=392= Words of Joy: Today

Today was a good day.

It started horribly, but ended very nicely! πŸ™‚

Work was alright! I kinda got EQ. I really wanna try CL5 but they don’t let… 😦 Oh well LS9 is good though! Really playing around and having fun with it!

Oh talking about sound boards, I actually took some time out to analyse and understand the sound system in Emmaus. I finally did! It is basically a Dante network to the rack behind the board then a snake cable running to the stage! The faders on the board is all digital soft patching.

Then, I went to the airport to send Grace off. I decided to send her off because I felt it is more important. It was good! I got to chat well with Xin Mun and Ben Ben. 

I also got to shoot some photos! It was nice!

Then when I got to Church for upper room. I saw some people doing decor for an event. Two people were hungry. So I just went down to Redhill to buy food for them! OI you reading this? Just let me do something manly lah! HAHA! Glad you enjoyed the food! πŸ™‚

Then upper room was nice! Got prayed for. Received a word. Prayed and sang. I give thanks. God, thank you for loving us! πŸ™‚

Then hung out with the event decor people. Was nice! My newly bought fan came in handy too! πŸ™‚

May their event be a success! Very committed Comm! Very Ups!

Then had a nice fun chat with Tiff and Ellie! Hey and guys reading this! Check out this amazing Musician/song writer/director called Namewee! I honestly think that he is EXTREMELY talented and amazing! Fun songs that are musical, what is there not to like?

Then, I went into technical mode to ask Tiff to confirm with the media team on the stage on the ground thingy. Then in the cab, I actually did some planning with them for the event. I actually want to do an event planning, but like I dunno, like right now I kinda don’t have time… 😦 Maybe one day! πŸ™‚

Overall, was a very nice day!

Thank you God!

-Kelvin-

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=390= Reflections: Nickname

Over the course of a few years I have gotten quite a few nick names and have given some to other people. So yeah, let’s just see.

Hello Kitty – Only people from my secondary school calls me this. When I was Sec 1, I always hang out and play around with a few girls. I then began to call different people different nicknames. I can only remember one. I used to call Danise Sng, Dada bird. Haha! Stupid idiot. Then the group of girls one day just came up with this nick name, because you know, “KT EQUALS TO KITTY!” I just facepalmed. Then one day over MSN chat(yes, I was that old). A person made a remark that I am still grateful for till this day. That person said, “If you continue with this disgusting behaviour, you will have no more friends!” That was when it hit me. Me trying all these bad naming stuff and behaviour with these girls was incredibly bad. I pulled back from all the antics and I actually felt like I just lost a few friends, because I felt closer when I was planking and getting attention. Nevertheless, I learned to take a step back and look at myself.

George Bushy – This was a funny one. Back in Rhema a few years back. Eliot was my game group leader. So while trying to know everyone he asked for my name. Me being a stupid young boy, asked Eliot to guess my name. Then Eliot gave one of the most win reply ever! “You look like a George….” AAHAHAHAHA! Then that led to two people calling me George Bushy. These two people were actually quite dear to my heart. One of them actually haven’t been coming to church. 😦 -sigh- oh and it was also around this time that EnMing was my game group leader too! Who knew that he would become my leader for three years!

Kelv – probably my most well known nickname of all. I cannot remember when exactly, but I remembered who. It was Claire Carter that gave me the nickname. She was like, “Can I call you Kelv? Kelv sounds like a cool name!” Then I was rather pleased with the name because it wasn’t making fun of me like the previous two and it was honestly a cool hipster way of calling my name! Like Kel is very common with my name, but not Kelv! It was a very cool way of calling my name! So I just went with it and changed my FB’s name to Kelv Tan. Today, I don’t even notice the difference between calling me Kelv or Kelvin because everyone calls me Kelv already.

KellyYes Mindez; or should I say Desmond? Haha! Gotta mention it. I don’t even remember how it started. Mindez just thought it will be cool calling me Kelly… -.- oh well… It isn’t that bad! πŸ™‚

Oh well, I just felt like posting a post on my nicknames. I probably have quite a few other ones, but my sick brain cannot remember it now! So oh well!

