=194= Melancholic Reflections: Albums

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Wah the Phillip Phillips Album I just bought on Thurs is SOOO good! This is restoring the faith I have in albums that all songs are good!

What got me collecting albums were a few things. First of all, I never really downloaded music when I was young. My sister did and she had like over a thousand songs! But I never really got how you can have thousands of songs to only listen to a few. So when pastor said that he got rid of all his downloaded music in his computer, it encouraged me to not download even more. Second, I have a good experience with albums. The first album I ever purchased was the Michael Bublé’s Christmas album! I remember how when I was playing it on my mum’s laptop on repeat. It was so good! Then I actually viewed albums as good gifts. I realised that people that download music would not mind albums as well! It made albums a very good gift! It’s $20+ legit price for a present and everyone likes it! 🙂 so I bought Esther the Switchfoot album and Charis the MB Christmas album. Seeing how much they liked it encouraged me to buy albums. Then I got a Lifehouse album, No Name Face, I recall how much I loved the arrangements and the catchy music that Jason Wade sang! So over the years, after I got my ATM card and my allowance in my account every week, it became easier to save and spend on what I want. At first, I would buy both drum sticks and albums so I had to moderate my spending. However when Leb they all pool money to buy me a brick of sticks Christmas 2 years ago, that freed me to buy more albums! In fact, that(a brick of sticks) was a very good present! I am still using the brick! I think a brick could last me a good two years! Haha I sure wouldn’t mind another brick this year! Combine birthday and Christmas present I also would not mind! It feels good to be sponsored with drumsticks!

Okay back to the topic of albums! So yeah with the good impression of albums, I dived myself into the world of CDs and got myself a ton of CDs! Haha ask me about it in person! I will show you my very cool photo of my album collection! I would say that I bought all of them, but there are some CDs that I buy just to try something different or give that particular band a chance! It’s like I never even heard of them until I got to HMV and I just have faith and buy! So far very few passed the test, the 5SOS album was alright. The Fray passed, I quite like their album! Jason Mraz’s “Yes” passed with flying colours! Mcfly’s “Memory Lane” passed very well as well. However, I once bought a female chinese album just to try more Mandapop, but was disappointed. 五月天 is still the king! So I would be crazy to post this without recommending some albums of mine!

So here goes!
1. Dashboard Confessional’s “A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar”
This is a must have album for any rock/punk/emo/acoustic lover! Chris(the singer) writes amazing songs and his voice is to die for! It is extremely well arranged and written! All of their songs there are good! Even though it’s $28.90, I felt that it is worth every penny of the $28.90 I paid for!

2. 五月天 ‘s 步步
Ok 五月天 is the band when it comes to Mandapop! I can personally vouch for their quality in any album! I have yet to find an album that I was disappointed with! Their lyrics are skillful. Their music arrangements are so clever. Their band is so tight! They play from dance music to ballads and they are GOOD. I chose 步步 just because it has most of their nice songs and for a good price too! It’s like 30 songs for like 21+ it’s a good price!

3. Michael Bublé’s Christmas Album
This was my first album and I was a good one! Michael Buble is my favourite singer! No one can sing anything as smooth as he can. No one can sing like Michael Buble. His control over his voice is not something people have these days! Not just that, he is a fantastic entertainer! He knows how to engage the crowd! He is one of the few singers that still performs with a big band! With brass instruments and all. He records most of his albums live too, just to show you how amazing he is! If you buy his Christmas album, there are more bonus tracks now than when I first got it! It’s a good price too! It’s my only Christmas album and frankly, I don’t need another one! Michael Bublé’s other albums are great too! I think if you buy To Be Loved now in HMV, you can get the Asia tour edition for like 21 bucks with bonus tracks! I still want the caught in the act album… If only if it wasn’t 28.90… :/

4. John Mayer’s “Where the Light Is”
This is the album when John Mayer is at his peak! Honestly, I prefer some of the studio versions compared to some of the songs here, but John Mayer is as good here. This was the album that featured him performing only with an acoustic guitar and a mic! Neon is by far one of the most sick performances I have ever saw on YouTube. In your atmosphere is very nice as well! It’s funny how he sang about not going LA in LA. The other must have album of his, is “Room for Squares”. This album has the best mixing I have ever heard! There is so much going on, yet you can hear every single minor detail. Every fill in. Every instrument with clarity and yet not messy and chaotic at all. It was very fun to listen “Your Body is a Wonderland” and hear all the little “I’m never speaking up again, I’ll use my hands” and little drum fills here and there. Very nice!

