=149= Melancholic Reflections: Marathon

I just came back from a very fun and nice movie marathon with JED! council. So fun sia! It is not just about what movie we are watching, it is 75% the company we have.

Personally, LC this year has been one of my greatest supports of the year. It has been such a family to me and I just love spending time with them! I just realised that my sense of humor is vastly different from my friends in LC… 😦 Liar Liar was not as funny to them as it was to me.

During the marathon, we skped Esna. It was very happening! πŸ™‚ Esna, would have loved to talk to you more, but I think it would be chaotic if I tried to talk at the same time! So Ya! Glad to be able to see your lovely face! πŸ™‚ if you are reading, I have convinced myself to go for ‘no’ over the issue. I would stop myself now because I would not want to throw away my calling. Let me focus at one thing at a time. Haha, talk to me! πŸ™‚

One highlight of the marathon was Buddy. This super cute 8-year old dog has so much energy and is such an abundant of joy. I would say that I was sleeping and Buddy stepped on me, but I rather liked it! He pays attention to people way better than a lot of the other dogs I know. He would look me in the eye for long periods of time and play with me! He is very cute but very smelly too! This really stirred up the desire of owning a dog.

Before this marathon, I actually thought of how we could have breakfast together as a LC. I have a simple desire, one day if I become a RL, I will have a simple breakfast in the morning with my LC before they go for their cell at 9am. It will be perfect, I will go buy food at Redhill Market then will bring it there! This is something I want to do one day! Let’s see!

Then Worship today was extremely tiring. Being as tired as I am, I would really rather stay where I am. However, I promised to worship God the way I would on stage off stage and so I jumped. It was really shack. During the worship songs, I really cannot concentrate at all. I was complaining to God how tired I was.

Thank you God for Footsteps. I am really grateful for my cell being how it is. A family. A band of brothers. Loving each other with a kind of love that is so rare. Lord, quoting Hana Kimi, I feel like I can do the impossible when I am with them! Thank you Lord!

I am so tired, but now I am gonna crash! Thank you Lord for your providence! πŸ™‚


=147= Words of Melancholy: Shows

“Oh no, it’s raining.” He said as he put his cap on.

“It’s not rani…”

“No, it is raining” while a tear drops down his face.

People unfamiliar with FMA and the context in which why Mustang said it would believe that he said it to cover up his tears. Sure, it might, but it also has a hidden meaning. Mustang is the flame alchemist. His way of combat is to use alchemy to concentrate oxygen around his glove, then he would use the his gloves, snap and make a spark, then BOOM. Even though it is extremely powerful, it has its limitations. He is unable to make a spark when it is raining. He is useless in the rain. He is saying that he is useless. Useless to protect his friend.

Another scene from shows that I really liked was Big Bang theory. The scene where they gave Howard many possibilities of what was in the letter from his Dad and one of it was true. So in this way, he can still not know while knowingβ€”a very clever and genius way of doing things. It is one of those moments where TBBT could actually keep moment and keep a secret or continuity. The series has trouble creating continuity in certain things. They did not keep the champagne until one of them got a good break, they decided to write that off and I think that that was so sad. This moment is able to capture this relationship without revealing too much, hence giving room for continuity. In my opinion, the most well written scene. It is very well shot as well. If you notice the transitions, they quite cleverly changed the way they approached Bernadette. Instead of the simple switch frame transitions, they dolly-ed into her shot, making us notice her answer even moreβ€”a good way of telling the audience the answer without telling the cast.

Many authors whom I read grew up in a culture of reading books. For me, I grew up watching shows. It has been my favourite past time for a very long time. I think because of that, the way of writing, the way of doing things might be very different. Well, I do think that there is value in watching shows.


=145= Words of Melancholy: Better

Why is it better for you to run after the bus?

Sometimes when I go out with my mum, we would see a bus approaching, I would try chasing the bus while my mum would continue walking and sigh.

My mum is not at fault. My mum is getting old and I understand why. However sometimes I would have the same effect with my friends and I just get annoyed. You are young with two good strong legs, why don’t you try?

Same with sports. My floorball team aren’t very good at running, so what they do is that they would wait for the right time to strike. However, the problem is that there is no good time, sure, once in a while there is one, but not all the time. Their plan is bound to fail.

I personally think that one should try his/her best to try. If you miss the bus, fine, it is expected, but if you catch the bus, you save so much time. If you simply exert yourself a bit this one time, you can rest the entire bus ride with aircon. Same with sports, if you fail and lose a game it is expected, but if you score a point and win, you become more of a man.

