=167= Melancholic Reflections: All

I am sorry, but as a human, you can’t have it all.

You cannot have many friends and expect much time alone. You can’t be fast and expect power. You can’t eat a lot, not exercising and expect a good body. You can’t have like 5 ministries and be able to contribute to all three well. You can’t serve two masters.

Of course there are people with great capacity, but getting great capacity isn’t gotten overnight. Just ask these people and they will tell you that they spent lots of time learning before they took on so much. You can’t have all but you can have a lot, if you work at it a bit at a time.

You have to choose which to take and which to throw. Which to protect and which not to. Which to learn, which not to. It is a choice. You choose.


=166= Thanksgiving of the Week

Thanksgiving 28/12/2014:
Ran from temptation
Ran from temptation again, thank you Lord for giving me strength
Had lunch with my Dad
Nice hair
Had so much fun playing with kids
Finished playing for the concert
Made some interesting relationships, Christal, Siobhan, Giovin, Solomon
Had a lot of fun with the other performers, Yun Xuan, Shi Mei, Toi Chia, Celine and Nicholas
Great sleep
Got to drum lessons on time
Great roasted pork
Bought Poh Piang and roasted pork for Ah Ma
Managed to practice.
175 Bpm is still too fast for me
Great dinner
Played with my cousins
Had a great sleep
Ran away from temptation(Lord, please stop me and help me overcome this)
Had a very nice time without my specs and listening to music
Had such a wonderful lunch with my mum and sis
Watched Night at the Museum, good show!
Had a good dinner
Watch a little of drama on TV
Had a wonderful text convo with Denise
Rested well
Ran from temptation
Good breakfast
Caught up to 945
Had the chance to go for the last part of the service!
Wished many people Merry Christmas
Had fun with some guys
Went out with a group of church people for street e, Joni, Jolene, Joyce, Agnes, Ellie, Christopher, Kelly, John and Jasmin
Had a wonderful dinner with my family
Bought two new pants
Had a fun chat over text with Denise
Finished Bro Ken’s card
Rested well
Ran away from temptation
Needed lunch, but it was raining, found chicken pie
Watched Kurosagi on TV using HDMI cable
Went to meet my mum to buy the watch I wanted
The watch wasn’t there, it was out of stock
Then had a nice dinner
Went to my gramps to give my cousins Christmas gifts
Managed to clear a lot of my clothes into my wardrobe
Good breakfast
Caught up to 72
Perfect time with MRT
Cleaned my iPod, phone and watch
Witnessed Mel and David’s wedding
Had great conversation with friends
Great worship
Great practice with Jun Kiat
Managed to write some cards
Gave Miss Tan her book
Great dinner with JED!
Had a wonderful time together
Went home with JED!
Managed to settle some cards
Came to regionals and had lots of fun
Had my heart out when I prayed to close worship
Great sermon that is super applicable
Fun time with Footsteps
Got a nap
Glad that JED! council will have another meeting!

=164= Words of Melancholy: Flood

It was my first time saying a prayer to end worship today. I wasn’t nervous at all, I know what I wanted to say. Halfway through the set after Kiat’s prayer, the thought about praying for next year came into my mind.

When I started, I held a tone of admiration for the Lord. Giving thanks for being by our side as we worship. Immediately after I prepared myself for prayer, I felt a flood of emotions come in. It was as though I was not worshipping God for the past two songs at all and when I prayed, I was. This flood, came with a ton of melancholy. My heart felt burdensome. I started to pray over the fear of change and my heart was really killing me, for I knew the prayer was for me as well. A huge flaw in me, I had change. While I do not show it out like the girls, I am really sad that such a relationship had to end… 😦 perhaps the Lord is tearing another one of my pillars down so I can rely more on Him.

This heavy heart full of bitterness and pain did not go away. I carried it along with me during service. For One Way, I jumped and clapped, but my heart made me feel like a hypocrite. Same goes for the next two songs. During the last song I got Aaron to pray for me. It felt better, but it was still there.

Even as I type now, my heart is full of sorrow. Such a heavy heart, Lord, will you please take this away from me? 😦 Father, I do not want to worship you with a heavy heart, I want to throw this burden down at the foot of the cross, but this feeling feels like it was from you. Lord, take this heart away Lord.


=163= Gear I Want: Custom Snare

Well, as a drummer who has been watching many and I mean many product videos, I have an idea for a custom snare drum.

First of all, I like to appreciate George from Pantheon Percussion for providing such great service! I think it is really amazing to be able to do so much—make drums, play them, refurbish them, publicity etc etc.

My idea is simply this, I want like a hybrid of many different signature snare drums. I want it to have a good contrast with my 14 by 6.5 maple snare. I want it to be unique. The material of the shell is more or less decided. I want a different material from every snare in church. So that means, no cherry, no beech, no maple, no brass and no mahogany. I really would want a metal snare for it will really cut through the mix and sound really good.