It was nice reflecting upon that and saw how God had moved in my life. Thank you God!

-Kelvin-

=389= Reflections: Retreat 2016

Retreat 2016 was incredible on so many levels. Though there were things that could be sharpened, I honestly think that it had been one of the best retreat I have ever went for.

I told some people about my thoughts on the presence of God in this retreat. It felt so heavy and yet there is this releasing feeling of freedom. I don’t know if it was just me, but that was how I was feeling.

I should really stop trying to please everyone. I guess in the process of trying to love and please everyone, it kinda had a backlash and made me pull back from loving instead. Sounds a bit contradictory, but it is true. I love a certain way, (cue the book of the six love languages) but some people just don’t feel loved like this and would get irritated with me. Then as a Sanguine, I see their response and get drained emotionally, so I pull back from that person.

I find it so hard to be the person I am, because I honestly want people to like me, but they don’t like the way I love them. So I annoyed them instead of pleasing them. You know what? I am going to stop trying to please everyone alright? I am still going to be the person I am. I will love everyone as much as I can, if God called me to go pray I will. No matter how hard it is to live that person, because it is God that matters not them.

Over the course of this half a year, I caught myself doing something and I am in such pain because of it. Loving this person is what I want to do. I want to take care of this person as much as possible, however, through the process I kept on irritating the person instead. I felt really bad yesterday because this person got a bit annoyed at me, both times I was trying to chat and talk to that person. We were both tired I guess, but our response deferred. Mine was to still chat and listen, to tease, to kinda get energy off each other. That person needed to be alone, pushed such teasing away and was irritated. I could have led and continued the conversation somewhere, but I was tired so I avoided it.

I don’t want to be the friend that is only there during the good times. I want to love everyone and be there for all of them. Perhaps I should stop trying to please everyone.

Nevertheless, may I never bear grudges with these people. May I continue to love them as much as I can in whatever way I know how.

Retreat was fun! Ok maybe I should be a bit more cohesive and reflect about it day by day.

Before retreat, I really contemplated buying the Sigma 30mm f1.4 DC DN. So I looked all over, finally in Funan someone is selling cheaper at $418. (everyone is selling $438) However I wanted to make sure that the price was right, so I called my mum to ask her to call her Friend. Then while waiting for a return call, I when down to Harvey Norman, just to see if my lens was there. It wasn’t, but I found the exact model of tripod I wanted. Not only that! It was cheaper! Yes! It was cheaper in Harvey Norman than some other stores! So I bought it!

I also enquired via Facebook on the price of the lens! I found the quote cheaper than Funan! YES! So I actually went down on my off day to buy it!

Even before that, I replaced Joshua Lek for retreat, so I was about to pay him $279 dollars, but, his parents and him were very kind. They were ok with me going without paying any money! :O I felt bad, so I paid him a hundred dollars instead. Nevertheless, paying only $100 for retreat was such a blessing.

On the late bus, I made a few new friends, namely Jermaine, Ben’s friend. Heard that she was about to serve in children’s ministry! Cool! πŸ™‚ Was fun! I watched Crescendo with Bob! It was a nice bus ride! πŸ™‚


Above: Jermaine loving her roasted peanuts.

Then upon arrival, I met my two room mates. Thank God they were tired and slept early!

My group was quite foreign to me cause you know, I only know a few people there! So I just went there and try to get them talking to me and each other! Was good! It was good that I had the “heyyy broooo” moment with Jonathan!

Then for R&R… Wah… It was honestly the most tiring R&R I have ever had in retreat. We had to bring out the people as a group. It was so hard to manage and control. We had to move together, and whenever we lose someone we just panic. I mean, come on! They are old enough! Emerge should just go with their parents! Tsk!

I was very thankful that I got to chat with Miss Tan. Was very nice.

