=125= Words of Melancholy: Constance

Haha! Ok this is NOT going to be emo at all!

I just found the name for my next snare drum! HAHA! “Constance”

I just watched The Theee Musketeers just now! Nice! Such a nice movie! Full of adventure! Constance is the love interest of the main character! She was so pretty! 😀 Haha, she has a very interesting personality in the film as well! Mysterious, warm, brave and intriguing. I also like that “Constance” is derived from “Constant”.

I am strongly reconsidering about whether am I a Melancholic Choleric or not. Of course the Melancholic part has always been there, but the Choleric part seems to have disappeared. I recently took a test and I got “Sanguine”. Not that I am not happy about that, but I always thought that I was not Sang at all.

Recent events made me realise that perhaps I am a Sang. I am not sure. I sure would not mind being a Mel Sang, after all a leader whom I look up to is Mel Sang. I would not mind being Mel Phleg either. After all, they seem to be the easiest to approach, wisest and both my mentor and co-cell leader are great people! 🙂

There is always this problem about teaching a cell. -sigh- There is a lack of hunger and attention span. My kids keeps getting digressed along the way as I teach. As a result, I kept thinking of activities/games to help them to focus better. It worked pretty well I guess. However, I realised that if I am always relying on games to teach, I am unable to give to bring depth to their walk. As a result, I tried to go deeper. I made them think. I discussed and showed them concepts. Here I meet a brick wall. How can I catch their attention while going deeper? Argh, Lord won’t you be my guidance and bring me wisdom?

Another brick wall is this. I noticed several bad habits among a few people. I have no idea how to approach them. I have a desire to teach them. To tell them what is the right behavior. What is annoying, what is not. Give me the ability to Lord.

Talking about teaching. I kinda received a calling. It is not a super fancy or flashy calling that reveals what I would be doing the rest of my life. It is a one step calling. This is like the calling I received to join CAMY. For those who did not know, my original plan was to finish N Levels, go to poly then audition for drums and vocal—I once had a desire to sing for God once, I dunno what God would do with that desire, let’s see—instead, he told me to try out for drums when I was sec 4. Interesting how that worked out, I became the only youth drummer apart from Leb(who is a everything drummer) this year. Who knew that would happen? Not me for sure. I thought that I would have like Marcus, Josh and Darren backing me, turns out no! I had to step up and be a better drummer(a task that I have been neglecting recently… Please motivate me Lord), be a better musician, from not daring to speak out to be someone giving suggestions for translations and parts. God has blessed me greatly. I did not receive a calling for cell leader to be exact. However, I did have a great desire to cell lead. I wanted to cell lead and not be left behind. Perhaps God put that desire in me? Haha, but I know that I really like cell leading and drumming. If you would have me choose one I would be in such a great dilemma. Haha, let’s just see what would happen.

I am sorry for digressing! I guess I am not very focused just like my cell kids as well! Hehe! Let me start from the beginning. I was seeking direction. I mean my life’s direction. I want a fixed calling you know. Missions. Full Time. Even being a pastor was alright for me. I just wanted something substantial you know. I was very bitter when SO many people received a full time calling and I did not during retreat. When I see my friends working with Kennaf to think about what they want to do to touch the congregation back then, I was extremely envious of them. I wanted to do something bigger. I wanted to do something bigger than playing drums for God in a worship team. Nothing. However, I wasn’t given nothing. When people like HuiShi and Sean asked me how to play drums I realised a deep desire that wanted to teach people again. That resulted in the drum crash course and teaching regular drum lessons on alternate Fridays.

I have a deep desire that wants to teach.

I really want to teach people. I like mentoring people. I like meeting them one on one and simply discuss and teach them concepts that they do not know about. I like it so much that I would stay until very late just to listen and talk to someone and teach them about something. I like it so much that I would initiate my own drum lessons. I like to teach so much. Gosh. That sounds like a really tough vocation man.

Haha, I thought about calling. It is such a strong word among the older people. They are most scared of the phrase “full time calling ah?”. Funny thing about it is this; let’s think about this idea.

What if God calls you to a position that you think have no use of you? What if God made you go through so much education only to call you to a place where you do not need it? For example, you had a full time calling to the church. So what you did was that you went to Bible school and finished your studies. Just when you were about to call your church to hire you as a pastor, God calls you to be the cleaner of the church. What?! I mean that seems like it is such a waste of your education. It seems to be wasting your skills away. However, that is not important, what is important is this, Would you follow God’s calling? Would you give up a your education just to please God? I dunno about you, but that sounds like such a difficult thing to do.

Esna once told me that no calling/service to the Lord is easy when you have to sacrifice much I any capacity. I guess sacrificing our education/jobs/scholarships is our offering to God. I guess I am taking this calling thing too lightly.


That is it. I do not know is it teaching in church, teaching in school, teaching drums, teaching the word of God. I do not know much about it. But ya, let’s just simply do our best and see what would happen.

Ok, maybe a little emo! Hehe!