=87= Melancholic Reflections: Drum Crash Course 2014

Once again, to say that this is a melancholic reflections is inaccurate. More like melancholic’s gratitude.

I just had my idea fulfilled. I just had a crash course for drumming. Now I am super tired, yet, I really enjoyed the experience! 🙂

The idea probably rooted from when I was secondary one. I remember Rhema had this booth that is showcasing CAMY. You have to understand, Twisters just went through a period where we led worship every week! Many talents were uncovered. Many people wanted to join CAMY. I wanted to as well, but I was unable to because I did not play any instrument back then. I was hoping that the church would teach a musical instrument so that I can join in the fun you know!

I was unable to because I had no training.

I only started to learn drums during the November/December holidays when I was sec 2. My mother wanted me to learn something during the holidays, like drawing. I decided to learn drums. To be able to jam with my friends!

It took me really long before I could serve as a drummer in CAMY. Even now, I am still struggling with timing and tempo. I worked really hard. I finally started serving around my second going to third year playing drums.

During the last holidays during December, I wanted to do something meaningful with my holidays. I thought of the idea of a drum crash course even before getting a job to pay for my expensive hobby! I actually don’t mind to teach people if they are willing! I have a heart to want to teach! Perhaps it was the Spirit’s prompting to exercise my spiritual gifts(mentoring, teaching, mercy).

I asked Sis Ga about why don’t CAMY teach music. She mentioned things about manpower and people not being committed. They are very real issues, yet, I still wanted to teach.

I went on to ask Bro Leb about the idea. He asked if I knew how many people wanted to learn; like the demand for it. I did not know anyone who wanted to learn. So he encouraged me to ask the R-AGE Revival page about it. I did not. For I was distracted by many things; I joined an orientation camp, that need lots of time(I enjoyed it though!). So gave up on the idea of the crash course for that holiday.

However, the desire to teach was once again roused. Many people whom I knew started to ask me how to play the drums. I once taught someone whom I did not even knew. It peaked during retreat. So many people asked how to play drums during retreat. SMT, Hui Shi and Andre’s friends. It really made me focus and once again ask Bro Leb about it.

So after I texted him, i inquired on the Facebook page to see the demand. I was originally scared of the response. Augustine’s testimony was there also. So I was afraid that his testimony would overshadow my post. To my surprise, slowly the responses built up. More and more people commented. There is a demand! 🙂

Of course not everything was smooth sailing. I started to work on the materials on last Wed(18 June). Yet, I wasn’t able to photocopy the materials I had in My Drum School due to the copyright issue. So I went primitive. I literally cut and pasted the materials. I wasn’t sure when the crash course would be, I was expecting lots of time to prepare. I wasn’t sure that it was allowed as well.

Bro Leb’s email sealed everything. He wrote an email to Sis Sam and PJ. He has gotten a lobang of $5.50 per pair of sticks. He recommended having it before the holidays ended. It hit me, “it is really going to happen!”

I met up with Sis Sam, I was expecting being grilled and being showed the flaws of the project. Instead, she said it was a good idea and gave us her blessing!

I was scared that even though they commented, no one will actually commit to that day. Surprisingly, most of the people who commented actually responded that they could make it!

I remember yesterday, being unsatisfied with the order of the content, I cut, rearranged and pasted everything. I was scared that the content wasn’t enough.

Today came, I went to church with my cell kid. Supposed to meet Leb at 1, but the Nasi Lemak stall had a super long queue. I also had this fear of Leb rejecting my content. However, he did not and said it looks good!

Many people were late, only Aaron, Justin and Wan Hui was inside the sanctuary. This triggered yet another fear. What if they all did not turn up? We will be left with like 17 sticks….

Thankfully, they were late. Only like 2-3 people did not turn up. We had like 3-4 sticks left.

It was fun! I had like 20 people playing rudiments together. It was super cool! We made them stand up cause we really can’t sit down to hit the chair. So we made everyone stand up and everyone hit the chair.

Just gathering everyone and teaching them how to hold and hit properly took an hour. We spent the next hour to teach them rudiments! Then, finally the drum set.

To be honest, I do not think I have good technique. I do not think I have the capacity to teach people on technique or how to hold the sticks properly. So I simply showed them and tell them a few things that I have watched videos on.

