=32= Melancholic Reflections: Friends

What a day. Well, let me first tell you about what triggered this post. I was having lunch with my grandmother and my aunt. They asked about my sister, so i replied she went out with friends. So my aunt eventually said this statement that really affected me. “Do you trust in friends? I don’t, i trust in myself”.

My grandmother agreed. They said that many of their friends are made for nothing. They said that when you need help, will they help you?

This is sincerely depressing. To see them at this age to not even have one friend. I wonder how many friends will i have at their age? Will i have many? Will i have none?

Well, i sincerely believe that i don’t have many friends as well. However, i really do cherish the relationships that i have with my friends and mentors. I prefer quality over quantity, maybe that is why i am so reluctant to open up to my class. There are certain things in a friend that i look out for and i shall list them.

1. Chemistry
Yep, this plays an important role no matter how much you try to reject it. There is chemistry among people. Haven’t you noticed that some people are easier to talk to than others? Why is that so? Chemistry. However, not everything should be based on Chemistry, my co-leader and i had really bad chemistry with each other. We worked on it and now it is a lot easier for me to approach him.

2. Effort to Commit
This is not rocket science, it takes two hands to clap, it takes two people that wants to commit to start a relationship(this stand true for all types of relationships). This is, in my opinion, the most important. If two people puts in effort to commit to a relationship, no matter how bad their chemistry may be, they will be able to have a great relationship!

3. Willingness to Share
This is a huge one for me. Actually, i love listening to people rant to me. I love listening to people complaining about things, asking me questions and just share about their lives, but along the way, people stop doing it and i just feel sad. I love to share my ideas, i want to! Just hope someone would let me listen and allow me to speak as well!

4. Wisdom
Wisdom draws me to a person. I don’t mean knowledge. I don’t need someone who knows everything about the world, i need someone who knows what to do at the right time, who can give me good advise. Sometimes what my mentors do puzzles me, but i can see how wise the decisions are. Sometimes when someone is broken down, you don’t need to say a word, all you need to do is sit beside him and put your arm on his shoulder to tell him to take his time and let it all out. Sometimes, you just need to be there. Sometimes, you need to tell him to get out of self pity. For the right choices, you need wisdom.

5. Initiative
This is why my mentor is the best. When i was really nervous over my exams, i told him to pray for me. He could have just replied, ‘ok!’, instead, he took time out and called me! He talked to me and prayed for me! When i was about to receive my results, i was really whiny and i told everyone i was really sian. Some took initiative and said, ‘Update me ah!’. This one phrase tells me that you care!

6. Being Real
I mean being realistic. I have friends that makes decision before counting the cost. I mean if it worths that much to you, you will spent more time thinking and contemplating before jumping into anything right? You have to see the situation, the skills set you have, the resources you have and the time before starting on anything! Be real guys!

7. Being Real(Sincere/Not Fake)
In my previous post i mentioned my friend who covered up her feelings. Same thing. Guys, showing your true self and true feelings is ok! Not showing them proves to me that you have little trust in me and that hurts. However, there are some truths that should be withheld, i understand, it could be kept a secret because you want to protect someone. There is nothing wrong with saying, “I am sorry, i can’t discuss this with you” Most people would understand.

8. Being Humble
Oh, how i hate arrogance and pride. When a person has a lot of pride, he will hate pride even more. Maybe i have a lot of pride as well. Sincerely there is no cure to Arrogance, Disgusting Behaviour and Self Contempt better than the Truth. Back when i was in sec 1(13), I had this bad behaviour, i would go around calling girls names, forcing my friends to let me copy homework and being vulgar. It was fine until one day over MSN, my friend said, “If you keep up with this disgusting behaviour, you will have no more friends” Up till today, i am still very thankful for her honesty. It shook my entire perspective, allowing me to take a step back and stop my disgusting behaviour.

 

How ironic it is that what got me to change was my fear of having no friends. So i come back to the question, is friends really important?

For me, I treasure my friends. I love them. I think i invest quite a bit in them(i hope they feel the same way too). I find them important. They will be the people that will support me when time gets tough. They are a huge support to my emotional and spiritual life. Oh how wonderful is God who has built the earth to be a community not just a single being. I may really love alone Mel times, but i hate to be lonely.

