There is this amazing girl that I have fallen for. Hey name is Eva. She made me want to be someone better. Someone better than what I am now; to be someone even a bit close to be able to be fit to be someone that can be by her side. I really really want to date her. Whatever she does is pleasing in my sight. Her dark chestnut hair, her almond shaped face, her beautiful brown eyes… Wow…
However, I cannot be with her.
It is not like she has a boyfriend or anything. If she has one, there is still a slight chance that I can get to date her. However, it is impossible for us because my past is catching up to me. I got another girl pregnant.
I admit. I am an ass. There is no other word more suitable to describe me. I really hate who I am. I was 28 but I was still free loading off my parents. I had several jobs and opportunities, but I quit because it was all too tough for me. I had several girlfriends but I dumped them for the next because I wanted to play around more with girls. I not only argued and shouted at my parents. I stole money from them too. Even though I never did take drugs and I never did get into fights, I bet I am less likeable than a lot of the gangsters today. To be honest, I didn’t really care as well. Who cares if I am bad? As if anyone cares. No one can judge me for me being who I am. What is so wrong about me wanting to get a prettier girlfriend? What is wrong with me wanting to go further and further physically with my girlfriend? Isn’t she supposed to be mine? I can do whatever I want with her.
At least that was what I thought before.
I met Eva in my own house. My Mum had a colleuge friend and she wanted to bring her over for dinner. She came with her daughter, Eva. When I first saw Eva, I had no intention of dating her because first of all, she may be pretty, but she isn’t as hot as my girlfriend. However, I noticed something so different about her. The way she talks, the way she phrases her words, the way she laughs, the jokes she makes; The things that she does was so sophisticated. No, not sophisticated, more like, elegant. She has the ability to do awkward actions and look good too.
However, I never did think much about her. Her mum complimented me and joked about how good we looked together. My mum made me ask for Eva’s number. Well, I never did contact her because it was just one occurrence.
Then, a few months later, my girlfriend broke up with me. I decided to call another girl up. I called Eva. I tried all my smooth talking, but nothing worked on her. It seemed like she could see through all my actions. I gave up chasing after her and went for another girl, Mandy.
Well, Mandy is really nice. Mandy is a standard girl next door. A girl too good for me. I honestly believe that Mandy deserves someone better than an ass of a person I am. I kept pushing for us to go all the way physically, but Mandy always stops me. However after 6 months of consistant pushing, she gave way and agreed. Soon after that, I broke up with Mandy too.
A month later, Mandy called me up to tell me that she is pregnant. She asked me what should she do. The jerk of a person I am said without thinking, “Abort it”. I said that I will provide her with the money to abort it. She cried and told me that she doesn’t want to. I told her that I cannot support her and abortion is good for the both of us.
It was during the same time that I got a job that happened to be where Eva worked. Eva became my supervisor. I was slacking as usual until one day Eva could take me no longer and she shouted at me and scolded me. I never been scolded by someone that is around my age before I simply got shocked. Eva reprimanded my attitude claiming it to be “shit”. I simply decided to buy her a drink to make amends. So I asked her out for coffee. So we sat down and we talked. She explained her actions and why she shouted at me and everything and I started to understand her a bit better. Everything went well. I started to notice that I want to be better. I don’t want to be this useless bum anymore. I want to be able to be someone.
Eva and I started having a very good time together. We started to have fun working with each other. We started to go out for lunch together and simply enjoyed each other’s company.
One day, I noticed that Eva did not turn up for work. So I called her up. Turns out she was down with a very bad fever and had to be sent to the hospital last night. I decided to go down personally to visit her.
When I went off to buy a present for her, Mandy called me. It has been almost two months since she told me that she was pregnant. I simply banged her call. I knew that Mandy would not have went for the abortion. Though I was troubled, I went to see Eva.
I walked in and I saw Eva appearing so pale and sickly. Despite of that, she still smiled and greeted me when she saw me. I gave her the little bear that I bought from the gift shop with a get well soon card. I asked about her condition and how she was feeling. Then Mandy called again. I rejected the call then I shut down my phone. Eva being who she was asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing lah” I replied nonchalantly.
She then went on to convince me to tell her saying that it is not healthy to keep everything to myself.
“I can tell you, but please do not look down on me” I responded to her probing.
“I never did look down on you and I never will” she assured me.
I then revealed the whole pregnancy thing to her. In the process of saying it, I have no idea what got over me, tears just flowed. I really don’t want Eva to see me like this. Eva comforted me. When I calmed down, she told me that she will not look down on me, but she will remind me to do the right thing and that is to take responsibility. However, the choice is still mine. To take up the reaponsibility or not is still up to me. Whatever decision I make she would still support me.
I went off thinking about what was the right thing to do. By then, I knew I liked Eva. I know that I want to marry her and spent the rest of my life with her. However, the man that I want to be now tells me that I want to be the man that is responsible for my actions. That if I made a mistake, I would take up the consequence. I then decided to take responsibility for Mandy and called her up to tell her that I will try to support her financially.
Though now has been a few years down the road, I have another kid coming along in about three months time, I still think about Eva. The girl that made me want to be a proper human. She made me want to be better so that I can be with her, but because of that, I could not.
Eva and I are still friends and my marriage with Mandy is going strong. I can honestly say that I love her. Due to a great job offer, I can afford to support my family now! 🙂 On top of that, I can say that I am the man Eva is proud of for doing the right thing.