=599= Reflections: Birthday 2017

Haha, typically, I will start the annual birthday reflection with the usual, “Anyone that has been following his space will know that I am not particularly fond of my birthday.”

Well, it still stands true. 

I woke up knowing that it is my birthday and when I checked my phone, many dear friends had already texted me to wish me happy birthday.

You guys know who you are! I am really touched and really appreciate it! 🙂

Today wasn’t special, it was still routine, I went through everything and just enjoyed the flow. It was rather nice. The guys here aren’t too close to me yet, so they don’t know it is my birthday! HAHA! But it is fine! 🙂

All I need are a good couple of friends to wish me and I am fine with it already.

Another thing on my heart was that my family has already given me a free pass to buy stuff with money. Don’t really know how to spend it yet. Still thinking.

Been thinking about:

  1. Logic Pro/Pro tools
  2. RHA T20s
  3. A set of Adam speakers
  4. Mics
  5. Cymbals(I probably need a China)
  6. Snare
  7. Roland SPD-SX

Well, just need to slowly think about it.

I just prepared for set and lesson. Excited for this Sun, will be crazy, haven’t served in a long while, so this one day, going to go all out. HAHA.

So yeah, going to sleep soon, so yeah, happy birthday to myself! 🙂

-Kelvin-

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=598= Reflections: Broken Heart

Today was such a strange day.

I entered the church and I straight away entered my engineering mode. Tried the new overheads mic-ing technique. (X-Y)

Did quite a few technical stuff until we entered soak. Somehow or another. I felt so unworthy to be in the house of God. It felt so overwhelming. Hence I walked out for a while. Saw Miss Tan in tears, so took the chance to go fill some warm water for her.

Once I passed it to her, she made me go up and pray. I stood there, not knowing what to pray, hence I prayed my heart. I prayed a prayer reminding myself that I am imperfect, that I am a sinner that we are all here for God. For if we spend our entire lives here and God doesn’t come down and dwell among us, what use is the church?

God, I want to meet you.

That was my heart and when I prayed, I just cried. Father, please be here.

Worship, I finally had a breakthrough. I can finally stand in place and come back home without feeling shame.

After worship, annoying Miss Tan bugged me to go down to buy food for her. Tsk. HAHA. When I went down, I bumped into Robin. Haha, gotta love my boss. We had a rather nice chat and it was really nice to know that he still wants to involve me in the Gracesongs process.

My successors did a fantastic job today. Andre mixed really well. Jowea was sharp and quick on the job, she getting triggered on aesthetics just made me laugh. Dan knew what to do as well. Today when I was in service, I honestly didn’t do much. Thank you God for people to help support this ministry.

Then, rushed off to Ngee Ann City for a birthday meal. Food was fantastic. My family are all so nice, they are offering me a lot of money to buy whatever I want. Still thinking.
God, thank you for today! 🙂

-Kelvin-

=597= Reflections: Journey

What a Journey the Lord has lead me in.

That I continue to walk and discover and undiscover things. That you keep missing things.

People come close and far, teaching me how to handle all sorts of things.

Perhaps when I give up, will I find what I want. Perhaps when I give up pursuing the things of this world, will God provide.

Father, I feel a tinge of numbness. I see things happening and I no longer feel. Isn’t it painful? I don’t know. All I know is that people around me are hurting too.

Lord, will I trust you when I don’t feel?

“The best day is the day you see yourself for who you are—desperate without Christ. Then see yourself as He sees you—complete in Him.” 

Use my broken places to show me your love and forgiveness Lord.

When worry walks in, strength runs out. But strength returns when we run to God.

Search me, God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

-Kelvin-

=596= Reflection: Leopard

Man, I miss my company.

There are so many practices that leopard company recruits learn that we don’t practice here. It is really out of my comfort zone.

It can be at the end of every officer dialogue, we as leopard recruits will clap for the officer. Here, when I clap, my buddy asked me whether I was ok or not. 😦

The camaraderie here isn’t as strong. The leopard spirit isn’t here. 😦

Whenever I shout a “Hoo Ah” no one shouts back with with me. Back in leopard when we hear the chant, man, do our morale get high.

Whenever I sing a song now, I will want to shout out leopard’s name.

Nevertheless, I am loving my unit more and more each minute. Just came back from an 8km run. Was so much fun.

Lord, thank you for placing me here!

-Amen-

-Kelvin-

=595= Word: Faith

“Moses grew up and became a man. He refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. He chose not to enjoy the pleasures of sin that last such a short time. Instead, he chose to suffer with God’s people. He did this because he had faith. He thought it was better to suffer for the Messiah than to have all the treasures of Egypt. He was waiting for the reward that God would give him.”‭‭
Hebrews‬ ‭11:24-26‬ ‭ERV‬‬

“We have all these great people around us as examples. Their lives tell us what faith means. So we, too, should run the race that is before us and never quit. We should remove from our lives anything that would slow us down and the sin that so often makes us fall.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12:1‬ ‭ERV‬‬

=593= Reflections: Future

I often wonder, why is it so different in army as compared to school? Why is it that in here, I am able to convey and share so much?

I think the huge difference is direction. When I go to school, I actually chose to go to school. I direct my own way. When I am in army, I am serving because of a need. The army directs my way.

As a result, there is no choice. When a bunch of people with no choice gather together, they gather together to talk about the little choices they have. What girl do they pick on tinder? What they want to eat when they book out? What girl do they like? What they are going to buy when they book out? What snacks they are going to bring next book in.

It is as though we look at camp as a break from life and we look forward to each book out as though as we are going back to our lives. What are we all looking forward to?

We are all looking forward to our future.

In war, you are away from your family, you are working hard, doing something that you probably don’t want to. So you will spend each moment thinking about your life back home.

Of course, I don’t dare to say that what we are having now is even a fraction of what the the war soldiers experience. However, it does have a certain effect on us.

We begin to look forward to each book out to return to our families and lives. We treasure each phone call. Each text. Each contact with everyone. We want to make the best use out of everything.

Our future is not yet our’s, so we want to make the best use out of it everytime it is in our hands.

As I walk to the next chapter of my NS life, whew. Am I nervous man. Who knows what will happen. God only you do.

I am also a future control freak. God, let me release control.

Thank you God.

-Amen-

-Kelvin-

Just a man struggling to live a God led life in a God strayed world