=471= Reflections: Draw

Well, trying to do up a portfolio for my application to NTU ADM. It is absolutely torturous for me. A reason why I didn’t put product design as my first choice back when I had to choose my Poly course was all them drawing. It is impossible for me to draw and not get irritated that I cannot get the perspective right. That is why I am always so thankful for Solidworks and autoCAD. Without them, I would probably fail D&T in Sec 4.

I love how they have a narrative assignment though! If you had asked me what my hobby was when I was Sec 2, it would be to watching anime and reading comics. I grew up with Archie comics! I still have a special place in my heart for them. Having the narrative assignment being comic strips or story board was so much fun! It had really made me appreciate the work that goes into it. First, character design and consistency with face shape and continuity. It is SOO hard to remain consistent with the proportions. One frame, the Chin is sharper, another, it is rounder. Next, how they add depth to each frame. Just having the characters in each frame is cool and all, but having like a background/setting really makes the image pop. Talking about pop, how they give characters a 3D effect is really amazing, not only that, I had so much trouble with expressions. How to make 2d characters look shocked, depressed, apologetic or thankful was SOOO hard. My work was probably so messy. Having the font to hold emotions. Happy, the font size can be bigger. When shocked and depressed by the news, font size can be smaller. So many elements that I have been reading for so many years but I haven’t been paying attention to!

So grateful for spending so much money on Archie comics from p5-sec3!

On another hand, I am thankful for a friendship where I can be honest and make my emotions known.

If I am honest, I do enjoy doing technical things and trying things out. However, it could very well be like my passion for drums and photography.

I sometimes lament, why am I learning all the skills that aren’t practical?

Among everything I do, sound engineering and technicals are probably the most practical already, but you know, it is going to be an unfulfilling one though… 😦

I just really like what I do, but being practical may have to come first.

I don’t know.

Oh well, I just got a router, it is wonderful! Now I can micro-manage! HAHAHAHA! CHEY!

All jokes aside, this router just opened so many possibilities! Now I can control the sound board wirelessly, this means that it is now possible to have a FOH engineer and a monitor engineer! The best part is that it is still the same board, no need for any protocol conversion any digital/analog gain kinda thing, I am simply using another set of controls while the other engineer does his thing!

Having a router also means that, it may be possible to control the Magic Q Software with an Ipad too!

It is very exciting!

So glad to have met Aaron today!

There are so many possibilities! 😁

Was just talking to Elsa and like we were both shocked that it has already been 4 years since I entered Poly. Quite cool. I mean, hey, Elsa is now the ZO. EnMing is now Elsa’s age when I entered her region as a leader. I was under 4 sets of leaders. It is quite surreal that I am now 20, or 21 starting 2017.

I recalled how I admired the older leaders in the ministry. How they invested and sacrificed into the lives of the younger ones. There was once I really didn’t understand why would anyone want to move up to YA. (Hey I was young ok?) Now that I am older and have been serving in the ministry for so long, I understand how hard it is to be serving in youth even after your peers has moved up to YA.

It isn’t that serving is hard. It just gets a bit lonely.

Oh on another record, I faced another of my trauma of studio recording. Haha, in year 2, our studio recording experience was quite bad. We were quite new and inexperienced, so when we tried it for the first time, even Jia Jun that has the most experience among us couldn’t do a lot of things. We didn’t understand what we were supposed to do and got a track wth a bad mix. This time round, I think we did a WAY better job. On another hand, my snare and cymbals sound WAY better than the studio ones! TOO BAD! HAHA! This time round as the recording engineer, though there were some stupid errors, I think we did a WAY better job! So yeah! 😁

To the year ahead!

Thank you God!


=470= Reflections: 2016 Excited 2017

Well, so many things happened over these few days. Received news for some stuff. Got amazing response for next year. Lord, the amount of favour you poured my way was just so much. Father, thank you for 2016.

This past year has been nothing short of amazing. Though politically, financially, controversially this year has been horrible, for my faith, my walk and my ministry, this year has been such a wonderful year.

Start of a new ministry, I thought I had to labour hard to see the fruits, instead, the Lord, poured and poured. Fruits after fruits kept growing out. I just loved how he had shown such favour our way. 

Internship, I thought that it was going to be a hard journey. In some ways, yes it was. However God provided Jun Yi during those 5 months. You have no idea how thankful I am for that. Having my best friend from school with me, teaching me the ropes, it was great! 😁 As a result of internship, I am now a very technical person.

