=136= Worship on/off Stage: Freedom

Wow! I just came back from the first set where playing with the metronome isn’t THAT much a struggle! 🙂

It is a funny feeling. It is like the thing that has been holding you back has now released you to a greater height. Kinda like an elevator, it traps you in for a period of time, then it releases you to a higher ground.

Of course playing with the metronome is still a struggle, especially the first and last song where I simply wanted to speed up a little, but i held myself back and it was really fun with so much freedom! 🙂 because now I am no longer responsible of the tempo on my on ahgaration, I am able to play the right tempo! Of course, there were places where I simply off the metronome(the third song), because it was rather distracting for everyone and I was speeding up and since we were going into the climax, it would be more annoying to slow down than to off the metronome, so I offed(is this even a word?) the click. However, we all agreed that the atmosphere was amazing in that song! Well, I am really hoping I will be able to replicate the same thing on Sat and Sun!

I am really grateful. Really grateful. Lord, thank you for blessing me even though I am full of sin. Father, thank you for bringing me my salvation. Lord, please be by my side. Never let me go! Thank you Lord. May I use my gifts for your glory Lord.

On a side note, I absolutely LOVED my snare tone! Wow! So much response and power! Full and amazing! It was awesome! Thank you Lord for Audrey! 🙂

-Kelvin-

=135= Words of Melancholy: Melt

A man walked into a bus. He sat down and folded his arms. Everyone noticed the weight in the air he brought into the bus.

He stared sternly at the little girl which appeared to be his daughter. The little girl was being noisy and irritating to her father. The man finally spoke for the first time in the bus, “Do you want me to hit you?” With a firm and strong tone.

The girl said no and was about to cry, but it was then this clever little girl went up to her father for a hug. The father put his arms out for an embrace. The heavy aura of the stern father simply lifted. The air was filled with a simple atmosphere of a loving father.

“Daddy, your breath stinks!” Said the adorable little girl as she backed away from her father.

The man finally smiled.

What a joy it is to be a parent. To have someone totally melt your heart with words with so much innocence. To have your strong front melted even when you are trying to discipline your child. Haha, sounds great!

=134= Words of Melancholy: Walk

Stupid me.

I am extremely impatient when it comes to waiting for the bus. My tolerance for waiting is like 10 minutes. Anything higher and I would try to find an alternate route. It is not that it is bad, but I do waste a lot of time trying to get to the place I wanna go.

Just now, 985 took 17 minutes to come. So the little inpatient me just had to take another bus, stop at the wrong stop, decide to walk to church, realise that I am unable to cross over the mountain, walk down, walk up the hill or terrace houses only to give up and take a bus to the MRT. I wasted a total of 50 minutes trying to get there, when I did not. I can’t say thr it was all bad though, I enjoyed my walk, even though I sweat bullets. It was a nice walk.

I walked around in circles and realised it was all in vain, but my legs got stronger and I was able continue longer, so I realised that it was worth it, because I walked with my own two legs.

Someone pointed out that I was VERY sang. Looks like it is true. Mel Sang it is.

-Kelvin-

=133= Words of Melancholy: Bublé

MICHAEL BUBLÉ IS COMING! 😀

Actually a lot of people don’t understand why am i flipping out. Michael Bublé is my favourite singer. His Christmas album was the first album i ever bought. His AMAZING album set me off a journey to collect albums.

I really fell in love with his voice. His voice is sooooo good. It is a very nice baritone voice. His range is amazing. I have not heard another singer with his amazing smoothest in his voice. I watched his concerts online and he is not just an amazing singer, he is an amazing entertainer. His interactions with the crowd, his jokes, his charisma on stage is something i have not found in another singer.

I have like 4 albums from him! So good! It will REALLY be awesome if there is an autograph session! I searched online, an autographed Christmas Michael Bublé album is $249 DOLLARS!!!! :O Gosh! That is like 10 times the price of the album! If i get his signature on my album, i will earn back every penny i will spent on tickets this coming tour! NICE! But i will not want to sell though! HAHA! Kinda like a paradoxical feeling.

I was just complaining to Leb last thurs that Michael Buble(i will leave the ‘e’ as ‘e’ now) never comes to Singapore and just yesterday i saw the news and i was like hitting my friends bugging them that Michael was coming! I am sincerely considering to sign up for the membership so i can order tickets early. I just realised how fast the tickets runs out. God, please grant me a ticket… 😦

I journeyed with his music for years. I still remember that Everything gave me such comfort when i was sad.

I really want to go, please don’t get sold out… 😦

-Kelvin-

=132= Words of Melancholy: Naked

A friend of mine had a blog post that went viral. My first reaction is not to read the post or feel happy for her. My first reaction was, “poor thing…”

Please do not get me wrong alright, i am very proud to say that i know this girl! However, you have to realise something, her blog was not meant to be an viral blog or a blog that post articles, her blog was for herself to reflect and track her walk with the Lord(Just like how mine is).

Anyone who has blogged for a while would know this, you are stuck in this weird paradoxical feeling of wanting people to read your blog and not wanting anyone to read your blog. Or you simply want other people(not your friends) to read. Posts to someone is a very personal thing to someone(unless of course it is your job to write blog posts). Someone reading my blog is like you looking into my brain and my soul. It feels really naked when someone reads my posts(But, i am alright with it! 🙂 please continue to read!). Just imagine what she would be feeling with SOOOO many people reading her blog?

No idea, she might be feeling the direct opposite to what i think. I simply think that it is really scary to have my friends that only knows me as an idiot reading my melancholic thoughts. I tend to over think A LOT. Sometimes, i simply become an idiot so as to not appear as unfriendly. Oh no, i sound like a certain Mel Sang now! -sigh- So ya guys, please do not find me weird after seeing my thought life ah! HAHA!