I see so many people not trying because they do not believe in themselves. Whether is it Leadership or CAMY, participating in a game or singing in karaoke, they stop themselves being able to achieve their potential. You can ask any musician or athlete, would any of them say that they did not get where they are with hard work? Sure you may not think that you have the talent or ability to do so, but no one becomes a genius overnight. Even the fastest learners need time to absorb and perfect their craft and skill. As a drummer, you have no idea how many low points I had in my service. I failed countless times before being able to play half as well as I can now.

Guys, try. You have no idea what can transpire.


=144= Melancholic Reflections: Identity

Yesterday, we shared on our past year. I shared on a few struggles i had this year. The first being finding colour/flavour in life. It is a funny word to use because it is not that i do not have meaning in life, it is because i do not find the meaning meaningful. I had to reset myself almost from ground zero. It was probably the toughest thing for me to do yet. In this season, i slowly changed from Choleric to Sanguine. Finding colour, is extremely difficult. It is like a person who is colour blind trying to see Red or a person who can’t taste trying to taste saltiness. I felt as if i have been stripped off of everything and had to find it again. It was so painful.

After finding a bit of colour, I wanted purpose. Not meaning, purpose. Meaning is the reason for living, purpose is a bit more specific(at least in my own dictionary). In my walk, i know i wanted to do something big for God. I want to do something that can revolutionise the world or the community. Perhaps my greatest fear is like Augustus, I am afraid of Oblivion. I do not want to leave this life without at least having an impact on someone. So i wanted something kinda like a full time calling. I see people like Esna doing such an amazing thing and i am envious. I see people being so sure of what they want to do in their lives that i am so anxious. How can i live this life without a plan? So i sought the Lord, i sought after him again and again, kept asking him for something to hold on to; for a calling. However, the Lord knows me so well and did not give me what i want. Instead, he gave me a different kind of calling, He told me to focus on the present and touch the people in my circle now instead of thinking so far ahead. The affirmation that i got for this was crazy. Almost everyone i shared this with encouraged me and shared their past experience on a similar occurrence with me. Ok Lord, Now is Now.

Elsa concluded everything in one word, Identity. It was a year on Identity. Well, it took a year, but i more or less found what i want to do. Lord, may you bless me with a year of great harvest next year? I will post something on LC soon, maybe two weeks from now, after i have my last LC of the year! πŸ™‚


=143= Melancholic Reflections: J333

Surely the God that made you can use you.

Interesting! πŸ™‚ Very very cool! Thank you God for blessing me with a J333!

J333 is really where I find rest. It is an amazing avenue for me to worship and rest in the presence of God. I really wished I could go every week, but well, I can find rest in a different place.

First, I got a bit of my math done! Thank God for time, hopefully I can match the speed of the annoying teacher. Well, I really want a someone to adopt me! Haha! Like you know how Kennaf and Nathan are! Aiya, it is a funny request, but well, let us see! πŸ˜€

Then, worship was great! πŸ™‚ it was very cool to see Augustine actually wanting to pray for others, but didn’t dared to! Thank you God for allowing me to encourage them! It was really satisfying for me to see him step up and pray out loud for them for healing!

Pastor Scott called for people with a muscle pulled on their left leg! So cool, that is me! πŸ˜€ stupid me slipped while trying to get over the floorball fence, bring down three boards at the same time. Oh well, at least I get to laugh! Haha!

I went out to the toilet and I felt burdened to pray for a lady sitting there with her phone. I went up to her to pray for her. I felt silly, but I really thank God for using me.

Sis Andrea came! Haha! It’s been so long! Sight for sore eyes! πŸ™‚

Then I got to go home with Miss Gao. Miss Gao is someone very amazing. She takes initiative to do things that no one does. She asks about why I went up to the altar. She asked me how I am doing. Maybe I do enjoy talking, well, it is good to break the silence. She is the person God has sent to counsel and encourage me to do something. This is probably my highlight of today. Thank you for a bit of healing today Lord.

Can’t run away from God. Need not just to forgive seven times, but seventy seven times. Lord, teach me.

Lord, am I really that straightforward? Haha, Miss Gao knew exactly who I was talking about when I told her about my struggle. She said that it was just me. Am I really that easy to read? Haha, it is good I guess! Being real and authentic is something I really want to thrive towards. My mentors are really people who are real! I give thanks for that! Lord, may you use me in more ways that I ever imagined. Lord, give me a voice to sing for you. Lord, give me wisdom to teach your people. Lord, give me wisdom and opportunities to touch people. Father, give me a fire that will keep burning for you.

