=142= Comfort Songs: Shawn Kok

Wah, these are SO good! :DDDD

I think Shawn Kok is probably the first person in Singapore to get endorsed by a cajon company. I knew but i never did check him out until recently and he is SOOO good. Wow! No wonder he has played for Tiffany Alvord and David Choi!

His way of playing the cajon and tambourine is so smart. The levels of dynamics he can get is amazing. Splashing on 4 rather than 1 is pretty nice as well. Recently, i really fell in love with the sound of a tambourine. it can add such dynamics and feel to the song! Perfect technique, can play guitar and can sing! Wow! amazing!Β I also just fell in love with Charlene Torres Tan’s voice! Such a husky and beautiful tone! Why didn’t she win Singapore Idol sia! Nice leh! I am quite proud that this is from a Singaporean! Talent in SG is not dead guys! πŸ™‚

Need to practice with the cajon already! No excuse, got myself a cajon already, must practice! Hopefully one day i can sound as good as he does!



=141= Days to Remember: Tired

Before I start, jut let me say that this post isn’t emo!

I went to G2 with Jun Kang today as I thought there will be training and I could you know listen and help out. I have a burden to teach music/encouraging people who are playing music because music is such a funny thing. It is not easy to play a song, much less to play a song with a band. Many people and I mean many, lose confidence when they start to fail playing something they are supposed to. It is a very sad thing to watch. To see a musician who can actually play something well, but they lose confidence as time continues. Isaac said something quite real the last band training I went, “If you play something wrong without confidence, it is wrong. If you play something wrong with confidence, it is still wrong. However, if you play something right but without confidence, it sounds wrong.” That is the horrible thing about playing music, it really destroys confidence. It is also what keeps people humble all the time, to know where you fall short.

I went there with the intention of simply teaching the drummers, but instead, I made lots of new friends! πŸ™‚ Hui Min, Winnie, Joseph and Jarius! It is good! Thank you Lord for giving me an opportunity to play with the new batch! It is VERY cool that this batch is so young. I foresee that they will grow into a batch that will really bring their musicianship to a new level. I sure hope they will stick together! πŸ™‚

Another thing that I found out was that Jun Kang is at a very good level as a musician. He knows what to prepare. He knows his stuff and that is quite cool! He will probably the first few in his batch to pass probation! Hopefully! I think I was more of a Daniel, someone that is quite foreign to the band language and playing, but as long as he works hard, he will be great as well! πŸ™‚

I was really surprised that there wasn’t anyone to help facilitate the band rehearsals. So I was there helping them to play together as a band. I was trying to teach dynamics and sonics to the drummers and helping the band to think of transitions, it was really cool! When I stopped helping them, it was very interesting to see people stepping up to lead and suggest ideas. Very much like an actual band. I was surprised once again when I heard that they wanted to meet up again for rehearsals! I mean, it is their own free time and they are willing to give it up so that they can play better, that is very cool! They looked very close to each other as friends as well, I really hope they will stick together and play music together, maybe as an actual band? Haha!

Then, for worship, I was able to hear the individual instruments. I think sometimes as a drummer, I become so conscious of my timing and dynamics, i don’t really listen to others. When people like Alvin say that they are able to hear the acoustic guitar as it is so obvious, I just cringe because though I have been serving for a year and a half, I am still unable to hear and look out for different instruments. Recently, as a practice, I try my best to hear the bass and tenor harmonies when I am listening to music in the train. My ears has been better! I was able to hear Daniel’s supper cool bass lines, Isaac’s very nice plucking, Grace very nice keys and the sweet harmonies by the vocalist! Hopefully, I will be able to hear everything soon! πŸ™‚

During worship, I felt release. I really gave everything I had in that set. It is a funny feeling that you will have in your heart after playing. As though you just poured out your heart with song.

I did something for the first time today. I responded for the altar call while I was serving. After I heard Tiff’s sermon and was called up to the stage, when I was on my cajon while Ga was singing Broken For You. I felt a bitter taste in my mouth. I felt like I was a hypocrite myself for being on stage when I should really be off stage, but because I have been serving for so long and my instrument is key for dynamics I have always convinced myself to not go off stage. Then, I saw Daniel go down. Then I saw Kit Yee go down. -sigh- the bitter taste is getting stronger and I my heart felt horrible. Ga later addressed the congre to call out more people, I felt like she was talking to me. No more. I took out my earphones and waved to Ga, she said yes. The minute I went down and kneeled, I broke. The strong facade that I have been putting on just crumbled. No more. Quite honestly, I have no idea why I cried. I was not thinking about anything in particular, but the bitter feelings just flowed right out of me. Tiff prayed for me. Then Ben Soon put his hand on me to comfort me. Thanks Bro, you have no idea how much that meant! πŸ™‚ he shared about his struggles and ministered to me. I was really admiring his faith.

