=160= Thanksgiving of the Week

Thanksgiving 21/12/2014:
Caught up to 109
Got to school on time
Had a such a fun time with Yu Hui
Finished work
156 came really fast
Managed to nap
Managed to practice Cajon and drumset
Great practice!
Good dinner
Blessed with money from my aunt
Finished assignment 3, just need to render
Got to my favourite seat on 116
Got to the MRT right on time
Fell down on the escalator with minor injuries
Lord, I had a ding on my laptop… 😦
Presentation was good
Watched a nice movie, Jumper, with Jun Yi in one of the empty classrooms
Won a $10 popular voucher
Realise that I can use the $10 voucher for cards
Found out that Mustafa’s Orient watches also has one year warranty
Had a funny text convo with Claire
Ate a wonderful Poh Piang
Drum lessons are great!
Managed to get a seat on a crowded 109
Got to eat really nice dinner
Managed to fall asleep without falling into temptation
Woke up and finished both assignments
Got on my favourite seat of the bus in 116
Went to Popular and got 10.70 worth of stuff, only paid $0.70 because of the vouchers
Finished the line hugging car
Went to G2 and had conversation with a lot of Nicole’s friends
Managed to talk and minister to Someone who was troubled
Had a wonderful chat with Ga
Had a great dinner
Had a good chat with Jon
Managed to sit JunYi’s car
Saw my PFP friends
Managed to kinda finish our project
Reached LA
Had an amazing time of worship
Had a really fun time with my LC
Lord, no courage to do it. Please encourage me Lord.
Had quite a good rest
Feeling quite energetic after I cleaned up
Managed to continue to chat with Edwin
Got $5 popular voucher
Got a lift to Serangoon
Submitted my assignment 2 successfully
Managed to meet up with my mum and sis
Had some macwrap leftovers
Chose the right decision spending time with my mum and sis
Managed to have a nap
Managed to have some fun on my bunk bed with Daniel, Darren and Yu Zhe
Wonderful dinner
Managed to help the caterer to move the their stuff
Had a fun game and interacted with some people
Jammed with many people
Saw Denise still using the notebook I got her
Wonderful time of worship
Had a chance to impart to the guys in my LC.
Got a lift from Winnie to Yio Chu Kang
Hence, had time to go home and rest
Nice lunch
Managed to nap a bit
Got onto my favourite seat in the bus
That the MDS rehearsals started late, so I do not need to rush much there
Had fun practicing for the concert
Bought stickers
Bought my first acoustix album.
Good deal, 14+ for 40+ songs
Good dinner
Nice sleep
Fell, but with very minor injuries
Caught up to 51
Apologized to Jowen (Lord, thank you for the courage)
Gave Van and Steph her card
Glad that they liked it!
Had a fun time “clubbing” with Footsteps
Had a nice card writing with Footsteps
Saw a beautiful sight
Talked to Kai on my way back
Talked to Esther and Kai Yang at the Bus stop
Great lunch
Caught a nap
Wonderful dinner
Had an alright rehearsal

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=159= Melancholic Reflections: Perks of being alone

This time last year, I still had a pillar of support. However on Christmas Eve, that pillar, stopped supporting me and I realised that I was all alone.

It was painful. I was there, by myself, not knowing how to respond to that. I walked a bit and I was scared. There is no one by my side to assure me. Then throughout this whole year, I slowly learnt how to be comfortable with myself. Perhaps I was so used to having pillars assuring me who I was that when they stopped, I realised that I never knew myself. I went through a season where I looked for colour, a season where I looked for direction and a season where I exercised my gifts and finally, a season to teach me to do what was right rather than what I wanted to do. Now, I am at a place where I think I am rather alright? Haha, I am not very much affected by the thought of not having a girlfriend. There I girls that I admire, but I am at a place where I am comfortable not approaching them for a relationship.

There are many perks to being comfortable being alone or being yourself or being single.

1. You are comfortable.
Hahaha, mind blowing right? Let me explain. When your worth is not based on someone else, you become more free, not caring what people think of you, this makes conversation a lot easier rather than stressing over whatever kind of response that would make the other party happy. I much rather prefer a person who shows his/her emotions than someone who is passive aggressive. Being comfortable gives you more real conversation.

