=34= 2013 Reflections:

Haha, where do i start? Let me start at the end. I am really thankful for the month December no matter how much my last post expressed my frustrations. I am so glad i am able to push the ‘reset’ button. Not to the guy i was on 2012, but to clean up the mess i have made. I am glad that at this point i am feeling much better before God now. However, this year was an amazing year no matter how rough it had been. Well, from half a ministry(Probation for CAMY) to three this year. From secondary school life to Poly life. All these have been really defining and has shaped me this year.

My ministry commitments(Cell leading, CAMY and Homework Club) is probably one of the biggest highlight of my life. Let me start with Homework Club, The original plan was to have it once every week, which, if you think about it, it is quite intense. I thought it would be a good way to force me to study every week. However, it ended before it started, there wasn’t much response at all… 😦 It became a peak season kinda event. Now that i think about it, it was a blessing in disguise, I am horribly taxed by just having Cell Leading and CAMY. Though it did not impact the youths much, this ministry has impacted me through the people. Special shoutout to two people: Sis Sheena and Loke.

  • Sis Sheena, thank you for being such an awesome Lao Ban to me! (I am sorry, but i really got very used to calling you ‘Lao Ban’! Haha! :P) Thank you for praying for me for my first set that i played for! It was support that has blessed me so much! Jiayou for 2014!
  • Loke! Hey Bro, thank you for being so available and just being there for me! 🙂 I know i just pulled you along because i was worried i couldn’t handle it, but you came for both sessions and committed to it! You have been great support to me! Thank you! 🙂 I am glad we grew closer this year!

CAMY next i guess. This is the first ministry that i first decided to commit to and i believe the order was correct. I never would have joined CAMY if i first started cell leading. Passing Probation was a huge milestone for me! I still remember how amazing worship was on stage for the first set i served! I gained so much from this ministry! My craft was structured, i gained new friends and i experienced worship unlike any other! I really give thanks!

I wanted to leave Cell Leading for last, for it was a great experience in FOOTSTEPS! Honestly, I wasn’t as pumped up to take up FOOTSTEPS, because it was so weird to take a cell that you never been in before and it is an all boys cell too, so it was quite awkward! I still remember my first cell lesson! HAHA! It was so awkward…. I do not know how to approach them, so i stood up when everyone was sitting down, like a teacher, i don’t think it was great at all… 😛 Well, i really thank God for mentors like Bro Tat Wai and Bro Ken! You guys have helped me structured my lessons to be more applicable to them! I am really proud of the FOOTSTEPS at the end of 2013! You guys have grown SO much! 😀 Lucas and Jun Kang, I am excited to see the cell(s) you guys would take in 2014! Kiat and Long, i couldn’t have asked for better leaders! You both are awesome! Long, visit often ok? Kiat, Let’s do our best! 🙂 (Charis, if you are reading this, Trust me, you will do great!)

Another highlight of 2013 is me getting closer to my mentors! This is a HUGE one. Bro Tat Wai, i will miss you lots! Thank you for being such a pillar of support to me! Haha, the rest is in the card already! Sis Elsa, thank you for your willingness to listen to me! Thank you for being such a spiritual mother to me! Sis Ga, thank you for always being there! Always being so supportive and listening to me! Nell, thank you for always giving great tips and pushing me to shape my craft! Thank you for that one phrase you said to me on my first set, ‘Just Worship God!’! Bro Leb and Darren, thank you for being so kind and patient to teach me! Kennaf, thank you for the support and help you have given me over the years, thank you for bearing with me!

J333, Haha, isn’t it obvious? This prayer meeting that i decided to go for 2 years ago has proved to be an amazing investment in my life. I loved the time i spent just praying and worshipping God! Then i loved the fellowship i had with people before the prayer meeting and over supper! Alvin, thank you allowing us to lepak by the pool(though you probably would say, “Thank you? For what?” Haha! Just accept it Bro!)!