-Kelvin-

=31= Comfort Song: All Who Are Thirsty

All Who Are Thirsty by Kutless
All who are thirsty
All who are weak
Just come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life

Let the pain and the sorrow
Be washed away
In the waves of His mercy
As deep cries out to deep

We sing, come Lord Jesus come
Come Lord Jesus, come
Come Lord Jesus, come
Come Lord Jesus, come

All who are thirsty
All who are weak
Just come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life

Let the pain and the sorrow
Be washed awayIn the waves of His mercy
As deep cries out to deep

We sing, come Lord Jesus come
Come Lord Jesus, come
Come Lord Jesus, come
Come Lord Jesus, come
Come Lord Jesus come

Nothing but your will for me
I am only free in you
Nothing but your will for me
I am only free in you, God

Come Lord Jesus come
(Nothing but your will for me)
(I am only free in you)
Come Lord Jesus, come
(Nothing but your will for me)
(I am only free in you)
Come Lord Jesus come
(Nothing but your will for me)
(I am only free in you)
Come Lord Jesus come

This was the song that has comforted me! Well, yesterday was a burdensome day. My entire class worked our asses off for our test. Its the first time that when i entered class to see everyone study by themselves… Yet when it came to our test, it was so horrible… I don’t understand half the paper. I was really depressed, but so was my entire class, so i was able to be loud.

However, when i took the bus to church, i really didn’t want to talk to anyone. Hence i did not, even though i saw two guys that i knew. I don’t know. I seldom get as depressed like that, but there is something else that pains me even more than my test. I have a friend who has been staying up late to study for the test. She told me she was really stressed. Well, she was so stressed that i could predict a panic attack. When it ended, she was laughing, saying, “see, you will fail even if you study!”

Why are you covering up your pain with a cheerful facade? It does not help anyone, not even yourself… 😦 sincerely nothing pains me more to see someone putting up a strong front when they are broken. I have a close friend like that too. Guys, its ok to show your pain, share your burdens! It will help a lot!

Ok, back to this song, i had this song in my head before the test. I was really tired after helping my friends revise. And having a horrible test doesn’t help(why can’t effort be equal to result?). So singing this song just brought me back from the horrible feeling of disappointment.

I was depressed. I when up to the chapel with the cajon and just jamed to this song. Sincerely i need go to the fountain and dip my heart in the stream of life. Let my pain and my sorrow be washed away. Another song that was in my head was Rapid Hope Loss by Dashboard Confessional(ironic much?). I did not write about this song for the lyrics wasn’t as applicable. I just hope i can get a dashboard Confessional album… :/

Oh, the ranting. It helps a lot though! 🙂

-Kelvin-

=30= Melancholic Reflections: What Do You Admire?

I did QT today and i was rambling to God about a lot of things. Out of the blue, i began to tell God what do i admire in my mentors and my peers. I listed out four people. My Best Friend, My Mentor, My Regional Leader and my Partner.

My Best Friend. He is someone who has been with me for many years, we watched each other grow. We worked hard together. We played and prayed together. Well, from the top of my head, i can’t think of any qualities, which to me, means that his best qualities are subtle. He is very good with people. Sometimes too good. I felt left out sometimes when he is there giving attention to someone else. He waits for God. Which i seldom do. He knows what to do at the right time. Which i seldom do. He has read the Bible once through. Which i have never. Maybe, it is not that he doesn’t have qualities that i admire, but it is that he is such a direct opposite of me that i don’t realise it.

My Mentor. He is someone who has been with me for so long. He has journeyed ups and downs with me(especially downs). Among the four, i most probably admire him the most. I admire his Influence on people, his Knowledge of the Bible, his Wisdom of knowing what to say at the appropriate time! Sometimes I don’t think what he says is relevant for the current time, but after i walk out of that spot, i realised that he has spoken something that is the most relevant, the most on point. Sometimes, his response is so different from anyone i know, but i give thanks that he has shown me so much faith. I sometimes find my prayers mundane and mediocre. My Mentor always have prayer that are full of the Word – meaning i have to read up on what he spoke to fully understand what was he speaking about!

