Category Archives: Melancholic

=35= Melancholic Reflections: Taking up

Let me start with something that happened to me a few months ago.

One night, my family craved pizza. So we went online to order. To not start anything, i shall not name names, so let’s call them company A and company B. Both A and B have a delivery guarantee, that they will be able to deliver the pizza to your doorstep within 30 minutes. We went to company A’s website to order. We chose the flavours, we chose the crust and chose the package deal, all ready, we clicked ‘Confirm my Order’. They rejected our order.ย WHAT? What kind of stupid company would reject business? A good one.

The reason they rejected our order was because they have too many orders. They can’t accept anymore. So being slightly annoyed, we went to company B’s website and did the same thing. Company B accepted the order. So we waited for 30 minutes, not even a call. Then another 30 minutes passed. I have fear that they delivered pizza to the wrong place(hopefully, this never happens). So i called up the company, they told me that my pizza was on the way. The pizza only came after 30 more minutes. They were late by an hour with no compensation(I forgot to mention that company A has a policy of giving a voucher for a free pizza on next order if they are late). Not only that, the pizza was cold.

So which company will you order from next time?

Ok, obviously i am not talking about which company to order from. I am talking about taking up ministries. WAY too often i see people my age killing themselves by taking up too many ministries on their plate, but can’t you see? By taking too many orders(ministries) you will give up on the quality and guarantee that you have given your customer. So the next time the customer wants to order, he will be less likely to order from you.

When someone ask you for help, he asked you because he believes you have the capability and the availability to do it. Capability is something that can be improved on. Availability is a choice. Yet, availability can only be obtained by managing your time. If you take up too much, that is not managing. Not only that, because you lack time, you will have to compromise other things, quality of the work, your other commitments, etc etc. This is one way you can feel horrible about the year, that you do not put enough effort into your ministries, not because you didn’t but you can’t.

Always remember, we are human, we are not robots(even robots have limitations), we will grow tired if we commit too much. As you can see from the example, i strongly believe that it is better not to commit to the commitment than to commit and do your worse. If committing to another ministry is going to kill you, say ‘NO’!

Why do people even commit to so much anyway? Is it because there aren’t anybody to step up? Or is it you don’t want to step down? Is it because you do not want to disappoint anyone? Or because you don’t want yourself to disappoint others?

I dare not come out with a solid answer, but to anyone who is going to take up a lot of ministries, please don’t kill yourself.

I say this to no particular person, so please don’t take offence! :/ Learn to love yourself more. Don’t you know your body is a temple of the Hoy Spirit, who lives in you given by God? You do not belong to yourself. You were bought a a high price. So you must honour God with your body. How can you honour God with your body if it is distracted and ripped apart by commitments?

CS Lewis wrote int The Great Divorce(This is a REALLY good book! It recently became my favourite CS Lewis book, go for it!)
(The Teacher)’…There have been men before now who got so interested in proving the existence of God that they came to care nothing for God Himself…as if the good Lord had nothing to do but exist! There have been some who were so occupied in spreading Christianity that they never gave a thought to Christ. Man! Ye see it in small matters. Did ye never know a lover of books that with all his first editions and signed copies had lost the power to read them? Or an organiser of charities that had lost all love for the poor? It is the subtlest of all the snares.’

Let me end with this. Never lose sight of who you serve, else you lose sight of who you are.

-Kelvin-

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=32= Melancholic Reflections: Friends

What a day. Well, let me first tell you about what triggered this post. I was having lunch with my grandmother and my aunt. They asked about my sister, so i replied she went out with friends. So my aunt eventually said this statement that really affected me. “Do you trust in friends? I don’t, i trust in myself”.

My grandmother agreed. They said that many of their friends are made for nothing. They said that when you need help, will they help you?

This is sincerely depressing. To see them at this age to not even have one friend. I wonder how many friends will i have at their age? Will i have many? Will i have none?

Well, i sincerely believe that i don’t have many friends as well. However, i really do cherish the relationships that i have with my friends and mentors. I prefer quality over quantity, maybe that is whyย i am so reluctant to open up to my class. There are certain things in a friend that i look out for and i shall list them.

