=51= Melancholic Reflections: Women of God

Last night, i couldn’t sleep at all. My train of thought stopped at the topic of admiration once again. Today, i want to write about something rare, the female leaders that i admire.

Sis Elsa. Truthfully, i never would ask for someone else(or elsa for that matter) to be my regional leader. I admire how Sis Elsa know the Bible it so well. One just need to see her meticulously highlighted Bible to see how much Sis Elsa loves reading God’s word. She has a great sense of humour and nice laughter. It is always nice to see her laugh at my super lame jokes! Not only that, she puts in effort to listen and when she shares and teaches, she is real. She shares her struggles. She is a human as well. She is amazing no matter what she thinks of herself. Quite truthfully, i find her really attractive! She is a great woman of God, she is real and sincere, she takes initiative, she is funny and she cares. What is there not to like?

Sis Ga. My awesome worship leader that has such faith in me. She has been so encouraging whenever i improved and whenever i struggled with something(both musically and spiritually). She cares. She would be sensitive. She would look out for me. She would take initiative to ask if i was alright. She gives me compliments. She is firm to teach me. She would correct me. Make me aware of my speech problems. She is cute as well! She is one of the few who would actually read out loudly when the pastor tells us to read a passage out loud. She would jump up and down when she likes something. I also admire that she can sing so well! Once again, she is a great woman of God, she is initiative, she cares, she corrects and she sings! What is there not to like?

Deb. Not many know this, Deb was one of my first few leaders. I did not really admire her back when i was in COOL 2010. I thought Aaron was the amazing one(I still think so). However, into the second year of my cell leading, 3 years after she took me as a cell kid. I MISS HER A LOT… 😦 Deb, firstly were the few people that actually replied when i send out prayer requests. She would take an extra step to ask how can she pray for me. She would be honest to me if she did not pray for me. Who would actually be so honest to admit that? I think i would have just gotten credit, but she did not. I admire her amazing integrity. Not only that she makes teaching look effortless, a feat that all the COOL leaders that took me could do(Aaron, Bryan and Agnes that’s you!).

Sis Andrea. I really don’t know how i grew to admire her. I think it is after retreat preparations that we grew closer. Well, she is also very real and sincere. She is very funny with her OCD-ness and things that she does. She always seem to share a huge part of her life to me(something that always make me feel guilty towards female leaders that tries to talk to me, i tend to be introverted and not share as much, so sorry). I also notice spiritual authority when she speaks. It stood out during her speech when she left youth.

That is more or less it. It sounds like i am trying to promote my female leaders, yet seriously, they are all beautiful women that i admire. The guys that would win their hearts, you are one lucky guy(to every guy/i am aware of the singular usage of guy). These woman are not only attractive, they are wonderful women of God that would impact your spiritual walk as much and more than how they have impacted mine!


=50= Comfort Songs: Yesterdays

Yesterdays by Switchfoot

Flowers cut and brought inside
Black cars in a single line
Your family in suits and ties
And you’re free

The ache I feel inside
Is where the life has left your eyes
I’m alone for our last goodbye
But you’re free

I remember you like yesterday, yesterday
I still can’t believe you’re gone, oh…
I remember you like yesterday, yesterday
And until I’m with you, I’ll carry on

Adrift on your ocean floor
I feel weightless, numb, and sore
A part of you in me is torn
And you’re free

I woke from a dream last night
I dreamt that you were by my side
Reminding me I still had life
In me

I’ll carry on

Every lament is a love song
Yesterday, yesterday
I still can’t believe you’re gone
So long my friend, so long

Its exactly two months. Pain. Sadness. Memories haunts me. Well, This song seems to be directed to a friend who is dead, but it expresses my pain so well. Its over. A part of you in me is gone and you are free. I still can’t believe you are gone. Until i see you, I’ll carry on.

=49= T06/P1Y3

The last day of school just ended. I am sitting(Jo) in a bus home and i am feeling something that i never felt on my last day of school of secondary school. Sadness. I guess it was mainly because that i was glad that N levels was over.

I could never ask for a better class. I could never ask for a better group of friends to grow up with. It have only been less than a year, but it felt like i have been spending forever with them. I will use a word that i seldom use. I LOVE them. From the loud guys who played soccer to the funny girls that likes k-pop. I have never been so close to a class before and i am really proud to be in it. This class had travelled through sooooo much. Ups and downs. Joy and tears. This class has totally loved me and accepted me despite my weird quirks.

On our first day, i sat at the back with Jo because she was the only other person i knew, apart from Dan and Raphael(which i have no idea where you are sitting), from orientation. We were so awkward introducing ourselves to each other saying what our secondary school is. We were stressed because on our first math lesson, we were already given our first project. After math lesson, i was almost certain that i will spend most of my time with my orientation mates rather than my class. The next day i was really surprised. We went out as an entire class to eat. That was just the start to everything.

