=202= Words of Melancholy: Help

Can you help me?

Do you want to help me?

Please help me!

You guys are annoying, can you all help?!

Read these sentences, which of these sentences do you think should be the right way to ask for help?

Of course, one cannot dispute the fact that it might be used in a different context and be interpreted differently. These four sentences have very different uses and messages.

The first, “Can you help me?” gives the listener a choice; to help or not. When one asks this question, the other party simply answers “yes I can” or “no I can’t”. This is a question of availability.

The second, “Do you want to help me?” is no longer a question on availability, but one on attitude. The answers are “yes I want to” and “no I do not want to”. This is used to filter the people working with good attitude or not.

The third, “Please help me!” is no longer a question. This statement is made when you really do need help.

The fourth, “You guys are annoying, can you all help?!” is also not a question, but unlike the fourth—which is a cry for help—this statement is made as though the people there are obligated to help you. It demands help from people that are supposed to!

Well, none of these are wrong if used in the right context, but some are more aggressive than others. Knowing this, one should never use the wrong statement when asking for help.

If you are struggling like mad, ask for help like number 3. Do not be proud and simply use number 1, for it will cause unwanted discord if the person says no. If you are doing a chore and simply want help, use number 1, do not use let’s say number 2 and put the person in a moral dilemma; sometimes, I can help you but I do not really want to, because of various reasons. Asking 2 will bring the message that if I say no, I am bad and do not want to help/I am a bad person, it will put one in a situation where he feels that he has no choice. Number 4 should only be used when someone is supposed to help but isn’t, not when one doesn’t know that he needs to help. If one doesn’t know that he needs to help, remind once kindly, then if subsequently he still doesn’t help, then 4 is acceptable. However, when asking one for help, one should be clear on what the party should be doing, if one is not clear, the fault doesn’t lie on the party but on you. When using number 4, reflect upon whether the use is necessary, if not, do not use it. This is because 4 will reflect that you expect the party to be obligated to help, if he doesn’t he is in the wrong. Sometimes the case does not call for it.

Oh well, just a little rant on tonality of speech. People really need to be more careful.

Got really depressed over the response, I guess I am really a Sang. Father, I felt so empty when there was no response. Lord, secure me. Remind me that my worth isn’t based on people’s views of me, but is based on how much you are loving me! Lord, still my heart again, stir in me a desire to want more! Lord, break me out of my bad habits! Allow me to fast. Father keep me accountable!
Thank you Lord!
-Amen-

-Kelvin-

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