=167= Melancholic Reflections: All

I am sorry, but as a human, you can’t have it all.

You cannot have many friends and expect much time alone. You can’t be fast and expect power. You can’t eat a lot, not exercising and expect a good body. You can’t have like 5 ministries and be able to contribute to all three well. You can’t serve two masters.

Of course there are people with great capacity, but getting great capacity isn’t gotten overnight. Just ask these people and they will tell you that they spent lots of time learning before they took on so much. You can’t have all but you can have a lot, if you work at it a bit at a time.

You have to choose which to take and which to throw. Which to protect and which not to. Which to learn, which not to. It is a choice. You choose.

-Kelvin-

=166= Thanksgiving of the Week

Thanksgiving 28/12/2014:
Ran from temptation
Ran from temptation again, thank you Lord for giving me strength
Had lunch with my Dad
Nice hair
Had so much fun playing with kids
Finished playing for the concert
Made some interesting relationships, Christal, Siobhan, Giovin, Solomon
Had a lot of fun with the other performers, Yun Xuan, Shi Mei, Toi Chia, Celine and Nicholas
Great sleep
Got to drum lessons on time
Great roasted pork
Bought Poh Piang and roasted pork for Ah Ma
Managed to practice.
175 Bpm is still too fast for me
Great dinner
Played with my cousins
Had a great sleep
Ran away from temptation(Lord, please stop me and help me overcome this)
Had a very nice time without my specs and listening to music
Had such a wonderful lunch with my mum and sis
Watched Night at the Museum, good show!
Had a good dinner
Watch a little of drama on TV
Had a wonderful text convo with Denise
Rested well
Ran from temptation
Good breakfast
Caught up to 945
Had the chance to go for the last part of the service!
Wished many people Merry Christmas
Had fun with some guys
Went out with a group of church people for street e, Joni, Jolene, Joyce, Agnes, Ellie, Christopher, Kelly, John and Jasmin
Had a wonderful dinner with my family
Bought two new pants
Had a fun chat over text with Denise
Finished Bro Ken’s card
Rested well
Ran away from temptation
Needed lunch, but it was raining, found chicken pie
Watched Kurosagi on TV using HDMI cable
Went to meet my mum to buy the watch I wanted
The watch wasn’t there, it was out of stock
Then had a nice dinner
Went to my gramps to give my cousins Christmas gifts
Managed to clear a lot of my clothes into my wardrobe
Good breakfast
Caught up to 72
Perfect time with MRT
Cleaned my iPod, phone and watch
Witnessed Mel and David’s wedding
Had great conversation with friends
Great worship
Great practice with Jun Kiat
Managed to write some cards
Gave Miss Tan her book
Great dinner with JED!
Had a wonderful time together
Went home with JED!
Managed to settle some cards
Came to regionals and had lots of fun
Had my heart out when I prayed to close worship
Great sermon that is super applicable
Fun time with Footsteps
Got a nap
Glad that JED! council will have another meeting!

=164= Words of Melancholy: Flood

It was my first time saying a prayer to end worship today. I wasn’t nervous at all, I know what I wanted to say. Halfway through the set after Kiat’s prayer, the thought about praying for next year came into my mind.

When I started, I held a tone of admiration for the Lord. Giving thanks for being by our side as we worship. Immediately after I prepared myself for prayer, I felt a flood of emotions come in. It was as though I was not worshipping God for the past two songs at all and when I prayed, I was. This flood, came with a ton of melancholy. My heart felt burdensome. I started to pray over the fear of change and my heart was really killing me, for I knew the prayer was for me as well. A huge flaw in me, I had change. While I do not show it out like the girls, I am really sad that such a relationship had to end… 😦 perhaps the Lord is tearing another one of my pillars down so I can rely more on Him.

This heavy heart full of bitterness and pain did not go away. I carried it along with me during service. For One Way, I jumped and clapped, but my heart made me feel like a hypocrite. Same goes for the next two songs. During the last song I got Aaron to pray for me. It felt better, but it was still there.

