I really liked today! 🙂 Well, to keep track it was exactly three months yesterday. To my surprise, I wasn’t half as affected by the day than i thought i would. I guess, I was given stuff to distract me from the day, i met up with my co-cell leader, I read manga. After all, distraction seems to play a huge part in easing pain.
I remember that morning in my class chalet, the sky was still dark, my calves ache because of the over walking, after all i can’t cycle. That morning, i remembered what Dr Paul Brand wrote in The Gift of Pain. He recounted that when he wasn’t able to sleep because of pain, he went to the shore and stepped on small broken shells and sang hymns. All these signals distracted him of the pain and eventually allowed him to sleep. I decided to do the same, to step on the broken shells. At first, fear would be instilled in you that the shells might be sharp and cut you, but after a second of slight prickle, the shells felt great! I began walking along the path of broken shells. It was pleasurable and amazingly, my ache went off. Signals from my feet overrode the signals from my calves. Hopefully these six months will help me.
These six months that i have been constantly mentioning in my previous posts is in fact a six month break on something that i have been struggling with. I want to take a six month break to help me realign my priorities, to help me find out what kind of a person i want to be, to take a look at how it has affected me and how i can change my perspective on certain things. Sounds mature isn’t it? Yet, this six month break isn’t voluntary. It was due to something that happened to me on Christmas eve. I do not like to go into details, but these three months has been months of constant sighing, i am currently struggling to come out of this bad outlook on my life. If after these six months i am still in this state, the wise thing to do is to extend the break. Please pray for me, pray that i will have the patience to go through these six months.
Let’s go back to today! Today was a really simple day. I woke up to find links to watch How I Met Your Mother episode 22. I am rather sad that the series is ending, HIMYM is such a fun sitcom to watch! The cast has such chemistry together! Then, at 1130, i went to swim, so as usual, i do my warm ups; Run four lengths in the pool, swim without legs for four lengths. Today, my swimming without legs went badly, my core muscles hurt really badly. Then, i started to swim freestyle for my target 22 lengths(or 11 laps), for i managed 20 lengths the last time. As i swam, bitterness in me came out, i was disappointed with how things turned out, I wanted to make a bargain with God. So i told God, if i can swim 30 lengths reconcile me with that person. So i pushed on. in between 20 to 30 lengths, i think back to how Moses laid on his side for 40 days. Of course, there wasn’t any relation to my swimming, but i am amazed that God actually cared how Moses thought. God was about to abandon them, but Moses act of lying, convinced God to make a covenant with the Israelites. Just like when how Jacob wrestled with God and Job questioned God, God actually cares about what we do. So i think i heard God telling me to swim 40 lengths instead. I was really tired then, so i was there telling God, come on isn’t 30 enough? God said, “Trust Me”. So i just went for it, i swam 40 lengths(20 laps). Not bad for a non-swimmer. I did not have a deal with God, but i got an assurance of His presence! I got the words “Trust Me”.
Later on today, my secondary school friends were meeting up for dinner at Hougang 1. Well, if it was me three months ago, i would have went for it, but these three months help me to see what are more important. Very often, the top of the list is Family. As i am going overseas tomorrow, i wouldn’t have time for my grandmother. so i decided to have dinner at my gramps instead. Well, part of this decision was also due to the trigger to this break. I have no idea how, the only thing i can do is to trust God. Yet, i knew that this trigger has affected my relationship with my friends. I saw such a pride in my life. Pride that wants dignity over love. Pride that wants to give up. Pride that wants to continue. Pride that tells me that i am doing it so that it will be less awkward. In actual fact, i made it worse. This Pride is worth nothing. I decided then to visit them. I enjoyed the few minutes i had with you guys! I am so blessed to have a group of friends that doesn’t probe. Many times, i see people probing into people’s personal affairs, to a certain point, it is great to do that, it is initiative and gets you to know the person, but, sometimes, you are requesting information that you have no right to know, that is when you should back down. I enjoy this group of friends because they don’t probe much, they observe like me. They simply wait until you tell them about stuff. I need that today, thank you.
Pride was a huge part of my QT today:
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
This is what the Lord says:
“Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches, but let the one who boasts boast about this:
that they have the understanding to know me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,”
Declares the Lord.
Lord, Father, may you deal with my pride!