=23= Unclassified: Lonely

Isn’t it ironic that to complain about my loneliness i need to be in solitude?

Its strange that as someone who feels left out i would walk away to a quiet spot to just stop and pray. I wonder why am i built this way?

It is always weird. I like to listen. Yet in a group i want to talk. Yet beside someone i want to talk!

I know it isn’t beneficial to talk more. In fact, i often see how insincere an apology could get if you say more. “i am sorry. BUT, i was just doing what i was told”

I love friends. You have no idea how much i love hanging out with them. Yet no matter how hard i love them i will feel left out. And i know it isn’t their fault, i am just someone who is insecure.

No matter how much i love them, in my head i will make excuses to not ask them out. ‘no they won’t have time!’ ‘do u think everyone is as free as you?’

I will regret this. I will regret not asking them out. I will regret not putting in the initiative. I will, yet i am still there being an idiot.

Alone time is precious. This is something i heard from a dear friend. I treasure alone time. I do. Yet, i want friends around me as well. I rather my alone time gets cut short.

I guess the problem of self worth isn’t easily solved. I would love solitude with God. I need it. In fact, God is who i complain to, rant to, cry to, question to when i feel lonely. Too bad not everyone is free when u are free and not everyone is busy when you are busy.

Struggling with self worth. Struggling with my life. I just want people to love and care for me. To support me and is there for me. Oh well, time for me to rant to God again!

Oh God, please do not leave me and be with me!
-Amen-

-Kelvin-

P.S: strangely enough, i was never alone 🙂

One thought on “=23= Unclassified: Lonely”

  1. We will all struggle with loneliness, especially when you’re not attached HAHA

    I realize that the root cause of loneliness is insecurity, perhaps that’s why one feels a need to be around people to validate or qualify one’s actions. But don’t worry, as you grow, you will become more confident and assured of your self-worth.

    Here’s a link to a story I wrote last time on the topic:

    http://waterwindows.blogspot.sg/2007/01/tapitoo-nice-story.html

    My blog details my journey as an insecure person, it’s definitely a struggle and ultimately you will grow out of it like I did. 🙂

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