=114= Melancholic Reflections: Deterence

If a man’s biggest temptation is to be passive, a woman’s biggest temptation is to take control
Joshua Harris

Well, remembered this quote from this Joshua Harris’ book I read a year ago. I realised something since then. Passiveness for a guy is not just the biggest temptation, it is the biggest deterrence. A wishy washy guy is the worse. Someone that can’t make up his mind. Someone that can’t make decisions. We are called to lead. Not please everyone in the process. Don’t even get me started on guys that are passive aggressive. Gosh, such an unattractive quality in a person.

I realised that it is better for me to be in touch with my emotions and feelings than to lock it up an act as if everything is ok. If I am getting annoyed with someone, I will tell someone I trust about it. People who keeps their thoughts and feelings to themselves are locking themselves up in a shell; not giving anyone a chance to go on a deeper level with them. If I put on this shell, I am in every case being passiveā€”I want people to approach me, I do not want to approach people.

I also found in me an ability to be loud when I have to. People who knows me knows that I am actually an introvert. I much rather like to listen than to talk. However, some circumstances and situations requires me to speak(camps when you need to rah rah, someone is going to jump off a building), and in those times, if I do not speak, I am being passive and not loving.

There are tons of articles that say that listening is an attractive quality. We need to listen. Etc etc. the reason for those articles is this, people aren’t listening before they speak. If you do not actively listen, how are you gonna speak the right words? However, listening all the time and not speaking out when you have to isn’t good either.

Actually passiveness isn’t an action(ironic much?). You do not actively decide to be passive. If you actively decide to not do anything, that is active waiting, which is a whole other concept. Passiveness grounds from laziness. Anyone that enjoys listening would know, how listening is easier than speaking. So when we are tasked to speak, we are lazy and reject the offer. We make excuses to not speak; “nah, what if I speak the wrong thing?” “I am not good at speaking”.

Perhaps I am too harsh. I apologize. Part of the reason I wrote this post was to rebuke myself as well. I am a long time offender of being passive; being unable to make decisions without everyone’s consent. This is an area I need to grow in as well.