1. Chemistry
Yep, this plays an important role no matter how much you try to reject it. There is chemistry among people. Haven’t you noticed that some people are easier to talk to than others? Why is that so? Chemistry. However, not everything should be based on Chemistry, my co-leader and i had really bad chemistry with each other. We worked on it and now it is a lot easier for me to approach him.

2. Effort to Commit
This is not rocket science, it takes two hands to clap, it takes two people that wants to commit to start a relationship(this stand true for all types of relationships). This is, in my opinion, the most important. If two people puts in effort to commit to a relationship, no matter how bad their chemistry may be, they will be able to have a great relationship!

3. Willingness to Share
This is a huge one for me. Actually, i love listening to people rant to me. I love listening to people complaining about things, asking me questions and just share about their lives, but along the way, people stop doing it and i just feel sad. I love to share my ideas, i want to! Just hope someone would let me listen and allow me to speak as well!

4. Wisdom
Wisdom draws me to a person. I don’t mean knowledge. I don’t need someone who knows everything about the world, i need someone who knows what to do at the right time, who can give me good advise. Sometimes what my mentors do puzzles me, but i can see how wise the decisions are. Sometimes when someone is broken down, you don’t need to say a word, all you need to do is sit beside him and put your arm on his shoulder to tell him to take his time and let it all out. Sometimes, you just need to be there. Sometimes, you need to tell him to get out of self pity. For the right choices, you need wisdom.

5. Initiative
This is why my mentor is the best. When i was really nervous over my exams, i told him to pray for me. He could have just replied, ‘ok!’, instead, he took time out and called me! He talked to me and prayed for me! When i was about to receive my results, i was really whiny and i told everyone i was really sian. Some took initiative and said, ‘Update me ah!’. This one phrase tells me that you care!

6. Being Real
I mean being realistic. I have friends that makes decision before counting the cost. I mean if it worths that much to you, you will spent more time thinking and contemplating before jumping into anything right? You have to see the situation, the skills set you have, the resources you have and the time before starting on anything! Be real guys!

7. Being Real(Sincere/Not Fake)
In my previous post i mentioned my friend who covered up her feelings. Same thing. Guys, showing your true self and true feelings is ok! Not showing them proves to me that you have little trust in me and that hurts. However, there are some truths that should be withheld, i understand, it could be kept a secret because you want to protect someone. There is nothing wrong with saying, “I am sorry, i can’t discuss this with you” Most people would understand.

8. Being Humble
Oh, how i hate arrogance and pride. When a person has a lot of pride, he will hate pride even more. Maybe i have a lot of pride as well. Sincerely there is no cure to Arrogance, Disgusting Behaviour and Self Contempt better than the Truth. Back when i was in sec 1(13), I had this bad behaviour, i would go around calling girls names, forcing my friends to let me copy homework and being vulgar. It was fine until one day over MSN, my friend said, “If you keep up with this disgusting behaviour, you will have no more friends” Up till today, i am still very thankful for her honesty. It shook my entire perspective, allowing me to take a step back and stop my disgusting behaviour.

 

How ironic it is that what got me to change was my fear of having no friends. So i come back to the question, is friends really important?

For me, I treasure my friends. I love them. I think i invest quite a bit in them(i hope they feel the same way too). I find them important. They will be the people that will support me when time gets tough. They are a huge support to my emotional and spiritual life. Oh how wonderful is God who has built the earth to be a community not just a single being. I may really love alone Mel times, but i hate to be lonely.

-Kelvin-

=30= Melancholic Reflections: What Do You Admire?

I did QT today and i was rambling to God about a lot of things. Out of the blue, i began to tell God what do i admire in my mentors and my peers. I listed out four people. My Best Friend, My Mentor, My Regional Leader and my Partner.

My Best Friend. He is someone who has been with me for many years, we watched each other grow. We worked hard together. We played and prayed together. Well, from the top of my head, i can’t think of any qualities, which to me, means that his best qualities are subtle. He is very good with people. Sometimes too good. I felt left out sometimes when he is there giving attention to someone else. He waits for God. Which i seldom do. He knows what to do at the right time. Which i seldom do. He has read the Bible once through. Which i have never. Maybe, it is not that he doesn’t have qualities that i admire, but it is that he is such a direct opposite of me that i don’t realise it.

