It has been a while since I released Mess In The Dark. I was very proud of the lyrics and how it sounded despite it being recorded in the youth hall in church. The song meant a lot to me and I will show it to people that got to know me a little more.
However, I always feel a little vulnerable and bare after showing people the song. I know that it is a good song, but this song is like a piece of me that I don’t show people. Today my own song got to me.
I showed Mess in the dark to Z and my O clan friends, and Z really liked the song. So today he asked me for the chords, I showed him the chords and he had me sing my own song. He was learning my song and this was the first time I sang this song in front of people. It isn’t on stage, it isn’t a big thing, but I felt really exposed.
After singing it twice and repeating certain lines, the song hit me and like a sore spot, it ached.
I think it was having people read my lyrics intently, slowly grasping this part of my life that I have not touched in a while. On top of that, someone is actually learning my song. I can’t perceive that. My song is being sung by someone other than me. What a strange feeling.
A little overwhelmed, I told them that the song was getting to me and took my phone away from them. They felt that I was uncomfortable and tried to offer some comfort. Thankful for that gesture, I just need some time away.
I never had such an experience before. I think if there ever comes a day when I hear someone singing my own song with my own stories, I think I will be overwhelmed again. Not by how far I come, but by how someone actually feels the same way.
Lord, bring comfort to me. Help me be a better man.
I look up to the mountains— does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord , who made heaven and earth! He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.
Psalms 121:1-8 NLT
Lord, ignite faith. Revive this dying soul.
I remembered how S handled the situation after showing our songs to the whole of QP. He said, “If you have any comments do let us know kindly, because music is very personal.”
Personal. It is such an apt word to use. I always felt that the word “subjective” did not fit the way I felt about things. I once talked to D about mixing and she told me there were times when she felt that the mixes that the SE produces is off, but she did not dare to say anything because she thought that mixing is subjective.
The problem about something being subjective is that it is with context. The way you mix a light ballad will definitely be different from the way you mix metal. Perhaps another example I can think of is how you see the number 6. If you see it upside down you will see the number 9.
Something being personal brings another element in. How much a person values that thing. When I write a song, that song is personal to me, there are reasons why wrote it the way I did. It has nothing to do with being subjective here. I know the story of the song, hence I wrote it in that particular way. It is like someone treasuring a pillow that someone special gave. When someone drops it, it may seem like he is overreacting to something minor, but you know how much that pillow meant, the value is immeasurable.
Indeed music is personal.
I find myself appreciating music more these days. Thank you guys for journeying with me. I learned so much about music from you guys.
I guess I am glad that you are not alone anymore. Do be careful.