Even though I interned with the media team for two months previously, my technical knowledge and skills weren’t great at all. Even getting sound out from a board was difficult for me. However, in a short span of one year, God has expanded this skill in me. I am now able to do complex patching on the Yamaha board and I am able to use all kinds of special effects on the board. I am even teaching sound to people. I managed to train up a sound engineer from a scratch.

I always thought that year 3 would be hard, but honestly no, I found year 2 harder. Perhaps because my personality changed once again? I am so optimistic. I really stopped worrying so much, it has been a while since those panic attacks came. Perhaps I became more capable technically.

As of Christmas, I realised that God had expanded my music capacity as well. “Christmas isn’t Christmas” was a 4/4 song with a strange rhythm and no percussion or drums. Honestly, if you had me play this song a year back, I would probably played the snare on 2 and 4. However, this year, as I paid attention to the music. I learned to hear the swinging swinging feel of the song. I learned how to retain that feel while driving the song. It was almost like a 3/4 + 1/4 because it was not so straight like a normal 4/4. Hence, I asked Sam if I could play the snare on 3 rather than 4 and I thought that it worked! Sophia once compared my cover with another girl’s. I told her that retaining musical feel, dynamics and flavour are all VERY important. I am so grateful for the musicians that guided me that now I can understand this.

Whenever someone from like the adults or the congre expressed that they liked my playing, I always have this thought in my head, “It was because Leb was in the ministry.” Honestly, without Leb, I wouldn’t have learned so much. Whenever I feel that drummers aren’t improving as fast as the youth, I feel that Leb was the catalyst that helped us play so well. Listening to good drums is always the best way to compare and learn. With Leb moving up to YA next year and I have to step up, Lord, help me take on a similar role or help me to do better in that role. Father, equip me to do wonders Lord!

It has been made known to me that I have passion in the AV line. It is true lah. I like what we do and I enjoy being able to solve problems. It irritates me whenever the technicals aren’t done properly. However, the long irregular hours, little pay and the work I do really doesn’t add up.

I guess just let me try some journalism first bah. Perhaps Comm studies may not be for me either.

Either way Lord, help me worship you God! 

I remember at the start of the year, I told Tiff that I found it hard to open up to people. This year surprised me SOO much. I gained so many friends and sustained some old ones. One of which, I am so thankful for. So excited for! HEHE! You know who you are! 😁 I am honestly honoured whenever people trust me with stuff.

Ok, 2016 has been great! Let me enter 2017 with hopes up! Let me be excited! 😁

Thank you O God for blessing me this past year! May I worship you! Thank you Lord!



=469= Reflections: Unsure

The thing about this promise I made with God is that it makes me close to many but nothing further. As of now, I am a bit confused. Perhaps, I am so comfortable with presence that now that there is absence, it feels quite strange.

I am honestly surprised at this.

I am such a stupid boy. I really need to learn how to control my feelings ah. Perhaps a bit of absense is good too I guess.

The thing is, the more I observe, the more flaws I see ah. HAHA. Why Kelvin, why do you do this kinda thing to yourself?

Oh another hand, Suddenly 17 was quite a good movie. It really is what I wanted out of “Stuck In His Life.” This was such a fun depiction of the interaction between the 17 year old self and the 28 year old self! VERY cool! 😁

With such a personality, yeah man, hopefully this friendship stays. I really want this to last.

Someone that at least tries and make an effort to do something. Yet another value I want.


Enough, stop!

Let’s go! 


=468= Reflections: Strive

After lunch, a text convo and a nap, I woke up and saw the decor in the sanctuary. “Is a hard life all you are concerned about?” I asked myself.

To be honest, no, it isn’t a hard life that I am concerned about. It is an unfulfilling life. I don’t want to be an unfulfilling husband or a unfulfilling father. I remind myself once again that my life here isn’t to become those things or to please my friends, but to Love God and please Him.
Let me explore and try!

Perhaps, one day God will show me how he can use me in different ways that my head can only imagine!

Once again, the strive to become a better person, no, the strive to become a godly person begins! 😀


=467= Word: Which

Which is more tragic? Having gotten something before and losing it? Or never having that something before?

The worse thing you can ever say to a sound engineer is that you sound better without his EQ. Sometimes, you should just do your job and they will do their’s.

I laugh sometimes when the leader of the group tries to explain the process of the system but clearly has no experience. Wouldn’t it be better to let the person who understands the system clearly do the explaining?

Finding inspiration from the same things is like trying to remove meat from the same cow. Sure some parts will taste better but there is a limit to how well it will taste. There isn’t a limit to how well it would taste when you search for other cows. Sure you might find cows that taste worse, but surely you would find cows that taste better too.

