=599= Reflections: Birthday 2017

Haha, typically, I will start the annual birthday reflection with the usual, “Anyone that has been following his space will know that I am not particularly fond of my birthday.”

Well, it still stands true. 

I woke up knowing that it is my birthday and when I checked my phone, many dear friends had already texted me to wish me happy birthday.

You guys know who you are! I am really touched and really appreciate it! 🙂

Today wasn’t special, it was still routine, I went through everything and just enjoyed the flow. It was rather nice. The guys here aren’t too close to me yet, so they don’t know it is my birthday! HAHA! But it is fine! 🙂

All I need are a good couple of friends to wish me and I am fine with it already.

Another thing on my heart was that my family has already given me a free pass to buy stuff with money. Don’t really know how to spend it yet. Still thinking.

Been thinking about:

  1. Logic Pro/Pro tools
  2. RHA T20s
  3. A set of Adam speakers
  4. Mics
  5. Cymbals(I probably need a China)
  6. Snare
  7. Roland SPD-SX

Well, just need to slowly think about it.

I just prepared for set and lesson. Excited for this Sun, will be crazy, haven’t served in a long while, so this one day, going to go all out. HAHA.

So yeah, going to sleep soon, so yeah, happy birthday to myself! 🙂

-Kelvin-

=598= Reflections: Broken Heart

Today was such a strange day.

I entered the church and I straight away entered my engineering mode. Tried the new overheads mic-ing technique. (X-Y)

Did quite a few technical stuff until we entered soak. Somehow or another. I felt so unworthy to be in the house of God. It felt so overwhelming. Hence I walked out for a while. Saw Miss Tan in tears, so took the chance to go fill some warm water for her.

Once I passed it to her, she made me go up and pray. I stood there, not knowing what to pray, hence I prayed my heart. I prayed a prayer reminding myself that I am imperfect, that I am a sinner that we are all here for God. For if we spend our entire lives here and God doesn’t come down and dwell among us, what use is the church?

God, I want to meet you.

That was my heart and when I prayed, I just cried. Father, please be here.

Worship, I finally had a breakthrough. I can finally stand in place and come back home without feeling shame.

After worship, annoying Miss Tan bugged me to go down to buy food for her. Tsk. HAHA. When I went down, I bumped into Robin. Haha, gotta love my boss. We had a rather nice chat and it was really nice to know that he still wants to involve me in the Gracesongs process.

My successors did a fantastic job today. Andre mixed really well. Jowea was sharp and quick on the job, she getting triggered on aesthetics just made me laugh. Dan knew what to do as well. Today when I was in service, I honestly didn’t do much. Thank you God for people to help support this ministry.

Then, rushed off to Ngee Ann City for a birthday meal. Food was fantastic. My family are all so nice, they are offering me a lot of money to buy whatever I want. Still thinking.
God, thank you for today! 🙂

-Kelvin-

=597= Reflections: Journey

What a Journey the Lord has lead me in.

That I continue to walk and discover and undiscover things. That you keep missing things.

People come close and far, teaching me how to handle all sorts of things.

Perhaps when I give up, will I find what I want. Perhaps when I give up pursuing the things of this world, will God provide.

Father, I feel a tinge of numbness. I see things happening and I no longer feel. Isn’t it painful? I don’t know. All I know is that people around me are hurting too.

Lord, will I trust you when I don’t feel?

“The best day is the day you see yourself for who you are—desperate without Christ. Then see yourself as He sees you—complete in Him.” 

Use my broken places to show me your love and forgiveness Lord.

When worry walks in, strength runs out. But strength returns when we run to God.

Search me, God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

-Kelvin-

=596= Reflection: Leopard

Man, I miss my company.

There are so many practices that leopard company recruits learn that we don’t practice here. It is really out of my comfort zone.

It can be at the end of every officer dialogue, we as leopard recruits will clap for the officer. Here, when I clap, my buddy asked me whether I was ok or not. 😦

The camaraderie here isn’t as strong. The leopard spirit isn’t here. 😦

Whenever I shout a “Hoo Ah” no one shouts back with with me. Back in leopard when we hear the chant, man, do our morale get high.

Whenever I sing a song now, I will want to shout out leopard’s name.

Nevertheless, I am loving my unit more and more each minute. Just came back from an 8km run. Was so much fun.

Lord, thank you for placing me here!

