Probably just some fears I guess. What if in these two years I lose my passion for music?
I haven’t practiced for almost 2 months and I don’t see myself going to. Not because I don’t want to, but I lack the time and facilities. It is horrible. I can physically feel my ears and hands becoming less sharp.
Musicians have this bad habit of always saying that they feel off form. Funny thing is that, there has never been a time that I feel on form. My melancholic nature just takes out all the good and replaced it all with bad. Even when someone says good job, I don’t know, I just don’t think I am good enough.
This time round, I can really say I am off form. Keeping time, dynamics, being the solid skeleton of the band. Man, I may have to relearn all of that again.
I don’t mind, HAHA. I am just scared that in this two years, I’ll lose my passion for music. So many dreams that I want to fulfil. Man. I really don’t want to lose music.
I never really thought about this before, but what is it about music that makes me so happy? What about it does it make me so passionate about it?
For one, Music is how I express myself physically and emotionally. When you worship to a song and you are playing your own instrument, creating a drive and emotion, that emotion flows out of you. There have been countless times, when the emotions are so overwhelming that I weep when I play my drums. When you play, it kinda combines both my physical self with the emotional self. My physical playing reflects the emotion. It is a funny thing. Chad Smith once said that if you want your crowd to move, you need to move first. The physical part of drums helps people move. Isn’t it wonderful. HAHA.
Second, I respect the sheer amount of technicalities needed to create a piece of music. The more I dive into music, the more I am learning and the more I admire people that has great insight and knowledge about music. I hate that I have so little to contribute when it comes to arrangements due to my lack of knowledge of chords and music theory. Probably why I dive myself into the technical side of sound engineering.
Somehow after I learned so much about technicals. I really cannot stand sound engineers that aren’t working hard to mix. If your rehearsal is 30 minutes, you spend that 30 minutes mixing. Not sitting there and rest and watch a show. Do you know how much time it takes to get a good mix? If you are telling me 30 minutes is enough to do EQ, Gates, Compressors, set up your board properly, set up reverbs properly, you are not sensitive enough or working hard enough. Be unsatisfied with the mix and try again. Come on.
Ok lah, perhaps I am too perfectionistic bah. I think the musician side of me flows into my engineer side of me.
Oh well. God, help me to retain this passion for you Lord.
Thank you Father.