=161= Melancholic Reflections: For

Since the My Drum School 7th Anniversary Concert last night, I have been thinking. I have been thinking that being a gigging drummer might not be something I want to do.

I have no idea what I want to do in the future, but I have several things in mind. For one, I would hate a desk job, ok maybe that is a bit inaccurate, I would hate an admin job, but in Singapore in this time would be rather difficult. Perhaps I would not mind a desk job as long as I get to interact with people? Counselor perhaps? I would not mind being a Teacher as well. After all, i do have an interest to teach people. I think it would be extremely cool to be a Journalist or a Writer as well. Then, I also have thought about having drumming to be part of my full time job. I sure wouldn’t mind to teach drums for a living. I think it would be rather interesting if I went to My Drum School to teach when i get older or as a part time job while i study. I daydream a lot about being a famous drummer as well. You know then go on Drum Channel, being interview by Cobus then i explain what companies i endorse. I thought about going to sessions, recording albums, going up on the big stage and just perform for people.

This brings me back to why i am thinking that being a gigging drummer might not be what i want to do. When i was on stage yesterday, well, it wasn’t all good, i mean i started the tempo too slow then the fils were too fast, but overall, i did enjoy myself. I enjoyed myself and had a ton of fun playing the song. Then when i ended the song, they gave me a loud applause. You know how people say that when they had their first applause there is a magical moment and that sparked them to be a professional musician ever since? That did not happen to me. I do not know why. Perhaps i found that the applause was not given to the right person? I do not know. I felt that i do not deserve the applause. It was a strange feeling. I felt nothing changed in my soul. It was not a bad feeling. It was just neutral; indifferent.¬†Why was it so strange? I mean i remembered so many times in a set when i felt satisfied and felt my soul refreshed. How come i am not feeling that now? Now that i think about it, I had the same feeling with every recording i had, nothing changed in my soul.

Perhaps i am feeling this because i am not playing drums for the Lord. I remembered my conversation with the make up artist last night. I asked her why did she go into this line. She answered “the same reason why i started drumming”. I half jokingly said, “You saw someone in church do it?” She laughed and replied, “No luhh, because of passion”. If I think about it, that was really the reason why i started drumming. I stood in front of the drums during worship when i was 13 and Leb looked EXTREMELY cool! Then i had a friend that wrote on a card on my 14th birthday encouraging me to pick up an instrument so i can jam with friends from our batch. So when my mum wanted me to learn something during the holidays, after considering, I told her i wanted to learn drums. I still remember that i was air drumming the wrong way before i started my first lesson. Then, after learning drums for about a year, God called me to join CAMY, which was kinda crazy cause i was having my N levels that year. However, i think it was because i was so busy that i had to specially put some time out to study, hence, i had rhythm(no pun intended) and i started to study better and got the results i wanted. I give thanks, for without joining CAMY, i would still be a drummer and not a musician. For people who are confused, a drummer is simply someone who can play a beat, a musician however, is someone who understands the structure of the music and can work with it, he will be someone who is able to play a beat, keep time, play different dynamics, work together with people by listening out to whatever other people are playing. A musician cares about what other people are playing because what he/she plays will affect the music. I became a much better musician after joining CAMY.

My gift and ability to play drums is from the Lord. He first gave me the desire. Then, he gave me the skill. Recently, the heart. Perhaps, because my gift wasn’t used to glorify God that is why my soul felt unchanged. I give thanks, for now i realised that recognition of my ability is not that important. That i know the one that will satisfy me for eternity! Lord, continue to satisfy my soul. Allow me to continue to play drums to for you!