-Amen-

-Kelvin-

=595= Word: Faith

“Moses grew up and became a man. He refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. He chose not to enjoy the pleasures of sin that last such a short time. Instead, he chose to suffer with God’s people. He did this because he had faith. He thought it was better to suffer for the Messiah than to have all the treasures of Egypt. He was waiting for the reward that God would give him.”‭‭
Hebrews‬ ‭11:24-26‬ ‭ERV‬‬

“We have all these great people around us as examples. Their lives tell us what faith means. So we, too, should run the race that is before us and never quit. We should remove from our lives anything that would slow us down and the sin that so often makes us fall.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12:1‬ ‭ERV‬‬

=593= Reflections: Future

I often wonder, why is it so different in army as compared to school? Why is it that in here, I am able to convey and share so much?

I think the huge difference is direction. When I go to school, I actually chose to go to school. I direct my own way. When I am in army, I am serving because of a need. The army directs my way.

As a result, there is no choice. When a bunch of people with no choice gather together, they gather together to talk about the little choices they have. What girl do they pick on tinder? What they want to eat when they book out? What girl do they like? What they are going to buy when they book out? What snacks they are going to bring next book in.

It is as though we look at camp as a break from life and we look forward to each book out as though as we are going back to our lives. What are we all looking forward to?

We are all looking forward to our future.

In war, you are away from your family, you are working hard, doing something that you probably don’t want to. So you will spend each moment thinking about your life back home.

Of course, I don’t dare to say that what we are having now is even a fraction of what the the war soldiers experience. However, it does have a certain effect on us.

We begin to look forward to each book out to return to our families and lives. We treasure each phone call. Each text. Each contact with everyone. We want to make the best use out of everything.

Our future is not yet our’s, so we want to make the best use out of it everytime it is in our hands.

As I walk to the next chapter of my NS life, whew. Am I nervous man. Who knows what will happen. God only you do.

I am also a future control freak. God, let me release control.

Thank you God.

-Amen-

-Kelvin-

=592= Reflections: Prodai vs OpPro

HAHA.

Ok recently I realised that Netflix has the Korean remake of Proposal Daisakusen, Operation Proposal.

So yeah, I was just simply comparing the two.

The general story line holds, this dude goes to the wedding of his childhood friend, regrets the crap out of it. A fairy/conductor appears and gives him the chance to go back to change the outcome of the wedding.

However the two takes up very different ways of portraying the story.

For ProDai, what happens is that he sees a slideshow of photos during the wedding, he regrets what he does in every photo. He gets to go back to before the time of that photo. He has until the time he takes the photo to change. The fairy even said, “the time is little so make the best use of it.” Every episode is one photo, with each episode closing in on the wedding. The end of every episode ends with Ken still in the wedding; being unable to change things. 

For OpPro, what happens is Baek Ho finish attending the wedding. Finds a confession letter from Yi Seul when she was 17. He regrets deeply, he meets a time conductor and he helps him go back to a time that he is thinking of. Every single time he goes back, he comes back with his picture taken as well. However, there isn’t a time limit. The time ranged from a whole summer to 1 day. Not only that every time he comes back, the wedding date gets postponed.

ProDai works on the concept that time is like a converging river, even when you change certain events, time converges and things doesn’t get changed easily. As a result of the photo slideshow structure, we get to see the characters slowly develop. We see the outcome but we need to know the journey. 

The interesting thing about this is that there is a deeper meaning. By going back to the past to change things, he is giving up the memories he has. So when he sees Eri and Tsuru together, it makes perfect sense that he doesn’t know.

OpPro, however plays on the concept of parallel worlds. That certain decisions that you make in the past will affect your future like a butterfly effect. It was honestly interesting to see the characters become single mothers, a hopeless drunk. Etc etc. However, because of the lack of structure, OpPro is very confusing and often contradicting.

You cannot be surprised with the outcome for one episode and remember what happens the next. Horrible.

One thing that makes OpPro weak is that Baek Ho already knows that Yi Seul likes him. It is just stupid that he took so long to confess. Tsk. Ken didn’t have he luxury. He went through the entire journey without even knowing if Rei liked him or not.

OpPro kept postponing the wedding date. I find it quite weak once again. If I was Baek Ho, I would actually be encouraged that the more I go back, the later the wedding is. It simply means that as long as I go back enough, it is possible to postpone the wedding forever. There is no inclination to treasure the time you go back. 

OpPro is honestly too slow. 😫 So freaking draggy. However, they did several things right. One, the rival is way more attractive. The Coach as compared to the Teacher is WAY more attractive. I would understand why Yi Seul will like the coach, but why Rei likes the Teacher is just a bit unbelievable.

I didn’t like that the Coach makes the high schoolers quit. It just doesn’t make sense you see.