Even as I type now, my heart is full of sorrow. Such a heavy heart, Lord, will you please take this away from me? 😦 Father, I do not want to worship you with a heavy heart, I want to throw this burden down at the foot of the cross, but this feeling feels like it was from you. Lord, take this heart away Lord.

-Kelvin-

=163= Gear I Want: Custom Snare

Well, as a drummer who has been watching many and I mean many product videos, I have an idea for a custom snare drum.

First of all, I like to appreciate George from Pantheon Percussion for providing such great service! I think it is really amazing to be able to do so much—make drums, play them, refurbish them, publicity etc etc.

My idea is simply this, I want like a hybrid of many different signature snare drums. I want it to have a good contrast with my 14 by 6.5 maple snare. I want it to be unique. The material of the shell is more or less decided. I want a different material from every snare in church. So that means, no cherry, no beech, no maple, no brass and no mahogany. I really would want a metal snare for it will really cut through the mix and sound really good.

The dimensions are more or less settled. I want a 13 by 5.75! Kudos to Benny Greb for having such a unique dimension for a snare. If I am going custom, I can order that! 🙂

Now the ‘big’ idea! I want it to have mismatched lugs. Like 6 lugs on the top and 8 lugs on the bottom. I remember Akira Jimbo say that less mounting on the shell means more resonance, so I was just thinking why not go with less mount on the top and more on the bottom? It will really fulfill whatever it is made for! I really want it to be in die cast hoops as well.

However, I when I inquired with George if it was possible to have mismatched lugs. George told me that it will only be possible if I get no flange hoops and use claws! However, I can choose VERY thick no flange hoops, 4.5mm. Die cast is only 3.1mm, so just imagine how cool that would be! If I use no flange hoops, it will look extremely vintage! Which will be nice! So my snare will look vintage because of the hoops and modern because of the shell.

The only thing standing in my way now is the financial problem. That extremely cool snare drum would cost about $850… 😦 well, this is something that I would want one day! However, I would want my own cymbal set before this snare. I want 14 masters hi hats and 20 masters crash. Then I will go with dark energy crashes 16 and 18. A Signature 18 Thin China. A dark energy 10 splash.

I want a JoJo mayer perfect balance pedal.

Sorry for this equipment rant. Just a way to get it out of my head.

-Kelvin-

=161= Melancholic Reflections: For

Since the My Drum School 7th Anniversary Concert last night, I have been thinking. I have been thinking that being a gigging drummer might not be something I want to do.

I have no idea what I want to do in the future, but I have several things in mind. For one, I would hate a desk job, ok maybe that is a bit inaccurate, I would hate an admin job, but in Singapore in this time would be rather difficult. Perhaps I would not mind a desk job as long as I get to interact with people? Counselor perhaps? I would not mind being a Teacher as well. After all, i do have an interest to teach people. I think it would be extremely cool to be a Journalist or a Writer as well. Then, I also have thought about having drumming to be part of my full time job. I sure wouldn’t mind to teach drums for a living. I think it would be rather interesting if I went to My Drum School to teach when i get older or as a part time job while i study. I daydream a lot about being a famous drummer as well. You know then go on Drum Channel, being interview by Cobus then i explain what companies i endorse. I thought about going to sessions, recording albums, going up on the big stage and just perform for people.

This brings me back to why i am thinking that being a gigging drummer might not be what i want to do. When i was on stage yesterday, well, it wasn’t all good, i mean i started the tempo too slow then the fils were too fast, but overall, i did enjoy myself. I enjoyed myself and had a ton of fun playing the song. Then when i ended the song, they gave me a loud applause. You know how people say that when they had their first applause there is a magical moment and that sparked them to be a professional musician ever since? That did not happen to me. I do not know why. Perhaps i found that the applause was not given to the right person? I do not know. I felt that i do not deserve the applause. It was a strange feeling. I felt nothing changed in my soul. It was not a bad feeling. It was just neutral; indifferent. Why was it so strange? I mean i remembered so many times in a set when i felt satisfied and felt my soul refreshed. How come i am not feeling that now? Now that i think about it, I had the same feeling with every recording i had, nothing changed in my soul.