I really thank God for my amazing class T06 as well! Each an everyone of you all is so precious and fun! T06 in my opinion is the best class i have ever been in and i wouldn’t have it any other way! Every day i look forward to go to school because of you guys! You guys really helped me come out of my shell! I love going crazy with you guys! Lets finish this last term together! 🙂

Thank you Bro Leb, Bro Ken, Sis Andrea and Jowen for the amazing Christmas present! I Love it! 🙂 Thank you for making my year(after all, i think i wouldn’t have to restock for at least a year!)!

For everyone not on this list, don’t think that i left you out means i hate you or don’t appreciate you, this list is too long to type it all out. As long as you are in my life, i give thanks for you!

-Kelvin-

Advertisements

=33= Unclassified: Rant

This is just going to be ranting. Do you realise how stupid fighting over a misunderstanding is? A misunderstanding is not understanding the other person’s intentions properly, hence, misinterpreting words and actions and sometimes get into conflict over it. A misunderstanding could start something that you don’t want to. Some even think misunderstandings are great for breaking the ice.

I see it as crap. Misunderstanding someone’s intentions is one of the most scary and fatal thing to do. Sincerely, why did God even allow misunderstandings to happen anyway? Why does He allow millions of people to misinterpret His word? Why the crap does he allow people to misunderstand him? He looks at a person’s heart right? Isn’t the motive the most important? Why then does he allow misunderstandings to happen?

I see nothing good comes out of misunderstanding someone. Even a person with good and kind intentions can be misunderstood. Even a person with bad intentions can be misunderstood. Why does he allow the Good to seem Bad and the Bad to seem Good? I am not even arguing with the fact that there is a moral Good and moral Bad, all i am saying is that why is it possible to dress the bad to be good and vice versa?

Goodness, I look around me and what good does misunderstandings do? You send a text with concern, your friend misunderstands and starts getting annoyed with you. You send a text, you mistype a word, the entire meaning changes. You send a text meant for someone important, you send it to the wrong person, he misunderstands. Sheesh, I wanna rip it apart.

I sit here typing and i wonder who would misunderstand my words? Here i am, frustrated, and i wonder what should i do? Wisdom to know what to do at the right time, i need to grow in that.

Now, i sit here, venting all my frustrations and i wonder, why am i frustrated? Is it because i hate it when i try my best to make amends, yet i get nothing in return, not even a response? Is it because i am fighting with someone over nothing? Is it because this person means a lot to me? Is it because i am frustrated at myself for allowing myself to anger someone?

I do not have the answer to it.

CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP.

I am sorry Bro D for taking your bad example, i just wanna express my frustration.

I hate it when i say something with good intent. Often, “Take care of yourself more” in other forms – “Don’t kill yourself”, “You are really weak leh” – and people take it the wrong way and get hurt. Just this year, i made a girl cry over a phrase like that. I need to watch my mouth.

-sigh- What is worse is i don’t know how to approach it. HOW? I tried apologising, waiting and nothing seems to work. I want to stop and not care, but how am i supposed to not care? I tried my best. Now i can’t do anything.

God, now i wait for your movement. God, haven’t i been patient enough? So where is that place you wanted me to go? I applied my ears to the words of knowledge, now what? Apply my heart to instruction? Whose? Yours? Why can’t you speak louder and pierce through my soul? However, i know somewhere in my heart, i wouldn’t want that. I don’t want to be corrected. I don’t want to admit i am wrong. Yet another part of me wants correction wants to be pure and holy. So how do i approach it?

