=551= Reflections: Nerves

It has been a while since I have been so scared to play on stage. HAHA. My hands were literally shaking when I was playing.

It was just that the pastor that taught me even before I started playing in church is leading. His ears were ever so incredible.

With his presence there, man, you can see him guiding the band so well.

I just look on with admiration and desire. When can I ever be like Pastor L? I want to be good on my instrument. I want to lead and guide a band as well as he does it. Man.

I wasn’t very happy with the set, to be honest. I just don’t think this is the best. -sigh- oh well.

Man, do I want to learn from Pastor L man.

Music is such a fantastic thing. I just wishย and hope that I will be able to grow into more of a band leader.

Blown away.

Ok, now let’s head down.

-Kelvin-

=550= Word: FiveFity

Haha the title is just for someone that is reading, you know who you are!

Today was rather sentimental for me.


I went to my grandma’s place for dinner once again. Man, was I late. Anyways, my grandmother was just such a delight; she was still so understanding. Haha, she then drew the last portion of soup for me to drink. There were no more ingredients in the soup and it was only left with the stock. After pouring a bit more in my bowl, she went on to drink the last bit herself.

Just makes me smile when she acts like such a typical singaporean sometimes! HAHA!

Then I noticed the goji berries in my soup. Well guys, in case you guys haven’t known this yet, I don’t really like goji berries. HAHA. I remember that as a secondary school kid I would go to my grandma’s place for dinner and I would drink soup with goji berries in them and absolutely loathe it. It just has that unnatural sweet tasteโ€”ironic because it is natural, but well, driedโ€”then it just ewww. I recall ever taking out every single berry and putting it out of the bowl.

Well, today, I am way more tolerant and appreciative of my grandma’s cooking. I drink the soup after a long long of day and I am so grateful that I have food waiting for me. I drink soup with goji berries and I give thanks that my grandma cares for my health. Man, I really don’t appreciate my grandma enough… ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Man, as a kid I was way too picky! My grandparents cooks the nicest things, but you know, they cook weird stuff too. Like bitter veggie that is even more bitter than bittergourd or like funky soup that I will have such a hard time swallowing. 

My grandpa really dotes on me. Every single time he scoops rice for me, he will always scoop a certain amount, then I will always say less. Then he puts back a bit of rice. Then I will say less again, he puts back a little more back. Then I will say it one more time and he would shake his head and refuses to put back more rice. HAHA.

My entire family loves my grandparent’s homemade shallot. Everytime my grandpa scoops soup for me, he would put shallots on for me when the soup tastes better with it. Like Beancurd skin soup, egg with vermicelli and mixed pork soup, fishball soup. Certain soups just does go well with shallots, like bittergourd soup, lotus roots. Man, I realised I learned a lot about food from my grandparents! AHAHA! ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyways, back to the soup. He would always put shallot on for me. So I will take my bowl of rice and soup and bring it to the dishes table. After taking the dishes I need, I would always finish my shallots. My grandpa seeing this will always laugh, then he would take my bowl of soup and give me more shallots. AHAHA.

Man, my granddad loves me so much. You know, whenever I walk home from my grandparents place, he would stand at the opening near the rubbish chute to wave goodbye to me as I walk home. It was just his simple act to make sure I walk home safe. Keeps him at ease I guess.

Man, I really do miss him. When he passed away when I was in secondary school, it did not hit me as hard as it should. I think I dunno, I wasn’t as attached? Which was sad because my grandpa really does love me. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ


The second photo above is yet another memory. When I entered secondary school and gotten a bit older. I would go home first and only go to my grandparents place for dinner. Sometimes, being to the clumsy guy I am, I would forget to bring my keys. Then, I would go over to my grandparents place, knock on their door to ask for their copy of my house keys. They would laugh at me and then walk off to the ancestors altar to retrieve the keys to pass it on to me.

These little things that you just take for granted when you were young. -sigh-

Today, I actually left my keys at work. HAHAHA. Immediately, I remembered that my grandma has that copy. I went to have dinner before requesting for her copy. She owns many different house keys from all her children, so she couldn’t remember which one was my house key. However, once I saw that familiar keychain that I haven’t seen for years, man, did it make me sentimental.

Then, while consulting the doctor today. I saw this elderly man. The pharmicist called for his name and it took him a while to get on his feet and slowly walked to the counter to let the pharmicist brief him on the medicine. The pharmicist question why didn’t his children accompany him and he answered that they haven’t reach home yet. The pharmicist mentioned that he had a very high fever.