I have been spending quite a bit of  time edifying people that now I am more comfortable to say the uncomfortable. I realised that the uncomfortable is necessary. The one that only says the comfortable isn’t telling the truth. It seems like encouragement isn’t lying to you about something. It is telling you right in the face about it and giving you ways to work against it.

There must be ways to make the vague simple and clear. If there isn’t, no one will understand you.

Closing doors that you think are impractical isn’t going to magically give you a door that is practical. In fact, understanding why these doors are impractical gives you a negative example and a clear idea on how to build a practical door. If there isn’t one for you, why not build it yourself?

Over all, I am quite thankful for groups of friends that I can call my family. God has really blessed me in this area.

I know this post isn’t very cohesive at all, just some random thoughts that comes to my brain.


=466= Words Of Melancholy: Reluctance

You know right, I am usually not so emotional. However, with everyone around me breaking down and crying, I really cannot help it but be a bit reluctant to leave.

On stage, when Josh played the touch the knee game, everyone started having so much fun and laughs, it suddenly hit me that next year might not be like this. Wham, all the emotions started to pour. I really cannot hide my emotions whenever I am playing drums worshipping God, so I broke down and cried right before worship even started. I found it so hard to even smile while playing “Sing Sing Sing.” Lord, to be honest, I don’t want this year to end. I want it’s atmosphere and spirit to continue! Emerge is by far the smoothest ministry I have led so far.

I don’t understand whenever I hear the older leaders say, “We have been leading for a while, we are used to change!”

I sure am not. I am not used to people who were spiritual giants leaving and have me take over them. I am not used to having a good culture and atmosphere and then entering a new year.

Perhaps I am guilty of what J was concerned about.

Well, I had my year, let me rest right now.

Lord, may you have favour on this ministry and bless it! May the stagnant atmosphere that I battled against never come back to R-AGE. May the leaders lead well with love.

Father, please bless me. Help me Lord.

Thank you Father.



=465= Reflections: The Right One Spoiled

Well, perhaps, at this point of time, no matter what I give, will be the wrong thing.

Perhaps at the core of everything lies the promise I made with God. This evil coveting is not good Kelvin.

Look to God.

Look to God always.

You think you know everything, but you clearly don’t Kelvin.

Kelvin, you are loved. You had someone die for you. Kelvin, you are a whole person. You have been made new.

You stop thinking so much.

Stop it right now Kelvin.

Kelvin Tan Wei Wen, you are God’s child, not His enemy. Stop acting as if God is against you. Stop.

Worship God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.

Love, Kelvin, Love.


=464= Word: Head Heavy

Well, dunno whether I studied too much, my head feels a bit heavy now. I have no idea why I am stressed.

Been thinking a lot about how things are going to work out. To be honest, I doubt it will.

I guess my heart is a bit heavy too. I just want to be treated normally, but no, why must people be awkward around me?

I notice the same process way too often. People who are close that stopped contact for a while find it hard to interact with me. Why?

Am I really that high maintainence? I mean, all I am expecting is like to be close and friendly, even after a long period of time. Is it that hard?

Been noticing myself once again. I suprised myself that I am no longer saying C’s name when I am feeling down. In fact, I haven’t for a while now. It was just a subconscious thing back then. I would just sigh and say C’s name. Mainly because she was the reason why I was sad in that season. I don’t even remember when I stopped. However, today I realised when I sighed, I said something else. I just broke out of it and rejoiced that the pain from C is almost taken out. Now, I just hope and wish that it can be completely taken out when she is finally ready to meet me.

People found it crazy and weird that I would go and contact someone that I haven’t talked to in 3 years. Is it though? I mean, hey, if something isn’t resolved, does that mean that I shouldn’t resolve it? Just because it isn’t resolved for 3 years?

I don’t know.

Until the day when we meet each other and it is no longer awkward, that will be the day it is resolved.

On another hand, I really want to receive something from someone. I hope I don’t have to wait another 6 years to receive it this time.

My desire as a friend? That you would rely on me when you are down or in trouble.


=463= Reflections: Kindred Spirit

Tonight, my heart is full from sharing my struggles as a 20 year old that have given a lot of my time in ministry.

It pains my heart when I see someone having to go through the same thing.

It seems like I have found someone that will cover a lot of my flaws in the new ministry. C really has fantastic ideas and concerns when it came to the job.

Being a rather lepak big picture guy, I am glad that someone will be more alert to the details that people don’t catch.

I am just glad that I have found someone with a similar heart; someone with a kindred spirit. 

Tonight, there was this rather bad tension in the air. There are so many burdens and conflicts that cannot be seen. I actually want to carry this burden. I want to be someone that people can rely on.

Lord, make me a man that people can rely on?