=524= Words of Melancholy: Restricted 

Sometimes, just sometimes, I feel so useless in the band.

Sometimes I feel, are drums really that important?

When I saw N struggling with the keys just now, I just cannot help it but feel so useless. Then when A and S came, you can see the amount of musical experience and technicality that they have. I was just there siting down on my Cajon because I cannot help them. 

Sure I am the one regulating dynamics, but honestly without the other instruments, drums just cannot exist alone.

Apart from the occasional drums only choruses, what good are drums when we are alone? What good is the skeleton?

Perhaps one day I will write a whole song with only percussion. Haha give the key with cow bell.

I had my first silence the cell to discipline them talk. Man, it really isn’t cool. I don’t like being stern. 😦 somehow or another, my roles in church puts me in a position where I have to discipline people, I don’t like to do it because I really don’t want people to be scared of me, but yeah, stepping up to discipline isn’t that great.

Lead my first debrief today. Man, I kept having the urge to debrief the band because I felt the need to. There are things that we can talk through, there are things to celebrate, things to sharpen. I think it is the result of mixing too much. You can sometimes tell a difference between acoustic sets with the same instruments. Somehow, even with the same instrumentation or even less instrumentation, one can achieve a more pleasing sound than one with more. Certain factors do apply, the difference in guitar tone, the difference in skill etc etc. I guess the approach is different too. Knowing the apex of your dynamics is very important too. Not hitting that too soon needs wisdom. 

Lord, what are you doing?

I can tell you honestly I am not ready. There are people that are way more capable than me.

I am immature, I am a spiritual weakling. How am I supposed to do that?

Father, help me out if you want me to. I will need lots of guidance. Help me Lord.

How come I can return home everyday feeling more and more charged?

I am physically tired, but I have so many opportunities to do so much more. Man, oh Lord, please bless me, help me Lord. Allow me to look to you in every circumstance.

Help me to remember your calling for me.

Thank you Lord.



=523= Words of Melancholy: Milk Tea with Blue Straw

You know it is passion when you know that if you continue you might miss another chance and you continue anyway.

You know it is foolish when one waits close to an hour without knowing what might happen but still does it anyway.

Spending time doing something when you do not know whether there will be any return may seem like a waste of time. In fact, it could be. However, I still want to do it. Such foolishness.

The Milk Tea with a Blue Straw is just getting warmer and warmer. Condensation forms on the plastic bag. A window with a lit room. The pavement’s ledge seem like the only feasible entertainment as you don’t want to miss the chance. However, you have already missed it.

The melancholy in my heart pours. I just wonder why.

Father, may I look upon you once again. Allow me to come back and worship you once again.


=527= Reflections: Michael Jackson

Reason being, yesterday, I saw this like Chinese Michael Jackson album! 😂 kinda feel a bit Chiong. Anyways it was $8 for like 38 Micahel Jackson songs? So I just decided to buy it.

I just started listening to it this morning! HAHAHA! Very nice! Don’t know why I only started now! 😂

MJ isn’t called the King of Pop for nothing.

From the older Jackson 5 songs, stereo mixing was already in place. Not the most ideal mixing, but probably really decent for that time! The separation of frequencies are really nice. Harmonies and all just 👍🏿!

This 38 songs will be for my study for the next few days! 🙂

I also bought a movie so that I can watch it and tell someone I liked/disliked it in May.

Another thing happened. I realised I am slowly slowly coming to dislike live sound a bit. I guess a designer/perfectionist mindset? I am in the pursuit of perfection. However, for mixing/mastering, it needs time and a lot of trial and error. For live sound, though perhaps more forgiving, gives very little room for perfection. I am always limited by time. Learning how to direct them to get the best sound ever also takes time.

Haha, Kelvin, please stop being brash.


=522= Words of Melancholy: Demands

I realised something about myself. Somehow or another, after graduation, I learned how to be direct and care less about other people’s feelings. Somehow, my greatest fear a few months ago, how people look at me, somehow disappeared. It may seem like a bad thing, but honestly, you don’t know how much I held back because I was scared of people’s opinions. Therefore, it is a great thing! Something that once paralysed me isn’t there anymore.

Ok let’s get down to business to what this post is about.

One thing that irritates me; demanding people that don’t even try. Goodness. I don’t understand. When something isn’t spoon fed to you, I am sure with your intelligence, you will be able to at least figure it out IF YOU TRY. Goodness, you come in and you complain that something isn’t given to you. Goodness. Then kept irritating me when I am busy. Excuse you, do your part, I will do mine in due time, don’t irritate me when I am trying to do something.

Another thing that irritates me; demanding people that has no sense of manners and would only disturb other busy people and after you disturb them, you don’t thank them, enough. Why in the world are you so caught up in trying to get every single technical aspect correct? What the crap, if you cannot get it, move on. What is the point of wallowing at it and making the whole world to stop to solve your problems?