After everything, he went off. He probably took 30-45 seconds to walk from the counter to the glass door, which was at most 3 metres away. Then another 20-30 seconds to get down from that one short step of the clinic.

My thought was just, man, age is scary. HAHA! For someone like me, where playing drums, being fast to react in productions and like finding joy in running and swimming, it will be absolutely horrible for me to not be able to do those things because my age simply doesn’t allow me to. 

Then, it was my turn to get consultation with the doctor. 

I took my medicine and left the clinic. Man, you won’t believe it, after consultation, waiting for my medicine, briefing from the pharmicist and settle admin matters, I walked out and I still see the elderly man struggling to get back home. He probably only progressed at most 10 metres.

It just pains me.

His stride was shorter than half his foot and it was so slow. Man. It took me no effort at all to overtake him, man, I just cannot imagine myself in his shoes. So weak that he will have to struggle to leave the house to go down to the clinic below my block.

I cannot imagine my grandma like that. Man. Please pray for my grandma that she will be saved alright? ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

The medicine is kicking in already. So yeah. Getting drowsy.

So yeah, gonna do lots of drum tuning Tmr! ๐Ÿ™‚

So yeah lah! Let me rest now! 

-Kelvin-

=549= Thanksgiving: Encouraged

Well, today I got really encouraged.

First of all, I managed to spend some time to teach JK the visuals system. It took me 30 minutes, to help him. JK was proactive at learning too. Yeah, I will need time to train ah! Really going to request for something to be put in place.

Next, worship encounter was such an incredible experience. First time playing stand up drums with a seat and putting cloths on the drums to dampen the drums. It felt like the drums just exploded with new ideas and sounds! Without the towels, it seemed like whatever I hit will be loud. So it kinda limited me to the different sounds. Today however, with the cloths on the drums, it opened up a whole new outlet of sounds to experiment with. Man was it exciting! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฟ

I started hitting the snare without wires. Kinda like a dry djembe without any resonant tone! ๐Ÿ™‚ it gave like a dry djembe drum loop kinda sound. It was just fun to play around with! 

Then the addition of mallets and brushes expanded the variety of sounds even more! Just very nice! ๐Ÿ™‚

Then the worship encounter message. Man. That was good. I was tearing up when they did Teh sim cloth thingy then they flipped. Having planned such stuff before, I already knew where it was going, but you know, sometimes the spirit just stirs when you are once again reminded of his great love for you. 

Then, Sheila and her Friend Joel came in to use the hall for recording. Well, being who I am, I decided to help. HAHA. I mean, I actually learned all these kinda stuff before. So I started to understand the whole situation. How many instruments? How are they doing it? Just the track out from the thumb drive?

So the whole recording was Cajon, Guitar and vocal. So after learning from Kim Lau for that one Month. Man. I started my recording engineer mode. Instead of recording through a DI. I brought the SM81 from bethel to mic the guitar. It was just nicer you know. HAHA!

I found that having a condenser mic just can give that nicer tone for a guitar. Through DI just sounds horrible. Very often we find ourselves stuck with a sound that is too springy that it almost sounds like it comes from an electric guitar. Not a nice sounding electric guitar but a cheap and broken one. It sounds that bad. Recently, been helping the guitarist set his guitar pickup settings. Quite cool! HAHA! There are functions like notch and mic blend. No idea what they are, but they do affect the tone quite a bit so I needa work with it.

Did quite a bit of compressing. Well, the CL3 has like premium compressors right, so I used the LA2A on the vocals and the whole ST LR, just to give that squashing.

Now that everything is over, I reflected and thought about it. I have kinda like a good idea how to do a proper recording in Emmaus next time with the sound board.

First, all musicians must go on avioms. I will off the amp for all the speakers in Emmaus to prevent feedback. Then I will monitor everything through headphones. See the RTA and add in a multiband compressor into the ST LR then you can control dynamics for 4 seperate frequency bands. Then, add in a compressor like the LA2A to compress and maximise the whole track. This should kinda imitate the mastering process.

Then since we had already plugged in the guitar to the DI, let’s not waste that in the future. Use the DI signal for guitar reverb! Not only will it be nicer cause it will be springer, it will also have less leakage!

