I want to cry. I walked out of the familiar place with a heavy heart. I held my hand out and spoke words like i normally do, but nothing has yet lighten my burden. All i could do is walk and say “Thank You God”.
I am on the bus home from my PFP camp. I am extremely depressed. I don’t want this to end. I want this friendship. I want this sense of unity.
I signed up to be a GL for this camp when my classmates posted the link on whatsapp. I really wanted to do it for it sounds really fun to lead a group of freshies and to make new friends. I was scared though. Especially when they texted me to say that i have an interview. I guess i could say that my interview went well; i became an official GL!
Only one word can describe my first outing together with the GLs, AWKWARD. For many of them came from their individual classes, they would talk to only those of their class. I would often cry out to God because of this awkwardness. However, there were people who tried their best to know me and i give thanks for that. This awkwardness did not fade away until the bonding camp.
Well, the bonding camp was simple. We come, we play games that the freshies are gonna play. Yet, even simple things can bond a group together. We came together so many times. My favourite was the guys coming together to eat maggi meethen we gathered at the girls’ loft to bond and discuss some things.
I did not turn up for any more meetings after that. Not because i am lazy, but because i went overseas. Then, i met together with Gen to do up our identities! I guess we got slightly closer. Geneva is quite an inverted person who thinks a lot before she does anything. I am the same. You may think, “Hey, that is great!”, but you have to consider that when both leaders come together, we spent most of our time, thinking. We often have awkward pauses while discussing.
Coming up with cheers is a torture. I am extremely bad with cheers and we were called to come up with at least three cheers. I cracked my brain so many times and i am happy to say that i came out with two cheers that the freshies are really confident in and co-written the next two cheers.
Now let me jump right into the camp.
I entered the camp on the 14th of April. It was day 0. Some of us were late, hence, the main comm made us do 30 pushups. Then, we went on to prepare our performances. I wanted to join my close friend’s group; they were doing rick roll and it looked fun. Instead, i went to the swag team. Everyone’s dance were messy and it was going nowhere. We struggled and struggled until we decided on Big Bang’s Fantastic Baby. However, it was still bad, but we stopped practicing for we ran out of time. We then had a few minutes to buy sweets for our freshies then we came back to do up our identities. That night, we had a debrief that dragged out to 12+.
First day. Well, i was extremely excited. I was talking a lot of crap to the freshies. I spent a lot of time memorizing my freshies’ names. So i was really high, i was this slapstick guy. At first, things were still fine, but after lunch, i got really discouraged and tired. They were still not bonded and was complaining about the programs. I guess they were tired. After all, every single station calls them to give a cheer. We even had cheer battles. It was this point when i felt really insecure. All the other district’s cheers were longer than our’s and they were louder too.
I really don’t know what to do. I tried and tried to fill up awkward silences with my voice, but nothing seems to work.
We then had a meeting with the lecturers over dinner. So i handled the DE school. Well, i felt that it was easier to talk to them, it feels better to speak to people you haven’t put in effort to love than to speak to people you tried to love over and over again.
Then came the night walk. The main comm had a problem with location and they had a huge delay. So the first group that went through the night walk went at around 11. I sent my freshies back to the loft at 12. They were complaining and it annoys me. They had no idea how much effort was put in so that they could enjoy the camp. Well, i made a new friend in the process of bringing them back. That’s great.
I then stayed at the block 50 lecture theater to facilitate stuff. I didn’t do much, the most rewarding one was that i comforted a freshie who was so scared, she cried. I have her high fives and talked about anime and dramas that we watched. I am hard that her mind is off the walk. I slept really late on the first day.
Second day passed by really fast. Six games were enough for the whole day. Something amazing happened, the whole group came together to plan the performance. I was trying so hard to see that the thing that i need to do is to take one step back and let them do the talking.
They then were pretty surprised that the “nightwalk” was actually a hop night. I concluded that i do not like clubs. Though i had fun dancing around, i find more pleasure serving those not dancing.
The group crossbunked to talk, Geneva led a great Eye Candy chat. The group came together once again.
On the last day, we played some wet games and it was shoik! The GLs came together to do final preparation for the performance yesterday, thinking that we will perform yesterday. This was when everything came in place and we managed to do decent dance! Fantastic Baby! 🙂
I will miss the people so much. The crazy GLs that does stupid dances. I enjoyed myself thoroughly. I find it amazing that the GLs can simply come together and we will be able to dance together.
You know we have been comparing GLs and Crew since the bringing of the registration. At times, we will think that GLs are better than crews. Of course that isn’t true. During the camp itself the Crews looked like they are really enjoying themselves. Some of us remarked that Crews seems more fun than being a GL.
I thought about it and realised why. Crews have been doing the same thing from bonding camp until the camp itself while the GLs have another point of view. From the bonding camp, we were freshies, playing. In the camp itself, we were GLs, leading a group of 15 people. We invest emotionally to 15 people while they become station masters of each game.
I noted a difference in reaction to the end of camp. We GLs, were extremely down because the freshies were gone while the Crews were delighted that the camp was over. Of course i am delighted that it is over, but i invested emotionally to 10 guys and 5 girls, i am down that they are gone.
This camp has stretched me really hard. I feel like i have just took on a role that i couldn’t have without God.
Why i felt like crying was because i felt regret about doing not being able to get the group together. Yet, i realised that the thing i needed to do was to take a step back and see what is going on.
Just an update, i just received something i have been waiting for for months. Now i am scared of taking the next step, Lord be with me.