=137= Words of Melancholy: How?

The only way to stop yourself from hating someone is to love that someone. Being indifferent is hating someone. Avoiding someone is hating someone. The only way is service upon that someone. By going against your flesh, by going the counter intuitive way is the only way you can stop yourself.

Service upon someone is something that can make you love the person. Love is something people seems to be exclusive to what you feel for someone, but it really isn’t. I observed that Love can be based of how much you invest. That is why it is possible to love someone before even meeting them—you can be preparing for leading a a camp group and because you already prepared so much for them, you are loving them before you even meet them.

Sometimes we hurt the people closest to us. Sometimes, in our pride and our hurt, we refuse to continue to love someone. Yet, how can I live this life with God bugging me to continually love someone? How can I live this life with God constantly pricking me? This hurt turned my love to hate. I want to at all means avoid that someone. Gosh.

I remembered something very good that Kennaf said: “You hate what you are doing now because you love yourself. You love yourself and that is why you grief over the fact that you are at a horrible place to be in.”

I am really disgusted at how ugly my soul has become. My spirit is horrible. Lord, is that the only way? To continue to love him that my soul will be new? Lord, I did nothing wrong. Lord, I do not want to do it at all. But how can I come to your presence when my heart is this bad? Father, please help me.

My spirit is horrible and I really crave for some recognition and compliments. I noticed how much I yearned for a compliment during debrief just now. Well, I give thanks for the compliment to be brief. I need it to be like that so I can stay humble. Lord, may your rebuke my spirit?

Lord, bless me Lord.

All I need is you Lord
Is you Lord
All I need is you

Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I been through
Use it for your glory

Jesus I believe in you
And I would go
to the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For you
Alone are the son of God
And all the world will see
You are God
You are God

I don’t think it is a coincidence that all the songs that I have been ministered to are about sacrifice. Father, I am still unable to let go of this, Lord, won’t you help me? Heal my sick heart.

Father, give me my fire again.