2. You learn more about yourself.
Being comfortable being single, gives you more time to reflect and learn about how you work and what energizes you. It forces you to take ownership of your life and know what kind of flaws you have. I do know that sometimes a partner would be able to spot your flaws easier, but having the ability yourself allows you to become a better person before meeting someone.

3. You get to interact with more people.
Being single gives you loads and loads of time to interact and have many friends. You will learn how to love other people as a friend rather than just loving your girlfriend or boyfriend. Being single also means that you have the license to interact with people of the other gender(ok this sounds wrong). This may sound wrong, but it allows you to experiment with how to interact with girls as a friend. You will learn the boundaries, the questions, the ways to be a brother to your sister.

4. You start to admire people.
You will never be a perfect person, but you will find good examples of who you should be or see qualities of people that you like or qualities that you want to achieve. Because you are single, you can admire people of the opposite gender too. This widens your perspective and you learn more!

5. People trust you more.
Because you are comfortable with yourself, you are being real to whoever you are interacting with. When you are real and people can see it, they will trust you more as they know that you will not spill the beans. You will not backstab them over something minor.

6. You get to do other things.
As you have more time being single, you look for different areas to invest your time in. You can find a new hobby, a new passion; something that may affect you the rest of your life.

7. You learn how to better deal with loneliness
Being single or alone will mean that you will face loneliness. Even in a relationship, you will face loneliness. However, being lonely while single teaches you how to deal with it yourself and not rely on another girl. You start to distract yourself from your loneliness and do stuff. This would help in a marriage when one of you goes overseas or something. Learning how to deal with loneliness when you are single helps you when you are married.

Oh well, the gift of singleness is a good gift. Lord, please let me treasure this gift as I live this life. Teach me to love people. Teach me to love you more. When I love you more, my affections for my spouse would not be unhealthy. I would not be obsessed with loving my spouse and place this idol in front of you. I would not be at a place where I can’t say that I am proud of it! Lord, thank you for redeeming my relationships and teaching me so much in the process. I give thanks Lord!

-Kelvin-

=158= Melancholic Reflections: Right

Lord, thank you for using me.

I went to G2 today to watch the trainees do their thing and watch them play, however God gave me another assignment. On my way back from the toilet, I noticed a guy pacing around at the entrance. He seemed troubled and I simply went up to him and asked him how he was.

He told me that he is alright, that he just felt useless. This surprised me. I mean there are very few people who would be so vulnerable at such a short period of time. He then told me that it was not as a person but relationship wise. He seemed unwilling to share about his relationship, so I did not press on much. He looked like he needed someone to talk to, so I continued to talk to him.

We simply continued to chat. He told me how he had a mental disease and that affects the relationship with him and his girlfriend. He told me how he has plans with his girlfriend to get married and all. He also told me that he has intentions to become a Christian. He told me how much he struggles to find time for his girlfriend as he works in NTUC. He asked if he was a bad person. He asked if I thought if he and his girlfriend would get married. He shared that he wanted to be a psychologist. He shared a lot and was very careful with the words he used.

I concluded a few things:
1. He has extremely low self esteem and confidence.
Well, as I continued to chat with him, I realised that he kept putting himself down. He kept asking questions about his worth. He kept thinking that he is not worth much. Truth is that God loves him and he is worth WAY more that he has ever thought.

2. His affections for his girlfriend is extremely unhealthy.
He is madly in love with his girlfriend. In fact “madly” is used literally. He is constantly thinking about her. To a point where he asked if they would be together in heaven with his girlfriend. He revealed that the reason he wanted to become a Christian is because he wanted to be in heaven with his girlfriend forever. He gets extremely jealous when his girlfriend speak to other guys. He wants to teach his girlfriend that being faithful is important in a relationship—and he complains that his girlfriend does not get it. He told me that he would invite me to his wedding in the future and let me see that they will get married. I asked about his job timings and he told me 9am-3pm, so I asked him what does he do in the leftover time, he told me he would find time for his girlfriend. His girlfriend told him that she is going to a church in Bukit Batok to see her friend perform. He went to four different churches just to find his girlfriend. He constantly thinks he knows his girlfriend very well; thinking that his girlfriend would not want to break up with him. Thinking that she is just being stubborn. Well, he is a bit over possessive.

