=139= Words of Melancholy: Fast

Isn’t it just crazy fast that my friends are having A levels now? It is nuts, it was such a short time ago when it was N/O levels.

In a flash, we are all 18 already. Well, we all have our different interests, different ministries, different beliefs. How can it be so fast man.

I have so many new interest now; swimming, albums, watch strap, etc. I believe my friends do as well. I have changed quite a bit. I hope life will be easier man. Haha. I really want an easier life, but what is the fun in that? It is because I fell so many times, it is because I felt lonely for so many times, it is because that I was so confused for so many times that I am able to teach and minister in different ways.

Perhaps I am a hoarder myself. I want so much for myself. I want good peers by my side. I want a good family. I want a good cell. I want a good walk. I want to have as many mentoring relationships. I want to be the best drummer in church. I want to be the best student in class. I want to have a calling to a place where God needs me. I want to be popular with girls. I want to be popular with guys. I want to be smart in speech. I want to be smart in interaction. I want to be a good son. I want to have a relationship. I want to have as many gifts of the spirit as possible. I want to have humility. I want to have everything.

However, I realised that it is impossible to be good in everything. It is impossible to have everything. So in this life we have to choose what to keep and what to let go. If we hurt someone along the way, we apologize and try our best to reconcile. However, it never is that easy is it? Now I am in a position where both parties think that they have no fault—at least I think so—so how? The equation just failed and I need another equation. Well, I know the equation, I just do not want to apply it… 😦

Haha let us just see what happens.

I guess my life is not all that bad luhh. Just today, I really give thanks for my amazing cell. Today, I have no idea why, I think it is because my cell had to hobo, my cell became EXTREMELY crazy! It was so bad that the hotel staff had to tell us off TWICE! It’s interesting. I never understood why I became the cell leader of footsteps. Back when I was sec 4, I was probably the model Christian? Ok, this is not to compliment myself. I was the ‘right’ kid. I seldom and almost never tried to play around with people with the fear of getting myself into trouble. I was from Cool and quite honestly, I wanted to stay in Cool back then. You know, to change Cool! Cool was a very weird cell, many of us are second generation, but very few had the fire in them that wanted to keep going and walking in their walk. I was really hoping I will be able to be their CL so I can change and set a fire in their hearts. However, plot twist, I was posted to Footsteps. Now as I look back, that is a very wise decision. Perhaps maybe not for the cell kids but for me.

Footsteps blessed me WAY more than I have ever blessed it. Footsteps is where I learned so much. First a very humbling lesson of working with my co-cell leader. Many people who talked to me would know, I dunno if Kiat is comfortable with me always telling this story, but I think it was such a rad story, I must tell it. When I started cell leading, Kiat and I did not start off with the right foot. I had my own pride and ideas that I wanted to bring to Footsteps, I wanted to move in one way, but Kiat wanted to move in another. It got to a point where it was really difficult to work with him. No I think I was the one that was difficult to work with, how can someone let a newcomer of the cell, who does not even know the cell well, lead them? I can understand him now. What was worse is this, I realised that my cell is not growing, there is a problem and I can’t do anything to help it. I can’t do anything to make my cell grow. I stop. I take a step back and asked for help. My amazing mentor broke down the problem quite simply. We lack in unity. Well, it was here when I was given the reason why I was put into Footsteps; to change their culture(Ironically, something else happened instead, which I will talk about later). Well, things did not get any better until Retreat, when we really bonded as a cell. I was still a bit awkward but I rather enjoyed how I am able to experience a different bond as a cell. Footsteps is a brotherly cell, we really love each other, we insult each other, we have fun together. After these two years with working with Kiat, I really give thanks that he is there always supporting me! God couldn’t give me a better leader to work with. I learned so much from him! From interacting with people to depth and initiative, this man of God is amazing!

The second year, which was this year, the Lord granted me half a request; I was given all the Cool boys. It was even more interesting. The Cool guys were awkward in the beginning, so I was kinda given a choice to join them being awkward and quiet or start by going crazy and have them loosen up. Well, you can almost guess which one I picked! Haha! Allowing them to loosen up was part of the reason why I started being crazy and have a tradition of taking people shoes off. Personally, taking their shoes off actually creates a bond that I am proud of. I remembered someone told me that close brothers need to have fist fights. Haha, it is quite true, ok maybe not fist fights, but I often ‘wrestle’ with my close friends. This is the same with my kids. Instead of changing the culture of Footsteps so that they can be more like me, I in turn, changed myself so I can be more like them.

I liked how Silver Spoon put it:
A different species a different set of values a world completely unlike your own. There is a feeling that you can only get when you meet the unknown and open your mind

Later on in the series another character said:
Isn’t it more interesting to see how you change as you sit on a different horse?

Someone commented during retreat that I did not change much. Well, I personally think I did. I changed myself to be more out spoken so as to be able to interact more with people. I learned how to work with someone. I learned how to love someone unconditionally. I learned how to really have a relationship with someone(guys and girls). I learned how to be a real brother. I guess over these two years I would say that I have became more of a man.

I am really hoping that I will continue to be more of a man as I continue to walk this walk. I enjoyed myself and I probably will continue to enjoy myself. I will work hard, so Lord, please continue to bless me as this extremely fast paced life continues and I pray with all my heart that when I look back on life in another fast two years, I will be able to say that I am proud of these two years. I am certain that I will have regrets and grief over them, but I want to be able to say, “I have done my best this past year, let’s go for the next year!”

Proposal Daisakusen puts this so well:
Don’t you think the words “Try because you have nothing to lose” are wise words? Look at you. If you do try and it turns out useless, it does not mean that your life ends and you are bound to fail. It is not like that. Life is fun because you occasionally succeed in what you try in.

If you fail, that is expected, but in succeeding, you become more of a man.

Well, I am at a place where I rather rest and lepak for a year, well God is definitely not done with me. He still wants me to serve in youth. Haha, let’s see how God unravels His plan. My calling is not going anywhere. My calling is right now. Touch base with reality. Work hard. Trust God.