5. Switchfoot’s “Oh Gravity”
This is the album that has “Awakening”! This album is good! I remembered this was my go-to album whenever I have no idea what to listen to. I think this album shows Switchfoot in the best way possible! Not to say that the other albums are bad, but the one that really shows Switchfoot as what is it is, is this album!

6. Lifehouse’s “No Name Face”
This was my first Lifehouse album and personally my favourite, but I haven’t heard “Lifehouse”, supposed to be their best album from Elliot and Josh Lui’s opinion. However, no one can refute that No Name Face was good! It really is! Very nice! They are simple yet nice!

7. McFly’s Memory Lane compilation album
I don’t have a lot of mcfly’s albums, but they are good! Like if I put my IPod on shuffle and they turn up, I will enjoy myself! If I jammed to their songs on drums, I will find very fun stuff to play!

8. Phillip Phillips’ “The World From the Side of the Moon”
It is such a beautiful album. It has songs that never intrigued me so much since I discovered Dashboard and 五月天! Was so glad I bought it and gave him a chance! I guess the American Idol winner will not be all that bad! He is simply stunning. The album tracks all have the same theme and is very cohesive! The lyrics and writing is just so good! Wished I could have bought his other album too! He seems like someone I can follow very closely to!

9. Jesus Culture Live in New York
This was the album I bought the day I went to watch them live! Wah, Jesus Culture is very nice! They were like my Dashboard and 五月天 of Christian music! They are very good in dynamics and spirit led kind of moments! Something I really have to learn! When you put Kim Walker, Chris Quilala and Martin Smith together you know you will stumble upon gold! Very good!

10. That Girl in Pinafore Soundtrack
Ok, people that know that I like this movie don’t laugh! Haha! Well, I don’t really favour the horrible acting! However, I do enjoy how the director put in effort to link Singaporean songs that he grew up with, with the storyline! A big part of why I like this movie is because of the music! I am proud of Singaporean music! Even though chinese, I can bet that you will know some of the songs in the movie! It really is an album I actually enjoyed! Very proud to be Singaporean! 🙂

Albums are great! It is a great collection to have! 🙂
-Kelvin-

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=193= Melancholic Reflections: Funeral

Well, this is a bit overdue but yeah here goes.

On Saturday, during parents circle, I received a phone call from my dad that my grandmother passed away. She fell down in her house and just before she reached the hospital, she passed away. My dad also told me that the funeral will only happen on Sun because the body needed to be analyzed by the hospital. Therefore, I continued with what I needed to do in parents circle. It seemed a bit insensitive and emotionless, but why can’t one perform even under such circumstances? Gain composure and continue with what you needed to do. Well, the other fact is that, my grandmother wasn’t very close to me. The last time I saw her was like last year’s CNY. In fact I do not know her well at all. So when this happened I just felt a bit sad and that is all. I wasn’t grieving over her death; I just felt a bit of “by proxy” feelings through my dad. I found out later on that my grandmother passed away from a heart attack.

My brain is a funny thing. It has trouble remembering stuff like which number is my uncles/aunties. Like I know that he/she is my uncle/auntie, but I dunno who is younger or older. So when like I see them I often forget the title I need to greet them with. Therefore, whenever it is CNY or this kind of thing, it is always awkward. To make it even worse, this time round, I found out that my uncle got married. Then, in the subsequent days, I kept seeing new faces that I never seen before. Maybe it is because I do not spend much time with them that caused this.

The next thing is this, I really do think that there should be more insight on how a Christian should react in a non-Christian funeral. What can we do. What we cannot do. What do we say. How we should phrase our sentences. I am just lost whenever there is a ritual or a ceremony. I have no idea what I I should do whenever the person says, “pai, zai pai, sa pai(bow, bow again, third bow)”I have no idea what I should be doing when the monk starts chanting. Oh on the side note, I found it quite interesting, I just wonder what happens if the monk goes out of tune or zao xia. It’s quite cool to see them play percussion. At the back of my head, I was like trying I figure out the parts they were playing!

