=225= Words of Melancholy: Numb

Lord, I lament. My heart is now numb. Lord, it feels horrible to have my heart numb. To have sinned and not feel anything, my heart why are you so far from the Lord? Father, I want to honour you with everything that i do, but it is just so tough.

I noticed for a while now, I am extremely long winded. Whether is it sharing, draw my life, etc etc, I always seem to talk a lot. Time to learn how to keep things short.

Why do I always focus on the bad things? Do i dare say, only because I want to be a better man? Perhaps focusing on the bad things all the time shows my character to be pessimistic and having a lack of faith.

Quite honestly, I am finding it hard to find a highlight to the set today. Apart from the playing, which was not bad–I managed to play a lot better now than lets say a few months back; I am quite satisfied with the result of my practice with the metronome! However, above the playing, my worship was just bland. It is a set with my playing that is good and my worship that was bad. Father, surely you were in the room, but, -sigh- I didn’t know it. Father, please bring me back. Stay with me. Allow me to worship you and lead worship.

Perhaps, commenting on the bad stuff just distracts people and myself on my worship. Lord, Father, please stay with me.

I see J now and I am getting more and more irritated. Why the heck are you not treating me like you know me? I made up already Lord, shouldn’t you act your part? Father, the message today did not lead me to think of J, but after service and seeing him still acting differently when he hears me talk just annoyed the crap out of me. Father, don’t make me say sorry a second time.

The Lord, lead me to think of Thomas(‘Thomas’ is an alias). Oh well, i will have to talk to him soon luhh, but i really do not want to make up through text, next week then.

Got to chat and caught up with Miss Tan today. Prayed for her and told her about Wed. Well, all in all, i give thanks for such a friendship and I quite love the different relationships i had formed with her brothers!

Lord, too many things going on again. Please realign my heart to your heart and let me find that love for you once more! Thank you God!
-Amen-

-Kelvin-

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