Thank you Lord! πŸ™‚



Slightly after this post, Esna bugged me to say something. So ya, now she knows. Esna, if you are reading this, please remember that with great power comes great responsibility!
Thank God for sharing the load though! πŸ™‚

=142= Comfort Songs: Shawn Kok

Wah, these are SO good! :DDDD

I think Shawn Kok is probably the first person in Singapore to get endorsed by a cajon company. I knew but i never did check him out until recently and he is SOOO good. Wow! No wonder he has played for Tiffany Alvord and David Choi!

His way of playing the cajon and tambourine is so smart. The levels of dynamics he can get is amazing. Splashing on 4 rather than 1 is pretty nice as well. Recently, i really fell in love with the sound of a tambourine. it can add such dynamics and feel to the song! Perfect technique, can play guitar and can sing! Wow! amazing!Β I also just fell in love with Charlene Torres Tan’s voice! Such a husky and beautiful tone! Why didn’t she win Singapore Idol sia! Nice leh! I am quite proud that this is from a Singaporean! Talent in SG is not dead guys! πŸ™‚

Need to practice with the cajon already! No excuse, got myself a cajon already, must practice! Hopefully one day i can sound as good as he does!


=141= Days to Remember: Tired

Before I start, jut let me say that this post isn’t emo!

I went to G2 with Jun Kang today as I thought there will be training and I could you know listen and help out. I have a burden to teach music/encouraging people who are playing music because music is such a funny thing. It is not easy to play a song, much less to play a song with a band. Many people and I mean many, lose confidence when they start to fail playing something they are supposed to. It is a very sad thing to watch. To see a musician who can actually play something well, but they lose confidence as time continues. Isaac said something quite real the last band training I went, “If you play something wrong without confidence, it is wrong. If you play something wrong with confidence, it is still wrong. However, if you play something right but without confidence, it sounds wrong.” That is the horrible thing about playing music, it really destroys confidence. It is also what keeps people humble all the time, to know where you fall short.

I went there with the intention of simply teaching the drummers, but instead, I made lots of new friends! πŸ™‚ Hui Min, Winnie, Joseph and Jarius! It is good! Thank you Lord for giving me an opportunity to play with the new batch! It is VERY cool that this batch is so young. I foresee that they will grow into a batch that will really bring their musicianship to a new level. I sure hope they will stick together! πŸ™‚

Another thing that I found out was that Jun Kang is at a very good level as a musician. He knows what to prepare. He knows his stuff and that is quite cool! He will probably the first few in his batch to pass probation! Hopefully! I think I was more of a Daniel, someone that is quite foreign to the band language and playing, but as long as he works hard, he will be great as well! πŸ™‚

I was really surprised that there wasn’t anyone to help facilitate the band rehearsals. So I was there helping them to play together as a band. I was trying to teach dynamics and sonics to the drummers and helping the band to think of transitions, it was really cool! When I stopped helping them, it was very interesting to see people stepping up to lead and suggest ideas. Very much like an actual band. I was surprised once again when I heard that they wanted to meet up again for rehearsals! I mean, it is their own free time and they are willing to give it up so that they can play better, that is very cool! They looked very close to each other as friends as well, I really hope they will stick together and play music together, maybe as an actual band? Haha!

Then, for worship, I was able to hear the individual instruments. I think sometimes as a drummer, I become so conscious of my timing and dynamics, i don’t really listen to others. When people like Alvin say that they are able to hear the acoustic guitar as it is so obvious, I just cringe because though I have been serving for a year and a half, I am still unable to hear and look out for different instruments. Recently, as a practice, I try my best to hear the bass and tenor harmonies when I am listening to music in the train. My ears has been better! I was able to hear Daniel’s supper cool bass lines, Isaac’s very nice plucking, Grace very nice keys and the sweet harmonies by the vocalist! Hopefully, I will be able to hear everything soon! πŸ™‚

During worship, I felt release. I really gave everything I had in that set. It is a funny feeling that you will have in your heart after playing. As though you just poured out your heart with song.

I did something for the first time today. I responded for the altar call while I was serving. After I heard Tiff’s sermon and was called up to the stage, when I was on my cajon while Ga was singing Broken For You. I felt a bitter taste in my mouth. I felt like I was a hypocrite myself for being on stage when I should really be off stage, but because I have been serving for so long and my instrument is key for dynamics I have always convinced myself to not go off stage. Then, I saw Daniel go down. Then I saw Kit Yee go down. -sigh- the bitter taste is getting stronger and I my heart felt horrible. Ga later addressed the congre to call out more people, I felt like she was talking to me. No more. I took out my earphones and waved to Ga, she said yes. The minute I went down and kneeled, I broke. The strong facade that I have been putting on just crumbled. No more. Quite honestly, I have no idea why I cried. I was not thinking about anything in particular, but the bitter feelings just flowed right out of me. Tiff prayed for me. Then Ben Soon put his hand on me to comfort me. Thanks Bro, you have no idea how much that meant! πŸ™‚ he shared about his struggles and ministered to me. I was really admiring his faith.