I remember when the whatsapp group was first created, you guys were sending really disturbing stuff. After seeing these stuff, i made a stupid decision to exit the group. My class, being so awesome, still accepted me. I asked Wei Jie to add me back into the group and my class toned down for me! Am i glad to be back in the group.

I reminisce over the lunches we had over at grandstand. Those times were simple and really fun! We had impromptu games like dodgeball, volleyball, ice and water, poison, etc etc. We had lunch and it was so fun just playing. Playing seems to be part of our class. I had so much fun playing with you guys! SO many games from primary school was being played. Snapjack, Heart Attack, Hand guessing game, I have never, werewolf just to name a few. We never stopped playing and i am extremely thankful for that!

We had our drama, we had our pain, yet i never thought any of those weren’t worth it. We went through a whole year together and i am really grateful that at the end of it we could still come together and have fun! Let me now thank each and everyone of you personally and group-ly.

Well, the first two good friends i made were Dinah and Zeng Hui. We are the Weird Trio being seat mates for the first semester. Its funny because i did not plan to sit where i sat. I did not like to sit at the back because its too far back and i will definitely be distracted. I wanted to sit at the front because i believe i would be more focused, but both front rows were taken so i was pushed back to sit with Dinah and Zeng Hui. Though it wasn’t planned, we got really close to each other and i am really thankful. I really enjoyed working with you guys, haha and a memorable ‘CONSEQUENCES’! Thank you for bearing with my weirdness and embracing it!

I mentioned my first project. It was a HUGE project. we were called EXODUS just because i suggested the name and it sounds great! Well, we had our struggles and arguments but i really thought we did well! We looked classy too, with our black shirt and long pants! Brandon, Jirel and Raphael thank you.

I had an awesome partner to work with, Soon Keong. Bro, you are really a joy to work with! I find it so hard to do projects sometimes, but never with you! Thank you for being there for me, whether is it ITA or ES, i could always count on you! You can play bridge too! so that just adds to your awesomeness.

I have someone to take it and it is so great to have someone that can take it! Wee Geok, thank you for always taking my teasing and sarcasm! Thank you for trusting me so much!

I am glad to have someone to share with, Jordi, you are such a friendly guy everyone gravitates towards you! I enjoyed all the one to one HTHT we had.

To the bridge players. Thank you for making bridge so enjoyable. To have played soooooooooooooooo many rounds of bridge and not get sick of it is something i never thought will happen, but you guys did! Yi Ling, Jia Lei, Grace, Wee Geok, Soon Keong and Dan. Thank you! 🙂

Yih Chyuan thank you so much for being so encouraging during soccer! You are a fun guy!

To those whom i did not list, i am still thankful to you guys! 😀 Well, To year 1 we go! Jiayou!


=48= Words of Melancholy: Pillar

It no longer stings
Is that good?

I stopped trying
Is that good?

I sigh less
Is that good?

Well, nothing i say or do will make a difference now
I am depressed
I am pissed

Well, i hate that something so huge can be removed with a flick of a finger
I hate that this pillar is knocked away so easily
Isn’t knocking down one pillar enough?
Why must you knock both down?

I love
Yet, i don’t get any response, how do you want me to react?
Know what?
I am lonely

I want another pillar
I want another pillar
No, i want back the same pillar
I want back the same pillar
I want it fixed
I want it fixed
No, i want something that will stay
I want something that will stay
I want something that will stay

Funny thing is you give me one huge pillar already
Yet, it is so difficult to put my faith into only one pillar

I envision me with my back against this pillar

Yet this pillar holds
This pillar stands
This pillar protects
This pillar brings comfort
This pillar satisfies

You have given me two straight weeks where i could administer to my sheep.
You have allowed me to be a better person.
A better friend.

I wonder how
How can i live a life with only one pillar?
I am scared Lord
I am scared Father

Why did you ask Peter three times not two?
False hope
False strength
False support

6 months.

I am tired already

=47= Page Replacement: Order of Things

The Order of Things in our everyday lives are very important. People just don’t realise it. Having the right time for the right thing is extremely important! As Joshua Harris says, “The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing”.

Haha, well, I have gotten the inspiration to write this page in the bathroom. I was thinking about a few things. Just imagine how bad it would be if the order of things is wrong.

  • If the end result comes before hard work, no one needs to work hard, there won’t be any growth for Character.
  • If a Job comes before education, everyone will have no idea what to do. Engineers won’t be able to design planes. Architects won’t be able to design buildings.
  • Haha, if University comes before primary education, no one will understand a word during lectures
  • if success comes before failure, one will be arrogant and stop working hard.
  • if sex comes before marriage, it will be superficial and even marriage wouldn’t satisfy.
  • If eternal life/eternal death comes before Life, We wouldn’t Love God voluntarily.