God, i look at myself and i am truly disgusted. I am disgusted not because i hate myself, but because i love myself. I am disgusted at what i have became. I became this man filled with envy, filled with jealousy and i just don’t know how to put an end to it. God, Oh dear Father, i run to you in pain. I am dying inside my body, will you give me life? Oh Jesus, i am so sorry for making you die for my life, my poor life shredded and dirtied in so many ways, yet you still died for me. God, pain you never withheld from your son, stress you never withheld from your son, so much so that he sweat blood at Gethsemane. Now, let me lead the life he led.
Thank you God
-Amen-

I give, my frustrations gone, i received peace and joy beyond understanding. Obligations are chains of the heart. Never think you are obligated to do something. Obligations are what you think is necessary, sometimes, they are not. We were never obligated to lead a righteous life, we do it because Jesus first died on the cross for us and he demonstrated Love like no one else. Jesus was never obligated to die for us, but he did. God was never obligated to give up his son but he did. Why did he do so then? It is only one word.

Love.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT)

-Kelvin-

=32= Melancholic Reflections: Friends

What a day. Well, let me first tell you about what triggered this post. I was having lunch with my grandmother and my aunt. They asked about my sister, so i replied she went out with friends. So my aunt eventually said this statement that really affected me. “Do you trust in friends? I don’t, i trust in myself”.

My grandmother agreed. They said that many of their friends are made for nothing. They said that when you need help, will they help you?

This is sincerely depressing. To see them at this age to not even have one friend. I wonder how many friends will i have at their age? Will i have many? Will i have none?

Well, i sincerely believe that i don’t have many friends as well. However, i really do cherish the relationships that i have with my friends and mentors. I prefer quality over quantity, maybe that is why i am so reluctant to open up to my class. There are certain things in a friend that i look out for and i shall list them.

1. Chemistry
Yep, this plays an important role no matter how much you try to reject it. There is chemistry among people. Haven’t you noticed that some people are easier to talk to than others? Why is that so? Chemistry. However, not everything should be based on Chemistry, my co-leader and i had really bad chemistry with each other. We worked on it and now it is a lot easier for me to approach him.

2. Effort to Commit
This is not rocket science, it takes two hands to clap, it takes two people that wants to commit to start a relationship(this stand true for all types of relationships). This is, in my opinion, the most important. If two people puts in effort to commit to a relationship, no matter how bad their chemistry may be, they will be able to have a great relationship!

3. Willingness to Share
This is a huge one for me. Actually, i love listening to people rant to me. I love listening to people complaining about things, asking me questions and just share about their lives, but along the way, people stop doing it and i just feel sad. I love to share my ideas, i want to! Just hope someone would let me listen and allow me to speak as well!

4. Wisdom
Wisdom draws me to a person. I don’t mean knowledge. I don’t need someone who knows everything about the world, i need someone who knows what to do at the right time, who can give me good advise. Sometimes what my mentors do puzzles me, but i can see how wise the decisions are. Sometimes when someone is broken down, you don’t need to say a word, all you need to do is sit beside him and put your arm on his shoulder to tell him to take his time and let it all out. Sometimes, you just need to be there. Sometimes, you need to tell him to get out of self pity. For the right choices, you need wisdom.

5. Initiative
This is why my mentor is the best. When i was really nervous over my exams, i told him to pray for me. He could have just replied, ‘ok!’, instead, he took time out and called me! He talked to me and prayed for me! When i was about to receive my results, i was really whiny and i told everyone i was really sian. Some took initiative and said, ‘Update me ah!’. This one phrase tells me that you care!

6. Being Real
I mean being realistic. I have friends that makes decision before counting the cost. I mean if it worths that much to you, you will spent more time thinking and contemplating before jumping into anything right? You have to see the situation, the skills set you have, the resources you have and the time before starting on anything! Be real guys!

7. Being Real(Sincere/Not Fake)
In my previous post i mentioned my friend who covered up her feelings. Same thing. Guys, showing your true self and true feelings is ok! Not showing them proves to me that you have little trust in me and that hurts. However, there are some truths that should be withheld, i understand, it could be kept a secret because you want to protect someone. There is nothing wrong with saying, “I am sorry, i can’t discuss this with you” Most people would understand.

