Well, today during rehearsals, Nell wanted us to share about what God has done in the past week and say “God is _______” to you.
When I heard the “God is ______” part I smiled to myself, because the first word I thought to myself is “annoying”.
Ok, before you report my blog post, let me explain. I speak of “annoying” not as a literal sense. I speak of it more of a friend sense. Like how siblings(or for me, cell leaders) say that their brother(or for me, cell kids) are annoying, but smiles while saying it. Somehow, while using words that can’t explain the meaning. They managed to bring forth a deeper meaning.
They, while saying it, do not mean that they hate their brother, in fact, they actually found it quite adorable. Like how girls always tell their close friends are irritating, but does not mean that they do not enjoy their presence. Interestingly, by saying these words(annoying, irritating), they actually reveal a certain bond that they have.
Saying words are different from meaning them. I have lost count the times that I have called someone annoying or idiot or stupid. If you take it literally, if I used the words, it would have meant that the person is really(certifiably) an idiot or a stupid person, in this case, you have lost the entire context.
Sometimes the people who are being ‘irritating’ aren’t doing it unintentionally. A lot of times, guys would play to get the attention of people(girls in particular). Many times, when people are being irritating unintentionally, people would be ‘kind’ not to say it out loud to make them aware of it.
I am thankful that when I was irritating without my knowledge people actually voiced out and told me. I remembered three incidents.
First, I was secondary one, I was really playful and naughty. So I began chasing(literally, NOT figuratively) girls around, calling them names. Somehow, I was close to the girls I chased around. Without me noticing, I became what I called, an Ass. I pressured my friend to let me copy his Chinese homework, I did a lot of stupid crap. One day, over MSN, I was talking to this one girl(whom I wasn’t close to), I forgot how the conversation began, but she said something that would change my personality forever(and I am thankful for it). “If you keep up this disgusting behavior, you will have no more friends left”. Very bluntly. Ouch. Well, I took it and decided not to do all those stupid crap that I used to do. So I withdrew from chasing them or calling them names. Without me noticing, I stopped talking to them all together. It is as though as me “annoying” them actually added to the relationship in more ways than I knew.
Second, I was in Boys’ Brigade. I was not picked as the CSM(the highest ranking person), but I had two posts(stuff I have to do). For the first few months, I began noticing what the CSM has done. I began to spot so many flaws. I personally wanted the DSM(second highest ranking) to be the CSM. So I became VERY arrogant. I began not to listen to the CSM’s words. Became an Ass again. Quite truthfully, I did not realize it until my teacher came and talked to me. Corrected me. So I became more of a servant to the company and I became (in my opinion) one of the best in my batch! 🙂
Third, was during a conference. I was eating with Josh Lui and I did a funny voice and they laughed the first time. But I continued with that voice until Josh said, “I know you hear this a lot, you are getting annoying”. Ouch. Yet, I am thankful to Josh for doing that as well, it has taught me the boundaries that I should not cross.
The points I wanted to draw out from these stories are:
1. Teasing or playing which leads to a party saying that you are ‘irritating’ can contribute to a relationship.
2. Many times when people are being seriously annoying, or more specifically, arrogant, they could be doing this unintentionally. Correcting them might do them good.
3. Not correcting people might not be ‘kind’ or loving to them. I once showed this point to a friend, sometimes when you hate someone, you are more likely to not talk to them. Talking to then might actually be showing love to them. When you truly hate someone, you will not even want to speak to that person. You will dread to talk to him/her. This is the kind of hate that I hope to grow for the devil.
Ok, but we have drifted quite far from the original topic. God is annoying. My reason for saying that was because he is so consistent and faithful, it irritates me. I read psalms and job recently and I saw something so ironic. “Will you let me alone for just a moment?” “Will you just look away”. I am scared that this is out of context. They seem to be aware of God’s omnipresence. “He is everywhere!” “Why can’t he just leave me alone?” “I don’t want to be righteous, it is too tiring, why can’t you leave me alone?” This brought forth a simple truth. God is omnipresent no matter we want it or not.
Quite often, when we talk about God’s omnipresence, omnipotence and omniscience, we tend to speak out of adoration. This is good. It is good to adore God for His amazing ability and power! However, we tend to forget that God is all these things whether we want it or not. God is always present; God will be there to support you through, but that also means that God will be there when you do not want Him to be there. God is always powerful; He is has the power to change and affect the situation you are in, but that also means that he has the power to express his wrath(like seen in the flood). God always know everything; He knows the plans that He has for you, but that also means that He knows every sin you have done.
Sinning is definitely easier without God in the picture, but this is the funny part, God is never not in the picture. He is always there. It is only a matter of recognizing or knowing His presence. That is why people finds it more difficult to sin after God’s grace. You are made aware of a presence that is always there and He loves you so much he died for you and you will continue to kill Him if you sin. Hence, after being aware of this love, it is so much harder to indulge in sin and not repent before God.
I recalled that somewhere in this blog I talked about this as well. Sometimes, a moment alone is not what we seek. We seek quietness to gain composure; to have peace, so that we can think straight. However, composure and rationality cannot be gained by pushing yourself to dwell on the problem.
I recall another scene. During Leaders Retreat last year, I was really angry with something. I wanted to resolve it on that day. So when Sis Elsa asked if I am joining them for supper, I hesitated. Thank God Sis Elsa took that one extra step to ask if I wanted to talk about it. So much hurt and anger was released that I cried(ya, in front of Elsa, not proud of it). Elsa then told me that I can’t just stay there and emo about it. It is true, now that I think about it. If I actually went and get it settled that day, things would have gotten worse and that anger and hurt would never found it’s release.
In this kind if situation, you would really want to be alone, but God will not let you be alone. In this case, I actually give thanks that God never did withdraw his presence. If he did, I would have nothing to support on and move. It is strange, we are basically pushing the power that can help us and solve the problem away. How stupid of us that wants to replicate the same result without going through the right process. Being alone, stores up anger and one day, it will burst. Going to God in prayer and petition, allows you to burst beforehand, giving you absolutely no composure before God, allowing you to offer God a broken and a contrite heart. After you burst, you gain peace that transcends all understanding and have composure unlike any other, best example is Jesus in gethsemane, he poured his heart out to God, even sweat blood. After he prayed he gained peace to go on with it.
After my sharing, Nell gave a suggestion for a different word, “persistent”. Nah, I prefer “annoying”. Remember that I said it with a smile and a light tone! Just like how lovers would say that their partners are annoying! They say it, but they do not hate each other, instead, they are closer with each other than anyone else.
Let me end off with this:
God is annoying. He loves me so much that he does not leave me alone. He does not leave me alone for my sin. He wants me to protect my body, mind and soul. He does not leave me alone when I am angry because he does not want me to vent my anger in something else. Instead he wants me to give it to Him and have faith. God is annoying, because He knows it all. He knows my darkest secrets and would still love me. God is annoying, but I love Him for that.