=290= Melancholic Reflections: Today

Today something happened that got me thinking.

Well, i was teaching, when one of my boys wasn’t participating. I kept asking him to put his phone away, but he refuses to. Then one of my older boys told him off. He scolded him for his bad behaviour and attitude. After that, he still refuses to put his phone away. Well, despite of that i still told him to do it nicely. Then another of my guys told me, “Kelvin, you need to stop being so nice”. Even after that, i still did not be stern and angry at him. I refuse to put down my boys’ names just to protect them.

Well, got me thinking about the leader i want to be. I could never understand how people like Kenneth and Tat Wai could change between the nice big brother to the stern leader. It is not easy man. Well, it is probably also because of that boy’s personality. Honestly, it is so difficult to get through with him. I tried, but i don’t think that by disciplining him would work now. The thing that worked the most right now was playing with him.

Am I being a pushover in cell? That i need my cell kids to stand up for me? That even after that, am i still a pushover? My thought process was that there are already two people reprimanding him, if i add on, it will make matter worse and he won’t ever come back. Do i need to be harder on them?

I am aware of that age being the rebellious age. When they don’t listen to anyone and begin to do what they are told not to. I am afraid that me being stern will result in them leaving church. I am scared Lord. My thought process is again, they will get scolded in school and at home, why in the world will they want to come to church to get scolded as well? Of course, that might just be my wishful thinking to just keep them in church long enough until one day God touches their heart. That might be a bad decision to make as well, i mean my primary role is to teach the word of God and set an example for them, not to keep them in church; it is still their choice whether to come or not. That might be wrong of me.

Later on, after cell, i asked the boy’s brother where is he, he told me that he should not be going anywhere. So after worship, i went down to the third level i saw two of my boys there, including that boy. I sat down with them. the older one looked tired. I never seen him look so bad and i just felt bad for him, well i understand, so i did not bug him to go up to service. The phone one just didn’t want to go for service, i think after so many tries, i tried another approach. I did not bug them to go for service at all. I just went ahead for service. Well, later on, EnMing found out about where they are and probably got them up.

Am i really being a pushover? Am I being too nice? I know that i can be angry at them, but would it help? Even if it does get them to service, will it help their spiritual walk at all? I mean, what is the point of going to service with a bad attitude, without listening.

Lord ah, i have very little capacity for all this chasing. it isn’t just one boy, there are so many of my guys running away and chasing them all is just impossible.

I am out of ideas, I am out of solutions, Lord, there is nothing more i can come out with. Father, i can only rely on you.

Father, how? How do i approach this issue? Please help.

I know that Jesus gets angry and probably has more emotions than anyone on earth, but all his anger and his emotions are angry for the right things. Lord, will you please give me that discernment and wisdom to be angry at the correct things?

I also got the news that another one of my boys quit church. -sigh- Lord ah, it is really depressing. Will you please intervene?

Well, be thankful Kelvin. Be grateful! Be thankful that you have guys that loves you so much that they are willing to stand up for you. Be thankful that though this boy is getting away, another boy came back! Funny story!

So what happened was that i restarted the everyone text each other thing again. What this does is that it helps me stay connected with all my guys every week and it helps my guys to stay bonded. So what happened was that I involved this boy that hasn’t been turning up in it too! So he texted, but he texted the wrong guy! He texted one of the leaders in DJ! This resulted in my boy talking to him and that was probably the best thing that could have happened! That leader managed to talk him through and my boy said that he will come today! Amazing! God works even when i am not in control!

I tried texting him and our conversations had been so smooth! πŸ™‚ Then, i was playing around with him during service! Hopefully he will stay for good! πŸ™‚

Lord ah, will you please prosper this cell especially the sec 2s!

Father, give me the wisdom to lead them.

Well, recently, I like to take on the role of the observer in a conversation instead of the one doing the talking. This was because I want to be a good steward of my spiritual gifts and honestly you don’t need to be always talking to be a good man or a friend. You don’t need to always talk to be close to someone. You don’t need to talk to everyone. You don’t need to always talk to make someone feel comfortable.

Interesting enough, i noticed someone that was over talking today and it was irritating some people. It was very weird. Like we were both telling lame jokes, but mine seem to work better than his; like people are responding to my jokes but not responding to his. Is it because I did not say the joke to the whole crowd, but was telling it to someone specific or to like two people? Perhaps when you give someone attention, the attention will be reciprocated. Equivalent Exchange for 1 to 1. However, that doesn’t work when you are trying for 1 to 10 people when they are not listening, hence they don’t reciprocating.

Haha, i overheard someone saying that i was a cool dude! πŸ™‚ Flattered, Bro! πŸ™‚

Need to learn how to find the balance between getting attention from the whole group and having a conversation with just one person.

Need to learn the proper way to handle my kids.

Need to learn not to overdo something when it works.

Need to learn how to have meaningful conversations and building strong relationships

Need to learn how to be a proper friend without crossing boundaries and lines.

Need to learn how to be closer to someone introverted that doesn’t click with me.

Need to learn how to further develop relationships with people that i do have chemistry with.

Need to learn how to grab an opportunity to minister/ for divine appointments. To not let it slip away.

Need to set a good example.

Need to stop complaining and be grateful

Need to learn how to be simple.

Need to learn how to listen to God.

Father, do teach me all these Lord!

Thank you!

-Amen-

-Kelvin-

 

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