Being Melancholic is something that i view as both as a curse and a blessing. It is tiring to always overthink. It gets so bad that the only way to counter overthinking about something is to overthink about how to stop myself from overthinking or like to think of an argument to stop myself from thinking. It is very paradoxical. However, it is very rewarding in the way that i interact with people, mentor people and for my own depth and walk.

I would never want this blog to be viral, but if God wants to use it, so be it. Haha, i would then create another blog to post personal stuff! 😛 School is starting like tmr. -sigh- oh well, round 2!~

-Kelvin-

=131= Melancholic Reflections: Thrill

Very recently, i made a protected post. It has been a while since i made one so i just want to say if you follow my blog and you know me personally, you can simply come up to me and ask me for the password! I would most likely give it to you. However, be warned, what i posted might not be what you expect! Hehe!

Let me post about something though. Thrill of a relationship.

Relationships are something that i have found interesting to analyse, but even the best analysis will not allow one to master the wooing of a girl. You can’t analyse what kind of girl she is, then use a scientific way of pursuing her. If there is such thing, PLEASE let me on! HAHA!

Everyone understands how it is to like someone(At least i hope). You may not have a girlfriend/boyfriend before, but you would certainly have crushes on someone before(At least i think so). If you liked someone before and you tried to pursue it before you will understand the thrill of pursuing someone. Much like sports where people are hooked on to it because of adrenaline, many people are hooked onto dating due to the thrill. However, do you really think a relationship will last on thrill? You will try every new thing and realise that there is nothing that can satisfy you, so you move on and try to pursue another woman/girl to find this thrill again, saying that this thrill is love. You see this man is mistaking the thrill of the pursuit as love, hence giving himself the excuse, “that i do not have feelings for you anymore” to want more of the thrill. This is a never ending lust for thrill.

I personally do not think that the thrill is wrong. The thrill is something that really drives us to pursue and continue to pursue, to take risk, to aim for something way beyond their league. However, i am puzzled. What is this thrill called? It is not sex drive. For it is a drive that drives one to have sex. To drive a man towards marriage. It is not lust, for if it is, practically everyone needs to repent. Ah, for the sake of ease, let us just continue to call it thrill. Even though this thrill gives us courage to do things we will never do, it will also give us courage to do things that are just not us, just to get someone to like you. Is doing so lust as well? Not doing things out of your comfort zone, but doing things so as to get their attention. Relationships are complicated i guess.

I am afraid to meet my mentor this coming thurs(you know who you are!), mainly because i am afraid about what he might say. I am almost certain that he would convict me. Sometimes, no, actually, most often, people KNOW what is right and what is wrong. People know what is wise and what is not. However, in a fight between their heart and head, the head loses because of how powerful the heart is. (OK, sorry guys, i am going to crap now) The head and the heart had a duel. The head tries its very best to control and stop the heart from beating, but it can’t. The heart however, simply stop the blood flow to the head and the head stopped working. The head lost to the heart because the heart is what empowers it. However, in the battle of head and heart, there is an external source, what comes in to this system. It is possible for the head to win, provided that the head gets support from outside. What comes into your brain will decide the fate of this battle. If you are struggling with something and someone tells you it is alright, no need to struggle, you will stop struggling. However, in the same way, if you are struggling and someone gives you support in this struggle, you will continue to fight on. That is why i am so thankful for my mentors that has been supporting me so much. Convicting me to not do what is unwise is something i will always need. (Oh and the story about the head and heart is nowhere scientific, so please do not kill me! Haha!)

I dunno luhh, i see how. It is not like i am pursuing a relationship now, but the thrill right now is unwise.

Haha, looks like my head has gotten stronger.

On an unrelated note, i have a goal of getting my own cymbals by the end of my Poly life. I want Paiste Masters cymbals! The hi-hats and 20 inch crash is exactly what i want! Oh, i have to start searching for jobs during holidays already.

-Kelvin-

=130= Words of Melancholy: Tired

When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep.

I kept having insomnia recently. It is horrible when you want to sleep but you can’t. Come on, my body is tired, you stupid brain, SHUT OFF!

Why can’t you just let me shut off and sleep? Why must you make me aware of everything around me. How I am sleeping. How comfortable it is. How my nose is blocked.

My eyes has been really sensitive to light. Even when I close my eyes, I see light and I could not sleep. Even if I do, I would wake up in the middle of the night, being unable to sleep again.

Today morning I simply gave in. -Sigh- why can’t I simply sleep? 😦 I want to, but I can’t. I want to knock out and simply wake up tmr, but I can’t. This is a curse. I can’t. I just can’t. Why are you making me feel guilt after you do not give me any sleep? How is this my fault? If you simply let me sleep, this would not have happened.

Are you saying that sleep is more important than me?

No I am not! But I really want to sleep. You robbed me of something I need and you expect me to continue?

Yes, I believe in you

Come on. I am tired and cranky. Why can’t you just give me rest? Instead you test me when I am at a horrible state, of course I will fail!

Of course you will.

Then how do you expect me to continue?

Rely on me.

Haven’t you learned enough? Why are you always so far away from me? Why do you always need something to knock you back to me? Is talking to me so burdensome? I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

How can I come back to you when I have nothing to offer you?

Your heart is all I want.

How can I lead a righteous life?

Rely on me.

How can I continue living?

Rely on me.

Lord, Oh Father, will you give me rest?

Yes I will. Anytime. For I never fail and do not weary.

Thank you for your grace oh Lord.