=259= Words of Joy & Melancholy: SSF

SSF or Secondary School Friends! Haha! It is increasingly difficult to come up with like new post titles, so yeah! A  bit of creativity there! 😛 This is a special post cause it has both Joy and Melancholy, so yeah!

Oh well, today i went to NYP for Jin Leong’s concert. It was interesting. For one it reminded me the last time i went for his concert two years ago. That time it wasn’t in the big room. Oh wait, let me side track a bit please! The rooms in NYP are AMAZING. Like WOW! The acoustics in the place were so good that the conductor did not need a mic to engage with the audience! The instruments were all very clear even without mic-ing! Just really nice! People really should pay more attention to acoustics! Let’s go back to it!

The last time i went for his concert, I went with C & C. Well, I remembered a lot of memories and it stung again. I remembered listening to the pieces and trying to impress her with my hearing saying that someone is off. I remembered listening to one piece and telling her that it sounded like carnival music, “Get your free popcorn here!” I remembered afterwards we went to Macs at Hougang 1 and had supper. I remembered listening in close to their conversation and then remembering her english teacher’s name. I remembered teasing her that I will get her ants for her birthday. It honestly stung.

Well, this time around, I went with Elaine and Yun Yu. It was great. Haha, we were extremely noisy and we just miss each other’s company. On our way home, I asked Elaine if she was still in contact with anyone from Bowen. She told me not really that the Mac Jack clique is the only group of friends that she still keep in contact. That is really sad, because we haven’t been meeting very much. I could finally mention C’s name without it being too obvious. Elaine told me that she met her one day, greeted C very friendly, but C just responded coldly. Well, when i heard that, I could totally imagine her doing that. Like, she was not responding like that because she hates you or anything, but because it was in her nature. She has those resting bitch face and yeah, they were pretty scary! It honestly slipped my mind that she was like that, but when mentioned, it stood out like a sore thumb. I am really sad that Mac Jack had to come to a place like this because of what happened between us. It may be a bit narcissistic to think that it was because of us, but it was much easier before than now. MUCH easier. I decided to treasure my group of friends after wallowing in self pity for so long, I am still very thankful that i did, but she doesn’t seem to treasure them at all. It really boils down to one question, “How can you throw something like that away so easily?”

I really can’t understand.

I see the wrong in my actions as well. For we were not together officially, I often used Mac Jack as an excuse to see her. “Hang out in groups, so you will not tempt yourself!” was what i used to always say. Now i see it as nothing more than weak advise. Hanging out in groups doesn’t mean you can’t grow closer and tempt yourself. Rather, it gives you a false sense of security as though the group would stop you guys from going too far. Today, on top of my secondary school friends, there were Elaine’s classmates as well! There was an unofficial couple. The whole night, Yun Yu and I were commenting on them being together. Elaine told me that if you asked them, they would say that they are not a couple. That her class used to be very close. The girl had a close female friend in class and that they would do many projects together. However, since the unofficial relationship started, the girl has been requesting for the guy to join the group as well. The guy sounded like a passive aggressive person; hinting the class that he also didn’t want to be in groups of three, but no choice. Oh come on, if you want to group with your girlfriend, just do it lah! Don’t be so annoying as to say so much and mean so little.

In this, I can already see how unhealthy this relationship is. First of all, there is no need to spend so much time together already and still work together. I mean, sure, it may be a great chance to work together and continue to spend time with each other, but, you will still need friends luhh come on. People that do that, inches out many of the friends that they have. Elaine told me that the guys that hang around the guy are angry with him for not spending time with them. At first sight, you might find his friends as petty, but who would not get annoyed at someone that treats friendships like dirt? If they ever do break up, it is not going to be pretty. Both the guy and girl will have few friends left to console them.

Well, I used to see unofficial relationships as sweet. For they are best friends but not yet together! Awww…. But no. Now i see them as dangerous and lazy. Why dangerous, I already explained, it gives them a false sense of security. This in turns makes them go even further.  Why Lazy? It makes them intimate without committing much to each other. With their words “as friends”, they are going to hurt each other and they are just going to hold it in, because they like each other. If they don’t commit to the title, they don’t have to commit to standards. It is actually permissible for them to do anything! Since they are not in a relationship, they can do whatever they want. If I want to go out with someone else, I can, because I don’t have a girlfriend. This is shown, sadly in one of my favourite comic book characters of all time, Archie Comics. Archie is a guy that likes two girls, Betty and Veronica. For 60+ years in the comics, he hasn’t made a decision who to go steady with. In one of the stories, it pictured Veronica started hanging out with this elderly woman. The elderly woman was then shown to be fighting over an old man with her friend. Veronica imagined her future with her being old, but still fighting with Betty over Archie. Isn’t it a pitiful relationship to be in? Well, it may be more fun to not make a decision on who to go steady with, but it is selfish. Kissing both girls and having relationship with both of them, that is not healthy. However, honestly, that is what makes Archie Comics so nice to read as well. You can do anything you want if you don’t commit. However, do you know that because you are in an unofficial relationship, you are going to hurt the other party if you did that? Well, most people have the sense to not hurt each other, so for that i am thankful.

Well, after writing this, I normally would password protect it, but time has passed for so long already, i reckon that it would matter anymore. Well, people that actually reads my blog are people that don’t know me, people that knows about C or people that I can trust. SO yeah! Just gonna leave it public and give glory to the Lord. I give thanks that after the relationship that i had with C, I grew a lot in the Lord. I grew a ton in self control, i am honestly surprised at my response to someone i was attracted to. Looks like I am getting better at guarding my own heart! Thank You God!

Well, if there was one thing that I can conclude about this post it would be that there are actually things apart from relationships; like family, friends and studies! Please please please please treasure those things as well, for your relationship will not be the only thing sustaining you.

-Kelvin-

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=258= Words of Joy: Give Thanks

Well, I can’t say that life is bad now! In fact I think that right now, I am doing quite fine! 🙂

I am really thankful for company that just makes life more light hearted and with more laughter. I give thanks for my ability to talk to others. I give thanks for it being more controlled and for a greater purpose now.

I give thanks for slight victory over an area. I give thanks for being able to practice drums. I give thanks for my soul being more still. I give thanks for things that are happening! I give thanks for inspiration. I give thanks for delight in what I am doing in school.

Lord, please continue to bless me.

Father, please bring revival to the church. Please bring fire and passion to my cell. Please bring authencity into the ministry! Thank you Lord!

-Amen-

-Kelvin-