I think that they did quite well involving the female lead’s parents a bit more. They were supposed to be childhood friends you see, it makes perfect sense that they will know each other parents. For ProDai, the parents only appears very little.

Giving Baek Ho the ability to change his life is too much a privilege man. HAHA. He went from a salesman to a fulltime major baseball player. He basically helped his friends go from mediocre jobs that they don’t enjoy to do jobs that they all love.

I think they are going to change the ending in OpPro. So sad. I quite like the ending of ProDai. 

Oh and the Jap drama just has a better soundtrack. Goodness, I really cannot stand the Korean soundtrack. Wrong song for the moment yo. You don’t need a happy romantic song every time. TSK. Chose better soundtracks PLEASE.

So far, in the 12 episodes I watched, I think that ProDai is a 100% better. Just in terms of cohesive storyline, no confusion of time travel, mental state of the traveller. OpPro does do better with more likeable characters and giving the characters a more special back story.

I am a bit lazy to finish the series, cause one episode is SOOO Long… 😭

But oh well.

HAHA.

The things you do during block leave.

Things will change quite a bit, quite nervous for unit life. God, please help me.

Still my heart.

-Kelvin-

=591= Word: Break

It actually is a nice feeling to have these two years of break from what I want to do. Suddenly my responsibilities change and I am no longer good at my field. HAHA.

I somehow spent more time with some people after I entered army. Somehow lah! HAHA. You guys know who you are.

I have a thought, what is “low maintainence?” I know that it basically means that it doesn’t take much to maintain the relationship/friendship.

It just means that two people don’t spend a lot of time together but they can still click when they meet.

What is high maintainence then?

Does it just mean that it takes a lot to maintain the relationship/friendship?

Funny thing is that the closer you are to a person, the more high maintainence it will get. Does that mean that being low maintainence with someone equates to you not being close to the person at all?

I noticed something yet again. Those people that you were once close to and not so close to now. They used to be high maintainence. You guys spent so little time with each other that when you try to do the same, it just feels strange.

I guess the question isn’t whether a person is high maintainence or low maintainence. The question is whether the person is relying on you to maintain the relationship/friendship. If the person is, he/she is the higher maintainence one. If you are relying on the other person, you are the higher maintainence one.

It is like going to a store to get your guitar serviced. If the store is unavailable or cannot solve the problem, the only sensible action is to find another store that is available and properly equipped to service the guitar. Is it wrong to treat people this way?

I see humans with needs. They go to a restaurant to buy food to satisfy their need for food. They go to a toilet to satisfy their need of relief. They go to a friend with a need of healing/to be understood.

So what happens when that friend no longer needs you for healing/understanding?

What happens when a high maintainence friend becomes Low maintainence friend? Do you lose a friend? I hope not.

When there is a need for a person to be in your life, what happens when that need is no longer there? Do you still want the person in your life?

If you don’t, I mean, that is understandable, logically, you no longer need that person. If you do, what is it that keeps you wanting the person to stay in your life?

Sentiments?

Nostalgia?

Love?

Respect?

Familiarity?

Memories?

Hope?

How do you successfully transit from a person you need in your life to a person you want in your life?

Is there any way to do it without the friendship being strained?

When you are no longer the priority, will you humble yourself to stay as a someone less significant? Or will you rather leave?

Truly if a relationship/friendship is important to you, you would love the person unconditionally and constantly. Perhaps even, humbling yourself to a role that is insignificant. However, that is a funny thing. Will you be satisfied? 

Are you satisfied with a role that is insignificant in a person’s life?

Will you be content if the only thing that the other party needs you to do is to be on stand by to wait until he/she needs you?

Will you be able to be on stand by with little attention/heart given to you?

How great the Father’s love for us.

Can you imagine it? Man.

That he was willing to humble himself to come down. From a Almighty God to come down as a baby through a woman’s womb.

That His love so great that He would die on a cross for me.

It must be such a heartbreaking thing to love me when I give so little back to God. Can you imagine a lover giving me so much, but I only give her little attention? To do so much for me and yet I want nothing to do with Him.

That He is willing to wait for me. No matter how horrible I get. No matter how far astray I go. God, is there waiting for me.

I have made my relationship with God from a high maintainence one to a low maintenance. Sometimes, I don’t even maintain it. Father, rebuke me. Teach me how to maintain it well. May our relationship be one that is strong and solid Lord.

Lord, I want a high maintainence relationship with you. I want to be close to you Lord. I want to have you around me always.

Thank you Lord.

-Amen-

-Kelvin-