With this funeral happening, I started to think about a few things. I started to ask how is one person judged? I mean we always say that after we sin, we must repent, but I am thinking of my grandmother. She is 80 years old, she has probably no physical strength to do anything wicked. Probably have little opportunities to do bad. Perhaps just a little coarse in her words but that is it. So after retirement, she was basically sitting around. How would she sin? I mean, at that age, there is not much you can do, you no longer have parents to honor. Lying? Hating someone and killing them with your hearts? Worshipping Idols? Coveting what others have? I have no idea. What if one was in Coma for 7 years before dying? Would those 7 years be included in judgement? With your brain unconscious and no one can reach out to you. Judgement is such a scary thing and yet I am still numb. I would find that judgement just based on my youth or just based on my present would be scary. Lord, I really need your grace and salvation.

I noticed that my grandmother was quite popular. It was weird. I never knew that she had so many relatives and friends. If a person’s greatness is based on how many people she have come to her funeral, my grandmother will be pretty great. I often wonder how would my funeral be like if I die now? Will many of my friends come? Will they cry? Will thy even know? I mean my mum and dad isn’t very intergraded in church. Will my death be spread to the the youths? How will people remember me? Funny? Loving? Irritating? Annoying? Though I am trying my best to be the best person I can be, I really do not know what are people’s impressions of me.

Talking about the church, it was an interesting journey. When I first went to the wake on Sunday and had to go through all the weird rituals, I really do not know what I should do. Should I tell someone? Should I not? I really do not know. It was something personal and if you asked me face to face where I am going, I will not lie, I will tell you that I am going to my grandmother’s funeral. I did not want to blow it up because I really do not want it to be weird when they attend the wake and some weird rituals happens. I did not attend the wake on Monday because I have exams the next day. However, with so much happening, I really do need prayer, so I asked two people for prayer, Kennaf and PJ. Then I also asked Tat Wai to pray for me after all, he prayed over my family before. I asked for prayer over my family. Then all of a sudden it blew up. EnMing texted me. Ga texted me. Then the subsequent days, a few other people texted me as well, Bro Shavinn, Sis Grace, Bro Choo, Sis Sam, Sis Choo and Elsa. It was nice. Then on Tuesday, EnMing, Zheng Fen, Kennaf, Bro Choo and Joel Ng came! Thank God they came! Oh, Pastor Calvin and Sister Charis came as well! I was really awkward because they had some ceremony that the monks needed to chant all the way until 10pm with two breaks in between. With the senior pastor visit, my Dad exempted us from the ceremony so we can host him. Then with my friends there I could kinda get away with it. I was glad, it made things WAY less awkward.

Finally, when it came to the last day, it was a very heavy atmosphere. The undertaker made the five sons to put their hands on the van(with the coffin) as it drives away. I do not understand the significance, but after this, the atmosphere got really heavy. When it came to the actual cremation, gosh, I never saw my dad cry that much before. My dad is always very composed. Through the funeral I see him doing quite alright. However when it came to the cremation, my dad broke. I see him slobbering and saying “bye bye” to his mother. After all, my grandfather passed away when my dad was very young, so my grandmother took care of my dad all by herself. To have someone that close be cremated isn’t something that is easy to watch at all. We comforted him and I felt his pain.

After that, it was almost like a reminder that my grandmother on my mother’s side will one day pass away as well. Lord, my grandmother is an amazing women always cooking for me and my uncle’s family! Please redeem her Lord! Bring her salvation! Father, let me be serious about my spiritual walk.

After all of that and we returned to Yishun, I found out the ugly side of a funeral. One of my aunts, asked for the ring that my grandmother died with, claiming that her daughter wants it. To make it worse, it was during the wake before the cremation. It was such an improper thing to do. Come on, do not do that!

Funerals are really expensive as well. I just found out that the vegetarian food on each table cost $50 each. That hiring the undertaker would be 3-5k and the monks chanting cost 1-2k total up everything, that funeral alone cost close to 20k. It really is sad.

Well if I die now, I want my funeral to be something cheerful and not sad
1. I want to have a worship team in my funeral, like really full band worship! Singing praise and worship songs to the Lord! Preferably be Leb, cause if I can hear his drums when I am dead! That will very nice!
2. I want people of different backgrounds to gather into tables and share about their lives with each other. Have probably a good talker host them in each table(like a cell leader)
3. Somehow or another I want to use my death for the Lord—this was something I prayed after I saw the five sons pushing the van. Don’t point the glory to me, point it to God.
4. I will probably write something for the day itself something to cheer people up? Like a speech!
5. Have the pastor preach not on the afterlife but on God’s grace and mercy. Sure the family needs to be comforted, let the people there that came to visit do their job. Let the pastor bring good news to the lost.