8. Being Humble
Oh, how i hate arrogance and pride. When a person has a lot of pride, he will hate pride even more. Maybe i have a lot of pride as well. Sincerely there is no cure to Arrogance, Disgusting Behaviour and Self Contempt better than the Truth. Back when i was in sec 1(13), I had this bad behaviour, i would go around calling girls names, forcing my friends to let me copy homework and being vulgar. It was fine until one day over MSN, my friend said, “If you keep up with this disgusting behaviour, you will have no more friends” Up till today, i am still very thankful for her honesty. It shook my entire perspective, allowing me to take a step back and stop my disgusting behaviour.

 

How ironic it is that what got me to change was my fear of having no friends. So i come back to the question, is friends really important?

For me, I treasure my friends. I love them. I think i invest quite a bit in them(i hope they feel the same way too). I find them important. They will be the people that will support me when time gets tough. They are a huge support to my emotional and spiritual life. Oh how wonderful is God who has built the earth to be a community not just a single being. I may really love alone Mel times, but i hate to be lonely.

-Kelvin-

=31= Comfort Song: All Who Are Thirsty

All Who Are Thirsty by Kutless
All who are thirsty
All who are weak
Just come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life

Let the pain and the sorrow
Be washed away
In the waves of His mercy
As deep cries out to deep

We sing, come Lord Jesus come
Come Lord Jesus, come
Come Lord Jesus, come
Come Lord Jesus, come

All who are thirsty
All who are weak
Just come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life

Let the pain and the sorrow
Be washed awayIn the waves of His mercy
As deep cries out to deep

We sing, come Lord Jesus come
Come Lord Jesus, come
Come Lord Jesus, come
Come Lord Jesus, come
Come Lord Jesus come

Nothing but your will for me
I am only free in you
Nothing but your will for me
I am only free in you, God

Come Lord Jesus come
(Nothing but your will for me)
(I am only free in you)
Come Lord Jesus, come
(Nothing but your will for me)
(I am only free in you)
Come Lord Jesus come
(Nothing but your will for me)
(I am only free in you)
Come Lord Jesus come

This was the song that has comforted me! Well, yesterday was a burdensome day. My entire class worked our asses off for our test. Its the first time that when i entered class to see everyone study by themselves… Yet when it came to our test, it was so horrible… I don’t understand half the paper. I was really depressed, but so was my entire class, so i was able to be loud.

However, when i took the bus to church, i really didn’t want to talk to anyone. Hence i did not, even though i saw two guys that i knew. I don’t know. I seldom get as depressed like that, but there is something else that pains me even more than my test. I have a friend who has been staying up late to study for the test. She told me she was really stressed. Well, she was so stressed that i could predict a panic attack. When it ended, she was laughing, saying, “see, you will fail even if you study!”

Why are you covering up your pain with a cheerful facade? It does not help anyone, not even yourself… 😦 sincerely nothing pains me more to see someone putting up a strong front when they are broken. I have a close friend like that too. Guys, its ok to show your pain, share your burdens! It will help a lot!

Ok, back to this song, i had this song in my head before the test. I was really tired after helping my friends revise. And having a horrible test doesn’t help(why can’t effort be equal to result?). So singing this song just brought me back from the horrible feeling of disappointment.

I was depressed. I when up to the chapel with the cajon and just jamed to this song. Sincerely i need go to the fountain and dip my heart in the stream of life. Let my pain and my sorrow be washed away. Another song that was in my head was Rapid Hope Loss by Dashboard Confessional(ironic much?). I did not write about this song for the lyrics wasn’t as applicable. I just hope i can get a dashboard Confessional album… :/

Oh, the ranting. It helps a lot though! 🙂

-Kelvin-

=30= Melancholic Reflections: What Do You Admire?

I did QT today and i was rambling to God about a lot of things. Out of the blue, i began to tell God what do i admire in my mentors and my peers. I listed out four people. My Best Friend, My Mentor, My Regional Leader and my Partner.

