=212= Melancholic Reflections: Yourself

Been reading a bit of GK Chesterton’s Orthodoxy and sadly i must say that i do not understand it. However, I understood one part. Believing in yourself will not make you great. GK Chesterton said that actors that can’t act, writers that can’t write believes in themselves. It is better to say that I will fail because that is more likely.

Let me explain. Let us start with an example of a musician. A musician can either be self taught or taught by a teacher. However, is being self taught really true? I think not. I think everyone self taught ought to have an example or help or guidance of some sort. Cobus Potgieter had to download/watch free videos online to learn. So in this way, he is not self taught, he is internet videos taught. He did not believe in himself, he believed in the internet videos. You have to understand that it is impossible to learn something on your own. If you argue that you can look up on information online, now who taught you how to use the internet? If you argue that you can find books on the topic, who taught you to read? Things are usually not mutually exclusive. It is because someone taught me to read that i am able to read books. As I am able to read books, I am able find information. As I am able to find information, I learn about (let’s say) the earth and it’s features from an encyclopaedia. If i never learned how to read, i will never learn about the earth and it’s features.

Let us go back to the original example of the musician. From teaching, i realised that some people catch beats faster than others. Now why is that? I think it is because some people are more used to coordinating their arms and legs compared to others; A basketball player that trains himself to coordinate their limbs are more likely to be faster than someone who does not exercise. Next, They might be more inclined to music than other people. I think (let’s say) a guitarist that has been playing music for 5 years has better knowledge about rhythm compared to a person that was just trying out!

Belief in oneself is the belief that one can do something without other people’s help. It is understandable though, I mean who doesn’t want to be good in something without working hard? Who likes to put down one’s pride to ask for help? Don’t we all have a secret desire to be a prodigy? However, it really isn’t possible; to play an instrument without help is not possible. Even if you are self taught, I bet you listen to music! Belief in oneself is like a someone believing that he/she can play an instrument without even practicing or worse; believing that he/she can play an instrument without even listening to music. It is not possible.

When we rely on others, we are trusting others; we are believing in others. We are essentially saying that we are ignorant and the other party is good. So in this case no one can say that they do not need anyone to rely on.

~

I was really struggling just now. Then when i went into the pool and did my usual warm ups I couldn’t, i felt the need to put down my legs and do a different kind of warm up. Then, I heard the Lord, “Don’t put it down, I believe you can do it!”

And so i put it up again.

Then i felt that i really cannot do it, then the Lord encouraged me again, “I believe in you”

I put it up again.

This went on until it felt really painful and i just told the Lord, “Lord, I don’t even believe in myself, how can you believe in me?”

“Because i love you. I made you and i love you and so i believe in you”

These words were so comforting in my melancholic head giving me peace. I completed my warm ups successfully with no compromise.

~

The Lord has been revealing a little about me through my walk with him. Recently through a walk home he reveal another part of me.

While walking home, i noticed a snail in the path. Of course i did not step on it, but i think it will be good to at least move him into the grass patch so he will not be stepped on and be killed. So i tried lifting it up, but there was resistance. Of course I have the physical strength to lift a snail up, but i just did not want to hurt it. Therefore, I left it there and walked away. While walking away, the Lord talked to me again, “You are like that, you do not like to hurt others, even if not hurting them might essentially cause their deaths; hurting them for a while might preserve their life!” Said the Lord, almost like a slap in the face. Therefore, i went back, picked the snail up and put it in the grass patch. My thought process was this, “If I do nothing, someone might step on it, it will die. If i lift it up and it dies, it dies. However, if i lift it up and it does not die, i actually save his life!” What is a little hurt gonna do to it?

Lord, I give thanks for speaking into my life! 🙂

-Kelvin-

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