Understanding that, one should not take right timing likely. It is so important. Well, God is omniscient, he sees beyond time and know what is the best for us. Trusting Him for the right time is something that i have to take time to grow in. Committing to God is something that is really difficult to do. I struggle with it all the time, I am naturally a ‘do-er’ i like to do things, i dislike to wait for the right time. I lack in Patience, i really do. Well, i need to grow in this area and i shall wait for it to develop(ironic isn’t it?).

Well, i need to stop pull back and wait. I really do think that waiting is one of the most horrible things on earth… But it is true that i will grow because of it.  Hope you have been blessed by my page! Continue to press on!


=46= Page Replacement: Days to Remember

Well, we all know that everyday is a day that God has made, that i should rejoice and be glad in it. i know, i know…. But don’t you think some days are more worthy to be remembered?

For example, one horrible day, You lose both your phone and your wallet. You spend the next 1-2 hours filing reports, cancelling cards etc etc. Such a day may be horrible, but it will help you in the future. If i lose my phone and wallet now, in the future i would know how to react, how to calm myself down and relax. Do you seriously want to remember such a day? I can’t judge, but i think such a day is a day you would want to forget. BUT, i also believe joy can come out from such a day. Just imagine, on another day someone called you up saying that they found your wallet! ‘WOW! YAY!’ you would say, but why are you happy? You don’t gain anything, in fact it is still less than from the start(you lost your phone too…) SO why would someone be so happy? I believe this person has formed a greater appreciation for his/her wallet. Losing it has helped this person realise how hopeless you are without it.

CS Lewis said this
Imagine a set of people all living in the same building. Half of them think it is a hotel, the other half thinks it is a prison. Those who think it is a hotel might regard it as quite intolerable, and those who thought it was a prison might decide that it was surprisingly comfortable. So that what seems the ugly doctrine is the one that that comforts and strengthens you in the end. The people who try to hold an optimistic view of the world would become pessimist; the people who hold a pretty stern view of it become optimistic

I will not hold an optimistic view on everyday lives, saying that everything id great. No i won’t, I wouldn’t say that suffering is good, I will not be joyful because i am suffering, but i will be joyful with the chance to grow. With that said, I believe not everyday on earth is a day with beautiful rainbows, with everything right everyday. How boring would that be? It will be like seeing the 7 wonders of the world everyday. It will be like seeing the same show everyday. With horrible days, it gives you a chance to see the difference between them allowing you to appreciate the good days more!

That is why i created this page to honour the beauty of the days where God has blessed me!

There will be a link here to see some of the days when it was so great that i need to type it out! :)


Page replacement, I am going to replace it with two new pages, ‘Melancholic Reflections’ and ‘Words of Melancholy’. For i realised that these are the segments that i like! Hopefully you will like it! 🙂

=45= Books I’ve Read: CS Lewis

Ok it has been a while since i wrote one of these. What happened was that i grew tired of doing a ‘book review’ every single time after reading a book. Well, i decided that books are for me to enjoy. However, CS Lewis is so good that i need to give a tribute to him. In fact, i did in school! I shall show you my slides! 🙂

This is CS Lewis!
This is CS Lewis!
CS Lewis was known as 'Jack' beacuse of his dead dog
CS Lewis was known as ‘Jack’ because of his dead dog
Letters were collected to form books as well
Letters were collected to form books as well
Did you know that CS Lewis was from Belfast?
Did you know that CS Lewis was from Belfast?
And that he is a solider?
And that he is a solider?
He made a pack with Paddy Moore that if either of them survives, they would take care of their family
He made a pack with Paddy Moore that if either of them survives, they would take care of their family
Did you know he survived both world wars?
Did you know he survived both world wars?
He married a Russian who was 17 years younger than him!
He married a Russian who was 17 years younger than him!
He died... :(
He died… 😦
These are my books!
These are my books!
And my references!
And my references!

You can find a more detailed timeline here(I did not include the dates he published his books). I did not add in a lot of detail of why i like him because of sensitivity with my classmates, but since this is my blog i can do it! 😛

Ok where do i begin?