Yet another thing that irritates me; ignorant people with a mouth. Well, let’s just say if my job was to deliver dessert to you. Whatever I bring to you is still desert. Whether is it a hot dessert or a cold one. Whether it has a cherry on top or not. Just because i delivered a hot dessert to you and not an ice cream sundae, doesn’t make it any less a dessert. It was just very insulting because you have no idea what you are saying. Goodness, just because you cannot see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Just because you cannot hear something, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

Nevertheless, today was still a great day. I learned SOOO much from Robin. Goodness. There is still SOOO much to learn in the world of audio.

Man. Still a long way to go.

Today, best lesson learned, since we are in a studio situation, always bring in a reference track. A song that is similar in genre or a song that you want to master to sound like. If you have that song, you can mix with that reference so that you know how a commercial sounding sound track should sound like.

Let me learn and glean. May I just be able to fulfil the dateline.

Thank you God! 🙂


=520= Word: Scattered Thoughts

I really like the word, “Stature.”

Stature means the literal height of a human or an animal. It can also mean the degree of development attained; the level of achievement.

“To think that I can talk to a man of his stature. Goodness, I am so honoured”

“I cannot believe that a man of his stature is doing this.”

On another note, I realised something about myself. I cannot stand facts that aren’t checked. Especially when like people make bold statements about something they claim to have known. Then only to say that they aren’t sure of the facts themselves. Call it a pet peeve I guess, it just tells me that you are ignorant but you think you know everything. Not being specific with what you know just makes me feel that you are trying to smoke me or trying to make me think that you are smart when you aren’t. That to me is just irritating.

I realised that certain questions that were asked may seem stupid and redundant at times, however, that is no reason to be rude or totally snub the person. Once again, it is another pet peeve of mine. People can use their mouths to speak. Sure it may have been answered, but doesn’t mean that it cannot be answered again. During a test, when you meet a question in the short answer section that is similar to the MCQ section, do you write, “it has been answered in the MCQ section, question 14?”

Of course not. You write it out in proper english.

Ok perhaps the situation isn’t that similar. Let me give you another one. When you are on the taxi and he asks you where you want to go, if he couldn’t hear you properly, he would ask you to repeat yourself, would you then just be rude and say, “I answered alr.”

Of course not. I mean isn’t the whole point to get people to understand you?

A question asked at the wrong time, is still an enquiry waiting to be answered. 

Why is there such a difference when a person talks one on one and when that person talks in a group? Does the Adredaline just increases so the amount of stuff just increases as well?

To be honest to myself, independence can quickly become a deterence once you stop depending altogether. Somehow, independence on the right things makes it very attractive. However, independence on stuff apart from that, man, isn’t attractive at all.

Somehow, people kinda yearn for one to one interactions. Like even in the group, there are stuff that I wouldn’t say at all. Hence came the use of notes to make conversation with only that person.

A joke used once is funny. A joke used a second time is alright. A joke used a third time is annoying. I may be a patient person, but stop making me repeat myself again, again and again.

How can a young man keep his walk pure? By following the word of the Lord. How can a young man follow the word of the Lord? By loving God. How can a young man love God? By encountering his presence and exploring more and more of his goodness each day. I need to start once again!

People have been complaining about my five word posts. I am sorry. HAHAH. There are reasons to why I write them. Point one is that this blog has way too many viewers. Back then when there were fewer, I could write explicitly with details here and there. However, with more people reading my blog, there are certain things I cannot say blatantly. It is just not wise.

Point two, it might just be for people I meant it for. Certain moments/appreciations are meant to be expressed and shared. However, some, due to the confidentiality of the issues, cannot be shared. Hence, some of the posts are meant for specific people.

Point Three, sure both points above addressed the ambiguity of the posts, so why even post them then? The reason is, I need an outlet to express my overwhelming thoughts. Of course, there are issues that I won’t even consider posting, because it involves someone’s pride or privacy. However, when it comes down to my own feelings, I am entitled to express them, however, not as freely as I want. So having five words would just help me express a tough situation to explain without breaking the confidentiality that we agreed upon.

So yeah, I hope you guys understand why I am having these five word posts. If you are REALLY close to me, you can go ahead and ask me about them, but if not, I hope you don’t feel offended that I tell you that I cannot share. Thank you for understanding.

Langkawi has been fun. Played so many things that I have never tried. Fear of heights have been overcomed in work without me even realising it. HAHA! Honestly, my line of work seems to be more dangerous. So as a result, without me noticing, I am no longer as scared of heights as I was before. Ropes crossing/plank crossing/zip line/ etc etc, things I never dared to do as a primary/secondary school kid have been done. So that is why Skytrek remains as something special in my heart.

Time with friends are just so precious. Man, love hanging out with them.

Ok, now to prepare for some time with the Lord.