My Regional Leader. Now this is the leader that was so different from anyone i know. I admire how he is able to always speak the right thing. I admire how he is able to be able to know where is the loop hole. I admire how he puts so much effort into his work. He has shown it through so many areas! He works hard for Cell. He works hard for his school(Takuchi what?). He works hard for me. He took the initiative to call me when i was really scared for my results. He was there for me when i really needed someone. God, gave me this spiritual authority and i am extremely grateful. His Knowledge of the Word and his Relationship with God is simply AMAZING. And he is probably the only one out of the four that is going to read this! Thanks Bro D! You are Awesome! 😀

My Partner. Nope not my wife(in case you dunno, i am 17 now), but my friend who is close to me. Not only that, we are able to show each other our true selves! Well, I also admire his people skills, his Knowledge of the Word. And i enjoy how he ask questions! I enjoy super Mel talks and asking questions. I like how he is able to ask questions that pricks me. He dares to ask questions that no one dares to.

I guess for me it boils down to a few(I had the first three, but i added more)
1. Wisdom
2. People Skills
3. Close Relationship with God
4. Being Sincere
5. Initiative
6. Knowledge of the Word(I realised how different it was from wisdom)

I actually asked all four what do they admire from their mentors, that is why there are more points! 🙂 I guess these are qualities that draws me to someone!

Thank you for reading! Hope you have been blessed! 🙂

-Kelvin-

=29= Worship on/off Stage: Don Moen

I had the amazing privilege to attend a Don Moen Concert last Thursday and it was sincerely awesome! Don Moen is such an amazing worship leader.

Well, I was looking forward to attend this worship session for i know Don Moen is quite amazing(Which was true), but i was preparing myself for a (Singapore term)Lao Lao Worship Session. Don Moen sang many classics that we still do sing in church, but nothing could have prepared me for this awesome session of worship.

Well, Worship for me – when i am off stage – I would try to stand up for the praise songs, I would then try to get myself to the back and sit down and just try my very best to focus on God. Well, this time i do not have the luxury of having space to stand in front and sit at the back for this is a concert hall and i simply can’t pay for two seats just so i can do that. Besides i can’t afford to pay anything, Thanks Mum!

Don Moen spoke this and it was right on target. He spoke of this story. He is parent of teenagers so he prayed everyday for them, he prayed over and over again. He got to a point where he asked God, ‘God, are you tired of Don Moen praying the same prayer over and over?’. God replied, ‘Don, I do not sleep, I do not grow tired or weary, why will i be tired of your prayers?’

I remembered a few beautiful songs and seriously, the recorded music doesn’t do him justice.
1. Uncharted Territory
2. Jesus Paid it All(the hymn, i love this song)
3. Whiter Than Snow by Lenny Leblanc

These are the three that are etched to my brain. Well, i hope i get to worship like Don Moen! 🙂

-Kelvin-

=28= Comfort Song: Belle of the Boulevard

Belle of the Boulevard by Dashboard Confessional

Down in a local bar
Out on the boulevard
The sound of an old guitar
Is saving you from sinking
It’s a long way down
It’s a long way

Back like you never broke
You tell a dirty joke
He touches your leg and thinks he’s getting close
For now you let him just this once
Just for now
And just like that – it’s over

Don’t turn away
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don’t be afraid
Keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard for the belle of the boulevard

In all your silver rings
And all your silken things
That song you softly sing
Is keeping you from breaking
It’s a long way down
It’s a long way

Back here you never loved
You’ve shaked the shivers off
You take a drink to get your courage up
Can you believe it
Just this once
Just for now
And just like that
It’s over

Don’t turn away
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don’t be afraid
Keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard for the belle of the boulevard

Please hold on – it’s alright
Please hold on – it’s alright
Please hold on
Please hold on
Please hold on

Down in a local bar
Out on the boulevard
The sound of an old guitar
Is saving you

Don’t turn away
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don’t be afraid
Keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes

Don’t turn away
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don’t be afraid
Keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard for the belle of the boulevard