My Mentor. He is someone who has been with me for so long. He has journeyed ups and downs with me(especially downs). Among the four, i most probably admire him the most. I admire his Influence on people, his Knowledge of the Bible, his Wisdom of knowing what to say at the appropriate time! Sometimes I don’t think what he says is relevant for the current time, but after i walk out of that spot, i realised that he has spoken something that is the most relevant, the most on point. Sometimes, his response is so different from anyone i know, but i give thanks that he has shown me so much faith. I sometimes find my prayers mundane and mediocre. My Mentor always have prayer that are full of the Word – meaning i have to read up on what he spoke to fully understand what was he speaking about!

My Regional Leader. Now this is the leader that was so different from anyone i know. I admire how he is able to always speak the right thing. I admire how he is able to be able to know where is the loop hole. I admire how he puts so much effort into his work. He has shown it through so many areas! He works hard for Cell. He works hard for his school(Takuchi what?). He works hard for me. He took the initiative to call me when i was really scared for my results. He was there for me when i really needed someone. God, gave me this spiritual authority and i am extremely grateful. His Knowledge of the Word and his Relationship with God is simply AMAZING. And he is probably the only one out of the four that is going to read this! Thanks Bro D! You are Awesome! ๐Ÿ˜€

My Partner. Nope not my wife(in case you dunno, i am 17 now), but my friend who is close to me. Not only that, we are able to show each other our true selves! Well, I also admire his people skills, his Knowledge of the Word. And i enjoy how he ask questions! I enjoy super Mel talks and asking questions. I like how he is able to ask questions that pricks me. He dares to ask questions that no one dares to.

I guess for me it boils down to a few(I had the first three, but i added more)
1. Wisdom
2. People Skills
3. Close Relationship with God
4. Being Sincere
5. Initiative
6. Knowledge of the Word(I realised how different it was from wisdom)

I actually asked all four what do they admire from their mentors, that is why there are more points! ๐Ÿ™‚ I guess these are qualities that draws me to someone!

Thank you for reading! Hope you have been blessed! ๐Ÿ™‚

-Kelvin-

=15= Melancholic Reflections: Response and Motive

Recent events has helped me to shape my thinking a bit! I find that in life, many times things boils down to Response and Motive! (and i realised Motive and Response has the same initials of Melancholic Reflections! :P)

What this means is that every action is a Response and behind every Response there is a Motive to it.ย Many a times we try our best to do good for both, but most of the times we fail in at least one.

Sometimes, we may have a good motive but our response might not be appropriate. For example, hitting a child, may seem like a bad response, but the motive behind hitting the child can be justified. The parent wants to teach and prevent the child from straying from the good path, that in itself has a good motive, but is it the right response?

Yet sometimes good responses could have a wrong motive. For example, doing your homework earlier than required. Well, the motive could be to do your best for God, however, it could be because you want to feel superior to your peers. Is doing homework early so you brag about it a good motivation?

Once again, even in the grey spots there are confusing occurrence. What if you try to love someone you hate? Is that a good response? Some say yes because it is a good effort! Some say no, because you will not be yourself. Is the motive good? Well, one part of you shouts,’ just ignore him!’ Another part of you says,’But God told me to love my enemies!’ So what will be the motivation for loving him? Because God told me to do so.

When you try your best to complete a project in church. It seems like a good Response, but what is your Motive in doing it? Is it to gain recognition? Is it out of responsibility? Is it because the mentor you respect asked you to do it? Or is it because you love God and trust that God will shape you with it? To help you grow more spiritually mature?

Response by itself is very pure, very simple. But once you add Motive in, the whole equation complicates, and the simple becomes messy and confusing. Too bad we live in a complicated world with people pursuing things that won’t satisfy them. Too bad Motive behind an action is so important.

Well, think about it, every sin is the result of the devil tempting us and our flesh succumbing. For example, lying, this is such a vague term, very few could explain lying in words. So how did this sin even come about?