Then the rudiments were challenging. For we were following a metronome, I had trouble listening and counting at the same time. I kept speeding up. Perhaps I need to practice rudiments again! It was very cool to see 20 people lock together and play the same thing. Very cool! 🙂

Then, we went to the drum set. Leb showed them the parts of the drum kit. Showing them the uses of each component and teaching them how to play. This took super long. For we gave time to everyone to try, it all accumulated to about 2 hours. As some people has better coordination skills, some managed to play grooves way faster than some. Some really struggled to put everything together. Some managed to play the grooves at once. If it were to any comfort, when I started out, I struggled really hard to play grooves as well.

Thank you Leb for your resources and help! The $5.50 sticks were really cheap and good. Your help at teaching the technique was amazing! Thank you! 🙂

Thank you Sis Sam, Josh and PJ for your support! 🙂

Thank you people that turned up! Really hope you will continue to learn!

Thank you God for sustaining me and giving me the capacity to teach! Thank you Lord for your gifts! I hoped I have invested well for your kingdom!

Thank you!

-Kelvin-

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=86= Words of Melancholy: Molting

Interestingly, many people I know are saying that they are going through a season of pruning. Not that I am skeptical, but I believe that pruning isn’t just for a season. If pruning was just for a season, does that mean after that season, I have no more bad branches?

For me right now, I do not think that I am going through pruning. Rather, I am going through molting.

Molting is a process in which shell fishes would go through. They would shed their exoskeleton so that they can grow bigger, then they would regrow the exoskeleton. In this process, the -let’s say- lobster, would be vulnerable to any external threats.

For me, The Lord has been stripping away my protection. Making me vulnerable. Making me grow. Now he is giving me a new protection. I give thanks! I really do not want to go through that again, but if The Lord wants me to grow again, I am willingly. Please keep me safe Lord.

=85= Words of Melancholy: Best

To be honest, my body is a mess. Like literally not figuratively.

My eyes have super high degree. My teeth are crooked. My hands and feet are all filled with calluses.

Figuratively, my eyes see the wrong things. My mouth speaks rubbish. My hands does things that I regret. My feet walk in the wrong direction.

Sometimes I think that my ears are the best I can offer, but even the ears have limitations.

If I drown myself with other things, how can I listen?

My heart is the best I can offer.

=84= Words of Melancholy: Maybe

Maybe I am not made to please people
Maybe I am not made to fight
Maybe I am not authentic
Maybe I need help
Maybe I am being punished

Maybe my pillar wasn’t there to begin with
Maybe I never needed a pillar
Maybe I am in the wrong
Maybe I am not spirit led at all

Maybe I am not worshiping
Maybe I am not leading well
Maybe I am not a good leader to begin with

Maybe the heart that I thought I have lost was never mine
Maybe my heart was never pure
Maybe my hard work has nothing to do with the right motivation
Maybe I am living but I am dying

Maybe I am made for more
Maybe I was made for nothing much
Maybe I am pursuing something that I should not

Let me stop.

=83= Days to Remember: Ministered

Well, its been a while since i did one of these.

The day started out like how i would normally start. Plan my entire day, pack it with lots of things to do. I planned to visit my friend in the hospital, go to school, meet my mentor, go for classes, then go to church and lepak/play drums finally rehearsals. However God would not let me have the perfect day that i planned out.

It started out with a phone call from my mum, asking me to go to my grandmother’s. I went and my grandmother was speaking nonsense. She claimed to be dying soon and wants to meet all her children. She also asked for an ambulance, which was very strange considering that she hates hospitals. I had this desire to pray for her, yet i did not act upon it. I was chased to school by my mum. Right when i reached the bus stop, 109 came and i took it. On the bus however, it drove me to think about what if my grandmother really did pass away on that day? I believe i would regret never ever praying for her.

I got off the bus, crossed the road and waited for another bus. it was 156 that does not go to my gramps directly. So i had to walk a bit. While walking, i saw another 109 approaching. It seems like it is tempting me to stop walking and not pray for my grandmother. When i reached the place, my mum was the first to react, “Eh, why are you here? What happened?” i replied saying that i want to pray for ah ma.

Most of my uncles and aunts disapprove. My eldest aunt said that my grandmother would not like it. So i simply went to my grandmother’s room and told her that i wanted to pray for her. However, she did not understand. So i was there begging for people to translate for me, but no one wanted to help me. The only phrase they translated was “I want to pray for you” my aunt translated to “He wants to speak good words to you”. I will not go into the difference between good words and prayer, but simply take note that it is different. One is speaking to God, the other is kinda of like a blessing. Yet, when she heard it, she rejected me as well. She was tearing but she tells me to go to school.

