=255= Melancholic Reflections: GoFest

Wow. It was just amazing! I am so glad I went there for LC! πŸ™‚ I think recently my walk had been quite bland and I really wanted a breakthrough and for God to break my heart. Well, God did.

First of all, the worship atmosphere. Incredible. I think I have been worshiping in R-AGE for so long that I sometimes forget the amazing feeling of congregational worship. Sis ZF told me that she doesn’t understand why it was so good. Like she still needed to look at lyrics and sing along, but she could worship very easily! I told her that almost 80% of worship is on the congregation. I recalled a period of time back in Rhema Confenrence. I remembered that the worship atmosphere was so much different than now. Everyone was hyped up everyone had fire for the Lord! Now sad to say, the congregation isn’t half as responsive and the worship atmosphere has been going down…. 😦

God’s presence in the worship atmosphere there was just so tangible and thick(but not suffocating). It was interesting, they only played two songs and neither were very emo nor praise-y, but the congre’s energy just carried it! Lord, thank you for letting me experience worship in this way.

Then, when they showed the videos, perhaps VP was the reason; I started dissecting the video and seeing weakness in audio. However, the shots was well shot! But the voice-overs, transition in music etc was a bit choppy! But I think the editor just didn’t have enough time!

Then, there was this speaker named, “Crystal Goh”. When she spoke she had a shaky voice due to her vocal condition. Then she took up the ukulele and started to sing. WOW. Suddenly, her shaky voice disappeared and an beautiful and intimate voice started to sing. Though there were a few notes off here and there, but it was REALLY impressive! I just listened and looked in amazement.

Then, came the speaker. I did not catch her name, but her words and conviction was just incredible. I loved how she made it funny for a while, then she brought all the attention to the Lord, saying that nothing that she says can change us; only Jesus can. Humbling herself. She tell told of a story of a Thai girl. She brought out a glass cup and said that this was you when God created you. Flawless and simply beautiful. She said that the Thai girl was in the poorest part of Thailand and that she was the poorest of the poor. Her father was a knife maker and her mother makes charcoal. Well, she had her father, that is not te norm in Thailand! So she is lucky isn’t she? But no. Her father was a drunk and whenever she came home, she had to make sure if her father was sober. If he is not, she had to quickly hide the knifes, if not he is going to hurt us again. Then she was sold to someone else. Then, she was tricked into prostitution. The telling of the story just invoked too much emotion. It was an incredible testimony. The Thai girl grew up and she became an amazing evangelist.

She then talked about the woman that was bleeding for 12 years and just wanted to touch Jesus’ garments to get healed. She now was healed and now found new identity as God’s daughter.

She told us not to go out to the mission field just because Jesus said so. Go out because you are so loved that you can’t help it but go. He told us to just get loved before going out. Don’t burn out and just get loved.

I give thanks Lord.

The Thai Girl prayed for us afterwards when the speaker introduced her to us. Honestly, I want prayer. I want to go up to the anointed and have then pray for me so that I can receive more. Lord, please give me strength to run! Give me strength to love you. Lord, please let me just sit here and be loved by you. Father, please stay with me.

Thank you Lord!

-Amen-

-Kelvin-

=254= Stories to Tell: Two Choices

Eric lost his phone and was searching for it. Then came someone offering help to find the phone. He gave Eric two choices if he do find the phone. One, he finds it, he tells Eric where he found it, but he gets to keep the phone. Two, he returns the phone to Eric, but he will not know where and how he got it.

Eric listened and said, “Of course I would choose two! I simply want my phone! Who cares what happened to it!”

So the man searched, found the phone and returned to Eric. Eric was delighted and went his way.

Then the man met another person named, “Thomas”. Now Thomas looked really depressed and was searching for someone on his phone. The man asked Thomas of he was looking for something. Thomas opened up to him saying that he wanted to talk to the girl that he liked but she didn’t want to talk to him. They were close before but now it was just awkward. Thomas said that he would be happy if he knew some more information about her recently. The man gave Thomas two choices as well. One, he will go up to the girl, talk to her and bring back information to him, but not bringing her back. Two, he will bring her to his face but he will not prepare Thomas by giving him any information. Thomas then thought about it and said, “I think the information would satisfy me, just gir me the information.”