Let us imagine this scene. You as a child, very pure, no idea what is right or wrong. You are being fed by your mother. Being full, ย you push the bowl away. The bowl hits the ground and porridge spills all over the ground. Enraged, your mother scolds you. Even though you do not understand the language, you know that your mother is angry and you know that you did something wrong. Fast forward to the age of 3. You begin to learn and understand the language. You can speak and your parents understand you. Then one day, you accidentally knock into a vase. The vase shatters. You start to freak out. You remember when something spoils because of you, you will get scolded. This is when the devil steps in, ‘Hey, you know the language, your parents understand you now! Do you really need to say that you broke the vase? You can say that the dog did it, they will believe you! And most importantly, you will not get scolded! Isn’t that nice?’ You afraid of the punishment you say the lie.

Ironic isn’t it? That not wanting punishment is the Motive for the Response(Lying). If the lie was revealed, you will get punished even more! Not only is it ironic, it is sad. I don’t think ‘Not wanting punishment’ as Motive is bad, yet the Response itself is bad.

I am not here to judge anything. I do not have the ability to judge(oh and i am 16+! I can’t judge someone who is older than me!). I am in no place to judge because i don’t know everything.

I can imagine, when Judgement day comes, i believe God will judge all my sins, lying, lusting, harsh words, jealousy, coveting etc etc. He will give me the punishment that i deserve, Death. But God himself will step down from the throne become a human and die for me. And all my sins will be justified.

God, i am simply human. You know everything. Allow my Responses be good. Allow my Motives be right! God, help me to continue to be sanctified! Help me through!
Thank You God!
-Amen-

-Kelvin-

Haha, i sometimes feel i am overanalysing stuff, but well, hope it has blessed you! ๐Ÿ™‚

=13= Melancholic Reflections: Cell Group

You know, as a ‘writer'(closed inverted commas), you can choose to write what is popular and something people read and likes. Or you can write those melancholic reflections that i enjoy writing. Well, my ‘Books i’ve Read’ actually attracted some attention! But i guess, writing book reviews is not my passion. I believe simply writing about my experiences as a person in a blog is more important. I rather write on something i enjoy writing.
Haha, looks like my thirteenth post will be on cell groups.

In my life in cell group, i enjoyed myself, i grew, now i am simply recounting my cell life. When i was in my first cell, i felt left out. My peers were people i was unfamiliar with. Even when i was in crowds, i felt alone. When i went into my second cell, i felt loved. My Mentor was really loving and caring! When i warmed up to my cell mates, they were all spurring each other on to love God! This is a bond i will probably never forget! When the sec 4s moved up, i was sad. I really wanted to spend more time with them. And of course, a new batch of sec 2s moved up to their mother cells!

Well, this time its my turn to be the cell mate that those sec 4s were to me! I took up some responsibility. I tried to text them every week to ask for their prayer request! This commitment has gotten me close to many of my cell mates, i was able to be there to pray for them! I guess sec 3 was the year i was actually beginning to be serious about God! I became more consistent on going for this prayer meeting on Wed. My best friend and i have gotten a lot closer! After a conference in that year, i spoke in tongues. Well, i always thought speaking in tongues was some mystical phenomenon that happens, but it did not felt like that to me. It was as if i was simply speaking. But God’s voice certainly became clearer.

When i was sec 4, i decided to try out for CAMY. Which was quite crazy, considering i had N levels that year. But it all worked out. It was a fulfilling year, i was humbled so many times by my teacher in school(because i was arrogant in my CCA) and by how much i dunno in music. In cell, another boy joined! Well, in this year, you could see the changes in the sec 4s when i was sec 2. The person who encouraged me to text for prayer requests every week stopped being a leader. The person who we laughed at and together has been inconsistent in coming to church. The person who was super funny, he became the leader of my cell. It was quite something to see the changes of my respected sec 4s. I wonder how will i change in the next two years.

It is also around this time that i realised, SO MANY of my cell mates have not been coming for cell! It took me 4 months to realise it. It is scary…. Scary that even though i was ‘senior’, Indifference got hold of me. I was simply going church every sunday for myself. It got me working hard to bring back my friends. The power of testimony of mine and my friend showed, and it was amazing. The Attendance increased!

