=685= Reflections: Intrusive

A few years ago, after apologising to a friend, he said that he felt that I was rather intrusive. Context being that we were good friends, over time, it has gotten a bit awkward, we forgot how to interact with each other. So when I interacted with him, I tried the same stuff when I was close to him and he was not comfortable with it.

There was another time, I was having supper with a group of people, so I just recounted this namewee video I watched and basically went a bit crazy. I mean I got everyone to laugh alright! (HAHA, achievement ok!) However, my leader didn’t see it as a good trade. I remembered he even went to ask me how my kids will take me seriously if I am always being a joker.

Since then, I have been rather cautious to not be intrusive into other people’s lives. I can always live with silence. Be it in a group setting or a new friend. I will watch what I say and wait until the other party warm up to me quite a bit. I can always be loud and say quite stupid stuff, I am talented in that area! 😂 It is really easy to be loud and get attention, I find it harder to know when to speak and when to not speak. Beyond having other people to take me seriously, knowing when to speak actually works really well to be funny too. A good punchline is about timing. No one says the punchline before the joke, in the middle of the joke or long after the joke was being said. Having a good punchline said at the right time will get the best laughs! HAhah!

Being a friendly person isn’t about filling silence. You can be friendly and quiet. Being friendly actually takes quite a bit of sensing the situation and the other party. One person can totally be comfortable with you being a joker, another would think that you are a joke and drown you out. I see value in waiting to pour into someone’s lives. It gets really uncomfortable when someone gets way too personal way too early. Can you imagine someone you just met tell you about his alcohol addiction?

If you are not a counsellor, you will have no idea what to do with that information. Who can blame you for being uncomfortable with the other party?

When integrating into a new group. If everyone are strangers, it is alright to be a bit loud and talk quite a bit. If you are the only one that is new to group, you should really keep quiet and learn what the group likes to say or do. A culture of a group will not be changed forcefully from the get go. Understanding the group, know their habits and slowly come in, that will help you integrate a lot better.

Being friendly isn’t wrong, but being friendly to the point where the other party feels uncomfortable, will really make a bad first impression. First impressions may not be that important in the long run, but for the start, it will really be hard to move past it.

-Kelvin-

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