I remember when i started this blog, i thought i would write many ‘Day to Remember’, but i realised that most of my DTRs are extremely personal. I always believe that worship is personal, worship is not just singing corporately, it is a lifestyle. That is why i record my days down in my journals. To give thanks to God for the day, no matter how good or bad it was. I guess, its my way to live out my worship. And because it is personal, sometimes its difficult to tell someone, let alone writing it on a blog where everyone can read it…
But today is such a defining day, it such a painful way. I decided to back away from Whatsapp for a while. I thought that a particular person would see it and text me to ask me why. The whole entire day i was looking to my phone for a msg notification icon. It never came. Not only that, people are always complaining that their Whatsapp chats are flooded with msgs right? Today i realised that the notification ’17 new messages from 3 conversations’ stayed the same for hours, the number did not change once.
Everything is happening in my mind. Looks like i am not as close to this person than i thought. I am so depressed that no one is talking to me. Not only that, i am just sad that my birthday is so late into the year and so near to exams for my close friends. I thought i would be spending my birthday differently this year, after all, after so long it finally fell on a weekend. Looks like i am wrong.
Why does it seem like i keep on giving and i get nothing back? I know deep down that this is not true, yet i look back and i feel sad. Why can’t i get support and comfort? Is this what Bro D means by ‘i feel a void in you’? After so long, i am delusional i guess. The closest friends i have aren’t by my side. I found someone close, yet we aren’t as close as i thought we were. I know deep down that it shouldn’t matter, yet i still feel sad. -sigh- why is it so hard to get time from people?
Ah well, it is depressing even talking about it.
Sorry for bearing with my rant. i doubt there is anything here that could bless you in this post, sorry about that.