Hence, the man went his way and collected information and gave Thomas. Thomas read through it and continued to ask questions about the girl and demanding the man to give him more information. The man refused to search further left the place. Thomas was left even more broken than he first was.

Now the man met a girl named, “Lily”. Now Lily was all alone at the water bank, crying. The man walked up to her and sat down right next to her. The man comforted Lily and then continued to ask what was going on. Lily just scored horribly in school, he just broke up with her boyfriend and she had an intense quarrel with her mum. Her whole world was falling apart and she just want to stop and end her life. The man listened and had compassion for her. He then offered two choices. One, he can help Lily with her suicide, he told Lily that he knew how to let Lily die quickly and painlessly and most importantly, guilt-free. Two, he can help Lily live. He told Lily that he can walk Lily through life; he can be her friend supporting her advising her stuff!

Lily thought about it and was surprised at her own response; she wants to live. She was puzzled, she wondered why she had such a change of mind and she asked the man of he knew, since he is now her friend and is supposed to give her advise. The man said, “Do you know why? It is because Reality matters. Returning to reality is the only way to solve the problems that were posed by the world. Simply dreaming about something is not enough. Having your mind run wild while having nothing in the real world happening means nothing. Having a fight and argument with someone is better than to avoid someone and then counting score with the person in your mind. I just gave two men a choice just now, a choice similar to your’s. One chose to chase reality and got what he wanted without knowing much. The seconds chased after his own wishful thinking that some information will be enough, but it wasn’t enough for him. He wanted more. He wanted more than these information. Deep down, he wanted reality. You wanted reality. You were thinking between running away from reality by killing yourself and continuing reality and hurt yourself. You simply needed someone to give you a little care and concern and a little push. When I did, you chose reality and I am so glad you did.”

Lily digested it and replied, “why do you even give people two choices anyway? If you knew what was good, why not just try to convince the person to take the better option?”

The man replied, “Because if I only showed them the better one, it would not be reality. It is reality that you are able to run away from it. It is reality that gives us choices like these! It is in reality that we learn about what is really important in life. I have a mission to show reality. I cannot show an imbalance view of life.”

Lily understood and she went back home. The man continued to give people two choices.

-Kelvin-

=253= Comfort Songs: Till I See You

Till I See You by Hillsong
The greatest love that anyone could ever know
That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
And ’til I see You face to face
And grace amazing takes me home, I’ll trust in You

With all I am I live to see Your kingdom come
And in my heart I pray you’d let Your will be done
And ’til I see You face to face
And grace amazing takes me home, I’ll trust in You

I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of You

You are the voice that called the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
And ’til I see You face to face
And grace amazing takes me home, I’ll trust in You

You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy, Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name

~

Today had been a horrible day. Honestly affected by responses. Got my mood extremely sapped because of what one person did. Got me super annoyed and irritated. I didn’t do anything wrong, but you had to phrase it in such a way that made me the bad guy. This is not the way to stand up for your beliefs. No, not at all. I remembered back in secondary 2, when i stopped swearing and cursing, I wanted my friends to stop as well. Hence, I hit, yes, physically hit, my friends whenever they curse. Saying, “don’t say bad words in front of me”. Do you think it work? Of course not. My friends continued to swear and our relationship soured. Violence solves nothing, even a physical reminder does nothing. Stop. Just stop. There is no need to stoop down so low as to do a something wrong just Β because someone did. The way the blacks in America got their freedom was through non-violence, an amazing power that broke through for them. They did not retaliate to Β unfairness. They did not start fights. They showed the shame of the other party’s actions and won the battle for civil rights.

Then, today, i failed once again. -sigh- My flesh, when will you listen to me? Stop succumbing to the devil’s temptations. RUN AWAY. Get the hell away from it and speak in tongues. Run away and listen to Christian Music. Run away and play drums. Distract yourself. Please stop harming yourself.

This song has brought much comfort to this horrible horrible day. Thank you Lord! “You alone are God of all, You alone are worthy, Lord and with all i am, my soul will bless your name.”

Father, please help me.