My Best Friend. He is someone who has been with me for many years, we watched each other grow. We worked hard together. We played and prayed together. Well, from the top of my head, i can’t think of any qualities, which to me, means that his best qualities are subtle. He is very good with people. Sometimes too good. I felt left out sometimes when he is there giving attention to someone else. He waits for God. Which i seldom do. He knows what to do at the right time. Which i seldom do. He has read the Bible once through. Which i have never. Maybe, it is not that he doesn’t have qualities that i admire, but it is that he is such a direct opposite of me that i don’t realise it.

My Mentor. He is someone who has been with me for so long. He has journeyed ups and downs with me(especially downs). Among the four, i most probably admire him the most. I admire his Influence on people, his Knowledge of the Bible, his Wisdom of knowing what to say at the appropriate time! Sometimes I don’t think what he says is relevant for the current time, but after i walk out of that spot, i realised that he has spoken something that is the most relevant, the most on point. Sometimes, his response is so different from anyone i know, but i give thanks that he has shown me so much faith. I sometimes find my prayers mundane and mediocre. My Mentor always have prayer that are full of the Word – meaning i have to read up on what he spoke to fully understand what was he speaking about!

My Regional Leader. Now this is the leader that was so different from anyone i know. I admire how he is able to always speak the right thing. I admire how he is able to be able to know where is the loop hole. I admire how he puts so much effort into his work. He has shown it through so many areas! He works hard for Cell. He works hard for his school(Takuchi what?). He works hard for me. He took the initiative to call me when i was really scared for my results. He was there for me when i really needed someone. God, gave me this spiritual authority and i am extremely grateful. His Knowledge of the Word and his Relationship with God is simply AMAZING. And he is probably the only one out of the four that is going to read this! Thanks Bro D! You are Awesome! 😀

My Partner. Nope not my wife(in case you dunno, i am 17 now), but my friend who is close to me. Not only that, we are able to show each other our true selves! Well, I also admire his people skills, his Knowledge of the Word. And i enjoy how he ask questions! I enjoy super Mel talks and asking questions. I like how he is able to ask questions that pricks me. He dares to ask questions that no one dares to.

I guess for me it boils down to a few(I had the first three, but i added more)
1. Wisdom
2. People Skills
3. Close Relationship with God
4. Being Sincere
5. Initiative
6. Knowledge of the Word(I realised how different it was from wisdom)

I actually asked all four what do they admire from their mentors, that is why there are more points! 🙂 I guess these are qualities that draws me to someone!

Thank you for reading! Hope you have been blessed! 🙂

-Kelvin-

=29= Worship on/off Stage: Don Moen

I had the amazing privilege to attend a Don Moen Concert last Thursday and it was sincerely awesome! Don Moen is such an amazing worship leader.

Well, I was looking forward to attend this worship session for i know Don Moen is quite amazing(Which was true), but i was preparing myself for a (Singapore term)Lao Lao Worship Session. Don Moen sang many classics that we still do sing in church, but nothing could have prepared me for this awesome session of worship.

Well, Worship for me – when i am off stage – I would try to stand up for the praise songs, I would then try to get myself to the back and sit down and just try my very best to focus on God. Well, this time i do not have the luxury of having space to stand in front and sit at the back for this is a concert hall and i simply can’t pay for two seats just so i can do that. Besides i can’t afford to pay anything, Thanks Mum!

Don Moen spoke this and it was right on target. He spoke of this story. He is parent of teenagers so he prayed everyday for them, he prayed over and over again. He got to a point where he asked God, ‘God, are you tired of Don Moen praying the same prayer over and over?’. God replied, ‘Don, I do not sleep, I do not grow tired or weary, why will i be tired of your prayers?’

I remembered a few beautiful songs and seriously, the recorded music doesn’t do him justice.
1. Uncharted Territory
2. Jesus Paid it All(the hymn, i love this song)
3. Whiter Than Snow by Lenny Leblanc

These are the three that are etched to my brain. Well, i hope i get to worship like Don Moen! 🙂

-Kelvin-

Just a man struggling to live a God led life in a God strayed world