Perhaps i am feeling this because i am not playing drums for the Lord. I remembered my conversation with the make up artist last night. I asked her why did she go into this line. She answered “the same reason why i started drumming”. I half jokingly said, “You saw someone in church do it?” She laughed and replied, “No luhh, because of passion”. If I think about it, that was really the reason why i started drumming. I stood in front of the drums during worship when i was 13 and Leb looked EXTREMELY cool! Then i had a friend that wrote on a card on my 14th birthday encouraging me to pick up an instrument so i can jam with friends from our batch. So when my mum wanted me to learn something during the holidays, after considering, I told her i wanted to learn drums. I still remember that i was air drumming the wrong way before i started my first lesson. Then, after learning drums for about a year, God called me to join CAMY, which was kinda crazy cause i was having my N levels that year. However, i think it was because i was so busy that i had to specially put some time out to study, hence, i had rhythm(no pun intended) and i started to study better and got the results i wanted. I give thanks, for without joining CAMY, i would still be a drummer and not a musician. For people who are confused, a drummer is simply someone who can play a beat, a musician however, is someone who understands the structure of the music and can work with it, he will be someone who is able to play a beat, keep time, play different dynamics, work together with people by listening out to whatever other people are playing. A musician cares about what other people are playing because what he/she plays will affect the music. I became a much better musician after joining CAMY.

My gift and ability to play drums is from the Lord. He first gave me the desire. Then, he gave me the skill. Recently, the heart. Perhaps, because my gift wasn’t used to glorify God that is why my soul felt unchanged. I give thanks, for now i realised that recognition of my ability is not that important. That i know the one that will satisfy me for eternity! Lord, continue to satisfy my soul. Allow me to continue to play drums to for you!

-Kelvin-

 

 

=160= Thanksgiving of the Week

Thanksgiving 21/12/2014:
Caught up to 109
Got to school on time
Had a such a fun time with Yu Hui
Finished work
156 came really fast
Managed to nap
Managed to practice Cajon and drumset
Great practice!
Good dinner
Blessed with money from my aunt
Finished assignment 3, just need to render
Got to my favourite seat on 116
Got to the MRT right on time
Fell down on the escalator with minor injuries
Lord, I had a ding on my laptop… 😦
Presentation was good
Watched a nice movie, Jumper, with Jun Yi in one of the empty classrooms
Won a $10 popular voucher
Realise that I can use the $10 voucher for cards
Found out that Mustafa’s Orient watches also has one year warranty
Had a funny text convo with Claire
Ate a wonderful Poh Piang
Drum lessons are great!
Managed to get a seat on a crowded 109
Got to eat really nice dinner
Managed to fall asleep without falling into temptation
Woke up and finished both assignments
Got on my favourite seat of the bus in 116
Went to Popular and got 10.70 worth of stuff, only paid $0.70 because of the vouchers
Finished the line hugging car
Went to G2 and had conversation with a lot of Nicole’s friends
Managed to talk and minister to Someone who was troubled
Had a wonderful chat with Ga
Had a great dinner
Had a good chat with Jon
Managed to sit JunYi’s car
Saw my PFP friends
Managed to kinda finish our project
Reached LA
Had an amazing time of worship
Had a really fun time with my LC
Lord, no courage to do it. Please encourage me Lord.
Had quite a good rest
Feeling quite energetic after I cleaned up
Managed to continue to chat with Edwin
Got $5 popular voucher
Got a lift to Serangoon
Submitted my assignment 2 successfully
Managed to meet up with my mum and sis
Had some macwrap leftovers
Chose the right decision spending time with my mum and sis
Managed to have a nap
Managed to have some fun on my bunk bed with Daniel, Darren and Yu Zhe
Wonderful dinner
Managed to help the caterer to move the their stuff
Had a fun game and interacted with some people
Jammed with many people
Saw Denise still using the notebook I got her
Wonderful time of worship
Had a chance to impart to the guys in my LC.
Got a lift from Winnie to Yio Chu Kang
Hence, had time to go home and rest
Nice lunch
Managed to nap a bit
Got onto my favourite seat in the bus
That the MDS rehearsals started late, so I do not need to rush much there
Had fun practicing for the concert
Bought stickers
Bought my first acoustix album.
Good deal, 14+ for 40+ songs
Good dinner
Nice sleep
Fell, but with very minor injuries
Caught up to 51
Apologized to Jowen (Lord, thank you for the courage)
Gave Van and Steph her card
Glad that they liked it!
Had a fun time “clubbing” with Footsteps
Had a nice card writing with Footsteps
Saw a beautiful sight
Talked to Kai on my way back
Talked to Esther and Kai Yang at the Bus stop
Great lunch
Caught a nap
Wonderful dinner
Had an alright rehearsal