If I die now, let me tell you guys something.

I tried doing my best in everything. In loving people. In giving my time to people. In studies. In supporting someone. In being a good drummer. In being a good cell leader. In leading a righteous life. In being a good person that one can rely on. However, I realised that I still fall short. I can try my best and am still not good enough. So I rely on God. In our culture of relying on oneself, it may sound very lazy, but it is the only way I can be good. That is to have a perfect example to follow. I am very thankful for you in my life. Trust me on that. Even if you have never met me when I was alive before, I give thanks because you are comforting my family that is so dear to me. Well, trust me on this, whether you are christian or not, you are loved. You are worth something. May you find a love that will satisfy you, for I have found and I give thanks. Thank you.

Haha, but Ya, I doubt I am going to die any time soon! 🙂 sure! I would probably write something more personal and to different individuals when I have the time, but for now, this general paragraph will do! 🙂

Thank you Lord for this time. It has been a pleasure.

-Kelvin-

=192= Thanksgiving of the Week

Thanksgiving 8/2/2015:
Got up 43M
Got up the MRT
Missed 66
But 171 overtook 66
Managed to finish MSEM project!
MDA theory test was difficult, but less difficult than the last one!
Practical test was good! Finished!
Managed to do some shooting for Project 2!
Had a nice time traveling
Good time of practice!
Woke up early
Walked away before I got tempted
Watch Kurosagi the movie, preferred the drama series
Reached school late, but classmates are still in class
Managed to film the scenes, but a little less for 3-5 minutes
Enjoyed ride with JunYi back home
Good dinner
Practiced a little on the drum pad
Studied AEA a little
Had an alright rest
Had a few dreams
Saw like two very nice birds while walking to the bus stop
Caught up to 116
Got a seat as well
Kinda got to school on time
Bumped into Dinah
Managed to do up some green screen work
Scored 100 for AEA practical
Managed to revise a bit on DEP
Had a fun chat while revising
Had a wonderful time of worship in J333
Met Shawn Ang and Kean Lee interesting people
Was really affected by someone’s response just now
But all good, we are alright now!
Rested well
Walked away from temptation
Ran for 109, but missed it
Caught 156 though
Bumped into Shee Kei on the bus
Had a nice chat with her
Managed to do a little MDA and then revised on DEP
Well, DEP was tough, but I tried my best, I am satisfied.
Drum lessons was good, managed to record 1 solo and practice the other solos
Bought popiah and Rojak back home
Managed to practice, my left hand getting looser and my speed is getting faster
My eyes felt better after eye wash
Perfect time with 109
Perfect time with MRT
Had a good test just now
Received cookies from Dinah! Was really good! 🙂
Had a good nap
Rested well
Woke up late for Parents’ circle but Mum took cab!
Received hard news.
Was able to talk to Jacob’s and Joseph’s parents
Was good receiving prayer from them
Had a small chat with Shena
Had a little chat with Carol and Renee, really admire their friendship
Went to IMM with Mum and got a new pair of shoes, jeans and shirt!
Managed to finish assignment 5
Got to church late
Had a fun time with kids again! The guys are slowly integrating in! Some of them are already playing!
Had a nice first time serving communion
Was so tired in service
Had a curry puff before rushing
Reached to see my grandma before she was in the coffin
It really does not look like her in the coffin, perhaps I haven’t been spending enough time with her
Got home
Had a nap
Good dinner
Took cab back there
Got some revision done
Took cab back
Pantheon Percussion was very nice in educating me again
Really want a 14×4.5 snare drum

=191= Words of Melancholy: Tone

Well, J333 is once again very interesting! I enjoyed worshiping God as a worshipper and not a worship leader! It is just nice sometimes to worship God with the congregation. I really liked that they sang Prince of Peace! It was really one of those songs that was so well written and arranged! The fact that the chorus is a medley is just beautiful! Really like it a lot! The worship set was a nice one with familiar songs that let’s one rest and enjoy God’s presence. Pastor Meng Cham’s role as a worship pastor is not an easy one. To be able to balance between spiritual encounters and solid theology is not easy. Respect!