3. He has dreams too.
He himself doesn’t know this. That marriage is not the only thing. I told him but he did not absorb it. He has dreams too. He wanted to be a psychologist because he wanted to be like Sherlock Holmes. He wants to have a healthy life. Having these dreams are fine! He wants to get married, that is fine too! However, he is too focused on one dream and neglecting the others. He said that it is because one of the dreams are about to pass that he is so anxious over it.

4. He is afraid of being single
This not much about losing the girl. This is fear of going back to a place where he is alone. He has been together with this girl for 1 and a half years. That is a long time to get comfortable with being attached. The comfort and assurance that was provided for by his girlfriend is not something he would want to ever give up.

5. He has a bad misinterpretation of Carpe Diem.
Many and I mean many of the media nowadays kept pushing people to do whatever they liked to, because you would not want to be an old man full of regrets. So now teens and kids have been more ‘courageous’ and taking ‘leaps of faith’ to confess to a girl. He has really weird thoughts. Like if his girlfriend told him not to join her, he would see this as a test. After asking him to leave, he sees it as a test to see if he would stay behind and wait. He keeps on thinking that if he does not do this now, he would regret it the rest of his life. The truth is that in this life, there will be regrets. However, if you always live by this, your mind is to no use at all. If you always follow your heart and not your mind, you are just an animal.

I was really sad that I missed every single song that the trainees played. I was trying to convince him to enter the chapel but he would not enter for he felt that it would humiliate his girlfriend. It was a battle ground for me too. Do you walk away from a chance to minister, or minister? No it is not that easy. Will you rather do the Lord’s work or enjoy yourself? Will you act out in faith or ‘receive’?

It was painful for me for I had a relationship with every single one of the trainees. It did not just go because I wanted to support this guy, I went because I wanted to support everyone! I had great hopes for them. I wanted to see how they managed to get themselves out of the rut. I wanted to see them enjoying themselves while worshiping God. I wanted to see how my boys improved. I wanted to see how they are able to lead people to worship. I wanted to worship God. However, God gave me this assignment so I shall follow Him. I will be able to stand before Him on judgement day and said that I did the right thing today.

Lord, how can I do anything? Father please use me! I was very thankful that he told me that he prayed to Jesus to help him with this issue, and he guess that it worked. Thank you for using me Lord! Thank you so much for the gift of conversation! It is a delightful gift! Allow me to make wonderful relationships with people! Thank you Lord!

-Kelvin-

=157= Words of Melancholy: Thrown

Dear friend, why have you thrown away your calling?

Yesterday night, I went through my collection of cards and notes that I have collected over the years. My heart ached. Many of them had stopped talking to me. Many of them have backslided. However, I saw a note that I was given after an amazing retreat where we shared on our pain and our cell was ministered to and members started to come back! My friend told me to continue to press on for them.

However, years later, my friend stopped. The once burdened and loving friend has thrown away the calling that he/she had(I am unwilling to reveal who it is, or even give a little info to let you guess who is it).

My friend, why have you thrown away your calling? Didn’t you want to do great things for the Lord? Why did you burn out and stop relying on Him? Indifference is poison. People who search their entire faith and decides to reclaim their faith have the comfort of saying that they have sought and not found, but people who are indifferent cannot say anything like that. They are just lukewarm.

Lukewarm is disgusting. How can you be in a place where you claim that you are Christian but not acting like one? My friend, it hurts me to say see you throw away your calling. Throwing away your calling affects everyone around you. Just like how there was a storm because Jonah was in the boat(ok bad analogy). If you throw away your calling and your service to the Lord, that ministry suffers. I always think that it is better to not commit to something than to commit and give only half best. However, when you are in a place when you have too many ministries and your studies suffer, you should not just drop everything. First talk to someone with the authority to let you drop. See if there is a need. If there isn’t, drop. If there is, stay until there is someone to take over you. Do not be irresponsible to let someone handle all the bad stuff. Even if you do not believe in some things that the ministry does, do the right thing. Stand strong until someone can take over you. This will show character and perseverance. It is better to do the right thing when you do not want to, than to do the wrong thing when you want to. If you have been doing the right thing all these while no one can comment!