Another highlight was this I guess, I met someone who hasn’t been coming to church today. It is funny, because I have been burdened to text her one day, but I kept putting it off, so when I saw her, I was quite happy! πŸ™‚ then she was talking to our friend which we met during rhema. It was a very subtle reunion. I really enjoyed their presence.

Actually a huge part of what people that prayed for me talked about today was for friends! Haha, it is a very funny thing to pray for, but I am seeking for friends. I yearn for a group of people where we can just share and support each other, souring each other on to love God. I am blessed with two group in school, well, not really spiritual support, but they are still pillars. I am blessed with a few close friends, one work buddy, one brother, one spiritual brother, a lot of close friends. πŸ™‚

Perhaps I am looking too far? I dunno, I am just hoping that I will have one. It’s good!

It’s a good day! πŸ™‚

Why is this post titled ‘Tired’? It is because after I cried, the only thing I could think of is that I am tired, I just want to go home and rest and sleep. I have rested spiritually, now I want to rest physically. Thank you God for blessing me! πŸ˜€


Oh, and I had a very nice time with Jedidiah. I think I have some special chemistry with people one year younger! Haha! Well, thank you lord for this Bro! We shared lots of our lives to each other! Thank you Lord!

=140= Words of Melancholy: See


“What?! The ghost wants to eat the human alive? Hahaha! That is ridiculous!”

I apologize for my unique sense of humor, you see, things like this never happens. Why would I know? That is because I am able to see the spiritual realm.

This is not some cliche Hollywood movie with a kid that has a third eye. I only have two eyes, thank you. -.- I am just as normal as everyone you know. I have two legs, two arms, two eyes, one head. I go to school, play sports, only able to run and not fly. Apart from being able to see the spiritual realm, I am very much the same as you.

I started to be able to see the spiritual realm when I was 12. It was a very weird occurrence; I was in church when I saw demons. I did not even realise what they were. They do not look anything like the cartoons. They do not have red skin, claws or even a pitch fork. In fact in appearance they do not even look scary. They were probably the most handsome and pretty of the people there. They had something different though. They were not breathing. It was strange. It was not just the movement when one breathes. It is, I guess the closest word I can put down to is aura? A person who does not breath have a very different presence. They do not feel alive. You know how sometimes you can feel someone looking at you or trying to steal something? It is the direct opposite feeling to that. It is as though they do not have presence. When I realised they were demons, I was so scared because I have no idea what they can do. Now, I am scared because I have no idea whenthey are going to attack.

I realised that it was the spiritual realm when I see that they are able to do things that humas can’t. They are able to do things like fly and walk through walls.

Now I have to talk about Angels don’t I? I see them all the time as well. They are like humans as well, but instead of having no presence, their presence is Enormous. They have such an aura that it is almost like they are endowed with glory. It is crazy how amazing their aura is. Whenever there is an angel, there will be little demons around. It is like they are mosquito repellent for the demons. However, they will fight once in a while.

Another being which I experienced are ghosts. I began this post by laughing at a horror movie, that is because so many people have such a bad impression of ghost. First error is that they always give ghost a body. It is always that ghosts have the appearance of his/her physical body and somehow or another, they will have crazy strength to hold people up. However, that is NOT true. Ghost are simply the soul of the dead. They have no appearance and no strength at all. They will be fought over by the demon and angel. Who will win you ask?

It is not up to them.

Once you become a ghost with only your soul. You have no power over your salvation or damnation. You can only follow who you are closer to. You can only fight when you are alive, when you are dead, that is it. The angel will try, but mostly in vain.

I can see. I can feel presence. However, I cannot prevent a soul’s damnation once he/she becomes a ghost. I am unable to even lift a finger on a demon even when I see him eye to eye. It is as if he does not even care about me knowing that the spiritual realm is real because he knows that I have no power against me.

I have a way to fight the devil though. I simply do what God tells me. Simple as it sounds, it really isn’t. Even with a perspective of the spiritual realm, I have my own pride. However, it is rather entertaining to see the devil hurt when I do the right thing! I do not have any power to hurt him, but the one that holds me do.


Ok, for people not used to my post on blogs, I have a habit of writing stories on my blog. It sometimes has link to Bible passages(like Adam and Eve) sometimes not. This story is not in anyway biblically accurate. I just got intrigued over the idea of someone being able to see ghosts. Also party due to a Coldplay song! Haha! Hope you like it! πŸ™‚
Please do not kill me for the super inaccurate biblical references! πŸ™‚