Well, I decided to have supper today even though I was a little tight for time and had to revise because I simply wanted to spend time with people. It is rare enough for me to be able to go for J333, why not just spend the night with them? Supper is simply an excuse for conversation and I like that! 🙂 today we, the youths, spent supper with the YA’s it was good! I wanted to interact with some YA people because I just want to see how they are like. I met a few people and they are all very different. I have Koon Jie and Tiff before. They are both really nice! Tiff being one of the easiest people I have ever talked to. Koon Jie is very initiative in keeping me company, reminds me a little of Domi! Kean Lee is probably one of the most friendly guys I have met and interacted with! He is doing a PHD in Aerospace as well! How cool is that? Ellisa is pretty nice as well! Very cool! Who knew I would be meeting the RLs of the new batch of YAs! Then, Shawn Ng/Ang is an interesting fellow. It was really difficult to talk to him.

Well, I did my usual, “Oh let’s leave it as that, so I will know your name and you will never know my name! Hahaha! I am kidding! I am Kelvin” and he responded differently. I have no idea is he joking or not. He is a VERY clever individual. He had a wide variety of knowledge and constantly saying things that are about life and what is happening now. Almost like a MP. All my skills of making myself awkward and joking around with people doesn’t work. All my light hearted interactions does not work. I did see him try to include me in conversation though. However it got to a point when he told me that he doesn’t like me. Well, it did not feel good at all. I was brought to an emotional low. Well, now thinking back I do not know whether was he joking or not, for he acted like nothing happened and even had a good conversation with me afterwards.

He is very… I think the only word that I can think of is “serious”? Hmm, I would say that he is very down to earth, very straight. He speaks both English and Chinese with skill. He talks a lot about current events, current advancement in technology etc etc. Almost like someone in Politics he would have lots of resources and stuff like that. Someone very intellectual. Well, I am very thankful that the MRT ride wasn’t awkward. That I was able to find out. That he was from Ngee Ann. That he plays the violin. Prides himself serving God outside church. That he uses his business talents for God. I hope that he likes me more now? Haha, I really hope he was just joking when he said that… :/

It was a very depressing conversation that we had together with Tiff. I was really sad that with Tiff being as amazing as she is is unable to find a job that she wants to do, just because she doesn’t have the qualifications in that area. From what I see and heard, believe with upmost faith that she will be qualified to do that, but just because she doesn’t have that piece of paper, she is unable to do that. It is like a locked up bird, having so much potential to fly only to have its wings atrophied from being locked up in the cage. It is very sad.

We had a wonderful chat about using gifts and callings and stuff like that. I shared about me wanting to have a calling and how God realigned my perspective and called me to now. To focus on what is around me right now rather than what is in the future in 10 years time. It was a good chat. I enjoyed it very much! Shawn kinda reminds me of Tat Wai but more to the intellectual extreme. Maybe Tat Wai just shows it less!

Now to what I wanted to write about. I want to write about tonality of speech and how important it is.

People underestimate how important is it to have tone in your speech. The phrase, “I did not mean you are fat” can have different meanings if you empathize on different words. Tone is important because it helps you convey your thoughts with less of words and more of heart. Tone adds flavour and Colour to speech. Tone allows you to differentiate joking from scolding—when joking, you use a more cheerful and high pitch voice, when you are scolding, you use a lower more serious voice. This would allow you to add power to what you want to. Allows you to speak and convey your feelings. It is very interesting. You can see whether one is unhappy through tone. “Just do whatever you want lor~!” Gives it a light hearted feeling. “Just do whatever you want.” Gives it a serious tone. Though the words used are the same the meaning behind it is totally different. That is why one should be a master of tone and not just words. Words can only bring you this far. How many times have we found ourselves being unable to describe something or a feeling and ended up using weird sounds to express ourselves? Though the english language has it bountiful vocabulary, we still find things difficult to express. Sometimes I find Chinese easier to express myself over English. Sometimes, both languages fall short when I want to express myself.

Tone is almost like the dynamics of conversation. In music if there is no dynamics, the song will be draggy and monotonous. In a conversation with no tone, the conversation seems monotonous and draggy. If I always hold a upbeat tone, it is very tiring for the people around you to listen. If you always hold a serious tone, people might get scared of you. Only when you have a variety of dynamics and tone will your conversation be interesting, despite of the chords and content.

