be around my friends! Haha, i dun mind being crazy, I dun mind getting a cute cake that i can keep for ages, i simply want company and cards that can give me memories! πŸ˜€

God, i give thanks for the memories, I pray that you help me, allow me to treasure what people has gotten me! πŸ™‚
Thank You God!
-Amen-

-Kelvin-

Haha! Looking forward to my birthday! πŸ™‚

=15= Melancholic Reflections: Response and Motive

Recent events has helped me to shape my thinking a bit! I find that in life, many times things boils down to Response and Motive! (and i realised Motive and Response has the same initials of Melancholic Reflections! :P)

What this means is that every action is a Response and behind every Response there is a Motive to it.Β Many a times we try our best to do good for both, but most of the times we fail in at least one.

Sometimes, we may have a good motive but our response might not be appropriate. For example, hitting a child, may seem like a bad response, but the motive behind hitting the child can be justified. The parent wants to teach and prevent the child from straying from the good path, that in itself has a good motive, but is it the right response?

Yet sometimes good responses could have a wrong motive. For example, doing your homework earlier than required. Well, the motive could be to do your best for God, however, it could be because you want to feel superior to your peers. Is doing homework early so you brag about it a good motivation?

Once again, even in the grey spots there are confusing occurrence. What if you try to love someone you hate? Is that a good response? Some say yes because it is a good effort! Some say no, because you will not be yourself. Is the motive good? Well, one part of you shouts,’ just ignore him!’ Another part of you says,’But God told me to love my enemies!’ So what will be the motivation for loving him? Because God told me to do so.

When you try your best to complete a project in church. It seems like a good Response, but what is your Motive in doing it? Is it to gain recognition? Is it out of responsibility? Is it because the mentor you respect asked you to do it? Or is it because you love God and trust that God will shape you with it? To help you grow more spiritually mature?

Response by itself is very pure, very simple. But once you add Motive in, the whole equation complicates, and the simple becomes messy and confusing. Too bad we live in a complicated world with people pursuing things that won’t satisfy them. Too bad Motive behind an action is so important.

Well, think about it, every sin is the result of the devil tempting us and our flesh succumbing. For example, lying, this is such a vague term, very few could explain lying in words. So how did this sin even come about?

Let us imagine this scene. You as a child, very pure, no idea what is right or wrong. You are being fed by your mother. Being full, Β you push the bowl away. The bowl hits the ground and porridge spills all over the ground. Enraged, your mother scolds you. Even though you do not understand the language, you know that your mother is angry and you know that you did something wrong. Fast forward to the age of 3. You begin to learn and understand the language. You can speak and your parents understand you. Then one day, you accidentally knock into a vase. The vase shatters. You start to freak out. You remember when something spoils because of you, you will get scolded. This is when the devil steps in, ‘Hey, you know the language, your parents understand you now! Do you really need to say that you broke the vase? You can say that the dog did it, they will believe you! And most importantly, you will not get scolded! Isn’t that nice?’ You afraid of the punishment you say the lie.

Ironic isn’t it? That not wanting punishment is the Motive for the Response(Lying). If the lie was revealed, you will get punished even more! Not only is it ironic, it is sad. I don’t think ‘Not wanting punishment’ as Motive is bad, yet the Response itself is bad.

I am not here to judge anything. I do not have the ability to judge(oh and i am 16+! I can’t judge someone who is older than me!). I am in no place to judge because i don’t know everything.

I can imagine, when Judgement day comes, i believe God will judge all my sins, lying, lusting, harsh words, jealousy, coveting etc etc. He will give me the punishment that i deserve, Death. But God himself will step down from the throne become a human and die for me. And all my sins will be justified.

God, i am simply human. You know everything. Allow my Responses be good. Allow my Motives be right! God, help me to continue to be sanctified! Help me through!
Thank You God!
-Amen-

-Kelvin-

Haha, i sometimes feel i am overanalysing stuff, but well, hope it has blessed you! πŸ™‚