A calling is not super duper crazy spiritual intervention. Sometimes God just calls us to the simple things. Go bless someone every week. Go help someone in need. Go take initiative to go up to him/her to ask if he/she is okay. Sometimes, a calling is basically doing what is right in your heart. I strongly believe that everyone has a moral standard that they follow. Whether is it Christian Law, Muslim Law or pure instinct, so not following it is stupid. People have an idea if what they are doing is right or not.

My friend, go with your heart, will you be able to say that you are doing right? Have you been loving? Or do you feel like crap?

=156= Melancholic Reflections: Redeem One

Well, I just got back from Redeem conference! It was quite interesting.

Every single time there is a special service or camp, the youths are putting a little time out for God or the youths will be prepared for something “better”. So worship will inevitably be better and stronger! I recalled how everyone was very hyped up for rhema. Especially Thrive! Everyone was really to worship God! Everyone was cheering! This time round, I believe because the youths are not used to a conference after having two years of youth camp, so they did not have the energy that I expected. They were rather dead.

However, it did not just stop there and Thank God for that! Worship gradually became better and has more energy! I think since the set where they sang “Let praise awaken” the energy and atmosphere of worship just changed and it was quite amazing! Haha! One thing about the sets though! The instruments kept on covering the worship leader. To a point where I am unable to hear whatever the worship leader is trying to say! But, kudos to the worship team! To be able to play everyday and every service is not easy at all! Great job team! 🙂

At the start of the conference at the altar call, the Lord reminded me of the issue he wanted me to do. He wanted me to forgive someone and go up to him and say sorry. I could not. I walked around and was begging God to not let me do it. I told Bro K that there is something that Gods wants me to do, but I do not want to do it. He gave me a simple answer, “just do it lor” and walked away. If that something was that easy I wouldn’t be in such a position(I know this makes Bro K sounds horrible, but he really isn’t. He doesn’t know me well and I phrased it quite vaguely, so it really isn’t his fault. I am just frustrated over the answer) Oh well, I knew I need to settle this tonight, but if I can’t, I need to be accountable to someone. So I simply waited for Bro Ken. Bro Ken was speaking to someone new and I know that he needs to do it. His ability to talk to someone new and make him/her relax is something that Bro Ken is very good at. So I thought to myself that the new person would need Bro Ken more than me. However, I REALLY needed counsel and so I waited for Kennaf. It was really long and I was contemplating going home first and get counsel tmr. I stuck to the original plan. When I told Kennaf about it, he told me certain truths to help me with the choice. “Whether you do it a not, God still loves you”. “I am glad that you are struggling, because I know that you are trying to do what is right”. He gave me a few ways to help me with my issue:
1. Why is God asking you to do it?
2. Think about how much you love God

Oh well, I managed to do one. I pray that the next one will be as successful. I pray that no pride will be in my heart for Lord you bugged me for ages to do it, sent me messengers to remind me and rebuke me, so after all these, if glory doesn’t belong to you, then who does it belong to?

The second night, I had Josh come up to me and pray for me! I give thanks. I shared about my problems and he prayed. He prayed over my pride and asked God to tear down the walls of my pride and go up to the person and just say sorry. I was really struggling extremely hard, but after that prayer I felt encouraged to do it. I bore my heart out once more and God you were faithful, you have blessed me with a rather good response. Lord, my heart aches and is anxious over the next, please bless me. Bless me with courage.

Next I want to talk about the “hole” I dropped myself into. Well, this entire conference is very structured towards the evangelism side and has yelled at me so many different times. Evangelism is really not one of my best areas. I struggle to invite anyone to church. So when they brought Brother Wallis in as a speaker and he spoke lots about evangelism, I knew I wanted to know more. So when I was given a chance to speak, listen rather, to Brother Wallis, I walked there with Josh. He started to explain the heart of compassion that he had for the lost. He explained that it was that he first did it then he had the compassion for them. He did it first. So he asked who is serious about reaching out, I thought to myself, I want to. So I raised my hand. He then asked about how the session was. Then finally, he started collecting numbers for a evangelism importation group. One part of me was like “what am I going to do/what did I just do?” And another was, “why not?” I do not have any answer to the why not, so I simply decided to go for it. I did complain about it after doing it, but I am actually quite looking forward to it. Lord, will you pour favour every month? I am going to get busy man… Lord, please help!