Next, sometimes words and tone can only bring is this far. There are times where body language and facial expression can be helpful as well. I much rather prefer to talk to someone with a blur facial expression than to talk to someone with winkled brows. Body language also does a lot. For example, in a conversation with your friends, you might be closer to some of your friends compared to others. So sometimes subconsciously we would turn our backs; facing your friend. This disengages any conversation that you guys(the two of you) could have as a group with your friends. Sometimes you when you talk to someone and eye contact isn’t made, it might seem as though he isn’t interested to talk to you. Sometimes because we are listening we fall into this state of “zoning out”. For us, the ones zoning out, we do not know the difference, but people talking to us, it almost seem like I am not interested in his story. Sometimes, when we do not know how to interact with someone, we tend to whisper to someone to ask them and stuff like that, but that seems like you are talking behind their backs and seem like you can’t talk to them at all without asking people, this produces a barrier between you and the subject; killing any conversation you will have with him. Body language is something I need to work on.

I think I am very particular about myself when I am making conversation. I try to make myself as real and friendly as I can be, but when that doesn’t work, I will have to try something else. No one is the same and there is no sure fire way to approach someone. In a ministry that involves people, one needs to learn how to approach people, no matter how difficult it is! I do not know how, but I sure would want to continue to exercise my gift. Lord, teach me how to better steward my spiritual gifts for your glory! Thank you Father!

-Kelvin-

=190= Thanksgiving of the Week

Thanksgiving 1/2/2015:
Rested well
Eyes felt better with eye wash
Managed to board 70, last passenger on the super crowded bus!
Managed to be first to reach class
Practiced some of my solos!
Managed to complete Msem test
MDA filming went well
Project 1 had good response from Mr Viktor
Alright practice
Thank you for the way out Lord!
Good dinner, really nice soup
Managed to arrange the videos
Failed horribly
Managed to reach on time
Watch Whiplash loved it again!
Had a wonderful chat with Mindez
Good practice, was more comfortable with faster tempos and sight reading!
Good dinner
Got instructed to text Kennaf
Finally texted him after all that
Managed to complete math tutorial!
Had a surprising text from J
Had a good rest
109 perfect time
Got a seat
MRT wasn’t crowded
Managed to read Soul Survivor
Got to school on time
Understood AEA
Understood math
Managed to finish MOL, now waiting for revision
Managed to study during two hour break
Lab revision allowed us to go off early
Caught up to 985
Had a chat with Edward about his idea on a cooking class
Managed to practice a little
Had a nice chat with Shena
Nice team dinner
Really grateful for the work done
Worship rehearsals was awesome!
Was really good, so many songs and I could really feel God’s presence
Had a cab ride home with Darren
Great chat with Darren
He borrowed money to me!
Received a card from TiffChia! Loved it!
My eyes were itching and they were killing me
Better after eye wash
Caught up to 103
Got to class on time
The practical test, I had one problem, but I managed to solve it in time
Had fun watching shows in the library
DEP ended early!
Drum lessons were productive
Caught up to 107
Rested my eyes
Good dinner
Rested early and well
The bread was good for breakfast
Decided to take 116
MRT was just right!
66 came at the perfect timing!
Finished math online
Had good study break
Good revision for AEEPS
AEA test was good!
Managed to plan the story for the project
Good dinner
Had good sharing! LC looked really well!
Rested well, had a very nice and interesting dream!
Good sound check
Passed Tiff her card
Returned Darren’s money
Had a fun chat with Joseph
Had fun time singing Chinese with Daniel
Pre-service prayer’s silence was good, felt rested
Worship was Amazing! The best I ever had! So refreshed after that!
Nice dinner with Mum
Good sleep with weird dreams
Took taxi to church
Mel a little bit in the room
Had a nice time with Foosteps Joseph is responding really well!
Reached Furama, really sorry that we interrupted DJ… :/
Worship was good. Once again the last song was very encouraging!
A bit disheartened by the debrief, but it is good!
Caught up to 75
Had good lunch and chat with Shawn and Lim Yun
Managed to ask Lim Yun what I wanted to
Took an hour nap
Good dinner
Like the movie on TV(mirror mirror), but the ending was lame
Had a good reflection on the day
Thank you Lord

=189= Words of Melancholy: Puzzled

I am supposed to be studying right now, but i am a little distracted with all that happened today, so i am just going to rant here a little.