-Kelvin-

=252= Words of Melancholy: Justify

It is a very bad human habit for people to justify themselves when they are corrected, it is understandable though, I mean everyone feels that they are right. However before trying to justify one’s actions, one should take a step back, listen and think. Think for yourself if what you did was right or wrong. If it was not wrong, justify yourself is alright, just be more aware of yourself. If it was wrong, be humble, don’t justify yourself. Admit that you are wrong. Don’t be proud. Put your pride down for a second and actually thank the person correcting you or at least say sorry.

Next though, is just wrong. When being corrected, you try to push the blame to another party. For example, when one is corrected, one would often say, “Then he/she shouldn’t have does this!” I am honestly sick of this reason. To commit a wrong because someone else did something against you is wrong. Your wrong actions aren’t justified. You are not right. If you are, terrorist are all right for bombing places. Doing a wrong when someone did something against you is not right. To bomb a place because people of the nation hurt you is not right. To do wrong when you are angry is not right. To do wrong when you are tired and irritated is not right. Suck it up, don’t push your wrong to someone else or change the focus. The focus is that you did wrong and that is something you should not have done. If swearing is wrong. Only swearing when you are angry is wrong. Law needs to be fixed and solid, if not it will not work.

In this world, you will bound to offend someone and people are bound to offend you. Them offending you is an issue and it can be solved slowly by correcting. However, the bigger issue is your response to the offense or correction. First, is the person more important or your pride more important? Second, if you know the person’s character, you will know if he is genuine or not, you take in correction if it is right! Your response would determine your tone. Always humble. Don’t get angry over the littlest of things. A person would more likely accept someone’s message if it was given in a good tone.

-Kelvin-

=251= Words of Joy: Provision

It has been an interesting few weeks. First or all, I have been doing well in school! I really didn’t expect me to become choleric again, but it does have it’s benefits! I am really quite proud of my VP video! πŸ™‚ I finally learned how to properly do colour correction. I should have learned first!

Then, I saw C again on Friday. She had a new hairstyle, shorter hair now, sitting with S. It roused up emotions again. My search history just shows my shame. I kept google-ing her name to see what i could find. Not my proudest moment. The loneliness sat in again. -sigh- I had such a bad start to the week. Lord, will you please redeem my week? Please bless me Lord! Lord, please stay with me.

The Lord isn’t going let me run from evangelism. Its funny. Evangelism is really my biggest weakness in my walk. I find it so hard to preach to my friends. Especially my friends. I mean, if it is a stranger, it would not affect my relationship with him. However, if it is my friend, I risk losing my friend. Last year, i somehow got into Bro Wallis’ group to reach out to others. However, due to it always happening on like Sat and Sun night, I didn’t go because it was my family time. Perhaps it was just an excuse. The Lord, really wants me to work on it. Somehow or another, Yun Ying texted me to be a facilitator of R-AGE ALPHA. I dunno what happened between me and Huan Ting, there were some forgotten communications(or miscommunications) and she said that i was interested to be a facilitator. I actually have a desire to to take up another ministry, apart from CAMY and CL-ing. For two years, i didn’t commit to another ministry because I know my limits and I was already very busy. I didn’t want to commit to another ministry and not giving my all for all three. My thinking was that it is better to take up little ministries and give your best rather than to commit to many ministries and neglecting them all. Giving my best matters a lot to me. If i was unable to give my all, i am unsatisfied with the result. This can be seen in my work in school and in church. However, i do believe that my capacity to serve God has increased. There is no better time to take up another ministry. No internship, no FYP, might as well give up Sat morning to the Lord!

When i received the message, I asked the Lord whether should i do it? I didn’t get an answer, but i didn’t get like a bad feeling as well. Perhaps it is the Sang in me? Haha, so i just took the plunge. Lord, please use these 12 weeks to give me a greater breakthrough in my walk.