When it was time for me to be a leader, I was sad to be leaving the cell that i grew up in, but i was excited to be leading! Leading is a whole new process! I had to prepare lesson, i had to listen more closely. Well, I was very impressed with my cell’s bond. It wasn’t the same God spurring bond that i had in my old cell, but it was this brotherly bond that i have never felt. This siblings kind of relationship in the cell really is quite nice! ๐Ÿ™‚ Well, though now they have to work on speaking nicer to each other, i am sure that the kids in my cell will back each other up in times of need!

God, give me direction for them! Give me wisdom to lead them. Allow them to Love one another! Allow us to grow together!
Thank you God
-Amen-

-Kelvin-

=12= Melancholic Reflections: Quiet

Have you tried to listen music in the library? I have! I plugged in my ear pods to listen to ‘That girl in Pinafore’ album, while i read spiderman comics! ๐Ÿ˜› Well, when i took it out of my ear, i could still hear a faint tune coming out of the pods even though they were at least 15cm away from me!

You have to understand, i don’t listen to music as loud as most people, my volume bar is always around the middle. But even though its soft for most people, its pretty loud for me! That got me thinking, what exactly is ‘quiet’?

Preference for volume is both subjective and based on the situation. What i think is loud might not be loud for someone else. And the volume you listen to is based on the situation. What this means is simply that at different places you will listen to music at a higher volume. For example, when i listen to music alone, i will blast it on my laptop or my hi-fi(yes hi-fis still exist!). When i am studying, i wouldn’t want to distract my Mum or my friend or anyone around me, i will plug in my earphones to listen to music. When i am on the train, it is slightly louder, i have to adjust my volume accordingly. When i need to prepare for set and there is loud, distracting music playing, i need to leave the room to listen to the track properly.

When it comes to music, there is even more preferences. For me, being brought up in an environment of listening to worship and praise music since young, I like groups like Switchfoot, Lifehouse, Hillsongs and Mayday. But for my Mum who has brought up in an environment with light music, she finds what i listen to loud.

Back to the library, I could actually hear my music come out from my ear pods even though they were quite far from me. Even though they were soft to most people, but it was like the music leaking from the headphones of the kid who blasts his music. the quiet environment of the library has made the soft loud.

The quiet will make the soft loud. I wonder is that how we should listen to God’s voice? Instead of trying to raise God’s volume by asking Him to speak to us, should we quieten ourselves? Because when the surrounding is noisy, no matter how loud we raise the volume, the loud noises will override the volume. God, being constant, has never stop talking to us. It just the things around us that made us unaware of His voice!

Well, I hope this has blessed you one way or another! ๐Ÿ™‚

-Kelvin-

=10= Melancholic Reflections: Death

Think about it! Death is scary…. I believe many people would wonder how many people would actually attend their funeral! Some say that a person’s worth can be measured by seeing how many people mourns for you at your funeral!

I dread the day i have to attend the funeral of my friends. Just imagine one of your close class mates’ death, would you want to attend that funeral? I don’t know how will i react if i receive news that my classmate had just passed away… But i do know that i will be devastated…

I rather die first than to face the pain of seeing my loved ones passing away earlier than me. I often wonder who will die first, my best friend or me? You know if he dies before me, I would not want to speak in his funeral, I just want to stay silent and mourn for him.

Well for my death, i wonder when will that be? Would i still be studying? Will i still be single? Will i be working? How will i die? Or will the rapture come before i die? Well, all these questions, i leave it to God to handle. I shall just focus on my life now.

I am not saying that i am not scared of death, I am saying that if i focus about it too much, i will be one of those people who will do crazy things and justify their action with the phrase ‘YOLO’ Sure its true that you only live once, but should you use Death as a reason to do crazy things?

God gave you this life, so you should treasure it! Jesus died to save you, so you should live your life to God’s standards not yours!

Oh well, this topic is just depressing… i hope it has blessed you! ๐Ÿ™‚

-Kelvin-