For one, i have no idea why anyone would say something just to see my reaction. Do you really not trust me that much? Come on that was rude. There was no need to do that. I actually understand. It just hurt because you did not trust me and had to do that. Well, now that it is out of my system, i am sorry if you are reading this, but that really hurt. While seeing people’s reaction is interesting, i agree, but there is no need to stage something that would do that please, that is not nice at all. I was really affected by that, but don’t worry luhh, i am good! 🙂 I am not THAT petty, i just wanted to get it out of my system.

Is it normal? I REALLY feel comfortable being single right now. i said this once I am saying this again. I am. At this point in time, i am really not distracted at all. The previous years I kept getting distracted by the relationships that i wanted to get into. I kept pondering on what i should do with this relationship, should i jump in? Should i back off? Should i simply continue? This landed me in a heartbreak two years ago in December 2013. My heart was distracted and in utter chaos. For the past two years, i start the year with confusion then slowly make it good. This year started off well, my mind was clear, no longer thinking so much about something that is so far away. For once in such a long time–since primary 5–my head is clear and that is a good feeling. I am seeing fruits of not seeing every girl i meet as a potential girlfriend; i started becoming friends with them. I am now not pursuing them for an intimate relationship, but simply wanting to be friends. I am now in a healthy relationship with girls that i meet and interact with(I think so at least, HAHA!). This does not mean that i do not see beauty. I see beauty A LOT. To be honest, now that i am not in conflict with my heart, i notice pretty girls more. This observation actually allows me to see how they react and how their character is like. There is beauty in character. Haha, that is not just something ugly people say. There is. No one can refute that. However, just because someone is beautiful(both outwardly and inwardly) doesn’t mean that i need to be in a relationship with them. The gift of intimacy is the reward for commitment. It was only after i got out out of the chaos that i understood that. For me now, my commitment is to my school, cell and worship team. Not being distracted by that is good. Now my heart is at peace, really peaceful. To a point where when i was asked about who i liked, i had trouble explaining. I simply told them that there are girls that i am close to now, but that is it. My heart is at peace with simply this! It is good!

I am really discouraged with how Twisters are disconnected. Well, i remembered all the photos we had during watchnights. This year, the photo like that was of Footsteps. All the different eras of Footsteps came in and it was special. Somehow or another this amazing cell cuts through age and time to bond people who haven’t even met before together! For Twisters, i think time settled in. We went our different routes. Some into friends out of church. Some into YA. Some into youths. Like smoke, something beautiful ended. I do not understand. How can something that was so close be replaced just like that? It is depressing to know how easy it is to replace someone.

I totally enjoyed the last song again today. Maybe it was just “Freedom we know”! I recall it being one of my favourite songs back when i did not even pick up drums. It was how the congregation responded that really encouraged me. Through the set, i was really distracted by the congre’s response. Bro Shavinn told me to pay attention to the congregation and be sensitive. From the first song, i felt a little deadness in worship. Like they were very stoned. So for the first song, I held back a little; I played a simpler groove. Then through the set, i was praying for revival and for God to touch them. For “One thing remains” In a very special moment, I played something declarative, that sounded good. For the entire set, i kept looking at Alvin’s reaction to worship. I was very encouraged when he looked really good worshiping God! For me the entire set only picked up when Choo said “can we do it in ‘E’?” I laughed really hard, this seemed like something pastor Meng Cham would do! Haha! Then when we sang “I could sing of your love forever”, i felt a little release, not a lot, but a little. Then, it really exploded in “Freedom we know”, it was almost like retreat! I loved how Daniel smiled while singing together with me! Then when i looked over to Shina giving her the, “Are we gonna do it?” look then we responded with the “YES YES GO!” look! This song was a sacred moment that i never thought i would experience on stage. A moment when there is revival stirring up. I have seen this on several occasions, in retreat etc etc, but this was the first time i was part of the worship team. Lord, thank you for using my little and multiply it! I give thanks.

It really feels better after you reflect, my brain needs work. it can’t take so much stress. However, i love you Lord! I give thanks!
-Amen-

-Kelvin-