=434= Words of Joy: Birthday 2016

Well, I am writing this particular sentence while waiting for my family to come for dinner. I might probably complete this post later on.

So yeah, today is my birthday. For once in a very long time, I don’t actually dread my birthday.

Why in the world will someone dread his birthday? Many reasons. It is a reminder that you are one year older and that means more responsibilities and burdens. It is a reminder of how lonely you are, when friends don’t exactly know it is your birthday. It is just a lot of things that I don’t exactly know why people celebrate.

Perhaps it was because I had a closer relationship with the cell and like I was less lonely. Perhaps it was because I was so lonely the past two birthdays, I have gotten used to it?

This year was really so wonderful celebration wise. One, Agape bought me a cake and made me crawl all over the hall blindfolded. It was hillarious. Received such a long note from Denise and nice card from the cell. Two, my colleagues paid for my lunch today and gave me tiramisu with a pocky as a candle. Honestly, they are such a delight to work with. After today, I honestly felt so sad leaving work. I am going to miss working with them. Three, got to have a good dinner. HOWEVER, next time, if it is my birthday meal, DON’T MAKE ME CHOOSE THE DISHES! :< I am probably the most Sui Bian person in my family. You guys order! Don’t make me choose. Four, I got to celebrate it with my Grandmother.

Guys, I covet your prayers. I don’t care if you don’t pray for me. Pray for my grandma. She is going for an eye surgery on the 4th of October. When I realised that I won’t be here when that happens, my heart just sank. When I told my family, I just teared uncontrollably. Please pray that everything will go well and that nothing serious or complicated will happen to my grandma. Please pray for her.

It is when things like this happen that you realise how little you can control. Instead of celebrating me on my birthday, celebrate that God’s hand has been on my life for the past 20 years.

Inspired to write a story on the devil tempting three people to give up their inheritance.

Dear God, please protect my grandma Lord. Please heal her eyes. Please allow her to somehow come to know you God. Please allow my feelings to reach her and allow her to come to know you one day Lord.

Thank you Father.



PS: I also received messages from dear friends from quite long ago. Thank God that they still care for me! 🙂

=432= Words of Joy: Talking Up

Well, I am taking a break from preparing material for the drum course in India. Actually I just kept getting distracted it is so bad!

Well, thankful for my celebration today. Was hillarious. Really appreciate it. I am not stoic or no emotions at all ok, I just don’t exactly know how to express myself, but I was very happy. HAHA.

I am very thankful for the card and note.

I just wonder why is it sometimes easier to talk to someone younger than to talk to someone older or same age.

I think as you are older, you can like take care of the slightly younger ones, but it seem strange for us to do so for someone older. Kinda like Mother/Father instinct.

I am sometimes very pained when I see someone I love not telling me why they are hurting. I just want to scold them sometimes. Tsk. LET ME BE A PART OF YOUR PAIN YOU IDIOTS.

I dunno, I mean I am just want to love you, LET ME LOVE YOU GUYS COME ON.

This is funny because I finally said what I wanted to say to someone, I am sorry for avoiding the problems/conflicts sometimes. Know that I am just trying ok?

I recently found it hard to love a group of people. They aren’t with bad attitude or actions. (Those people I find even harder to love) They are just a bit trying too hard, if there is such a thing. I don’t know, Lord, am I just being too pessimistic?

Lord, will you make me young at heart again? Teach me how to dream big dreams for you. Teach me how to achieve them with you. Teach me how to believe and trust in people. Thank you Lord.



=431= Words of Joy: Growth and Inadequacies

I am so proud of seeing how much J has grown as a man. I still remember the time when I first came into cell and I heard stories about how even DL don’t like him. I heard about how he told stories to show off. (and heard some of them myself) I heard how so many people cannot stand him.

However, throughout the years leading him, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, whenever he said something ridiculous or exaggerated, I choose to believe him. I prayed for him when he told me about stuff. Slowly, he intergraded himself in. Slowly, he grew up. He was still the same person, but definitely more mature and humble. Honestly, when asked who had potential to lead among my kids, I honestly believed that J had the potential to. 

On Sat, when I spoke with him, He was MUCH more mature. He was much more confident about revealing his limits. No longer is he bragging about how much he can do, but he is telling me how unlikely he is going to win the competition. Not that I encourage people to have fake modesty, but honestly, having J told that to me, made me so proud that he had grown up so much. Soon, he is going to be REALLY great. People have no idea how much potential this dude has. I am going to love to see how much he is going to bring to the table.

Now let me go to the inadequacies part.

I am excited about taking up two roles that are both new and heavy responsibilities. However, I am very scared. Especially when I heard that one of the pillars is going away.

When I heard that, I just got WAY more afraid. Goodness, how am I going to ever fill his shoes?

Not only am I new to the job, I am inexperienced. I have no idea I am going to take over, like moving up, take over. I thought it was the take over, with the pillar in a different role. Goodness. I really don’t think that I am good enough for the role.

Lord, will you please help me? Equip me for the role Lord. Please provide me with people that will guide me on the role. Father, please allow me to be your mouthpiece in this way.

Thank you Lord.



=430= Words of Melancholy: Heavy Responsibilities

Honestly, when I saw how disappointed E was when she couldn’t light paint anymore with her light stick, I was a bit taken aback.

The responsibility of being able to capture the right moment was just really heavy. If the burden and responsibility is so heavy, I don’t know if I want to take it up as a career. I would love to be able to capture your precious moments with you, but, I really don’t want to be the person that misses that important shot.

