=286= Melancholic Reflections: Why Are You Responding?

Well, today was interesting.

I was feeling a bit down and putting myself down before worship due to certain things I did. Well, haha, I was scolded by Elsa, but yeah really thankful for it though! Like I know that even though Elsa scolds me for the stupid things I do, she would not stop being my friend and my leader. For that I am very grateful! 🙂 then while I was feeling down and regretting doing what I did, Esna asked me to close PUSH. Which honestly made me feel like I am the wrong person for the job. Haha, like with all the down feelings, I would have liked if you had asked someone else. Nevertheless I prayed.

Then during worship, still feeling the depression, I just wanted to worship God and forget about it. Recently, I noticed a revival in G1’s worship. Something is different! Like really different! I haven’t seen praise songs so energetic with so many people jumping for so long! Then I was there for Josh when he dropped his stick.

For the sermon, PJ kept using me as an example, which kinda flattered me I guess! HAHA!

The altar call though.

PJ called for an altar call for people to be contented and not covet. Funny thing is that I am not coveting anything that he listed down in his sermon; I covet over a life that I want.

I guess everything build up to that moment. The failed scholarship. The neglected cell. The lack of time for a CCA in school. I had a bitterness for the Lord. So I simply went up and my bunch of guys(SO PROUD OF THEM) came up to me and put their hands on me. In that moment, I really give thanks! My crazy bunch of guys really was there for me and covered me! I am so privileged! 🙂

Then Justin asked the question that just knocked me out of my euphoria. He asked, “Kelvin, what are you out here for?” Or like “Why did you respond to the altar call?”

Haha, I did that with Justin once and now whenever I go out for an altar call, he comes and asks me this question. However, this time, the question pierced through my heart. Why was I up there? I opened my eyes to realise that I do not know why I responded. So I opened my mouth to explain to Justin.

I started with “I am not getting the results that I want”. I slowly moved on to, “I am unable to do a lot of things that I want to”. Then I finally landed on it, “I am not the man that I want to be”. I want to be a righteous man, I want to be a good example, I want to be better, but it is just so tiring, it is just so difficult. When I said that, tears just flowed.

It was interesting for the Lord to touch me in this way. Thank you God!

I give thanks for the beautiful worship that we had together with Footsteps and DJ with just our mouths! It honestly is quite cool! 🙂 like we could never and I mean never achieve this kind of worship with instruments. Sure a guitar may set the mood and make everything flow so much smoother, but what I want isn’t smoothness. What I want is to worship the Lord and we did it! In our own way! Laughing at every mistake we make! Laughing at the transistions! It was just really nice to hear each and every one of us at least try to contribute to the song! I give thanks! 🙂

Lord, thank you for satisfying your servant’s heart with such a great day! Thank you Lord!

-Amen-

And really, I never felt prouder to be a Sinagporean! People here will give up seats once they notice someone that needs it more! People here care for one another! Thank you God for this beautiful paradise that you have blessed us with! May you continue to prosper us Lord!

-Kelvin-

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