Another highlight was this I guess, I met someone who hasn’t been coming to church today. It is funny, because I have been burdened to text her one day, but I kept putting it off, so when I saw her, I was quite happy! πŸ™‚ then she was talking to our friend which we met during rhema. It was a very subtle reunion. I really enjoyed their presence.

Actually a huge part of what people that prayed for me talked about today was for friends! Haha, it is a very funny thing to pray for, but I am seeking for friends. I yearn for a group of people where we can just share and support each other, souring each other on to love God. I am blessed with two group in school, well, not really spiritual support, but they are still pillars. I am blessed with a few close friends, one work buddy, one brother, one spiritual brother, a lot of close friends. πŸ™‚

Perhaps I am looking too far? I dunno, I am just hoping that I will have one. It’s good!

It’s a good day! πŸ™‚

Why is this post titled ‘Tired’? It is because after I cried, the only thing I could think of is that I am tired, I just want to go home and rest and sleep. I have rested spiritually, now I want to rest physically. Thank you God for blessing me! πŸ˜€


Oh, and I had a very nice time with Jedidiah. I think I have some special chemistry with people one year younger! Haha! Well, thank you lord for this Bro! We shared lots of our lives to each other! Thank you Lord!

=140= Words of Melancholy: See


“What?! The ghost wants to eat the human alive? Hahaha! That is ridiculous!”

I apologize for my unique sense of humor, you see, things like this never happens. Why would I know? That is because I am able to see the spiritual realm.

This is not some cliche Hollywood movie with a kid that has a third eye. I only have two eyes, thank you. -.- I am just as normal as everyone you know. I have two legs, two arms, two eyes, one head. I go to school, play sports, only able to run and not fly. Apart from being able to see the spiritual realm, I am very much the same as you.

I started to be able to see the spiritual realm when I was 12. It was a very weird occurrence; I was in church when I saw demons. I did not even realise what they were. They do not look anything like the cartoons. They do not have red skin, claws or even a pitch fork. In fact in appearance they do not even look scary. They were probably the most handsome and pretty of the people there. They had something different though. They were not breathing. It was strange. It was not just the movement when one breathes. It is, I guess the closest word I can put down to is aura? A person who does not breath have a very different presence. They do not feel alive. You know how sometimes you can feel someone looking at you or trying to steal something? It is the direct opposite feeling to that. It is as though they do not have presence. When I realised they were demons, I was so scared because I have no idea what they can do. Now, I am scared because I have no idea whenthey are going to attack.

I realised that it was the spiritual realm when I see that they are able to do things that humas can’t. They are able to do things like fly and walk through walls.

Now I have to talk about Angels don’t I? I see them all the time as well. They are like humans as well, but instead of having no presence, their presence is Enormous. They have such an aura that it is almost like they are endowed with glory. It is crazy how amazing their aura is. Whenever there is an angel, there will be little demons around. It is like they are mosquito repellent for the demons. However, they will fight once in a while.

Another being which I experienced are ghosts. I began this post by laughing at a horror movie, that is because so many people have such a bad impression of ghost. First error is that they always give ghost a body. It is always that ghosts have the appearance of his/her physical body and somehow or another, they will have crazy strength to hold people up. However, that is NOT true. Ghost are simply the soul of the dead. They have no appearance and no strength at all. They will be fought over by the demon and angel. Who will win you ask?

It is not up to them.

Once you become a ghost with only your soul. You have no power over your salvation or damnation. You can only follow who you are closer to. You can only fight when you are alive, when you are dead, that is it. The angel will try, but mostly in vain.

I can see. I can feel presence. However, I cannot prevent a soul’s damnation once he/she becomes a ghost. I am unable to even lift a finger on a demon even when I see him eye to eye. It is as if he does not even care about me knowing that the spiritual realm is real because he knows that I have no power against me.

I have a way to fight the devil though. I simply do what God tells me. Simple as it sounds, it really isn’t. Even with a perspective of the spiritual realm, I have my own pride. However, it is rather entertaining to see the devil hurt when I do the right thing! I do not have any power to hurt him, but the one that holds me do.


