Haha, well, from the title you would have guess that i have had a horrible experience on stage… What happened was that i couldn’t snap like two songs out of four songs from the set.
The rehearsal for this worship session wasn’t as smooth as i liked to…
I was quite surprised that i could play ‘Counting on God’ by New Life Worship, considering that i have failed quite badly when i played it during probation.
Then we moved on to ‘Everyday’ by Hillsongs. Considering that i have heard this song for like 4 years, i did not listen to it properly. This choice made ‘Everyday’ to be my worse playing since i ended probation. I couldn’t keep time. I couldn’t get the groove. When i play, it sounded horrible.
Then we went on to ‘Here I Am To Worship’ by Hillsongs. It was not bad. But i wasn’t worshiping.
Then finally, we went to ‘Oh You Bring’ by Hillsongs. This song has special meaning to me! It was the first song that I ever successfully played during probation. I still could remember the lighting the presence of God when i was behind the snare playing it! But this time round, I just played without worshiping. I was playing too loud at the top and unintentional at the climax.
Well, my two stewards were really nice. They took the initiative to ask me if i needed help(of course i will take it! :P)! I really give thanks that i have such awesome stewards that will help me! 😀 Well, one of them showed me the groove and helped me to think about my parts(Thank you Bro J! 🙂)! On top of that, i also asked my drum teacher to help me listen and help me to play the groove! My ex-steward also showed me the groove before my soundcheck.
Then come our soundcheck. I was prepared to play my parts! I even prepared certain fills to execute during ‘Everything’. So i simply played. It was great! I managed to play most of what i wanted!
BUT. When it came to the actual worship session, it felt horrible. I couldn’t execute the fill i wanted. When i built up, i stopped at the wrong point. starting of the last song was messy. Worse of all, when it came to the altar call, when i played the 6/8 song, i was playing at such a fast pace. I sped up, when my worship leader signalled me to slow down, i was still playing at a fast speed. After that, it simply felt bad. Like i said the only word that could describe that moment is “HORRIBLE”. I dropped to a point where i felt worthless. I was there thinking, ‘why did God even call me to this ministry?’, ‘I am not worthy to step on stage’ i felt like i was shortchanging God.
Well, we had our debrief. One very comforting Worship leader seeing how much i was affected he still complimented me(Bro D, I noticed! Thank you!)! Then, my steward and ex-steward still told me how i could improve(Bro C, Thank you so much!)! They showed me how i could have played it and taught me dynamics. I was feeling better then, but still sian…
After like 2 hours, I saw my mentor and told him how i felt, as i was saying it, tears just flowed. My mentor told me(not in the exact same words, he puts it better me) that perfection is good, but it shouldn’t be our main focus. If we put perfection over God, we are serving for the wrong reasons. That we should have fun when worshiping God on stage! He told me that i have a second chance tomorrow. That he wants to see me having fun on stage serving God, that when i make a mistake tomorrow, i will smile and laugh it off. Thanks Bro K, if you are reading this, thank you so much for your words! It felt like that day! Thank you so much! 🙂 My co-cell leader saw me crying and also comforted me(Thank you so much JK) I believe he told my steward, haha, my steward was super duper(once again) nice! He texted me saying sorry, and giving me direction(Bro J, this week was an awesome week! Thank you so much!).
Well, on Sunday, my second chance came.
I am glad to say this, it ended well. ‘Everyday’ didn’t go as i would have wanted as well, I didn’t managed to do the fill i wanted. But i had fun playing! ‘Here I Am To Worship’ didn’t go as we practiced! But i loved that arrangement better(Sis G, I REALLY REALLY REALLY liked how it went!)! Then ‘Oh You Bring’ didn’t start as well, but after the build up, IT WAS SO GOOD! I was able to worship God and feel His presence well! I gotten assurance from my best friend(Bro, your approval means a lot), my lunch mate(JL, haha, thank you man!) and my ex-cell mate(thanks C!). When it was the debrief, they said that the tempo was good!
Well, with this week, i guess my direction for worship will be different! God, thank you for being able to redeem everything! Please help me to work hard to worship you!
Hope this has blessed you! I hope you will worship God with all your heart!