The sad thing is that the file that we will be getting is MP3. A compressed file. If only we can get a WAV file, it will be worth it to do this kinda thing once in a while you know. A one take recording. Kinda like the old tape record days. That will be exciting.

Then after teaching Javier how to do the recording. I went down to set up for the graduation service. Played with the new trainee band! HAHA! Proud of them ah! Sure it wasn’t perfect, but man, you should have heard them at the first session I had with them! They improved VASTLY! Cannot wait to see them progress in their Musicianship and step up soon! ๐Ÿ™‚

Then had a rather nice meeting with the CAMY EXCO. I kinda found my place? HAHA! I remembered feeing quite out of place in this team, but the previous meeting and today, I dunno, something switched? It was rather nice! ๐Ÿ™‚ HAHA!

After today, I dunno, I feel kinda encouraged by ministry. Been feeling a bit tired and dread ah, but after today it felt nice! ๐Ÿ™‚

Thank you God for all these blessings you have poured my way! ๐Ÿ™‚

Bless the Lord O my soul!

-Kelvin-

=547= Reflections: Grow Up

Haha, this is a rare post.

On the way back home, while entering the lift lobby, I heard a smack and a little girl screaming, “MA MAAAA!” 

I heard whimpering and I saw this girl on the floor, with a younger girl beside her, with a plate of what seemed like coloured dyes on a paper plate. I soon realised what happened when I walked in closer. That wasn’t a paper plate with coloured dyes, it was a tray to hold beads. The little girl slipped, fell and spilled beads all over the floor. The Mother of the two girls looking busy on her phone walked towards them and got annoyed. Reprimanded the girl for not being careful. She then stooped down to help pick up beads.

I just came back from my grandma’s and had a tingkat of food in my hands. I just decided that it will be nice to help lah. The beads were really small. Not like it would take up too much time too.

The girl then expressed her regret for wearing slippers. Her little Sister was just not helping by saying that she told her not to. The Mother scolded her again for not being careful. Now the little girl changed her tone and volume, “IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!” Then almost instantly she changed her tone again and said, “oh I know why I fell, there was a bead stuck under my shoe!”

The Mother thanked me everytime I put beads into the tray. She seemed to be I dunno, some exotic Eurasian. Haha, they spoke this rather interesting dialect that I don’t understand a bit of. 

She sent the two little girls back home in the lift. While she herself stayed in the lobby with her Son, this small boy, to pick up more beads.

In the lift, the girl looked that the tray of beads and cried. In an attempt to comfort her, I told her that the beads can be fixed. She then said, “My Friend worked very hard on it….” The sobs drowned the remaining lines. 

Not knowing what to do, I simply used my hands to touch her left arm comforting her. Her little Sister then tried to comfort her too, telling her it is alright.

I don’t understand why, but my heart was a bit full after this incident. There is just this thing about a child’s innocence that makes me heartened.

My first thought about this incident was that man, this kid is so young. HAHA, I pray that you grow up and you will save your tears for more important things.

However, I was also reminded of how small her world is and how this little gift from her friend must  mean the world to her. To the point of crying for something that she owned but spoiled because of an accident. The pure innocence of guilt over wasting a friend’s hard work. Man. How I wish I had that. HAHA. Not that I want to cry everytime I make a mistake, but how much she treasured something like that, man, I do take a lot of things for granted. May I treasure what I have no matter how insignifant it may be.

Another thought was the mother’s irritation. I don’t know. I cannot judge the Mother, but honestly, she wasn’t that bad, she was still very gentle. However, people who know me, know that I think that anger should be saved for more important things too. Being angry at a kid that slipped and fell isn’t helping. I think that what gets you angry is something that will eventually be ingrained into your children’s lives too. Instead of getting angry over minor accidents and slip ups. I think if I ever get the chance in the future, I will teach my kid to think of contingency plans. To accept what is wrong and work with it. Work with what you have, be creative! If something is spoiled, I would love to teach my kid that something that is spoiled can be fixed. I would love to teach my kid to learn that a fall is just a fall. Stand up and move on. Learn what is important and what isn’t, learn what is dire and what isn’t.

Of course, I wouldn’t know, having to face your kid everyday will obviously be different from an outsider. I would love to do this, but I might not even have the capacity myself to do it.

Well, yeah, let us all grow up! ๐Ÿ™‚ 

-Kelvin-

Just a man struggling to live a God led life in a God strayed world