Still i spoke, i tried my best to pray for her. My mother was there praying for her too. I really give thanks that she supported me. I left, never feeling as useless and helpless in my life.

I was angry, i was disappointed, why can’t things be smoother?

I eventually managed to text Sis Ga about it and i met up with Aaron, also telling him about it. He had a nice talk. I simply felt shortchanged. You have to understand, i really did put in my best into that prayer. i pushed through everything just to pray for my grandmother, why can’t it be that she accepts my prayer?

Well, i rushed to school, only to have my lessons cancelled, which was quite a blessing. I managed to find time to visit my friend! So i took two bus down to CGH. I saw Twisters there and they told me to follow PJ and Aaron in. So even though i felt sian because i was unable to have as much fun with my batch, i did manage to witness something quite cool.

I got a ride from pastor to buona. then i simply took the train down to G2. Well, i stayed at level 1 to get some of the material of the crash course down. I was going through notes that i use like 3 years ago. Well, i managed to spend some time studying, so it is good! Shena also came and join me, so ya, had fun making fun of her pea/wasabi/chilli pencil case.

During rehearsal, i was very happy i was able to speak and teach Gabbi how to play the cajon! She was very stable in her tempo already! So ya, that was good! 🙂

We took a bus to the MRT, so we split up cause some went to the green line, others to the red line. It doesn’t make a big difference for me, so i simply took the red line because only one girl was going there. So we spoke and she suddenly out of the blue said, “Tell me something!”

I just went like, “What?”

Well, the conversation flowed to her troubles about choosing a mentor to guide her and help her grow. So i simply analysed the three people she had in mind to mentor her. It got to a point where we actually went out of the MRT, i walked her home and she was still puzzled by who to choose. I really give thanks for this chance to minister to her. I always wanted to do this with my boys, but not many actually approach me with their problems and troubles. So i am very thankful for the chance to help and teach someone.

I look back now, it was a long day, yet it was really fulfilling. I witnessed my Mum wanting to pray for my grandmother in the hospital. I witnessed the crash course solidifying! So Lord, Thank you for the day! 🙂

-Kelvin-

=82= Melancholic Reflections: Retreat 2014

Well, Retreat was just over, but ya simply this, i felt sincerely disconnected, not with God, but with my friends… I guess i was in a place where i am left out by my good friends… I dunno, but i Have been so  close to them that when something like this happens i felt really bad…

Well, i was a Coach IC for the late bus for retreat. It was quite a nice but scary experience. For it was late at night, we are all sleepy, this included the driver. Well he was quite awake, but i guess with me being paranoid, i constantly woke up to check on the driver and check behind to see if everyone was alright. I guess people like Elle and Joyce saw me and knew i was tired. But thank God we reached there safely and manage to get lots of sleep.

Well i guess it was the free day when i went out with TWISTERS that i felt disconnected. We went to Marchè to eat and i felt left out… 😦 I guess it was mainly because i went to the toilet and couldn’t find anyone anywhere when i came back. Then i was really sad, so i went into the prayer lab with these feelings and i rant to God, I was there telling God about my hurts and my feelings. But God did work! He gave me peace once i got out of that room! I went to the altar call that day and God reminded me of His goodness! And i received unspeakable Joy!

I did mention i was disconnected with my friends right? Yup i was, with my REGULAR friends. I had the privilege to teach Raegan, Ben Ben and Arel how to play bridge. I guess i was closer to them after the retreat! My cell, FOOTSTEPS also became closer during the retreat! FOOTSTEPS, thank you for making my retreat! I really enjoy being able to talk to you all, to be able to share a bond with a cell i never grow up in was something i would treasure! Thank you for making my experience in cell amazing! 😀

To be truthful, i created this blog because a certain person once told me that he wants to create a blog one day and rant about what God has told him. On top of that, because of the loneliness i received in retreat last year, i wanted to write it down so i can be less emotional about it. I went one whole lap back to the end of retreat, i am really lonely once again.