The dimensions are more or less settled. I want a 13 by 5.75! Kudos to Benny Greb for having such a unique dimension for a snare. If I am going custom, I can order that! 🙂

Now the ‘big’ idea! I want it to have mismatched lugs. Like 6 lugs on the top and 8 lugs on the bottom. I remember Akira Jimbo say that less mounting on the shell means more resonance, so I was just thinking why not go with less mount on the top and more on the bottom? It will really fulfill whatever it is made for! I really want it to be in die cast hoops as well.

However, I when I inquired with George if it was possible to have mismatched lugs. George told me that it will only be possible if I get no flange hoops and use claws! However, I can choose VERY thick no flange hoops, 4.5mm. Die cast is only 3.1mm, so just imagine how cool that would be! If I use no flange hoops, it will look extremely vintage! Which will be nice! So my snare will look vintage because of the hoops and modern because of the shell.

The only thing standing in my way now is the financial problem. That extremely cool snare drum would cost about $850… 😦 well, this is something that I would want one day! However, I would want my own cymbal set before this snare. I want 14 masters hi hats and 20 masters crash. Then I will go with dark energy crashes 16 and 18. A Signature 18 Thin China. A dark energy 10 splash.

I want a JoJo mayer perfect balance pedal.

Sorry for this equipment rant. Just a way to get it out of my head.


=161= Melancholic Reflections: For

Since the My Drum School 7th Anniversary Concert last night, I have been thinking. I have been thinking that being a gigging drummer might not be something I want to do.

I have no idea what I want to do in the future, but I have several things in mind. For one, I would hate a desk job, ok maybe that is a bit inaccurate, I would hate an admin job, but in Singapore in this time would be rather difficult. Perhaps I would not mind a desk job as long as I get to interact with people? Counselor perhaps? I would not mind being a Teacher as well. After all, i do have an interest to teach people. I think it would be extremely cool to be a Journalist or a Writer as well. Then, I also have thought about having drumming to be part of my full time job. I sure wouldn’t mind to teach drums for a living. I think it would be rather interesting if I went to My Drum School to teach when i get older or as a part time job while i study. I daydream a lot about being a famous drummer as well. You know then go on Drum Channel, being interview by Cobus then i explain what companies i endorse. I thought about going to sessions, recording albums, going up on the big stage and just perform for people.

This brings me back to why i am thinking that being a gigging drummer might not be what i want to do. When i was on stage yesterday, well, it wasn’t all good, i mean i started the tempo too slow then the fils were too fast, but overall, i did enjoy myself. I enjoyed myself and had a ton of fun playing the song. Then when i ended the song, they gave me a loud applause. You know how people say that when they had their first applause there is a magical moment and that sparked them to be a professional musician ever since? That did not happen to me. I do not know why. Perhaps i found that the applause was not given to the right person? I do not know. I felt that i do not deserve the applause. It was a strange feeling. I felt nothing changed in my soul. It was not a bad feeling. It was just neutral; indifferent. Why was it so strange? I mean i remembered so many times in a set when i felt satisfied and felt my soul refreshed. How come i am not feeling that now? Now that i think about it, I had the same feeling with every recording i had, nothing changed in my soul.

Perhaps i am feeling this because i am not playing drums for the Lord. I remembered my conversation with the make up artist last night. I asked her why did she go into this line. She answered “the same reason why i started drumming”. I half jokingly said, “You saw someone in church do it?” She laughed and replied, “No luhh, because of passion”. If I think about it, that was really the reason why i started drumming. I stood in front of the drums during worship when i was 13 and Leb looked EXTREMELY cool! Then i had a friend that wrote on a card on my 14th birthday encouraging me to pick up an instrument so i can jam with friends from our batch. So when my mum wanted me to learn something during the holidays, after considering, I told her i wanted to learn drums. I still remember that i was air drumming the wrong way before i started my first lesson. Then, after learning drums for about a year, God called me to join CAMY, which was kinda crazy cause i was having my N levels that year. However, i think it was because i was so busy that i had to specially put some time out to study, hence, i had rhythm(no pun intended) and i started to study better and got the results i wanted. I give thanks, for without joining CAMY, i would still be a drummer and not a musician. For people who are confused, a drummer is simply someone who can play a beat, a musician however, is someone who understands the structure of the music and can work with it, he will be someone who is able to play a beat, keep time, play different dynamics, work together with people by listening out to whatever other people are playing. A musician cares about what other people are playing because what he/she plays will affect the music. I became a much better musician after joining CAMY.

My gift and ability to play drums is from the Lord. He first gave me the desire. Then, he gave me the skill. Recently, the heart. Perhaps, because my gift wasn’t used to glorify God that is why my soul felt unchanged. I give thanks, for now i realised that recognition of my ability is not that important. That i know the one that will satisfy me for eternity! Lord, continue to satisfy my soul. Allow me to continue to play drums to for you!