=159= Melancholic Reflections: Perks of being alone

This time last year, I still had a pillar of support. However on Christmas Eve, that pillar, stopped supporting me and I realised that I was all alone.

It was painful. I was there, by myself, not knowing how to respond to that. I walked a bit and I was scared. There is no one by my side to assure me. Then throughout this whole year, I slowly learnt how to be comfortable with myself. Perhaps I was so used to having pillars assuring me who I was that when they stopped, I realised that I never knew myself. I went through a season where I looked for colour, a season where I looked for direction and a season where I exercised my gifts and finally, a season to teach me to do what was right rather than what I wanted to do. Now, I am at a place where I think I am rather alright? Haha, I am not very much affected by the thought of not having a girlfriend. There I girls that I admire, but I am at a place where I am comfortable not approaching them for a relationship.

There are many perks to being comfortable being alone or being yourself or being single.

1. You are comfortable.
Hahaha, mind blowing right? Let me explain. When your worth is not based on someone else, you become more free, not caring what people think of you, this makes conversation a lot easier rather than stressing over whatever kind of response that would make the other party happy. I much rather prefer a person who shows his/her emotions than someone who is passive aggressive. Being comfortable gives you more real conversation.

2. You learn more about yourself.
Being comfortable being single, gives you more time to reflect and learn about how you work and what energizes you. It forces you to take ownership of your life and know what kind of flaws you have. I do know that sometimes a partner would be able to spot your flaws easier, but having the ability yourself allows you to become a better person before meeting someone.

3. You get to interact with more people.
Being single gives you loads and loads of time to interact and have many friends. You will learn how to love other people as a friend rather than just loving your girlfriend or boyfriend. Being single also means that you have the license to interact with people of the other gender(ok this sounds wrong). This may sound wrong, but it allows you to experiment with how to interact with girls as a friend. You will learn the boundaries, the questions, the ways to be a brother to your sister.

4. You start to admire people.
You will never be a perfect person, but you will find good examples of who you should be or see qualities of people that you like or qualities that you want to achieve. Because you are single, you can admire people of the opposite gender too. This widens your perspective and you learn more!

5. People trust you more.
Because you are comfortable with yourself, you are being real to whoever you are interacting with. When you are real and people can see it, they will trust you more as they know that you will not spill the beans. You will not backstab them over something minor.

6. You get to do other things.
As you have more time being single, you look for different areas to invest your time in. You can find a new hobby, a new passion; something that may affect you the rest of your life.

7. You learn how to better deal with loneliness
Being single or alone will mean that you will face loneliness. Even in a relationship, you will face loneliness. However, being lonely while single teaches you how to deal with it yourself and not rely on another girl. You start to distract yourself from your loneliness and do stuff. This would help in a marriage when one of you goes overseas or something. Learning how to deal with loneliness when you are single helps you when you are married.

Oh well, the gift of singleness is a good gift. Lord, please let me treasure this gift as I live this life. Teach me to love people. Teach me to love you more. When I love you more, my affections for my spouse would not be unhealthy. I would not be obsessed with loving my spouse and place this idol in front of you. I would not be at a place where I can’t say that I am proud of it! Lord, thank you for redeeming my relationships and teaching me so much in the process. I give thanks Lord!

-Kelvin-