Talking about laps, i was close to another person due to bare bones conference a few years back. Now, when i speak of my experience to that person, he simply rejects my words, “Actually, Kelvin…” I hate the word, ‘actually’ i simply loathe it. Why can’t you listen? Why can’t you understand the concept behind my words rather than rejecting it completely because you don’t think it is applicable? You think you have words of wisdom? Who’s spirit are you speaking it from? And what wonderful wisdom you have displayed. Surprise Surprise, i have that same spirit. What makes you think your words are any better than mine?

“I rather you leave than have me be gone”. I spoke these words because i wanted to stay by your side you idiot! I do not need you to speak words to me, i simply wanted to make sure you were ok. Did you know how many times i needed you to be by my side? You said they needed you more. Did you know i was without support for months? Did you know that i need you too? Did you know how you are with me? Did you know you are worse than a stranger now? Did you know i wanted to be by your side to support you even though you did nothing to support me? Did you know when i helped you and was told to take a step back, i felt so useless? Did you know with your indifference, you have hurt me? How i wished for you to be by my side when i was weeping. How i wished for you to pray for me when no one did. How i wished you were there. Gosh, i am really sick of lukewarm relationships. How i wished we could have fought and ended the relationship, instead of having this happen.

“Wait for him to tell you”. I have waited for ages. I have waited without support. Yet, i received nothing. Not an update. Not even a simple text. How can i continue to wait when he doesn’t want to give me anything anymore. I am worse than a stranger. At least someone new he would put in effort to try to know him/her better. He stopped trying already, what do you want me to do now. There is no value for him to try. I give.

“Do i have to leave the hall, must i?”. I was annoyed, angry, i felt cheated. I was struggling with a broken hip holding on to the man’s leg i was wrestling with. I am not going to let go until you have blessed me. I was determined to sit there until someone chased me out. Someone did. Yet, he did not ask me about my weird behaviour. He did not inquire anything. Perhaps he was too busy. Perhaps someone needed him more than i do.

“Sometimes you feel that you have nothing to offer God, let me tell you, your heart is something that God wants, it is the best offering you can give your God” This was what i received from God through Kennaf. I thank God he did. After the prayer, i sat down on the floor and wept. i simply said “Come on…” and i cried. I felt unworthy to offer my heart. i felt unworthy to offer it to God.

“The shackles will be broken, now it is your choice to declare God’s Lordship” Aaron prayed this prayer over me and i felt a sharp pain at my back. The last time he prayed for me was during retreat two years ago when i was weeping for my family. This time, he spoke with so much more authority and compassion that i have ever heard him prayed. I heard how amazing his prayers are now, people being slain by his prayers. I am glad to have gained a mentor.

“I feel a void inside of you and you are trying to feel that void with things of this world and not God” I was particularly surprised at this prayer, for this prayer was made by my cell kid. Tat Wai prayed the same thing a year ago. I did not really understand then, now i do for it was so much more prominent.

“Hey i want to learn drums, can you teach me?” Sean and Huishi asked me to teach them how to play. For a few months now, i really wanted to have a crash course to start people off playing drums. I wanted to gather material and help people tap out beats and playing rudiments and give them free resources to help them play better. I felt God calling me to do it, but this is such a difficult project, Lord, please empower me.

“Akkkkkkkkkk” I really thank God for my retreat group. Samson got first for the first games and second for the second! I am super duper proud of them! Perhaps making me join the PFP camp wasn’t that bad a decision after all! 🙂 I learned new skills in breaking the ice among awkward people. Maybe because the chemistry among the leaders were really good as well! Darren, Renee and Rachel, thank you for making Samson such a fun group.

“I am being rude to my parents” was what my cell kid said. I would not say exactly what he told me, but i really hope he continues to try to be less rude to his parents.

“I am worried for …” was what my other cell kid told me. It really encouraged me to know that he cares for his cell mates! He has grown to be a fine young man. He understands that the cell is not just the cell leader’s responsibility. He is slowly stepping up to be a leader himself, though he is a late bloomer, i give thanks that he is growing!

“I have a vision ….” what what my friend said to me. I give thanks that he was so open to me. Jaiyou Bro!

“Ya he is very cute” was what i heard someone say. This family that i saw was in my opinion, the closest family of God i have ever seen. The sister is close to the brother. The brother gets made fun off of his OCD. The mother laughs at herself. The father silently serves people and pulls his son to serve them too. The thing that blew my mind was that they were just converted not too long ago! If you see this kind of a family, you can’t help but to admire the parents. I have no idea what they did, but the family is extremely close. I like to pursue this.

