=41= Words of Melancholy: Haunts

Why does it seem so short when you are here by my side?
And so long when you aren’t?
Funny thing is that time has become a strange entity.
It seems like a year is gone
Yet, when i look at the calendar,
It shows me that only a month has past

And it haunts me.

Why do i have to live through a year when only a month has past?
Why do i have to experience the pain that i don’t need to.
I have no idea what you think
Yet, i remember my past acts.

And it haunts me.

I caught a glimpse of myself
Though now i see it not with eyes of the person committing it
I see it with the eyes of someone by your side
And i tell myself never do that ever again.
Yet, doing that might get a response.

And it haunts me that i think such thoughts.

I used to look forward to every meeting
Now i dread it
I dread the day when i have to face the problem head on
But even when i contemplate with all my mind

I still think its not my fault.

I get angry over the fact that it is a matter of miscommunication
And i grief over the fact that something so beautiful just died.
This death affected me
It seems like everything just lost colour
Just as how the bright red was covered with descending grey

It died.

And this impact shows my heart
Was I filling my entire heart with it?
When it died, my heart lost a bit of itself
A horrible feeling came upon me

And it haunts me.

Why is it affecting me so much?
What did you expect?
No promises were made
No covenant was made

Yet, i still want more.

I am starting to enjoy life again
Colour is slowly returning to sight
I am slowly returning to the life before the start of it
Yet, there is conflict with my heart

I want closure.

Funny thing about humans is that they have hope
Hope seems to change perspective
No matter how bad it is
The heart will hang on to hope
As if closure will make it better.

I want change, yet i am hanging on to the past.

Memories, shall always be good
Yet, they will soon come to past
My heart may want to hold on
But my mind will forget
In the end, when i finally remember

May my feelings never resurface again.


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