Ok, for people not used to my post on blogs, I have a habit of writing stories on my blog. It sometimes has link to Bible passages(like Adam and Eve) sometimes not. This story is not in anyway biblically accurate. I just got intrigued over the idea of someone being able to see ghosts. Also party due to a Coldplay song! Haha! Hope you like it! πŸ™‚
Please do not kill me for the super inaccurate biblical references! πŸ™‚


=139= Words of Melancholy: Fast

Isn’t it just crazy fast that my friends are having A levels now? It is nuts, it was such a short time ago when it was N/O levels.

In a flash, we are all 18 already. Well, we all have our different interests, different ministries, different beliefs. How can it be so fast man.

I have so many new interest now; swimming, albums, watch strap, etc. I believe my friends do as well. I have changed quite a bit. I hope life will be easier man. Haha. I really want an easier life, but what is the fun in that? It is because I fell so many times, it is because I felt lonely for so many times, it is because that I was so confused for so many times that I am able to teach and minister in different ways.

Perhaps I am a hoarder myself. I want so much for myself. I want good peers by my side. I want a good family. I want a good cell. I want a good walk. I want to have as many mentoring relationships. I want to be the best drummer in church. I want to be the best student in class. I want to have a calling to a place where God needs me. I want to be popular with girls. I want to be popular with guys. I want to be smart in speech. I want to be smart in interaction. I want to be a good son. I want to have a relationship. I want to have as many gifts of the spirit as possible. I want to have humility. I want to have everything.

However, I realised that it is impossible to be good in everything. It is impossible to have everything. So in this life we have to choose what to keep and what to let go. If we hurt someone along the way, we apologize and try our best to reconcile. However, it never is that easy is it? Now I am in a position where both parties think that they have no faultβ€”at least I think soβ€”so how? The equation just failed and I need another equation. Well, I know the equation, I just do not want to apply it… 😦

Haha let us just see what happens.

I guess my life is not all that bad luhh. Just today, I really give thanks for my amazing cell. Today, I have no idea why, I think it is because my cell had to hobo, my cell became EXTREMELY crazy! It was so bad that the hotel staff had to tell us off TWICE! It’s interesting. I never understood why I became the cell leader of footsteps. Back when I was sec 4, I was probably the model Christian? Ok, this is not to compliment myself. I was the ‘right’ kid. I seldom and almost never tried to play around with people with the fear of getting myself into trouble. I was from Cool and quite honestly, I wanted to stay in Cool back then. You know, to change Cool! Cool was a very weird cell, many of us are second generation, but very few had the fire in them that wanted to keep going and walking in their walk. I was really hoping I will be able to be their CL so I can change and set a fire in their hearts. However, plot twist, I was posted to Footsteps. Now as I look back, that is a very wise decision. Perhaps maybe not for the cell kids but for me.

Footsteps blessed me WAY more than I have ever blessed it. Footsteps is where I learned so much. First a very humbling lesson of working with my co-cell leader. Many people who talked to me would know, I dunno if Kiat is comfortable with me always telling this story, but I think it was such a rad story, I must tell it. When I started cell leading, Kiat and I did not start off with the right foot. I had my own pride and ideas that I wanted to bring to Footsteps, I wanted to move in one way, but Kiat wanted to move in another. It got to a point where it was really difficult to work with him. No I think I was the one that was difficult to work with, how can someone let a newcomer of the cell, who does not even know the cell well, lead them? I can understand him now. What was worse is this, I realised that my cell is not growing, there is a problem and I can’t do anything to help it. I can’t do anything to make my cell grow. I stop. I take a step back and asked for help. My amazing mentor broke down the problem quite simply. We lack in unity. Well, it was here when I was given the reason why I was put into Footsteps; to change their culture(Ironically, something else happened instead, which I will talk about later). Well, things did not get any better until Retreat, when we really bonded as a cell. I was still a bit awkward but I rather enjoyed how I am able to experience a different bond as a cell. Footsteps is a brotherly cell, we really love each other, we insult each other, we have fun together. After these two years with working with Kiat, I really give thanks that he is there always supporting me! God couldn’t give me a better leader to work with. I learned so much from him! From interacting with people to depth and initiative, this man of God is amazing!

The second year, which was this year, the Lord granted me half a request; I was given all the Cool boys. It was even more interesting. The Cool guys were awkward in the beginning, so I was kinda given a choice to join them being awkward and quiet or start by going crazy and have them loosen up. Well, you can almost guess which one I picked! Haha! Allowing them to loosen up was part of the reason why I started being crazy and have a tradition of taking people shoes off. Personally, taking their shoes off actually creates a bond that I am proud of. I remembered someone told me that close brothers need to have fist fights. Haha, it is quite true, ok maybe not fist fights, but I often ‘wrestle’ with my close friends. This is the same with my kids. Instead of changing the culture of Footsteps so that they can be more like me, I in turn, changed myself so I can be more like them.

