Just changed the tagline of this blog from, “Words was how God spoke us and I shall do the same” to “Just a man that is struggling to live a God led life in a God strayed world”
At first when I started this blog, I simply wanted to share my reflections about the bible and what God reveals to me through it. I kinda wanted to get popular with this channel with how much this kid knew about God.
Sure, over time I did get closer with God. I knew more about the Bible in this past three years than the four years that I was a cell kid. I learned about how real the Bible was and not just a fairy tale. I learned doctrine that was incredible.
However, as I quote another blog that I read, “There is something more important than learning doctrine and that is experiencing doctrine.”
I found it harder and harder to post intellectual content on this platform and I found myself posting things more to my heart and reflect upon things that are more about my life and how God has impacted me.
Over time, this platform just became a platform for me to sort my thoughts out. To say what I need to say.
Why the depressing tagline?
I feel myself just getting busier and busier and I just stopped having enough stamina to move. I kept feeling more and more tinges of envy. I kept feeling crappy when I see someone doing better than me in the aspects that I am not doing well at all.
I feel it harder and harder to live a righteous God led life in this world as I grow older. How? Just how does one do it? How can you go through life balancing between so many things? It is just impossible. You cannot serve two masters. Choose.
One, choose the God of the universe that created you and the world around you. He promises you with eternity and give you his kingdom to live with forever and ever.
Two, choose the world that is God strayed and society led. They promise you with a great 60 years ahead of you(your future, they say), money and temporary pleasure.
You would think that the choice is simple. Pick the longest lasting one!
Yeah, like the human brain thinks so linearly. The human brain thinks about life with reference to now. What does it have now? What are we gonna have now? What will you want now?
It is hard ok? It is hard to think of eternity when your eyes can only see the present.
I find myself struggling again and again. I won’t stray away from God, but it just gets really difficult to stay with God and be in the world.
J asked this during contact time a few weeks ago, “Will we lose favour with man when we gain favour with God? Is that the only way”
Is that the only way?
If you asked me when I was that young 17 year old child like faith dude back in 2013, I would definitely said “No! It isn’t! If you gain favour with God, you will definitely gain favour with man because God will transform you to be a better and more pleasant man”
If you ask this cynical 20 year old, I will be hesitant to answer. I know the textbook answers. Trust me. Acting them out is a lot tougher than you think. I too want to be the man that has both the favour with God and men. However it is not the case at all. I must love God more than men. So if the times comes to give up favour from one party, I would choose to give up the favour from men.
Over the years, I came to see that I am just a man struggling to keep afloat in this sinking boat called the world.
I am no great man. I can’t do lots of things.
However, if God calls, I will do it, because I love God. I love God so much. I want to stop and give up everything but no, God called, so I won’t stop.
How can I stop when the God I love actually sent His own Son to die for me?
I am tired yes, but I am not dead. I am still living. I am still living because God breathed His life into me. Clothed me and blessed me with amazing things. Lord, to where you call me to.
I am actually quite disgusted at how I turned out this year, so you know what? Let 2016 be the year where Kelvin becomes a better man. Lord, transform my inside out. Transform my heart. Stay in my life. Allow me to worship you!
Thank you Lord.