Then came the night service that day. It was the pastor T’s(I am sorry I dunno how to spell her name) service. I actually haven’t heard the sermon. HAHA! I was listening to service with the Emerge kids. OH OH OH! I am now pretty close with my kid Ethan Choo! Haha he kissed me on the cheeks! πŸ™‚

Then I was asked to shoot photos when Pastor Andy had his altar call. It was interesting. I went into street photography mode! HAHA! It is very different, because people here actually stays still! I guess a lot on photography during worship is capturing precious moments of love and posture.

Then two girls came over to the emerge side and they were honestly so cute! Apparently, pastor T’s sermon was on lust and sexual sin, them not being exposed to such stuff before were so disgusted and repelled. Haha, I was just surprised.

Then when I entered the room of the service hall, I saw this room full of people on the floor praying and crying. The first thought that came to me was “This is a war ground.” I sat down to reflect and I looked around me and indeed this was a war ground, but tears and brokenness isn’t a lost battle. It was a battle won! People were crying over their dead selves and rejoicing over their new selves. It was quite an amazing sight.

I cannot help but feel that I just missed something amazing though.

I then went on to share quite deeply with my room mates about certain issues. They all started opening up and I just poured my life out as well. I dunno, I just felt that I could. God has been using me to pour out more than I ever thought I would.

Then we went down to play guitar! Haha! We borrowed Isaac’s guitar and he asked Jairus what time is he going to borrow until. I think Jairus misheard and thought, “why do you want to borrow my guitar?” And his answer was so win.

“I want to worship God!” Jairus said.

It was honestly a very pure desire and I admired that!

We went on to sing and praise God with the guitar. Going off tune here and there. Playing the wrong chords here and there. None of that mattered because we just wanted to worship God. We then played “Beautiful Savior” as a praise song because I was jut thinking, hey! Beautiful Savior isn’t very wordy, maybe I can sing it fast too! I at first thought of a shuffle version, but we ended up playing something like an EDM version! πŸ˜‚ it was good!

The next day, it was Pastor T’s sermon again! This time with the emerge kids. It was a good sermon with lots of grace. We do need to preach more on grace. I remember breaking down during worship because the presence of God was so strong and i knew that i have to respond. SO i did. I knelt down and cried out. Then, I wrote down on a piece of paper to ask pastor T about something so strong upon my heart.

“What are your thoughts on leaders in sexual sin still serving God”

Pastor T’s answer was really good. Her answer was so much more, but what i took out from it was: Sin that is little is still sin. This little sin could effectively take away the kingdom of God from you.

When she gave an altar call, i went out and i just broke down. Three people prayed for me. Sis Tiff, Bro Josh and EnMing. Thank God for them. Thank God for people that will watch out for me. I remembered EnMing praying over me and he began crying as well. I just held his arm and said, “God, thank you for loving us” over and over. God, honestly, thank you so much.

After that, I stood up and looked at the scene again, once again, the thought of a war ground came to me. God told me to go love someone. I honestly find it REALLY hard to. I had this desire since a few posts ago to go up to the person to talk it out, but i couldn’t. This time, i almost said it, but when i went before him, he was emotional and couldn’t speak, so I just stayed there. Awkwardly, wishing that i was dead. As a friend, I would go up to them and stay with them, even without praying I will be with them. This is something i will always do with Johann. Every single time he becomes a bit emotional and cries, i will stay by his side and not pray for him(sometimes i will, but most often not). I will just hold him and comfort him. I felt like he needs to talk to God on his own, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be there for him.

I get a bit annoyed when people push people away when they are emotional.

Course of action for me? Learn how to love people even when you don’t feel like it; learn how to gently ask people to give you some space rather than a violent shove to ask them go away.Β Before you push people away, learn to see yourself and how emotional you are.

After that was a very interesting game of finding out who the killer was. The overall game was interesting and executed very well, but you know, it should really be more of a group thing. Some people from my group were quite disengaged because there were some quite choleric people from my group trying to convince the group to do stuff when the group disagrees. It became more of a one or two people thing, rather than a group thing. I guess it was the result of the group dynamics too. Nothing to do with the comms.