“Those who received a full time calling please come to the front” I saw my friends going up. Once again i look on with envy, why can’t God speak to me in ways like that as well?

“Then go up, that is more important” For Bro Leb to say this is something different. Bro Leb who in every sense a great worshipper and a great worship leader, told me to minister to my cell kid even though i had my hands full with drums. I always wanted to have like Bro Leb take over me so that i can pray for my cell kids. So far, that has not happened yet. He did not sit in when i went over to pray for my cell kid.

Thank you for the first retreat i ever served for. Though i made a huge blunder. I really thank God for still moving in that place.

“All it takes is a spark to have a fire going” This was the last prayer i received in the retreat. Johnathan and i wanted to go up to like pastor Julie or pastor Philip to ask for prayer. When i was sitting down, waiting for my bus to be called, i saw pastor Kenny and sis Kwai Cheng being prayed for, behind them, Johnathan was there. I looked at him and gave him eye signals! So i rushed to the front as well! Apparently pastor Julie was rushing for time, but she said, “lets take a photo then i will pray for the both of you” We did. She did not pray any chim prayers or direct, but she prayed for a spark to start. She also prayed that i would not let anyone look down on me because i am young.

 

But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.”
Matthew 19:14

That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”

But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

The man asked him, “What is your name?”

“Jacob,” he answered.

Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”

But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.

So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”

The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip. Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the tendon attached to the socket of the hip, because the socket of Jacob’s hip was touched near the tendon.
Genesis 32:22-32

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

“For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property. To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more. So also he who had the two talents made two talents more. But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master’s money. Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here I have made five talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ And he also who had the two talents came forward, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me two talents; here I have made two talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.’ But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’
Matthew 25:14-30

Thank you Father.

-Kelvin-

=81= Melancholic Reflections: Spirits

Well, I don’t think I have read enough or experienced enough to speak on the subject, yet, I see the need to address the subject.

Just yesterday, during LC, we were scaring the girls with two lined horror stories we read off the net. The girls were yelling when we started reading and it was pretty funny! One girl asked me afterwards why I was not scared. Quite honestly, I am scared. I do not dare to watch horror movies. I just enjoyed teasing them.

However, are we really scared of ghost? Or are we scared of the unknown? Just like when a person first interacts with a dog, he will be scared that the dog would bite him. Over time and with more interaction with a dog, he will understand dogs more and hence be no longer afraid of dogs. Not only ghost fulfill the role of a horror movie, there are many on werewolves, zombies, vampires and a mad psychotic man. All these are scary because it is unknown, you have no idea what they might do to you! Will they eat you? Will they capture and torture you? Will they make you commit suicide?

We are afraid of what is unknown and we are afraid of their power. The power of a ghost seems to defy all laws of physics. They do not need to walk on surfaces. They can walk through walls. They have strength to lift you up with one hand.

What if I told you even with all these power, the ghost won’t touch you. Will you be more relieved? Or will you freak out thinking that it is a trick to get you killed?

I first experienced an evil spirit in church. I went up to the roof, I heard a weird clicking sound, I freaked out. Through the whole process, nothing happened to me physically, but I was mentally drained that day.

I think as Christians we will face spiritual warfare. This is true. Though we might not see anything through our eyes, we might not hear anything through our ears, smell anything through our nose and feel anything with our skin, this does not mean that spirits don’t exist. There has been some warped theology, i think, saying that Christians do not believe in ghost. To a certain extent we do believe that, yet the thing they failed to let out was that the bible clearly states that evil spirits are real. They may not be dead humans, but there are evil spirits.

It is important when you face an evil spirit that you do not let it paralyze you. Do not let an experience of an evil spirit supersede the experiences of God.

Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world. You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit of truth and the spirit of falsehood.
(1 John 4:1-6 NIV)

Funny thing is that this verse does not put the fear of an evil spirit as the main issue. John seemed to be more concerned about the well being of doctrine and the issue of false teaching. Perhaps what we have been focussing so much on isn’t the issue at all. Maybe the unknown isn’t unknown at all. The evil spirits’ job is to ensure a man’s damnation. To do that, instead of scaring someone, perhaps teaching false doctrine is more effective to steer someone off course.

Instead of being afraid of evil spirits, perhaps we are supposed to point people to the right doctrine.

-Kelvin-