=130= Words of Melancholy: Tired

When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep.

I kept having insomnia recently. It is horrible when you want to sleep but you can’t. Come on, my body is tired, you stupid brain, SHUT OFF!

Why can’t you just let me shut off and sleep? Why must you make me aware of everything around me. How I am sleeping. How comfortable it is. How my nose is blocked.

My eyes has been really sensitive to light. Even when I close my eyes, I see light and I could not sleep. Even if I do, I would wake up in the middle of the night, being unable to sleep again.

Today morning I simply gave in. -Sigh- why can’t I simply sleep? 😦 I want to, but I can’t. I want to knock out and simply wake up tmr, but I can’t. This is a curse. I can’t. I just can’t. Why are you making me feel guilt after you do not give me any sleep? How is this my fault? If you simply let me sleep, this would not have happened.

Are you saying that sleep is more important than me?

No I am not! But I really want to sleep. You robbed me of something I need and you expect me to continue?

Yes, I believe in you

Come on. I am tired and cranky. Why can’t you just give me rest? Instead you test me when I am at a horrible state, of course I will fail!

Of course you will.

Then how do you expect me to continue?

Rely on me.

Haven’t you learned enough? Why are you always so far away from me? Why do you always need something to knock you back to me? Is talking to me so burdensome? I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

How can I come back to you when I have nothing to offer you?

Your heart is all I want.

How can I lead a righteous life?

Rely on me.

How can I continue living?

Rely on me.

Lord, Oh Father, will you give me rest?

Yes I will. Anytime. For I never fail and do not weary.

Thank you for your grace oh Lord.