=69= Melancholic Reflections: Trust

“Let go of the chair and i will give it to you”

That was what i said to my cute baby cousin today.

My cousin was being really mischievous today; he snatched the remote control from his sister and refused to give it to her or his father. Well, my uncle settled it by watching the channel he wanted to watch. So it seems like he wanted to take “revenge” on my uncle. He would purposely push a chair in front of my uncle. This chair is one of those kids chair, light and has a compartment behind. My cousin took the rubbish and put beside my uncle.

After that happened, i was really afraid that my grandmother would slip on the rubbish so i asked him to throw it away. He refused to. So i decided not to give him the chair. I held it tight; not allowing him to take it.

He pulled really hard. I told him to throw away the rubbish, but he refused to. At this point, my uncle took the rubbish and threw it away. So my ‘lesson’ is useless, but my cousin persisted, he would not let go at all.

He pulled with all his strength. He would try really hard(i could see some veins popping up), then get tired rest then try again.

“Let go of the chair and i will give it to you”

He replied no cheekily. He continued to pull with all his strength. I tried to promise with my pinky out, but he refused to take up his pinky and let go of the chair.

He pulled and pulled.

At this point i was really scared that he would pull, lose his grip and hurt himself. So i constantly told him to be careful and told him not to lean back to much. It got to a point when i put my hand on his back because i was scared he would hit his head.

Still he pulled. He even tried turning the chair. He tried to pull. He would not let go. I would not too. I knew that if i let go he would hurt himself.

So i told him to let go and i will give it to him. He rejected my offer. He ignored me and continued to pull.

There was this look on his face that shows me when he was about to cry. He showed me this face, but he did not shed a tear.

I asked him, “You don’t want the chair ah?”

He replied, “I want”

“Then let go lah, i promised you already”

“NO”

“Why?”

“…”

“You scared that i would lie ah?”

<Nods his head>

“But i promised you already”

“No, you lie”

“Let go of the chair and i will give it to you, Trust Kor Kor, i would not lie”

I do not know if he let go intentionally or accidentally, but he let go of the chair. Before i could respond he shouted at me “See! You Lie”(I did not let go of the chair).

After i see his hands off, i let go of the chair, but his attention seems to fall on another chair – which was only beside him this whole time. He was happy with having two chairs.

I coax him to throw the rubbish in the compartment of the second chair and gave him a high five after he did.

 

You may find my cousin really spoilt, please don’t; he is not, he was just angry at his father. He reminded me of something that happened in my life.

I wanted something REALLY badly. I wanted it so much. I would pray to God about it, i would ask for wisdom. I wanted to back off, but i really wanted it. So i pursued it, but the Spirit was convicting me against it. I kept struggling. I wanted to take that step of faith, but i never did. My God wouldn’t let me have what i wanted and i got hurt. God never said “Let go and i will let you have it”, no such promise was given to me. All He said was “Let go and trust me”. I did not want to, so he came through for me.

Well, it wasn’t that bad. Letting go, losing grip rather, gave me perspective. Losing grip allowed me to appreciate the beauty in people. It gave me more faith in God(is that ironic?). Finally after so many months my brain seems to have one less burden and i give thanks!

Trust, such a difficult thing to do. To let go. To wait. To take a step back. Why is it so difficult to do? My pride seems to be the one affecting me. Pride that tells me that i know better than God, that God wouldn’t let me have it because he doesn’t want me to enjoy. Well, now i have both chairs, now for me to throw the rubbish in my life, so i still can’t have both. Until i threw these rubbish i have, i can’t have it!

Thank you Lord for this simple but interesting lesson! 🙂

-Kelvin-

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