Oh how I love Dashboard Confessional(Ironically i do not have any album from them). I remember listening to this song on the radio back like 3/4 years ago and being etched to my brain for a long time. Yet i couldn’t find it on Youtube. For i had trouble spelling ‘belle’. Well, Comfort Songs are always awesome. I guess the phrase ‘Dry your eyes, Dry your eyes’ really struck me. I know how comforting it was to have your tears wiped away. I long for the day when i can do it for someone. It doesn’t even have to be my significant other, it could be someone close to me, someone who trusted me. The lyrics are amazing, of course, its Dashboard! People who used words, that aren’t very much used, in songs like this are amazing. The word ‘belle’ (as hard as it was to spell it) was used in such a clever way. He was writing about a girl which he considered one of the most beautiful woman he has ever known. Instead of using mediocre words, he chose ‘belle’ which meaning is this: a beautiful girl or woman, esp. the most beautiful at a particular event or in a particular group. He chose such a sophisticated word to describe a girl. Now i wish i could as well. But the sad part is that he was writing to her after they have lost touch and he was sad at how far she fallen away from him. I believe we all have our ‘belle’ in mind. Lets just treasure our relationships with people and work hard to maintain it.

=27= Unclassified: Questioning

Oh i am so depressed by the fact that in our generation, caring for someone is being questioned.

Just today, i noticed that my friend was unhappy, or in singlish, sian. So i just asked him why is he so sian. He evaded the question entirely not answering and even replying me with a question. He asked, ‘why do i need to be cheerful everyday to entertain you?’

While it is true that he doesn’t mean it, it is also true that he isn’t as cheerful as before. So why should he question my concern?

Then, i have a close friend who went to the hospital yesterday. I do not know the context so i asked what happened to her. She said it was nothing and stop giving me details. Come on! When someone cares for you, give him some background! (well, at the end she did, but only after asking three times)

It is just so sad that we can’t care for people without being questioned. You care for people, they think you expect them to be cheerful 24/7 and question you why did you ask the question.

Why is it so hard to care for someone these days? I think there are several reasons.

One, fear of questioned. Ironically, the fear of asking a question is resulted in a fear of being questioned. Yet, even i am guilty of it… Many times, i wanted to care for someone but i didn’t because i did not want people to misunderstand. Like, for example, caring for a girl might give people the impression that you like the girl. Or, asking questions might give the person an impression that you are a busybody.

Maybe the second reason is that we weren’t brought up so. So many times, i look to other country’s culture with envy. For they aren’t as conservative as us. I watched dramas where people give hugs to their close friends not just fist bumps and high fives. I watched how i met your mother and see that they did not have boundaries! Oh how i wish that i have that. I always say that my class has no boundaries. However you will see me say it with a smile, for the class is so bonded.

One of the most wanted super powers on earth is mind reading. For most of the time we do not understand the basis of a person’s actions. We see someone do something and we think of the possible ‘meanings’. We made new friends, we wonder did the cheerful initiative greeting get looked upon as if you are fake. So with this super power, there is no longer the need to wonder! Yay! Yet i wonder would you be happy?

People may at certain points in time hate their loved ones. Okay maybe hate is too strong a word. My point is simply this, even with people whom you love, there are things about them that you hate. I always disliked how my best friend would push me away when we are talking in a group. Yet, i still love him. So just imagine that in point in time you angered your friend. Your friend will think thoughts that are really harsh. If you hear them, will you be happy?

Quite truthfully i am thankful i don’t have that power and that others don’t as well(or do they? Hahaha!). Imagine a world where everyone can mind read. Every thing will be boring. There will no longer be books for everyone could just ‘read’ the author’s mind to find things out. By reading people’s mind, people can find out if they are good looking or not. This will resulted in the good looking to be arrogant and the ordinary to be hard on themselves. How will you make friends then? You can immediately know what they see in you – you are attractive/you are not – and judge. Its not that pure thoughts will die out, but people will mix pure and impure thoughts together. There will be no talking, no education, everything new will be old in the matter of seconds.

Oh well, maybe i am just overtaking things. Its fine, its over. Now its just for me to wait and recover.

-Kelvin-

On the side note, my friends are really nice people, its just me ranting about the world. Don’t see them in bad light. 🙂

Just a man struggling to live a God led life in a God strayed world