The Lord Provides(hence, the title). Elsa gave me a Dashboard Album! Just when like i was looking at my ITunes and wanted new music. I heard Stolen on Thurs and I wanted another dashboard album! Then on Sun, this happens! Thanks Elsa! πŸ™‚

I heard from Arel that Lifehouse had released a new album! SO tempted to buy…. But NO, cannot! I saw that Charlie Lim has a concert in esplanade…. $50…. argh….. NO… I need to save money for something! Having the new album helps ease this urge a lot! πŸ™‚

Lord, Will you please provide in that area as well? Help me to be disciplined and save enough!

Thank You Lord!

-Kelvin-

=250= Thankgiving of the Week

Thanksgiving 31/5/2015:

Woke up feeling horrible….
So tired…. 😦
Oh well, thank God for the shower, felt so much better after that!
109 came fast!
Got on to the MRT! πŸ™‚
Got to botanics
Met Lucas
Got to school on time
The video was alright luhh
Managed to complete the whole Robbery Bob game! πŸ™‚ 
IS is OVER!
Went to MDS there
Had lemon chicken cutlet rice! Not bad! πŸ™‚
Managed to get some practice time before lesson!
Lesson went smooth
Went to Bras Barsah
Checked out watches, don’t have the watch I wanted to buy
Check out cymbals, don’t have sultan line! At least not in the display! But the people there seems really nice! πŸ™‚
Got home
Went for a run
Timing was alright
Tried pull ups and standing broad jump!
Got home
Failed horribly
Good dinner
Manage to relax and finish watching Code Blue! πŸ™‚
Missed Kuroda Sensei so much! It really isn’t the same without him!
Woke up
Had diarrhea
Today’s MUTS was super productive! We managed to do so much from like the verse to pre-chorus! Managed to do much!
Alright lunch
Had diarrhea in school… :/
Managed to do up the script for tmr’s filming! πŸ™‚
Went to school
Was a pretty interesting lesson
Ended a bit late
“Planned” out? Ok luhh
Managed to do some filming
Decided to stay in school to do some editing rather than go to church straight
Managed to do up a bit of work
J333 was nice!
Tiff came! πŸ™‚
Enjoyed God’s presence
Jesus cares for me!
Went out for supper!
Rose teh was quite nice!
Got home
Woke up
Had fun in class
Lunch was alright
Had a nice time together with Jia Jun, Yu Hui and Tat on the MRT!
Managed to catch 118! πŸ™‚
Got home! Tried some audio editing!
Got out of the house quite late!
Got to school on time!
Lessons were alright
Lessons ended early! πŸ™‚
Went to canteen 4 to eat! Food there are cheap and good! πŸ™‚
Had apple yakult!
Went to film!
Was good!
Got to class late… :/
Got told that we need to finish and return the camera by 4.30!
Managed to! πŸ™‚
Got home with Jun Yi! πŸ™‚
Played a little drums!
Had a little nap!
Got to grandma’s
Good dinner with curry! πŸ™‚
Bought bread for ah ma!
On the way there, saw C sitting with S in Macdonalds. 😦
She had a new hairstyle.
Lord ah, I want a chance to talk to her one on one just to settle things, but I am just too chicken for it…
Got back
Watched the Benny Greb lesson! WOW! SO amazing! πŸ™‚
Then continued work for VP! Lord! I pray that you continue to bless me and allow me to edit a good fine cut! πŸ™‚
Woke up late
Reached church late
Managed to play some games!
Training was cool!
Enjoyed the training
Got to tanjong pagar
Had good lunch!
Got home
Had a nap
Good dinner!
Managed to edit finish my VP project!
My heart is in the wrong place. Lord, I need to beat my body and flesh into submission
Got up a bit late!
Had tuna croissant! πŸ™‚
Managed to bring some of my kids out to the petrol kiosk! πŸ™‚
Bought them food!
Cell was alright!
Received a Dashboard CD from Elsa! πŸ˜€
Thank you so much Elsa! πŸ™‚
Got to service!
Lord, thank you for blessing me with your worship! πŸ™‚
Service was nice! πŸ™‚
Prayed for my Sec 4s that they will do well in O levels on Tues!
Got to Kovan with Jun Kang and had lunch with him
Sad that someone didn’t take the bus… 😦
Got home
Slept a bit
Went to Hougang for Bak Ku Teh!
So bad… 😦
Went to see the doctor for my skin
Managed to edit more!