By the time it was the last night, My group had warmed up to me significantly. The quiet people were listening to my stupid stories about how a knife was being made. Kinda like the Shidawu Shidalin Rocks story! HAHA! I should tell them a story that i have thought about. I really like ” I am going to ask her out tonight” I am so going to continue writing it. I really like the story about a 30 year old man that got amnesia and tried to recall what happened after he was 18. I am still writing them, but i do not have an ending in mind AT ALL. HAHA! God, please inspire me!

I was on duty to shoot again. Some people have been asking me on my opinion on Photography during worship because a few of them have been quite distracted during worship seeing the photographer moving around taking photos. In my opinion, as long as the photographer isn’t too intrusive, it is fine. Like don’t hold the lens like 5cm away from my face. I know that worship is sacred, but if photos of worship can edify the congregation, why not right? God can speak through many different mediums and photography could be one of them. Nevertheless, the photographer needs to learn how to not be intrusive as well. It is hard when you tried street photography and you are always hunting for the decisive moment and going in closer and closer.

Next significant thing was me putting out the fire. I already recounted it a few posts back, so i will leave this empty. It was cool! HAHA!

Then the next thing was praying for J to receive the gift of tongues. He reminded me of someone, i cannot remember who. Someone who really wanted the gift of tongues but didn’t receive it. I think it was either Alex or Esther. I saw Miss Tan, Adler and another guy going up to pray for him to receive it. Since I was on duty, I didn’t go up to pray for him at first. I then saw M, I went up to him to pray. He refused to talk about it with me, but he thanked me and hugged me(THIS I CAN STAND< BE LIKE M GUYS!). I then decided to go up to pray for J because only Miss Tan was praying for him at this point. I went in and tried. I prayed a safety prayer, because I myself have a lack of faith. I only ever prayed for two people to receive the gift of tongues and actually worked. One I was just skeptical.

After the safety prayer, I just prayed for myself, for faith because i honestly lacked it. I then prayed for the gift. After a while, you just run out of words and don’t know what to say. At that point, I just prayed in tongues because I really had nothing. Then after hearing Miss Tan’s prayer, I just felt a need for J to pray for himself. So i told him to. He whispered a prayer for himself in such a personal way. I couldn’t make out most of the words. I did hear, “God, you know i have been coming to you for this gift so many times, and i want it, this gift that will bring me revelations….” I felt a sense of “I am not going to get it this time as well…” My heart just sank, no, no, no, Kelvin you don’t lose faith too. I prayed for more faith. More faith. I heard the worship song ended. They were about to sing a praise song. My heart sank again. No. No. it isn’t over. It can’t be over, God can still come down. My mind went to pentecost, the disciples heard that Jesus will be sending a new counsellor and he will be coming back again soon, so they gathered and prayed. They don’t know when he will send the counsellor, but they prayed nevertheless. SO i just yelled out, “NO, it is not over yet, it is not over yet” and continued praying for J for the gift of tongues to come upon him. I seen his lips move, but i wasn’t sure if he had gotten the gift or he was just praying. After the praise song, we just sat down and he gained composure after a while.

Lord, will you please build up my faith?

Then, the night was quite tiring. First was a dance party. I was surprised, but it was hilarious. Then EnMing told me to go down to Leb’s room to have supper. It was good. Nice to hang out with older people you know. Then, I went down to write cards and prepare for devotions.

This year, I tried putting in more effort in preparing devotions. To prepare it like my own lesson. So I did what i would normally do. Play a game/activity then link it to the lesson. I was very pleased with the results and the group clearly enjoyed. I was grateful. πŸ™‚

Finally came to the bus ride back. It was nice. I had so much fun. I bought Baskin Robbins, Pineapple pies, Herbal Tea Egg, Yoyo honey lemon lime.(OH IT WAS SOOOO GOOD) Made friends and that is good.

It was a wonderful retreat that you had given me Lord, Thank you!

-Kelvin-

Ps: I know I only posted one photo and that is the photo of Jermaine and that made my post look a little strange. Paiseh, but I actually had more photos and i was about to post them, but then i switched to using my laptop to write the post, so I lazy post the photos from my phone now because it is so mafan. So yeah! HAHAHA! TOO BAD!