I am very thankful for the people that I hung out with or made friends with. Let me name a few. Winnie, I met before Redeem in CAMY training. Javier, the cute boy that I played with. Renee, the girl that was in my retreat group and thinks that I am crazy. Carol, Renee’s close friend and my lift—thank you for providing! Haha! Daniel, one of the drum trainees. Denise, the sister of Daniel and close friend of mine since CC! Ivan, friends together with Javier and Daniel. Esther, both big and small. Jedi, my good buddy. Of course, my cell, Daniel, Arel, Josh, Kiat and EnMing. Thank you for blessing me! Tiffany Tay, whom I am going to talk about now!

It has been a while since I have found someone THAT easy to talk to. Someone that comfortable with strangers. Tiff is extremely easy to talk to. When we were in the logs room and I asked her if she needed help she responded as if she already knew me. Then gradually we managed to click. She realised how weird I was and I discovered how weird she was! Then we started chatting during the last day. I realised that she was 23 and was like Elsa/Tat Wai/Aaron/Elliot/Andrea’s age! Somehow or another I have really good relationships with people of 23 years old! My work buddy in class is 23 and I pray that God will let me work with him until we graduate! Tiffany is a very real very friendly person! It is like those people you find extremely easy to click with, with you spending almost no effort into the relationship! Sometimes, there needs to be one person to initiate, but with Tiff, it was just so easy to talk to! Oh well, thank you God for such an amazing leader to talk to! Her ability to remember names is incredible. I mentioned four names to her and she managed to pray those four names with no error!

So Ya, thank you Lord for blessing me!
-Kelvin-

=155= Thanksgiving of the Week

I started something recently. I started to write down whatever thanksgiving I have, on my phone. I decided to post whatever I have written, in my blog on Sunday. So Ya, this will be a new way to add rhythm and taking note of God’s favour!

Thanksgiving for 14/12/2014:
Caught up to 147
Had a good drum lesson
Fun walk in Mustafa
Finished 80% of video assignment
Had fun with the training band
Had a great conversation with Winnie
Allowing me to touch a mother’s life by simply holding the door for her
Bought a nice formal but digital watch for Elsa
Retrieved my drumsticks from chapel
For great timing for the MRT!
Managed to catch a nap
Managed to do a bit of work
Managed to practice a little
Eyes got better after eye wash!
Perfect time with MRT
Got a seat on the MRT
Finished common test
Managed to do Qn8
Had lunch with Jun Yi
Free Sugarcane
Had a bit of rest
Ran away from temptation even though I dwelled on it for a long while
Have a peace of mind because my brain is clearer after reading blogs
Had great time with Cell!
Had a wonderful worship
God reminded me to forgive.
Word in season
Managed to talk to Kennaf about it
Had a nice convo with Kiat!
Nice convo with Timothy
Saw secondary school friends
Nice text convo with Claire
Nice convo with Denise
Great night with rest and a dream.
Caught 159
Kennaf prayed for me
Managed to make some people laugh
Confessed to Josh what I was struggling with
Cried out my eyes out
Prepared to do it.
Apologized to Shawn today(big step Lord, please grant me power and courage to do it tmr)
Had a lift home!
Had a fun time of conversation in the car with Carol, Renee and Kiat
72 came right on time! 🙂
Had potato salad for breakfast
Had a nap before cell
Had a good chat with Daniel
Had nice breakfast
Great worship
Managed to chat with quite a few people, blessed them with some conversation
Nice chat with Cool! 🙂
Had a rather nice chat with Tiff Tay
Worship was awesome
Had Derrick, Tiff Tay and Elsa to pray for me
Cab ride home

Will blog about Redeem soon!
-Kelvin-