I picked up the habit of reading the preface of a book since i started reading Joshua Harris’ ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’. So when i first read the preface of ‘Mere Christianity’ by CS Lewis, to tell you the truth, i was put off. It was a bunch of writing about his writing. Maybe it was also because that i was reading it late at night. So i gave up. I picked it up again after completing the book i was reading, though i was practically dreading to read it. However, with a clear mind, i was able to understand the preface better. After reading a bit about the Law of Nature or the Moral Law, it intrigued me! Its amazing how he points out something that everyone knows yet never notice. His arguments were solid, his thinking is precise and his writing is skilful. After reading a bit into the book, i really enjoyed how he used punctuation. He uses brackets and dashes which usage are seldom in modern time. I liked how he always seem to dwell on a single thought and help people to think with that single thought(very Melancholic like). I also like that he doesn’t stuff what he believes down your throat – a lesson i need to learn. This book was a book based on talks he gave during world war two, talks that were given to strengthen faith. Mere Christianity is an amazing book and i truly believe it will be helpful for new converts to understand christianity and for christians to understand their faith more. After this one book, i was hooked.

I went on to buy ‘The Screwtape Letters’. A book i struggled to read. This book is about this experienced demon, named Screwtape, writing to his nephew, named Wormwood, teaching him how to ensure a man’s damnation. I was attracted by the novel way of learning about God rather than the straight non-fiction. This helped me to understand a few things. Something that stayed with me was that CS Lewis described gluttony as a desire to have things exactly our way. We may not be that after food in this day and age, but we sometimes want the food exactly our way. We want it in the right amount, the right temperature, the right flavour, etc. So we complain, we want to be pampered. This is a book i really struggled to read, yet, i still enjoy CS Lewis’ writing and thought process. This reverse thinking really helped me to deal with demons.

Even tough “Screwtape Letters’ was a struggle, the next book i bought proved that CS Lewis is able to explain things in novel form, in an extremely easy way. I bought ‘The Great Divorce’. This is currently my favourite book from CS Lewis. It is about a bus ride from Hell to Heaven and the journey in Heaven. Even though i am not certain that there is really a doorway in and out of Hell, i tend to see this entire process as on Earth. On Earth, we can truly get out of hell and go into heaven and enjoy eternal life(Its just my interpretation). Ok, so let me start on this amazing book. The book first depicts Hell as a greyish joyless place, where people would move from place to place because hey can’t get along with each other. Then they would take this bus ride to Heaven, the most beautiful place they have even seen, yet because they are ghost, and Heaven is solid, they cannot stand on grass without hurting themselves. The main character would later on meet George Macdonald, whom would carry him on his back to see how these ghost interact with the solid bright people. Ok i realised it all sounds really ridiculous, but trust me, this is an enjoyable book! 🙂

Finally the last book i read from him was ‘A Grief Observed’. This book was written after his wife passed away and it is about how he coped with his loss. I loved his frankness. Well, this is a short book, this is a good choice if you want a taste of CS Lewis! 🙂

Well, i hope you will pick up a CS Lewis book soon! You will certainly enjoy it!


=43= Words of Melancholy: Attraction

I observed and saw that attraction to another is a put off

Funny isn’t it? That this is a valid reason to turn someone down

As if when you are attracted to one, you wouldn’t be attracted to another

Is giving attention to one mutually exclusive to giving attention to another?

Why is it so strange? That giving attention to one would push another away?

Saying that you are not exclusive,yet excluding people, how hypocritical is that?

Is taking effort to include someone THAT burdensome?

When loneliness strikes Where are the people of God who were called to love?

I hate it when someone forgets the main focus of the event or act.

Why are you even doing it? Why are you so distracted from the crux?

Is playing music so important that you forget how to please God?

Are we playing music to chase after that one moment when God was pleased?

Sincerely, if you don’t do the little things, how are you going to have enough stamina for the big things?

Are we so caught up in following the syllabus that we forget that the cell needs more than that?

They can learn from better people

They can make better friends away from cell

They can do a lot

Yet, they can’t get the love that you should provide

I look around me

And i am sadden by some leaders

I see that some have great depth in knowledge

Yet, I sense such a strong sense of superficiality

I see that deep down, there is no love

What can i do anyway?

Apart from ranting on a social media site

I pray about it

I am not supposed to judge

My spiritual gifting isn’t discernment

My spiritual gifting isn’t words of wisdom

So i stay patient and wait for a breakthrough

I look into lives that really loves God

They lack the confidence

They lack the capabilities

Oh, yet if they would only take a step of faith and try

Wonders will happen.

I hate people who are arrogant

Maybe that comes from my pride as well

Why are you so arrogant?

You don’t know the world as well as God does

Why are you so arrogant?

You don’t know the lives of the people around you

I hate people who don’t put in their best

Really, invest in your ministry as much as you can

If you leave the ministry with people glad that you leave

You didn’t just not put in your best

You made it worse

I hate people who hold on to people so tightly that when others want to approach him/her, they can’t

Why are you so selfish?

Why is an attraction to one repulse others so much?

Seeing a guy flirt with a girl and vise versa, just makes me disappointed

Why resort to it?

Why repulse so many other people around you?

Couples who invest to groups are couples that are wise

Yet, i am in no place to talk

Let me rest now.