 

=388= Words of Melancholy: Retreat

Well, let me rant here for a moment.

I think I am just lonely, but sian, I feel like I am just a bit worthless and useless now.

-sigh- Bear with me alright.

I guess it is the person too. I am really rather sanguine. I absorb a lot of energy from people’s response to me. That also means that I absorb negativity just as much. Once I get a bad response, especially from someone dear to me, my mood just swings and I fall down like an irritating low self esteem melancholic.

I am feeling rather hurt from all the response I just got from an individual. It really hurt. Not that the person hated me and wanted to hurt me, but slight annoyance also makes me depressed. I want to talk and chat but because of what I say and ask, I offend. I just don’t know how to approach this person. Even though this person is so dear to me.

Not that we are no longer friends, I just feel that maybe I will be treated better if we knew each other later. Perhaps it was time that amplified the flaws of my personality. I just cannot. -sigh- Lord, teach me how to react.

Thank you God.

-Amen-

-Kelvin- 

=387= Reflections: The Day I Took Down An Actual Fire

Yeah, just like the title says, I actually took down an actual fire today. It was crazy. 

I was shooting(photos) when I saw Shaun and Cheryl rushing to the sound booth seeking help, telling us that there is a fire. Without processing much, I simply ran forward. I saw the power extension cord caught fire. The only thing I could think of to do is to step on it.

So I did. 

I stepped and the fire became smaller. Ben Ben also went ahead to switch the plug off. People wanted to pour water, but J warned them not to because it was electricity. Leb told me to continue stepping.

And it finally went out after a while.

It was scary when I thought about it, but I honestly had no time to think or process anything. I thank God for this alertness as a technical person. I thank God for courage to rush to the fire rather than waiting for the other people to solve it.

I also tried praying for someone to receive the gift of tongues. I honestly had little faith. I prayed safety prayers. Like those prayers that keeps your prayer from not coming through. For example, praying for a surgery, saying that God will take care of her and heal her! Then say, but even if He doesn’t…

I need to have more faith in my prayers. To take the risk for prayers. To declare.

I grew in faith in several ways. I heard God telling me to tell him to pray for himself. And so I did. Then when the slow worship song was over, I just had to say, “It’s not over yet!”

I really had faith that God will come and give him the tongues.

And so we stood there during the whole praise song. Not going into it, but continue to have faith and pray.

I am actually not sure what happened.

I haven’t exactly confirmed if he spoke tongues or not.

I really wish that I will be given the oppotunity to continue to pray for him.

Oh well. I am rather tired. It had been fun. I really need to stop building up walls in my heart. Stop having that stupid pride.

Over the heart issue, really quite affected today. I just wish that I can be closer and more dependent on me.

It is ok!

God is good! πŸ™‚

-Kelvin-

=386= Songs: Savior

New Life Worship – Savior Lyrics

I have seen with my own eyes Your faithfulness O God
So I refuse to believe the lies that war against my soul
You rescued me from all my fears
And loosed the chains of wasted years

You’re my Savior, Restorer, Rebuilder, Rewarder, My Refuge, Redeemer, Defender, My Healer, Savior

Now my heart is overwhelmed by all sufficient grace
For I have seen my weaknesses become Your perfect strength
You’ve rescued me from all my fears
And loosed the chains of wasted years

You’re my Savior, Restorer, Rebuilder, Rewarder, My Refuge, Redeemer, Defender, My Healer

You’re my Savior, Restorer, Rebuilder, Rewarder, My Refuge, Redeemer, Defender, My Healer, Savior

Behold the One who holds me in His hands The God who comes and turns my mourning into dance

You’re my Savior, Restorer, Rebuilder, Rewarder, My Refuge, Redeemer, Defender, My Healer

You’re my Savior, Restorer, Rebuilder, Rewarder, My Refuge, Redeemer, Defender, My Healer

You’re my Savior, Restorer, Rebuilder, Rewarder, My Refuge, Redeemer, Defender, My Healer, Savior

~

Word. Nice to be reminded.