I liked how Silver Spoon put it:
A different species a different set of values a world completely unlike your own. There is a feeling that you can only get when you meet the unknown and open your mind

Later on in the series another character said:
Isn’t it more interesting to see how you change as you sit on a different horse?

Someone commented during retreat that I did not change much. Well, I personally think I did. I changed myself to be more out spoken so as to be able to interact more with people. I learned how to work with someone. I learned how to love someone unconditionally. I learned how to really have a relationship with someone(guys and girls). I learned how to be a real brother. I guess over these two years I would say that I have became more of a man.

I am really hoping that I will continue to be more of a man as I continue to walk this walk. I enjoyed myself and I probably will continue to enjoy myself. I will work hard, so Lord, please continue to bless me as this extremely fast paced life continues and I pray with all my heart that when I look back on life in another fast two years, I will be able to say that I am proud of these two years. I am certain that I will have regrets and grief over them, but I want to be able to say, “I have done my best this past year, let’s go for the next year!”

Proposal Daisakusen puts this so well:
Don’t you think the words “Try because you have nothing to lose” are wise words? Look at you. If you do try and it turns out useless, it does not mean that your life ends and you are bound to fail. It is not like that. Life is fun because you occasionally succeed in what you try in.

If you fail, that is expected, but in succeeding, you become more of a man.

Well, I am at a place where I rather rest and lepak for a year, well God is definitely not done with me. He still wants me to serve in youth. Haha, let’s see how God unravels His plan. My calling is not going anywhere. My calling is right now. Touch base with reality. Work hard. Trust God.


=138= Melancholic Reflections: Tuition

It is the end of an era and I feel so anti-climatic. I just had the last math tuition today.

Not many people know this, the reason why I am half as good at math is really because of my Tuition teacher. I started taking lessons when I was around sec 3/4, I am really thankful that he taught SO well. He forced me to think and use my brain before telling me the answer. This process helped me to spot my own mistakes, helped me to learn new topics faster and allowed me to remember patterns in math problems.

He did not just impact me in the way of math. He was a very close friend to me. He was the person that got me started on my obsession with good pencils. He recommended me to watch dramas that I really adore now. He is such a friend, that was probably part of the reason why I wanted him to continue to teach me even after N Levels.

Lord, I give thanks for this great teacher that you have blessed me with. May you continue to support me as I walk this math journey alone now. Thank you Lord.


=137= Words of Melancholy: How?

The only way to stop yourself from hating someone is to love that someone. Being indifferent is hating someone. Avoiding someone is hating someone. The only way is service upon that someone. By going against your flesh, by going the counter intuitive way is the only way you can stop yourself.

Service upon someone is something that can make you love the person. Love is something people seems to be exclusive to what you feel for someone, but it really isn’t. I observed that Love can be based of how much you invest. That is why it is possible to love someone before even meeting themβ€”you can be preparing for leading a a camp group and because you already prepared so much for them, you are loving them before you even meet them.

Sometimes we hurt the people closest to us. Sometimes, in our pride and our hurt, we refuse to continue to love someone. Yet, how can I live this life with God bugging me to continually love someone? How can I live this life with God constantly pricking me? This hurt turned my love to hate. I want to at all means avoid that someone. Gosh.

I remembered something very good that Kennaf said: “You hate what you are doing now because you love yourself. You love yourself and that is why you grief over the fact that you are at a horrible place to be in.”

I am really disgusted at how ugly my soul has become. My spirit is horrible. Lord, is that the only way? To continue to love him that my soul will be new? Lord, I did nothing wrong. Lord, I do not want to do it at all. But how can I come to your presence when my heart is this bad? Father, please help me.

My spirit is horrible and I really crave for some recognition and compliments. I noticed how much I yearned for a compliment during debrief just now. Well, I give thanks for the compliment to be brief. I need it to be like that so I can stay humble. Lord, may your rebuke my spirit?

Lord, bless me Lord.

All I need is you Lord
Is you Lord
All I need is you

Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I been through
Use it for your glory

Jesus I believe in you
And I would go
to the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For you
Alone are the son of God
And all the world will see
You are God
You are God

I don’t think it is a coincidence that all the songs that I have been ministered to are about sacrifice. Father, I am still unable to let go of this, Lord, won’t you help me? Heal my sick heart.

Father, give me my fire again.