What a day. Well, let me first tell you about what triggered this post. I was having lunch with my grandmother and my aunt. They asked about my sister, so i replied she went out with friends. So my aunt eventually said this statement that really affected me. “Do you trust in friends? I don’t, i trust in myself”.
My grandmother agreed. They said that many of their friends are made for nothing. They said that when you need help, will they help you?
This is sincerely depressing. To see them at this age to not even have one friend. I wonder how many friends will i have at their age? Will i have many? Will i have none?
Well, i sincerely believe that i don’t have many friends as well. However, i really do cherish the relationships that i have with my friends and mentors. I prefer quality over quantity, maybe that is why i am so reluctant to open up to my class. There are certain things in a friend that i look out for and i shall list them.
Yep, this plays an important role no matter how much you try to reject it. There is chemistry among people. Haven’t you noticed that some people are easier to talk to than others? Why is that so? Chemistry. However, not everything should be based on Chemistry, my co-leader and i had really bad chemistry with each other. We worked on it and now it is a lot easier for me to approach him.
2. Effort to Commit
This is not rocket science, it takes two hands to clap, it takes two people that wants to commit to start a relationship(this stand true for all types of relationships). This is, in my opinion, the most important. If two people puts in effort to commit to a relationship, no matter how bad their chemistry may be, they will be able to have a great relationship!
3. Willingness to Share
This is a huge one for me. Actually, i love listening to people rant to me. I love listening to people complaining about things, asking me questions and just share about their lives, but along the way, people stop doing it and i just feel sad. I love to share my ideas, i want to! Just hope someone would let me listen and allow me to speak as well!
Wisdom draws me to a person. I don’t mean knowledge. I don’t need someone who knows everything about the world, i need someone who knows what to do at the right time, who can give me good advise. Sometimes what my mentors do puzzles me, but i can see how wise the decisions are. Sometimes when someone is broken down, you don’t need to say a word, all you need to do is sit beside him and put your arm on his shoulder to tell him to take his time and let it all out. Sometimes, you just need to be there. Sometimes, you need to tell him to get out of self pity. For the right choices, you need wisdom.
This is why my mentor is the best. When i was really nervous over my exams, i told him to pray for me. He could have just replied, ‘ok!’, instead, he took time out and called me! He talked to me and prayed for me! When i was about to receive my results, i was really whiny and i told everyone i was really sian. Some took initiative and said, ‘Update me ah!’. This one phrase tells me that you care!
6. Being Real
I mean being realistic. I have friends that makes decision before counting the cost. I mean if it worths that much to you, you will spent more time thinking and contemplating before jumping into anything right? You have to see the situation, the skills set you have, the resources you have and the time before starting on anything! Be real guys!
7. Being Real(Sincere/Not Fake)
In my previous post i mentioned my friend who covered up her feelings. Same thing. Guys, showing your true self and true feelings is ok! Not showing them proves to me that you have little trust in me and that hurts. However, there are some truths that should be withheld, i understand, it could be kept a secret because you want to protect someone. There is nothing wrong with saying, “I am sorry, i can’t discuss this with you” Most people would understand.
8. Being Humble
Oh, how i hate arrogance and pride. When a person has a lot of pride, he will hate pride even more. Maybe i have a lot of pride as well. Sincerely there is no cure to Arrogance, Disgusting Behaviour and Self Contempt better than the Truth. Back when i was in sec 1(13), I had this bad behaviour, i would go around calling girls names, forcing my friends to let me copy homework and being vulgar. It was fine until one day over MSN, my friend said, “If you keep up with this disgusting behaviour, you will have no more friends” Up till today, i am still very thankful for her honesty. It shook my entire perspective, allowing me to take a step back and stop my disgusting behaviour.
How ironic it is that what got me to change was my fear of having no friends. So i come back to the question, is friends really important?
For me, I treasure my friends. I love them. I think i invest quite a bit in them(i hope they feel the same way too). I find them important. They will be the people that will support me when time gets tough. They are a huge support to my emotional and spiritual life. Oh how wonderful is God who has built the earth to be a community not just a single being. I may really love alone Mel times, but i hate to be lonely.