=78= Melancholic Reflections: Prayer

To say that this is a reflection is inaccurate. The more accurate word to use is thinking.

I went forward to receive prayer for my family during J333. First prayer I received was from a Chinese speaking person. However, his prayer was extremely powerful. I can’t recall the prayer now, but few words stuck through. First, he kept calling me a child in Chinese. Interestingly enough, I seldom get called child anywhere. Even though we are children of God, almost no one that prayed for me has referred me as a child. They have always pray that God will remind me that I am a child of God. Yet, they would refer to me as a brother. His inclination to call me child has impacted me in ways no one has. Next, his prayer that God take over that it is not in our strength to cause a breakthrough. This is not a simple prayer that you can pray; you need to have faith. This amazing guy prayed this with upmost faith! Letting go is very tough for me to do so. This amazing prayer is the reason I am actually trying to pray in Chinese.

Next, Miss Gao came up to me and offered to pray. I told her about my situation briefly. Yet she prayed over the two things that I am fretting over. First, spiritual warfare. Incredibly, she seems to be aware of the fears I had for spiritual warfare. She prayed a huge portion on it. Then, she prayed for the salvation of the unsaved ones in my family. I never told anyone about my pains of seeing my grandmother, uncle, auntie and my cousins unsaved. She prayed over my unsaved family when almost no one has done so.

Thank you Father for blessing me with words from above! 🙂

-Kelvin-

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=77= Words of Melancholy: First Step

No one is perfect I guess.

The people that I look up to the most seldom have time for me. I look at the relationships of other people close to them and I look on with envy. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.

I like being alone so I can think and Mel about stuff. However, I hate to be lonely. When I am around so many people, I grow tired.

Now I am at a place where I am already tired. I just want people to invest in me because I am all out of input.

Yet, I realized. There is no one around me. When I need support the most, there is none. I started to doubt myself. “Am I a horrible person?”

I am at such a draining position. I give so much output for cell. Dinners at 6.30 before LC. Cell in church and service. I have completely no time to maintain relationships. Or is that just an excuse?

So much time is given for CAMY too! Not that I don’t enjoy it, it is more of, finding time to do other things. God has convicted me to spend more time with my family! So I have been going back home for lunch! It is simple, but things at home never been better!

I realized I have an ability to comfort someone, but why isn’t there anyone who lets me comfort them?

I have taken the first step, the first step has been flourishing! I can only thank God for pouring favor on me! It went so smoothly and I really enjoy it!

Next step, will be quite challenging! Time to work Kelvin!

=76= Comfort Songs: This Little Light of Mine

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine,
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine,
let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
Hide it under a bushel – NO!
I’m gonna let it shine.
Hide it under a bushel – NO!
I’m gonna let it shine,
Hide it under a bushel – NO!
I’m gonna let it shine, Let it shine,
let it shine, let it shine.
Don’t let Satan blow it!

I’m gonna let it shine.
Don’t let Satan blow it out.
I’m gonna let it shine
Don’t let Satan blow it out.
I’m gonna let it shine,
let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
Let it shine til Jesus comes.
I’m gonna let it shine.
Let it shine til Jesus comes.
I’m gonna let it shine,
Let it shine til Jesus comes.
I’m gonna let it shine.
let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine,
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine,
let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

Give me oil for my lamp, keep it burning
Give me oil for my lamp I pray
Give me oil for my lamp, keep it burning
Keep it burning till the light of day
Chorus:

Sing Hosannah, sing Hosannah
Sing Hosannah to the King of Kings
Sing Hosannah, sing Hosannah
Sing Hosannah to the King

The simplest songs, ones that are sung with an unwilling heart when you are young, are sung with a smile on my face though I have forgotten the actions. The God with a sense of humor, cheered me up and gave me a song so full of meaning! Thank you Father!

-Kelvin-

=75= Comfort Songs: Strong Enough to Save

You faught
but you were just too weak
so you lost
all the things you try to keep
now you’re on your knees, you’re on your knees

But wait,
everything can change,
in a moments time you don’t have to be afraid,
cause fear is just a lie
open up your eyes

[Chorus:]
And he’ll break
open the skies to save
those who cry out his name
the One the wind and waves obey
is strong enough to save you

[Verse 2:]
Look
now is not too late
lift up your head
let the rain fall on your face
youre not far from grace, your not too far from grace

[Chorus:]
And he’ll break
open the skies to save
those who cry out his name
the One the wind and waves obey
is strong enough to save you
[Repeat]

[Bridge:]
I know the weight of this world can take you down like gravity and I know the current of yourself can take you out, out to sea but hold on, hold on

[Chorus:]
And he’ll break
open the skies to save
those who cry out his name
the One the wind and waves obey
is strong enough to save you

=74= Words of Melancholy: Colour

Where is that Colour I seek?
That when I wake up in the morning
When I open my eyes
All I see is black and white

What is this Colour I seek?
I stare at the ceiling
I look at my clothes
All I see is black and white

When will this Colour come?
I walk on the streets
I listen to vibrant music
All I see is black and white

How will this Colour satisfy me?
I tried and tried
I grew tired
Yet, all I see is black and white

Who is this Colour?
Is colour even a person?
Is colour going to stay in my sight?
Or will I continue to see only black and white?

Why can’t I be satisfied with just black and white?
Isn’t that what everyone is satisfied with?
Why put in me a desire for Colour?
How do I even know Colour exists?

Why is life so dull?
Why is life so tough?
Why is life so depressing?
Why is life so tiring?

Do I have a right to want Colour?
Colour does not belong to me

Where are you Colour?
Why are you so far that I can’t see you?

Why have you forsaken me?

Why am I only seeing black and white?

Then, it rained.

=73= Words of Melancholy: Two

Argh, I hate decisions like this. On one hand if I do it, I lose my time with my work. On the other hand, if I don’t, I am afraid to be judged by people.

I recently had a camp, where I was stretched and I really loved the experience. The thing is the main comm has hosted several mass outings so that the freshies wouldn’t lose touch. I guess the intention is good, but there is problems with mass outings. Mass outings mean that the GLs, Main Comm and Crews are going to have authority again. This is not a casual outing, this is a reboot of the camp.

This is something that people forget, GLs are human too. I had given my all in the camp and I think it wasn’t enough. To go for a reboot of the camp, I am going to be drained once again.

People think that the GLs are responsible of the group for these outings. Isn’t outings like this, for the very reason that we are now no longer GLs and freshies but equals?

Crews and main comm missing the outing is ok, but GLs not going for it isn’t? Think about it, why would people in Crews and Main Comm miss the outing? Isn’t it for the same reasons that the GLs miss too?

I am extremely busy, i struggle everyday to give up time for God. I hardly have time for my family and my cell. I do not have the luxury of practicing drums anymore. I seldom have the time to swim due to fatigue. I have less time for work.

People point out that I am very annoying because I do my work early. People do not realize that if I don’t do it then, I will have no time for it later.

People hold on to the belief that it is an obligation for GLs to care for their freshies. I agree. Responsibility given to one should be honored. That is why when I do have time, I try my best and it drains me of every ounce of energy I have.

I am human guys. I have only 24 hours. If you have time for time, great!

I envy you.