Thinking. I really think that photog is something I want to try out as a career, however, I want to be good and not that guy that misses all the shots and everyone cries over how bad my shots are.

Music is wonderful. However, right now, I am trying to sharpen my more technical skills over that. Now I am kinda getting a backlash. I am super off form, I need to get back the tempo, the clean strokes, the dynamics, the creative grooves, I need to practice more.

However, my technical skills are better than ever. I am now able to trouble shoot the video console. I was able to get the video screen up when I am not getting any signal from the board in bethel. I am now able to patch weird stuff with the video patch bay. I will probably be able to control and design a simple static lighting. On the audio board, on top of all the things I have tried before, I have learned how to do a premium EQ, how to control direct out send and how to snap DCAs. I should be able to do basic stuff. However, Bro Chris is still WAY above me, he knows exactly where the problems were when I couldn’t get sound out. He is really quite experienced and amazing! 🙂

Tried video switching for once, OH MY GOSH. IT WAS THE MOST STRESSFUL EXPERIENCE EVER. Thank God for Rowell and Nicholas for bearing my insercure switching.

I still think that my people skills are quite good! AHAHA! I mean, I was able to make three different people comfortable with me today. I was quite happy. I mean, yeah, I just want to make sure people aren’t left out you know. There was just this girl staring into blank with no one talking to her. Just say hi and offer starburst! HAHA!

Well, I can only say thank you God for blessing me with results that I am happy with. He has been so faithful to me in this aspect.

My heart pains for L. I mean, everything seems to be going down for him. 😦 Like aiyoooo. 😦 Lord, please bless him and allow him to be able to perform! Thank you Lord.

Finally, I think people should really have more faith in themselves(how punny) and not think that they will mess up. Believe my judgement and trust that they will be able to do a good job. They have no idea how much better they are compared to Wed. Whoosh.

I really think that God had blessed me so much Sound Engineering wise. I mean, I just started doing sound this year. Now, I am able to navigate across the board better than a lot of the sound engineers. I am able to troubleshoot why sound don’t come up. I am able to patch on the board. I am able to do what I need to do with little help. Of course there are definitely people that can do a better job than me. I am just amazed with how much I have grown in this area.

So much so that I might have a new role next year. Still thinking. I really want closer contact with the kids. Hmm. Oh well.

Kelvin, look to God. Don’t forget to look to God. Love Him and worship Him all your life Kelvin.


=429= Words of Joy: Family

I have this longing to be really tight with a group of people exclusively like family for a very long time.

I really want to you know be able to be share vulnerably with them and really love and feel loved.

As quite a turbulent melancholic, I would just lament everyday. Today was a day that I really feel like I belong to a family.

Today there were a lot of problems with the stage sound for J333. I shall not mention why, but yeah, I was REALLY pissed. Everything was so irritating.

It was so bad I really needed to take a break. I didn’t want to attend J333 at all. I went to bethel to hear the orchestra. WAH SOOO good Sia. Even with a simple analog board and simple microphones he was able to make everything sound amazing.

Then there was a problem. I still couldn’t figure out what was the problem, but yeah, I was just… Argh.

Then beyond that, I put in effort to teach afterwards but -sigh- never mind.

I rather let Javier or Faith do. -.-

I talked to Rowell about this and he was so kind to let me knock off early to eat with my friends. I really give thanks for good supervisors.

I told him about my previous company. I told him all about how I was mistreated and I contrasted it to how well they are treating me. Oh my goodness. It was really heaven and hell kinda of difference.

Thank you God for a group of friends that would hear me rant about work. Goodness.

Thank God for an opportunity to encourage a fellow extra year.

Thank God.


=428= Word: Ten Years

It is a bit hard to let t sink in, it has been ten years since both of them had been released.

Wow, I seriously cannot believe that John Mayer’s Continuum is 10 years old. The significance of Continuum was that it was the stepping stone for, in my opinion, the best John Mayer album of all time, “Where the light is.”

For many musicians, John Mayer is one of the greats for both voice and guitar skills. It was because of John Mayer that I got into loving Steve Jordan. It was because there was this connection with John Mayer’s music at the start of my starting years in drumming that I explored more into music.

The once hard to be consistent “Slow Dancing In A Burning Room” is now a rather ok song to play. However, it isn’t just about the notes. It is how you play those notes. It is possible for me to play the notes that Steve Jordan played, but it is practically impossible to play how Steve Jordan played. There is just that experience in knowing how to get that sound that no one can steal. Just like Chad Smith. Oh, how I wish I can play like Chad Smith, but that is after years and years and years of playing drums and music. It is hard work, there is no short cut. Lord, if you may, will you please make me a drummer that can sound like that?

The significance of Death Note movies to me are HUGE! It was the first few movies that I have watched in the cinema. I watched the first, anticipated for the second and got totally blown away by the movies that I got a little bit disappointed with the anime and manga. The production was so good and the amazing thought process of these geniuses were so good.

That probably triggered me to watch so many movies! 

Really cannot wait for the new movie to come out. It really is amazing that Death Note came out 10 years ago. The production event back then were amazing!

So many things has happened in 10 years. May I look back 10 years later and be satisfied with myself! But Wah, I will be 30 then. Scary!

I really want to stay young. Will anyone be willing to stay young with me? To continue dreaming big and not be deterred by obstacles like too much effort/too difficult and not even try. Will anyone be willing to walk and worship God with me?

Hope you will! 🙂


Update: I almost forgot! Death Note was the place that I first heard Red Hot Chilli Peppers! THEY ARE ALL LINKED!