=215= Melancholic Reflections: Boundaries

Today was weird. Well, I am very cautious whenever I am around a girl. I mean, they are nice to talk to and all, but I am extremely aware of whatever I do. Like where I touch, where I do not touch etc etc. Like if you really go notice me, the only area where I am comfortable touching a girl at is like their shoulders and down to their elbows. Apart from that, I will normally avoid touching at all. Maybe shoes and feet sometimes, because I like taking off shoelaces(HAHA!). If I do touch a girl’s thighs, it will normally be just like me poking you with one finger. My limit is like poking a girl at the sides of the belly(Erm I have no idea what to call it, you know the area where you poke and it is ticklish? Yeah, that part!) to tickle them, that is all! I would avoid that part most of the time as well. I do not ask for hugs from girls because nah, why so pushy! I recall asking for a hug from a girl once and I still regret till this day cause… -sigh- it was SO awkward…. She did not want to hug me, but I wanted to, then we ended up in an awkward half hug with bodies apart which was so weird. Apart from that, I don’t want to have unnecessary temptations. A hug is something I reserve for my cell kids. They I can hug all I want! 🙂 I try my best not to be too touchy luhh. I have a friend where my classmates complained about his touchy nature and I see no benefit annoying your friends with something so basic. Why not respect their boundaries and have a better relationship with them as a result?

Let me side track a bit, my love language is Quality Time and Receiving Gifts. That is how I personally love people and express my love and receive love. I much rather have a nice time where we can get to know each other better personally than to have a time where we just get so touchy. I mean what is the point of being touchy but knowing little about the person? With this two gifts, I realised that I can really get close with someone in a way. Letter writing. I enjoy receiving cards/notes/letters from someone and recently, I like replying them, for this creates unlimited potential to get to know someone! You will not just make a shallow relationship, you will make a more in depth relationship! A funny thing is that “Physical Touch” is my last love language, but that does not mean I do not enjoy touch. In fact, touching to me has so much more significance! I limit myself touching someone, hence this allows me to value touch as a gift. Reserved for the close few. I am very touchy with my kids and a few of my friends. I think among guys, another love language I actually give is actually touch. Among girls, I am even more aware. I take very close note of contact.

Today, I was interacting with my internship mates and one of them was a girl. She rested her elbow on my shoulder. Well, I have a weakness. I have a weakness for any girl that touches my shoulders longer than a poke. Mainly due to an earlier incident few years back with C. She rested her head on my shoulder. I was an idiot. With the relationship not clear. With me tempting myself everyday while praying for God to keep the relationship pure and good, platonic you know. But how is that possible when you are tempting yourself? That is really stupid. From then on, contact on my shoulders brings back memories that now haunt me. Let me confirm something okay, I have nothing going on with my internship mate! She rested her elbow like a Bro/Sis would. I just had a weak spot there but she did not know.

I need more insight on this kinda things as well. I mean she was just being a friend, but how should my response be? How should I react? Push her away? Tell her that I am not comfortable? Continue? Another girl that I interacted with would slightly “hit” my stomach. Once again, what should my response be? When I gave my blog link to someone, I was worried that she would see what I blogged about and so I made it password protected! What are my boundaries for the words I use?

Oh well, I am still struggling to find my own boundaries and boundaries for interacting with others. Be more firm on what to do and what not to do. Be more focussed on what I am supposed to do this year(my cell/CAMY) and not get myself distracted by these kinda things.

I am thankful that I have such a friend though! She would sometimes add on to my crap and play around with me! I mean sometimes things are already so tiring and serious, what is wrong with being a little childish? Be childish and have a good laugh! It will really brighten your day up! Having a fun conversation can distract you from something. Glad that I have friends like that and I have found one in internship! 🙂

Thank you Lord!
-Amen-

-Kelvin-

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